Apologies everyone I’m actually at the MCG, the place is going feral, so I’ve got next to no chance of writing a big one today, so I’ll simply say

PRELIMINARY FINAL FOOTMBALL

That is all.

————-

Also, I didn’t have a good LOL candidate, so it was suggested that the Bat and Ball hotel in Sydney gets the LOL for cancelling the Freo fans function, only for the Dockers fans to turn up anyway, followed by the Dockers booting the Swans out of the Finals.

4 place to discuss everything about the 2025 AFL Draft

The first round will be held at Marvel Stadium, Melbourne on Wednesday, 19th November 2025 at 19:00 AEDT.

The draft will be broadcast live on Fox Footy and updated on afl.com.au

PLEASE NOTE: the first round could be up to about 30 picks tonight. The remainder of the draft, from Gold Coast's second round pick (currently #24) onwards, will be held at Marvel Stadium, Melbourne, Thursday 20th November 2025, 19:00 AEDT. The Pre-season Draft (if held) and Rookie Draft will be held on Friday, 21st November 2025, 15:00 AEDT.

ANOTHER NOTE: this thread will be updated one pick at a time as they happen, due the complexities of bidding and trading etc.

APOLOGIES AGAIN I’M ON MY PHONE… the excuse Shane Warne used for years

Alright friends that was the Wildcard weekend, a giant step into the unknown but the games were close and captivating to watch in very different ways…

The free flowing Friday night game between the Dogs and Collingwood, capped off by Tim Membrey’s kick after the siren, a game worthy of any final…

To think that in 2026, Collingwood had 4 games with kicks after the siren… they won 1 of them, drew 2 of them, and lost the last one, ending the Collingwood tenures of Steele Sidebottom and Scott Pendlebury, who will follow the ancient tradition of aging Victorians by retiring to Queensland…

Then you have the Melbourne-Carlton game, which was one of the great arm wrestles of the season, the Dees starting like a house on fire, before they became victims of the Josh Fraser Magic Carpet Ride, starting 4.0 and finishing with 7.13 (Their last 7 scores were 0.7), and the Blues willed themselves into the lead, had multiple chances to put the game away but managed to piss away all of them…

However they quite effectively pinned the Dees in their own half, created turnovers and Jagga Smith finally kicked the sealer, a great win for the Blues, as Melbourne’s season, and Jake Melksham’s (and Tom McDonald's) career, came to end in brutal circumstances.

So all up, we’re guaranteed another generation of Wildcard games.

Now, some useless headlines:

• Just remember, we exist in BONTWORLD

• Josh Fraser, the most popular Fraser at Carlton since Malcolm Fraser allowed several members of the 1982 Premiership team to steal cutlery from The Lodge

LOL of the Week

In the spirit of inclusivity, this week’s LOL goes to the jumper clash in the North Melbourne-Western Bulldogs AFLW game.

Seriously, what the fuck was up with that.

Hello all, I am releasing this pre-recorded Post Round in the likely event that I am found floating in the Swan River after tonight's game.

Alright kids, after a week for the F5ing sickos, that was the end of the 2026 home & away season, the flairs of the unworthy Bottom 8 teams will be faded in due course, the bandwagons will be wheeled out in due course, and we found out the great shame of this dodgy Top 10 system was that we missed out on an epic conclusion to the Top 8 race, because under old system, the Demons-Dogs game would've decided 8th spot on the ladder, and as a result Collingwood AND Carlton would've missed the Finals...

Instead we had to settle for the Bulldogs hilariously fucking up the AFL's grand dream of a Carlton-Collingwood Wildcard and instead giving them 2 Wildcards at the MCG next weekend.

Poor old Melbourne, if there is one drawback to having a gameplan built around straight up outscoring the opposition, it's that if you can't kick for shit in front of goal, you're fucked.

• The Who Cares Cup delivered as Damien Hardwick got a rare win at Marvel, Brad Hill had a field day in his 300th game, John Noble and Touk Miller joined in, and in an effort to avoid any further team hotel controversies, the Suns were immediately flown back to the Gold Coast, where nothing questionable ever happens to sportsmen.

• Logan Morris kicked a career high 8 goals, Conor McKenna displayed his Gaelic background many times over, and the Lions sent a nice little warning shot to everyone else by slotting 25 goals in the first game all year to have at least 40 goals kicked, while the Pies suffered some brutal injuries, namely Scott Pendlebury (Who may never play for Collingwood again) and Brayden Maynard getting injured in a morning training session

• Completing a miraculous winning season, Carlton revived the Fremantle Frauds economy with a convincing win against a Freo team who weren't exactly going at full intensity, which means Collingwood in 2011 are still the last 20-win home & away team, while the entire Fox Footy commentary team suffered a premature ejaculation thinking about the Pies-Blues Wildcard... Yeaaaaaah, about that.

• There was destined to be one team who completely fucked up in Round 24, and that just happened to be Melbourne, who kicked poorly at goal and were completely upended by Luke Beveridge's Bulldogs producing their best performance at the right moment, case in point Ed Richards kicking a goal while missing his boot, and the Dogs played themselves out of a trip to Adelaide and instead get to host Collingwood next week, and merely a week after missing out on 4th spot by a point, Melbourne fell to 7th and have to host the Wildcard.

Last year the Bulldogs were 14-9 and 137% to finish 9th... this year they go 13-1-9 and 95.4% and finish 8th.

• Geelong pretty much did what we all expected they'd do to Richmond to seal their Top 6 spot with a 57-point win in Jeremy Cameron's comeback game, guaranteeing no worse than 5th in what was a fairly solid day for Geelong teams at Kardinia Park after the AFLW side belted St Kilda 100-15, while Richmond were left to the mercy of the Sunday afternoon game at Marvel, having also recorded the worst season percentage in club history (62.5%)

• Having received one of the greatest open goals they'll ever get thanks to the Dees, Adelaide piled on 9 goals in the 1st Quarter against GWS and never trailed as Tex kicked 6 goals (as did Contract Year Jake Stringer for GWS), Izak Rankine walked on water again and the Crows piled on 24 goals in the highest scoring game of the year (258 points) and jumped out of the Wildcard at the last moment, ensuring Tex's Adelaide farewell will come in a fortnight...

• What was originally a tank-off turned into a top notch game as Essendon and Port went back and forth in the 2nd Half, Nate Caddy was superb, and life nearly imitated art as Zach Merrett put the Dons in front with 2 minutes to go, but Port went straight down and Mitch Georgiades slotted the goal to reclaim the lead with 90 seconds left, then Jack Whitlock kicked the sealer as Port finally won a close game, and the wooden spoon and Pick 1 will head to the Hangar for only the second time in the last 90 years.

• It looked like North Melbourne were the team playing without 5 team regulars after a scandal as the Swans played like a united front and absolutely shat on the Kangas in quite an inspiring performance for Swans… meanwhile for North, what the fuck was that.

• And in the last game of the H&A Rounds, the Hawks never looked like losing the game against the Eagles to lock up 4th spot, but the race for percentage for 3rd was ultimately a lost cause as the conditions turned foul and they ultimately couldn’t overcome a 6 goal gap at 3/4 time - The Hawks 4th and due to play Freo in a fortnight, and the Eagles forget about yet another season to forget

LOL of the Week

After consultation with my LOL committee, and following the lead of the All-Australian committee, it has been decided that the Pullman Five will not be eligible for LOL of the Week or the Year, because there are still things that need to pass under that bridge before we do things of that nature…

Still, it is one of the most dramatic pieces of self-immolation ever seen in Australian football.

So that said, this week's nominees are Melbourne for dumping themselves out of a Top 6 spot at the vital moment, and after a debate between Norf and someone else, this week's LOL goes to PATRICK VOSS for his fantastic piece of comedy against Carlton, in which he received a handball out the back in front of an open goal for a certain Dockers goal, only to stumble and get absolutely drilled holding the ball... obviously there's something with the name Voss that triggers 2026 Carlton into a frenzy.

Should also mention what sealed this as well - Ollie Hollands got the free kick and put it out on the full.

Alright friends, that was Round 3, or Round 4, or to be honest I don't even know what round it is anymore because the fixture is just too damn weird, and who can believe it, an NRL team sacked a coach in 2026 before an AFL team did.

Our standards are slipping.

Anyway, not too many memorable games, aside Sunday and Essendon and North Melbourne sinking so low it sank into the Earth's core as promised.

Now, a look back at the games:

• In a game dominated by terrible weather, including hail in the 3rd Quarter, the Cats dominated play (+22 Inside 50s) but kicked poorly and kept the depleted Crom in the game at Kardinia Park deep into the last quarter, before the traditional 'Questionable decision goes against Adelaide' struck as Tom Atkins was given a last touch free kick despite the ball coming off his boot, which led to a goal to Jack Martin, and the Cats ultimately were the better team and got the job done by 8 points in a clash dominated by both backlines, and the AFL whipped out a familiar 'AFL Apologises To Crows For Umpiring Mistake' email template.

• Collingwood hosted the Opening Round specialists at Marvel on Friday night, and while Oscar Steene put his name in lights on debut in the ruck, Billy Frampton stuck Jesse Hogan in his back pocket as the Magpies put on a no frills performance against the Giants to win by 33 points, and their defence was so solid that the Giants had more Inside 50s (58) than points scored (54).

The Magpies with a win off the bye, Scott Pendlebury is starting to suffer rigor mortis, and the Giants need a fucking bye, and fast.

• As the fabled pre-1975 Fitzroy guernseys were wheeled out once more, the Lions engaged the Saints in an arm wrestle that was hard to tell apart on the scoreboard and on the ground considering the dark guernsey clash was pretty solid.... however, despite going goalless and trailing in the last quarter, the Lions made the Saints pay for some bad 1st Half goalkicking and kicked the last 6 goals of the game to win by 33 points, their first win since the Grand Final, and after 30 years, the Fitzroy theme song played after an AFL win.

• As Perth got smashed by something close to 78mm of rain in the wettest March day since 1934 thanks to the impact of Cyclone Narelle, the Richmond backline had to deal with the impact of Cyclone Treacy as the big key forward was best afield on a day when the Dockery was very strong, as Fremantle kicked a wasteful 13.25 in a game they still won by a comfortable 60 points, and it does appear Freo let a potential cricket score margin go to waste.

Fun fact - That was the 7th time a team has kicked 13.25 in a league game (Those teams are now 7-0), and the first time since 1968... Richmond vs South Melbourne at the Lake Oval.

• This was North's greatest chance to defeat Essendon in a decade, and despite their best efforts they won a game that could be best described as an assault on the senses, and an assault on Andrew McGrath as Tristian Xerri exchanged bodily fluids with him, North led by 6 goals at 3/4 time and still turned the game into a heart-stopper as the Bombers got within 2 goals with enough time in hand, but North held on despite a goalless final quarter against a Bombers team that have now lost 16 consecutive games, just 1 behind their record of 17 from 2016.

• In a game that has a valid case for Game of the Round, Port Adelaide had a good lead in the 1st Half as the West Coast Eagles were probably still on that 9:30 start time in WA, but the young birds once again fought their way back and displayed some solid development to take the lead by the 3rd Quarter, held a 3-goal lead into the final quarter and survived a tense finish, which included the ARC being correctly used for an out on the full call, to win by 2 points, once again robbing Draw FC.

The Eagles doubling their win count from 2025, winning their first game outside of WA since August 2024, and winning consecutive games for the first time since August 2024... Good on them.

• In Max Gawn's 250th game, 1st Half Carlton struck with fury as they led Melbourne by 7 goals to zip during the 2nd Quarter (43 points the lead), but that was counter balanced by the fabled comeback of 2nd Half Carlton getting the Demons back into the game as the Dees got back within 6 points early in the last quarter, then Carlton got back out by 20 points, but Dees came back AGAIN and managed to lead with 5:50 to play, and the Red & Blue avalanche began as the Dees completed an 11-goal turnaround with 14 goals in the 2nd Half to win by 23 points.

A big win for the King Dees, their first against Carlton since 2023, and 1st Half Carlton has rarely ever been any damn funnier.

LOL of the Week

Despite some worthy candidates this week, among them George Wardlaw getting woken up by a possum, the 1st Quarter of the Saints-Lions game, the entirety of the Bombers-Kangaroos game, the 2 Cats fans going the Willy Nilly High Five and fucking it up was my clubhouse leader for a while...

But someone came home with a wet sail, because when you lead by 7 goals, hold a team goalless at 1/4 time, then have them at 1 goal to the half, then give up 14 goals in the 2nd Half and fuck it all up again with a vintage performance....

YEP, 1ST HALF CARLTON GOT IT AGAIN.

Honestly, it is reaching the point where I might have to set the bar so high for Carlton that only the greatest collapse in league history will win them the LOL.

Broadcast starts at 7:30pm AEST (Vic Bias) on Fox Footy & Kayo.

List of awards announced tonight:

AFL:

• 2025 AFL All-Australian Team.
• 2025 Coleman Medal. Winner: Jeremy Cameron

AFL Players’ Association:

• 2025 Leigh Matthews Trophy for Most Valuable Player. Winner: Nick Daicos
• 2025 Robert Rose Most Courageous Player Award. Winner: Josh Dunkley
• 2025 AFLPA Best First Year Player Award. Winner: Murphy Reid
• 2025 AFLPA Best Captain. Winner: Jordan Dawson

AFL Coaches’ Association:

• 2025 AFL Coaches’ Association Champion Player of the Year. Winners: Bailey Smith, Noah Anderson
• 2025 AFL Coaches’ Association Best Young Player. Winner: Shaun Mannagh

Alright friends that was the 2026 ANZAC Day Round, featuring half a dozen blowouts, the Swans turning the tables and winning the free kick count in a Bulldogs game celebrating the 2016 premiership, Richmond and Melbourne provided us with a phallic reminder on Friday night about the horrors of warfare, shithouse broadcasting from multiple networks, the Carr ran over the Cats, the Unicorn did Unicorn things, we saw the finest piece of work in the history of the ARC…

And Scott Pendlebury showed that age shall not weary him, nor the years condemn.

The oldest player in history to record 40+ disposals in a game, and he recorded a career-high 43 on ANZAC Day at the age of 38 in game 431.

Also, surely the best part about Richmond-Melbourne game is the fact they just had to lay the wreaths so it looked like an old fashioned cock and balls.

Anyway, I must apologise because I am on mobile:

• With the 2016 Premiership Bulldogs watching, the Swans walloped the crippled 2026 Bulldogs in the 2nd Half on Thursday night, and to be honest we're still trying to work out what the fuck Essendon did to the Bulldogs at half time of that Round 4 game

• Kozi Pickett was so good he pissed around for the entire night with 29 disposals, kicked 4 goals, then waited until the last minute to send in his nomination for Mark of the Year

• Hawthorn defeat the Suns in Launceston as the stand rule struck the Suns with a vengeance… as did Kayo on their own subscriber base

• Essendon kicked 9 goals on ANZAC Day, as did Collingwood… in the last quarter.

• Mitch Georgiades kicked more behinds inside of a half than Geelong did in a game

• Freo make it half a dozen wins in a row as Carlton suffer something far less boring than an honourable loss…. A plain old boring old loss

• Saints fans hope the ARC can now review the Tom Hawkins goal on September 26, 2009

• A brutal 3rd Quarter from the Lions brings out the Crom of Judgement as they fall to 3-4

• Ah, great to see another boring Sunday twilight game with no questionable ARC decisions

LOL of the Week

In a normal world yes, the ARC would win this week’s award in a landslide due to nothing short of the worst decision of 2026, but umpiring is excluded from the LOL of the Week for many reasons.

Still, in the biggest footballing weekend outside of September the candidates came flying in - Channel 7 showing 6 minutes of ads after a behind then their broadcast going troppo, Elliot Yeo’s miss, Mitch Georgiades being unable to hit the side of a barn door, the Anzac Dick Banner, KC William Houghton for saying homophobia was commonplace and getting himself sacked by the AFL, which was ultimately deemed too depressing to win the LOL..

However, this week’s winner is a long overdue win for KAYO, for cutting to an ad break on the middle of play during the last quarter

No ad breaks during play?

No, ad breaks during live play!

Carlton of the Week

Well done to these fellas for giving us a laugh in the last quarter… every now and then we need a good piece of laughter that doesn't involve Carlton terribly wetting themselves in the 2nd Half

Well friends that was Round 11 to end the Sir Doug Nicholls Rounds, a round of absolute carnage on all fronts as the Dreamtime was so riddled with injuries that multiple viewers broke their ankles, multiple records were broken, North completed the great comeback of 2026, Scott Pendlbury officially claimed the games record amid scenes more farcical than King Charles' coronation, and come Sunday afternoon we got to see some real league history...

GWS, a team that got completely run over by the fucking Eagles, proceeded to kick 14.2 in the 3rd Quarter against the 2-time defending premier Brisbane Lions, eclipsing the all-time record for the highest scoring 3rd Quarter in league history, which also passes Sydney's 3rd Quarter against Carlton in Opening Round for the highest scoring quarter of 2026, and it also gives GWS a new club record highest score.

Still, it wasn't quite enough to defeat the Lions, who kicked enough goals in the 4th Quarter to surpass the Giants' 3rd Quarter score.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Anyway, moving on:

• Hawthorn overcome the Crom thanks to generational key forward Blake Hardwick

• Richmond win the Spoonbowl and with the way the game went I'm surprised Darcy Parish wasn't injured getting the Yiooken Award

• Walyalup Wharfie all over the Saints in the last quarter as they make it 10 straight wins for the first time ever and sit on top of the ladder after 11 years

• Ah yes North Melbourne completed their greatest comeback of the 21st Century let's just cut straight to the Collingwood-West Coast game

• In a game celebrating the No.10, Collingwood win by 10 points... sp00ky

• Geelong hand Sydney their first loss since Desi Freeman was still a wanted fugitive

• Michael Voss' last gift to Carlton was to steal all of the Brisbane Lions' ability at half time of Round 9, then heroically resign to cover up the truth

• Godless communist football club kills Fagan-believing Lions

• Nothing to see, just another wildly entertaining game involving the Demons

LOL of the Week

Amidst the absurdity of Scott Pendlebury's 433rd game celebrations, I think it was a slam dunk choice this week, but it turned into a toss-up as to whether or not to single out one team over the other, but in the spirit of State of Origin....

WE HAVE A QUEENSLAND M-M-M-MEGA-LOL.

The Gold Coast for blowing a 43-point lead and losing after the siren...

And the Brisbane Lions, for giving up 14 goals to NONE in a quarter to a team that lost to the reigning wooden spooners a week earlier.

Carlton of the Week

Is it possible to give a Carlton of the Week-Lol of the Week double?

I dunno, but Brisbane will probably win it.

Alright friends, that was the weekend that used to be Week One of the finals but more accurately is the Qualifying & Elimination Final weekend, and my goodness what a weekend it was as David King's Premiership Pie wound up like the pie from American Pie with Fremantle and Brisbane getting carstrated on national television, but thankfully for them they both had mulligans so they'll play next weekend without their gonads, which can't be said for Carlton and the former Footscray.

Now, for the run down of all 4 finals:

It was shades of 1991 West Coast on Thursday night - Fremantle had 19 wins for the year, won the minor premiership, hadn't lost at home all year, but Hawthorn came to Perth with a plan and completely dismantled the Dockers in a 4-quarter defensive masterclass from Sam Mitchell's team, restricting Freo to their lowest score of the year (40 points), ensuring Wharfie Time was never deployed, the inclusion of Brandon Walker ended awfully as he did his ankle, and all told the Hawks won by 32 points, securing their first home Preliminary Final since 2014, and their first home final in Mitchell's tenure...

Random fact, Sam Mitchell has as many finals wins outside of Victoria in the last 3 seasons as Alan Joyce, Peter Schwab and Alastair Clarkson combined (3).

So the Hawks go through to another Prelim, while the Dockers get the Friday night Semi Final against Geelong, staring down one of the most brutal straight sets in modern history...

Still, that's the advantage of being Top 4, you do get the chance for a Qualifying Final mulligan, and Freo surely couldn't go any worse than they did on Thursday night.

Carlton matched Geelong for a half, and indeed they led at Half Time, but ultimately it was a case of fresh legs and sheer class winning out as Patrick Dangerfield became the oldest player to ever kick 5 goals in a Final (A record Gordon Coventry had held since 1937), and despite the Cats suffering a severe case of Brisbehinds in the last quarter, which did keep the margin far closer than it should've been, the Cats were comfortable winners by 33 points, making it 7 consecutive wins, and they look far from done.

Carlton's magic carpet ride under Josh Fraser is over, in what was the first time they've lost after leading at Half Time under Fraser, but from the shitpit they were in in May it was a superb turnaround, while the Cats have won an Elimination Final for the first time in Chris Scott's tenure, and they get a shot at a wounded Fremantle in Perth next week...

Random fact - WA is the only mainland state where Geelong haven't played a final until now, despite having played in a combined 9 finals against West Coast and Fremantle, which have all been in Victoria.

Despite all the crap spoken about the Qualifying Final in Sydney being a lay down for whoever played the Swans, Dean Cox's team obviously didn't believe a word of it, but obviously a few Brisbane Lions players did as they led with their chin and were promptly snotted by a superb Swans team, who produced the best win by any Swans team since the 2012 Grand Final when you consider the context leading into the game, with a 53-point spanking on the 2-time defending premiers, whose backline once again fluctuates between abhorrent (Especially in their games in Sydney this year), and superb whenever they want to be - The obvious downside being captain Callum Mills once again suffering a poorly timed injury in the Finals, and this time it's the most brutal one of them all being a suspected ACL tear.

Sydney/South Melbourne's highest score in a Final, and with Logan McDonald kicking a career-high 6 goals and Curnow + Papley 5 each, it was the first time any Swans team had 3 players kick 5+ goals since Round 18, 1933, and the first time it had happened in any final since Hawthorn in the 1988 Grand Final.

The Swans get to host a home Preliminary Final, after a series of events that will be talked about for years to come, while the Lions' premiership defence looks shaky for the 25th time in the last 3 years, but as I said previously they got a mulligan this week, just as they did last year, and until they're totally out of the finals they are the team to beat.

And tonight we saw the difference that good goalkicking can make in a close game, as the Bulldogs pissed away chances all night (Looking at you Naughton), even when they threatened to overrun Adelaide in the last quarter and were right in the game all night, while the Crows took their chances in front of goal, getting back on top in the last quarter with some textbook set shot goalkicking, plus Izak Rankine's deadset brilliant checkside goal that sealed the game, and ultimately after the report that Matthew Nicks could've faced the boot if the Crows lost, they instead won their first final under Nicks, their first finals win since the 2017 Preliminary Final, and Tex Walker got his great farewell to the Adelaide Oval as the Crows will go to Brisbane to play the Lions next Saturday night, while the Bulldogs season has come to end without ruining their record in single figure games.

9.14 to 14.6... GOOD KICKING IS GOOD FOOTBALL.

So all up, this weekend we've learned that Wildcard Weekend hasn't exactly helped the teams that played in Wildcard Weekend.

LOL of the Week

This week's nominees include The West Australian for once again jixning Fremantle, who still haven't won a final since that "Easy Home Finals Wins" backpage last year, Fremantle for once again pulling an almighty September Dockery, one of the worst ever recorded and adding chapter 99 to Nitro's post from Wednesday, the Lions for being so confident they'd win and getting absolutely pasted by the Swans....

But the LOL of the Week, rising to No.1 with a BULLET, is the artist formerly known as CROWMAN at the Crows-Bulldogs game tonight, but on further inspection, they have now been dubbed JIM CROW, for what is one of the more unfortunate face painting incidents of the 21st Century...

As Sgt Hartman once said in Full Metal Jacket...

MICHAEL VOSS MEMORIAL CARLTON OF THE WEEK

Congratulations, Fremantle!

Post all new news and discussions here.

Future posts will be removed.

Do not use the grief and trauma of people to take shots against your least favourite team or fanbase.

YES, I WROTE 2025.

Alright friends, that was the Easter round for 2025, the Hawks and Cats didn't kill the Pope this year, the Lions kick Brisbehinds for charity, Good Friday actually lived up to its name for the first time in recorded footballing history, the Swans recorded their second-biggest win against West Coast since 2023, A game involving Melbourne saw a team struggle without Christian Petracca, and Essendon managed to hold the last unbeaten team in the league goalless for over a quarter.

Now, I've got to write all this out before I hit the road back to Perth shortly... just kidding, I wrote most of it this morning.

• All eyes were on Nick Daicos at the Gabba as he was sensationally withdrawn from the game 20 minutes before the opening siren due to a calf injury, not that Brisbane really gave a shit as it was one less obstacle in the way of what turned out to be a commanding 54-point win, which could easily have been greater were it not for a sudden onset of 2nd Half Brisbehinds... The Lions are now 2-2 alongside the Pies, and the premiers also set a new league record for the greatest recorded kick differential in a game (+129)

• 2026 seemed North Melbourne's best chance to win a Good Friday game since 2018, given Carlton's famous 2nd Half performances, but the Blues surprised everyone by actually winning the 3rd Quarter, which was simply delaying the inevitable cruelty to come as Jacob Weitering got concussed with the Blues ahead by 22 points in the last quarter, which was right around when the Kangas Sheezed the moment, the Warlard smothered everything, the bench put up a 67 Meme and they kicked the last 5 goals to win a gripping game by 10 points, and we actually got a Good Friday game worth watching... even if it was quite shit at times.

• In the second leg of the Good Friday double, Fremantle looked dominant as they led by 34 points in Adelaide, who were told there was no Cumming for another week, but the inner Dockery emerged as they missed a few gettable kicks, then the Crows exploded and kicked 5 unanswered goals, then led the game with the first 2 goals of the final quarter as momentum was enormous, but the Dockers got a goal back, then Reilly O'Brien committed a LOL of the Week contender by kicking into the man on the mark, and Freo went down the other end and reclaimed the lead for good thanks to Josh Treacy's tough snap, then thanks to G.Post and some more Alex Pearce Adelaide Oval heroics, the Dockers held on by 2 points in a thriller, and the Crows are used to being robbed, and this time they got ROB'ed.

• Richmond and Port Adelaide had all the hallmarks of a cripple fight, and for the most part it was as the game proved to be a classic assault on the senses, as was the Fox Footy commentary (May the Fawcett Be With You), broken up by Port ramming home goals in short bursts to comfortably lead pretty much the whole game and win by 7 goals, as the Tigers' execution could be described as 'Stormtrooper'.

• West Coast fans were actually having fun as they recorded consecutive wins this season, so the Swans came off a 16-day break and turned the Saturday night game into the Hydrogen Bomb vs Coughing Baby matchup we expected the Dogs-Bombers game to be, beating the Eagles so convincingly that their 1/4 time score would've been enough to win the game, as the Swans also brought up the century margin by 3/4 time and won by a lazy 128 points, the Swans' biggest road win in club history, and it now gives the Eagles the historic mark of the most 100+ point defeats in the 21st Century (13)... if you're interested, 6 of them have come since the start of 2022.

• The Suns were unbeaten coming into Easter for the second year running, and for the second year running they were brought undone at Easter, as the Kingball gameplan revives the old saying that the best form of defence is attack, with the Demons making the Suns miss Christian Petracca badly as the likes of Gawn, Steele and Kozi Pickett dined out, Jake The Snake returned with a hanger, and all up the Dees won another entertaining game by 20 points and made many people happy by handing Dimma his lunch on Easter Sunday.

• With the Suns going down the Western Bulldogs were the last unbeaten team in 2026, and as a $1 favourite they were fully expected to hand another 90+ point defeat to Essendon, and it looked that way in the 1st Half as they led by 9 goals at half time and Arthur Jones outscored the Bombers, but the winless team put in a 2nd Half performance that Don Chipp and the Australian Democrats would've been proud of, keeping the Bulldogs honest and goalless in the 3rd Quarter as the injuries piled up on the ladder leaders, and ultimately the Bombers actually won the 2nd Half comfortably, even as the Dogs won by 34 points, and despite a frustrating 2nd Half, the team from Footscray are the last unbeaten team for the first time since 1961.

• It didn't even take 5 minutes to remind me of why I hate watching the Easter Monday game every fucking year, as the heart rate went through the roof, the swearing was at levels exceeding a Kevin Bloody Wilson song, the umpiring was questionable, and THE HAWKS FINALLY GOT ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE DAMN RESULT.

FOOTBALL... BLOODY HELL.

LOL OF THE WEEK

What an outstanding week for hilarity:

• Fox Footy produced several great laughs as Garry Lyon had to apologise to Tanya Plibersek, Mark Howard produced a reaction meme to a Matt Hill WTF, the Tigers-Power commentary was one to forget, David King's bashing of Harley Reid for a free kick he didn't even give away...

Reilly O'Brien furthering the stereotype of dumb ruckmen in the last quarter with that kick which led to Freo's winning goal...

North Melbourne posting a 67 meme on the bench, which may have actually been about how many goals they were going to kick in the last quarter...

But for a classic shank on a dirty night, this week's LOL goes to Dan McStay... or should I say, Dan McSpray!

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

Carlton's repeated 2nd Half failures mean they've had to be moved into their own sub-category to give other people a fair crack at the LOL, so this week's Carlton of the Week goes to Carlton for giving up the last 5 goals of the game to lose... again.

Poor bastards.

Hello all, I’ll endeavour to add to this in a few minutes but I did have to play in the club singles today so we’re a bit threadbare…

Like Oscar Piastri’s garage at 3pm.

What a LOL that was….

• So there we were, the first game of the season, Carlton holding Sydney goalless in the 1st Quarter, then it was 6 goals to 2 early in the 3rd Quarter... only for the Swans to kick 12 goals in the next half hour, and go on to win the game by 63 points, having kicked a total of 18 goals to 6 in the 2nd Half.

What is this, the 1990s?

• The Suns were frighteningly good through the first 3 quarters against the Cats, kicking 7 goals in the 1st Quarter, leading by 7 goals at the half, then pulverising the Cats in the 3rd Quarter to lead by as much as 85 points, but some last quarter tapering over the cracks did get the margin back to 56 points at the final siren.

Crikey, the last time I saw Geelong get smoked like that against a Queensland team was... well, the last game they played at the end of September... and, after losing the singles final today, I know how they feel.... sort of.

• GWS didn't have a fit midfield, but that didn't matter as they smacked up Hawthorn prim and proper in the Elimination Final rematch, with the Giants making the Hawks bleed through 3 quarters as they kicked 18 goals to 3/4 time, which was more than enough to record a 27-point win, as they remain just about the only team with a perfect record in Opening Round.

• The Lions and Bulldogs produced one of the better Opening Round games ever seen, as the Lions led by as much as 26 points in the 3rd Quarter, but the Bulldogs, who couldn't hit the side of a barn door for 3 Quarters, promptly straightened up and kicked a superb 7.1 to Brisbane's 3.7 to win a thriller by 5 points, as the 2-time premiers cop an early body blow, which will get worse as the MRO hits Harris Andrews to long-off for 3 weeks...

• And while Oscar Piastri ploughed into a wall on the sighting lap, the MCG Opening Round game drew the crowd as some 82,000+ fans saw the Saints-Pies game, which followed the result of 72.5% of Saints-Pies games... the Magpies won....

Except that time St Kilda won in 1966.

Still, the actual LOL of the Week goes to Carlton for giving up the worst 3rd quarter of the 21st century.

Alright friends, that was Round 12, the Autumn is over and Winter is about to begin, and I would've posted this 10 minutes ago but the wind is so strong in Perth that the Post Round was blown 700 metres up the street, run over by a runaway wheelie bin and crushed by a falling widowmaker.

Fucks sake.

Anyway, another wild old week of footy as Ross Lyon finally achieved a goalless 1st Half after 19 years of trying, Nick Watson has been earmarked as a future Liberal Party candidate for being right of centre, Carlton's randomly great record against Geelong continued with a thrilling win as David Rodan's hatred of the ARC cost the Cats dearly, a year ending in a 6 once again has Sydney putting away Richmond by a 110+ point margin, the Spinal Tap Dockers have turned it up to 11, the Cardiac Bulldogs took down Cardiac Collingwood in another thriller, not that the commentary matched it...

Then today the Giants continued Melbourne's horrible record in Alice Springs with some sharpshooting that Hitman Hart would've been proud of, and in some of the windiest conditions outside of Scotland, the Eagles kept up their good run and blew Essendon back to Victoria in a Category 5 cyclone.

Also I should say congratulations to Willem Duursma, who now leads the Duursma Cup with wins against Xavier and Zane, giving him the head-to-head tiebreaker ahead of the decider in Round 14:

Willem 2-0

Zane 1-1

Xavier 0-2

A great competition between 3 out of the Bottom 4 Duursma siblings, who all lag behind Yasmin.

• Hawks fans delighted as Will goes a Day without a serious injury

• Cats blinded by a late flash from Patrick Cripps' Colgate smile

• Mario from Doncaster vomits all over himself as Richmond lose to the Swans by 110+ points at the SCG... again.

• Fero make it 11 wins in a row as Brisbane suffer a violent dose of Brisbehinds

• Scott Pendlebury is a background NPC in Bontworld

• Now we've got to get used to not winning anymore in Alice... Alice, Alice, where the fuck is Alice!

• Eagles-Bombers game marred by shitload of garbage on the field... there was also a major problem with plastic wrappers and servettes on the playing surface.

LOL OF THE WEEK

Let's be honest, Essendon have put in one of the great LOL efforts this week, to the exclusion of just about everybody else:

• Sacking Brad Scott on Tuesday morning, to the point the club had to call the Daniher family given the timing of the sacking and Neale's death

• James Hird on Footy Classified confirming he wants to coach Essendon again, followed by a shitload of Essendon old boys immediately starting up the James Hird return movement, because Hird's original stint as Essendon coach went so well that it's still fondly remembered by Bombers fans

• Assistant coach Ben Jacobs and Head of Psychology and Wellbeing Ben Robbins resigning in solidatry with Scott for being knifed, because nobody on the Essendon board appears to be mentally healthy right now

• Followed by whatever the fuck that game just was against West Coast.

But yes, watch this space, we could be seeing the glorious return of Essington to the Top 5 LOL of the Year contenders....

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

Michael Voss.

Again.

Well friends, Part 1 of the Sir Doug Nicholls Round is done, and what a 4 days it was...

The Cats' 8 month wait for a crack at the Lions was well worth it as Shaun Mannagh delivered a 3rd Quarter ball tearing on the 2-time premiers, the Darwin Suns are still the greatest team in league history, Scott Pendlebury was too busy ironing on some gold No.10s while his team blew a lead and lost a close one to them Swans, the Crom extended North Melbourne's South Australian misery, the Demons punished James Sicily for daring to wear a sleeveless guernsey, just as the Blues punished Michael Tuck in the 1987 Grand Final, Carlton get the NEW COACH BOUNCE and unleash it on the English-less Bulldogs, Flagwalyalup have now gone 4 years unbeaten as Essendon were toast before half time, while Patrick Voss was informed how many wins Essendon have in 2026, Waalitj Marawar showed GWS that they are vastly superior to the West Coast Eagles with pressure that overwhelmed the Orange Team, and with the Saints doing the job on Richmond, it means that for the first time ever we have....

DREAMTIME SPOONBOWL.

And how appropriate that it's on the Friday night doubleheader... only problem is it's the national Channel 7 game, so unfortunately viewers in WA will have to watch 2 plausibly competent teams in Fremantle and St Kilda.

Anyway, moving on:

• Brisbane tried so and got so far to the Cats, but in the end it doesn't even Mannagh

• Still no luck catching them Swans as Collingwood run out of ruckmen and get torn to shreds by a former Collingwood ruckman in a close game

• The Darwin Suns chalk up a 10th consecutive victim as we all forget that a 40-point comeback at 3/4 time from the Pear was a seriously real chance with 10 minutes left... until Port's late game set shots happened again.

• The Kuwarna of Approval returns to witness the Crom deliver the highest scoring quarter in the history of the Adelaide Oval on poor little North

• The only Roo of Approval on Saturday was at 6:45pm at the MCG as the Demons rocked the casbah

• The Bulldogs crumble under the might of 2nd Half specialists Carlton with the superpower of a NEW COACH BOUNCE

• Thanks to a desperate 2nd Half comeback, Essendon outscore Patrick Voss while the Dockers match the club record of 9 consecutive wins... I think that means we can pencil them in to lose a Preliminary Final

• The Saints bank another 4 points as Richmond now have so many injuries that they're required to put up an /r/afl post asking if anybody can play on Friday night

• The Bailey J. Williams Legacy Game delivers Andrew McQualter's 4th win in 2 years

LOL Of The Week

First of all, an OUTSTANDING week for league-based comedy.

• The AFL posting a Subway Surfer video underneath the Michael Voss resignation interview on TikTok, then replying to Caroline Wilson's criticism by posting another Subway Surfer video underneath

• Tom Papley entering Jason Dunstall's Dribble Kick files... although Papley did later kick the game-sealing goal.

• James Sicily for wearing a sleeveless guernsey and demoralising the entire Hawthorn team

• Cameron Mooney forgetting that Ben McKay wasn't playing for Essendon today

• North Melbourne's social media team bailing out after the final siren against Adelaide and refusing to post the final score... the GWS admin chimed in with another shitpost, which North duly responded to after GWS lost

So this week's winner, after seeking a second opinion, is JOSH DUNKLEY FOR DROPPING THE BALL DURING A SET SHOT....... a rarely seen drop punt without the punt.

What also helped seal it was Dunkley having another shot at goal 40 seconds later... which he kicked out on the full.

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

Michael Voss, for having to watch his former players suddenly look like they love football again.

A place to discuss everything about the 2024 AFL Draft

The first round will be held at Marvel Stadium, Melbourne on Wednesday, 20th November 2024 at 19:00 AEDT.

PLEASE NOTE: the first round will likely be about 27 picks tonight. The remainder of the draft, from Richmond's second round pick (currently #24) onwards, will be held at Marvel Stadium, Melbourne, Thursday 21st November 2024, 19:00 AEDT. The Pre-season Draft (if held) and Rookie Draft will be held on Friday, 22nd November 2024, 15:00 AEDT.

ANOTHER NOTE: On this exact day last year, I had the whole first round table written out before the draft, but I found it too hard to keep updating the table, especially with bids and live trades being made, meaning I had to constantly update the whole table order, plus the first round blowing out to like 27 picks didn't help either. As a result, I'm just going to update this thread one pick at a time.

Alright friends, after another top notch edition of the Big Freeze at the G on the King's Birthday (Aside from that pretty awful moment for Brody Mihocek) we mark the end of Round 13, and I'm pleased to note that our cross-code Fight MND fundraiser with /r/NRL wound up passing the $8,000 milestone just before the game began today - Fantastic everyone and it's great to see /r/AFL and /r/NRL once again combine for some good, just as we do every summer to shitpost in /r/cricket match threads.

Of course, it was one of the closest rounds all year as we saw 5 games out of 8 decided by under a goal, including 2 games with the same score (77-71), the Pies-Dees game was another decided by single digits, while the Pineapple Grapple was a derp-fest from the Suns...

And then there was whatever the fuck that massacre in Bunbury was - Well, for one it was definitely Fremantle's biggest winning margin in their history, as North conceded 19 consecutive goals to end the game.

Also, it does seem like an awful coincidence, but Melbourne have now had 3 players suffer serious injuries against Collingwood in the last 4 years - The Brayshaw career ending concussion in 2023, Petracca's near death injury in 2024, and now Mihocek's neck injury.

Once again, just an awful coincidence.

Anyway, looking on to what happened since Thursday:

• Crom of Heart Attack defeats Cat of Heart Attack in yet another close game in Adelaide

• Dogs walk the walk because they've got 4 legs while a Hawk can't walk the walk because they're a fucking bird

• Fremantle wharf all over Norf to win their 12th game in a row in Bunbury

• Logan Morris dominates the Pineapple Grapple as Brisbane end a month of injuries with no injuries

• Port actually win a close game as West Coast lose the will to live without Ginbey

• Sydney come from the clouds as St Kilda lose in one the most St Kilda ways imaginable to lose a game

• According to Fox Footy the Essendon-Carlton has had 44 seconds remaining for the last 20 hours

• Despite Kozi Pickett's best efforts at goal in the final minutes, he did eventually seal the game for the Demons in a game that was a fantastic tribute to Neale Daniher

LOL of the Week

Some good nominees this week, North's second half was comically bad, the Suns were comically bad, the Fox Footy countdown clock failed again, Kozi Pickett's snap with 4 minutes left that didn't even score that would've put Melbourne 8 points up, then doing it again a few minutes later, before he took himself out of contention by actually kicking the sealer...

But it pains me to do this because I love him as a player, but it's the LOL of the Week in a knockout - NICK WATSON, WHO WAS INTERVIEWED BY FOX FOOTY AFTER HE'D KICKED 3 GOALS IN THE 1ST HALF AND THE HAWKS WERE 27 POINTS UP, STATING THIS REGARDING MICHAEL SELLWOOD:

"I don't care if Sellwood talks, as long as he walks the walk, I'd love to see it in the 2nd Half”

ONLY FOR SELLWOOD TO WALK THE WALK AND HOLD WATSON TO 2 DISPOSALS AFTER HALF-TIME, AS THE BULLDOGS CAME BACK AND WON THE GAME.

Basically it was the reverse of the Toby Greene-Tom Papley moment from last year, and it was a toss-up for a Hawthorn MULTI-LOL with the Wizard and James Sicily clapping a Bulldogs goal, but ultimately the Wizard interview was good enough on its own.

He'll probably get in the All-Australian team, and he's gonna get in the LOL of the Year field as well.

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, once again, it's Michael Voss.

Alright friends, that was Round 17, as Dry July begins with the Socceroos experience the joy of shitting their pants in a penalty shootout at a World Cup, the Lions keep clawing up into the Top 4 for the first time in a while, the Swans are back in the game after Freo kickstarted their attempt at Dry July by having their 14-game winning streak ended against GWS of all teams, the Crom didn't set the world on fire but got the points against the Eagles to sit just off the Lions in 5th...

Then there was whatever the hell happened in Tasmania, as Melbourne led Hawthorn by 16 goals in Launceston, then decided to catch an early flight as the Hawks kicked 12 consecutive goals in the 2nd Half, making them the first team in the 21st Century to lose a game after kicking 10 consecutive goals, 2026 Carlton are into the Top 10 as they became the first team to lose 7 consecutive games and win 7 consecutive games in the same season....

And congratulations to St Kilda, who, after 129 years in the VFL/AFL, HAVE FINALLY RECORDED 1000 LEAGUE WINS!

Fantastic, and it was great to see Kevin Sheedy asked all the Essendon fans to hang around and celebrate this momentous achievement.

Moving on because I've wasted enough time already:

• A Fitzroy guernsey wins in Geelong for the first time since 1986

• Charlie Curnow charged with bestiality after buggering the Bulldogs for the 2nd time in 2026

• Adelaide defeat West Coast in a game played on Friday night in Perth

• If you combine Melbourne's 1st Half with Hawthorn's 2nd Half you'd have the greatest team ever... I think we'll call them the Melbourne Hawks

• Fremantle's winning streak ends as Jake Stringer saves up his one good game in every 4 months for the ladder leaders

• Ben cops the Long arm of the Law as Brayden Maynard makes another donation to the Umpires' end of season trip, which has now gone from a weekend in Lorne to a fortnight in Japan

• I like how Carlton's least convincing wins under Josh Fraser are against the two worst teams in the league

• Kevin Sheedy charged with human rights abuses after asking Essendon fans to watch the 2nd Half

• Port Adelaide 73, Free Kicks 71, North Melbourne 52

LOL Of The Week

Well what a solid week of laughter that was, from Tony Popovic's selections at the World Cup, to Will Lewis getting fined for staging, the Crom fucking up a certain goal thanks to a botched handball to Toby Murray, Hawthorn for going 16 goals down in a place where they hadn't lost for 3 years, Essington for botching not just one but two kicks in their back half that led to St Kilda goals...

BUT THIS WEEK'S LOL, FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME CRAP HE DID IN ROUND ONE, GOES TO TOM LYNCH FOR ONCE AGAIN WINNING A GAME FOR CARLTON AGAINST RICHMOND OFF HIS OWN BOOT.

2 games against Carlton in 2026 for a total of 2 goals, 8 behinds, and 4 kicks out on the full.

If you do it once in a season it's bad enough, but know what happens when you do it twice?

You end up in the LOL of the Year Top 10!

Well friends that was Round 6, a round featuring one of the more concerning cases of player welfare we've seen, another lightning delay in a Sydney Derby, a Saturday that will stand as one of the better days of football this year with a combined margin of 13 points across 3 games, Kingball defeating the Kings of the Jungle in another wildly entertaining Demons game, and we also got the result of the weekend...

Richmond FC of Tasmania, who hadn't won a game since 2016, have now won a game more recently than Richmond FC of Melbourne.

Fantastic.

Anyway, trying to recap the weekend quickly because I have to turn the TV away from Bounce:

• Nick Daicos delivered one of the best quarters of the 400 that he's now played as Collingwood turned back the clock by winning another close game as 2nd Half Carlton brutally struck again, not only blowing an 18 point lead at 3/4 time, but the result being decided by Talor Byrne joining Warren Ralph and Mitch McGovern in missing kicks after the siren against Collingwood... Draw FC in SHAMBLES again as the Pies win by 5 points.

• Jeremy Cameron finished up with another bag of 10 goals as he outscored the Western Bulldogs on the siren in a brutal night for the visitors... a 75 point defeat, Darcy, Lobb, O'Donnell and Libba all injured, and their season going down the toilet week by the week... on the other hand a great night of celebration for Geelong with Mark Blicavs' 300th game, and Jake Kolodjashnij's 200th game (His first game since 2024) ended with a 5th career goal.

• If I had a dollar for every time the Sydney Derby has been delayed by lightning strikes, I'd have 2 dollars... anyway, the 2nd Half was delayed by an hour due to more wild Sydney weather, but the story was the same most of the night as the Swans' goalkicking was superb and the Giants' was absolute shit... 17.5 to 8.18 tells the story as the Swans won comfortably despite having fewer scoring shots, with Nick Blakey winning the renamed Kirk-Ward Medal.

• The Gold Coast Suns got Christian Petracca back, and they damn well needed him as Essendon backed up last week's win with another very good performance in a back and forth display of attacking footy, ultimately the Suns getting it done by 9 points thanks in part to that 4-goal burst before 3/4 time, then surviving the final quarter, which also saw a cruel blow for the Dons as Tom Edwards got a bump from John Noble and was forced off the ground for a HIA by an AFL ARC review with 5 minutes to go and the margin at 7 points...... by the time he passed the test the game was over.

  That's also the 7th game in the last 5 years in which Essendon and their opposition have scored 100+ points each... the Bombers have lost all 7 games.

• Another 3-point thriller involving Hawthorn and Port Adelaide as Port kicked 6 goals to none in the 2nd Quarter and turned the game on its head after the Hawks had kicked 7 goals in the 1st Quarter, and as the arm-wrestle progressed the scores were still level at 3/4 time, then the last quarter saw Luke McCabe kick a monster goal on debut, Lachie Jones brought the margin back under a goal, Massimo D'Ambrosio took a contested mark in the backline, then the Power had the chance to win the game in the last minute with Mitch Georgiades, but his set shot missed to the left, and the Hawks ran out the final seconds to win by 3 points, as Nick Watson kicked 5 goals, James Sicily and Dylan Moore were suspended, and Zak Butters was fined... AGAIN.

• With the emotional backdrop of the passing of Jordan Dawson's brother, the Crows-Saints game was a great ending to the day of football, another high-scoring back and forth game as the Saints led by 26 points in the 2nd Quarter, the Crom then kicked 7 unanswered goals and led by Half Time, then by the 3rd Quarter the hosts led by 29 points, only for the Saints to fight back again and eventually tie the scores in the final quarter, but the Crows got the crucial goals they needed, with Tex Walker's 5th goal proving the deciding score as Mitch Owens goaled with 10 seconds remaining to get the margin back to 1 point, but the Crows won the final centre clearance, and the game.

  DRAW FC ROBBED... AGAIN.

• Between this game and the Swans-Giants game, it was a demonstration of the importance of goalkicking... Richmond in the 1st Half were right in the game, but had kicked a terrible 1.10, while in that time North had half a dozen set shots and kicked goals from all of them... by half time it was 10.3 to 2.12 and the Tigers never recovered, the Roos bounding on to a 75 point win, their first 70+ point win since 2019, as Paul Curtis got a career-best 6 goals... they're very PC at North Melbourne.

• In the Jim Stynes Game between the Kings of the Jungle and Steven King, we got another KINGBALL classic as the Dees stormed from behind at the half to kick 5 straight goals and take the lead at 3/4 time, although there was that concerning moment when Harrison Petty had a delayed head knock which led to a Lions turnover goal just before the siren, but when the Lions got the lead in the 4th Quarter, the fireworks began as Jacob van Rooyen took a hanger, Kade Chandler kicked a long range goal, but down 16 points the Lions responded again with 2 goals in a minute, one of them being Charlie Cameron's Goal of the Week, and with 3 minutes left they had a chance to take the lead with Cam Rayner's set shot, but it faded very late across the face for a behind, and the Dees held on to win a high scoring thriller by 2 points... turns out defeating Melbourne is only for cool teams, like Essendon.

• The 62nd Western Derby never really lived up to any great heights as Fremantle were quite simply a shitload better than West Coast, who struggled for goals all day against Freo's solid defence, a problem made even harder due to the fact they couldn't kick straight, finishing up with 5.11, as the Dockers rampaged on to a solid 56-point win to jump back to 2nd, as Jye Amiss kicked 5 goals up forward and made a damn good case for the Glendinning-Allan Medal... which instead went to Jordan Clark for 27 disposals and a goal.

Fun fact, the only key forward to win the Glendinning Medal since Matthew Pavlich in 2012 is Josh Kennedy.

LOL OF THE WEEK

A good mention to Jason Johnson, who decided it was smart to overhear the Zak Butters case while he was driving, but this week's winner stayed on-field...

Capping off a very dirty night for the club, the WESTERN BULLDOGS get the LOL gong for managing to fuck up an almost certain goal, a moment so dire that Luke Beveridge walked out of the box and pretty much gave up on life.

As the old saying goes, JUST KICK THE FUCKING THING.

Carlton of the Week

Since that Elijah Hollands business is a bit too serious, this week's Carlton of the Week is Carlton for yet another last quarter fade out.

Good on you, Carlton.

Alright gang that was Round 20, a major weekend in the Finals race as the Crows and Demons had bad slip ups in the Top 4 race, conversely the Magpies and Cats had massive wins for their seasons ahead of next Thursday night's deathmatch, the Bulldogs also joined in the party as 5th through to 9th are now separated by 1 win...

The Hawks and Lions took full advantage of the Thursday and Friday slip-ups to get some crucial Top 4 breathing room, and the fight for 10th is still red hot as the Saints and Blues both won tough games at Marvel, as GWS have seemingly hit the wall, and North's set shot goalkicking cost them dearly...

Well, that and Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera dining out on them.

Other than that, the Dockers all but secured a Top 2 spot with that Derby belting on Friday night (3.5 games clear of Hawthorn with 4 to play), the Swans' chances of 2nd spot look pretty good now after sending the Orange Team into the Parramatta River, and it was noted that this was the first time since the ANZAC Round that at least 8 winning teams scored 100+ points, although the lowest winning score (St Kilda on 93) was only slightly behind the ANZAC Round's lowest winning score (Port on 95)...

Yes, they score good.

Moving on:

• The Mardi Gras Magpies overrun the booing Crowmophobes

• Geelong steal Melbourne's gameplan of simply scoring more points than the opposition

• Murphy Reid reaffirms his title of No.1 Reid in WA in another Derby Wharfing

• Carlton end their drought as Leo Lombard tells Christian Petracca to fuck off, and Damien Hardwick tells Marvel Stadium to fuck off

• Essendon get Unc'd for 3 hours at the MCG as Jack Gunston gets the 4 points

• Eastern Sydney defeats Western Sydney

• I'd still rather listen to the Hindi commentary than David King

• The Gabba witnesses yet another Power outage, and we learn more facts about the Sun thanks to Dwayne Russell

• One day shy of the one-year anniversary of the Marvel Miracle, NAS proves a match winner for St Kilda yet again... so expect the 3 votes to go to Jack Viney

LOL of the Week

An outstanding week for bad misses at goal - King Freddy missing a snap from the top of the goalsquare, Sam Durham's shank before half time against Hawthorn, Kozi Pickett missed one from centimetres away (Allegedly, I didn't actually see it), the Crom's collapse and the booing of Quaynor was worth a mention, Petracca and Lombardi nearly recreating the Kieon Dyer-Lee Bowyer teammate fight, Errol Gulden leaving his interview to go and join a scuffle, Aaron Cadman running into an open goal and missing the ball...

But this week's LOL in a knockout goes to FOX FOOTY, for randomly deciding to change the language on Channel 503 from English to Hindi during the Western Bulldogs-Richmond game, then changing the language on 504 to Hindi for a few minutes, then changing it back to English.

What a bunch of Bhenchods.

Michael Voss Memorial Carlton of the Week

Because they can't win anything at the moment, the former Carlton of the Week goes to the Gold Coast Suns, who are absolutely flying into Top 3 contention for LOL of the Year, although to be honest they were there already.

Hello all, apologies for interrupting your Bounce watching but I do need to make an effort in putting up the Post Round after rushing through traffic after being outside all day, which is still a better effort than most of you put in getting the Post Game threads up.

DO BETTER.

Anyway, I best follow that advice and do better, unlike Brisbane:

• The great thing about Thursday night's pre-game is that we never heard the Collingwood theme song at any point during the night, thanks Geelong

• Unlike Essendon in 2000, Fremantle topple the Western Bulldogs Superflood

• Sydney overpower the Saints in the 4th Quarter... again

• In a game I would rather not watch twice, The Wizard creates an 80-year first for the shortarses of the AFL and condemns North to another honourable loss

• The Australian women commit the worst atrocity against the Irish since U2's 360 Tour

• The Giants actually defeat a Bottom 10 team despite going goalless in the final quarter

• Seriously, how fucking bad was Michael Voss at Carlton?

• West Coast succeed in kicking the chair out from underneath them as Richmond decide to condemn Essington to the Wooden Spoon

• COP THAT PETRACCA

• The Crom are into the Top 4 as Hird Time's A Charm

LOL OF THE WEEK

Some top notch nominees this week, including Aidan Schubert spoiling Jarman Impey's shot at goal, which resulted in Cam Zurhaar turning the ball over to Nick Watson for his 5th goal, Carton hit the same G.Post twice in 15 seconds, Mitch McGovern taking a great mark and kicking straight into a Lions player... actually, that's how dominant Carlton were against Brisbane, they dominated the game and the LOL nominations..

Jake Waterman's goalkicking is now so bad that he is a serious chance of cracking the LOL of the Year field, having cost West Coast yet another game...

But this week's LOL goes to a player who actually had a superb night on Saturday night - BRODIE KEMP, for pulling the fabled Esava Ratugolea move and SPOILING HIS OWN TEAMMATE'S SHOT AT GOAL.

What a night - 5 goals, 4 premiership points, 2 Brownlow votes and a LOL Nomination.

MICHAEL VOSS MEMORIAL CARLTON OF THE WEEK

After seeing the way Carlton played on Saturday night, once again, it's MICHAEL VOSS!

Well friends that was Round 18, the 3/4 distance marker for the home & away season as we now have only 6 rounds remaining, and what a wild old week for stats it was:

Freo become the first team in league history to score 100+ points after going goalless to half time... it was only the 3rd time Freo had ever gone goalless in the 1st Half, and they still managed to turn the 1st vs 2nd contest against the Swans into a Ferrari vs a Pushbike.

As Josh Carr's ethical tank does the job, St Kilda knocked off Port Adelaide in Melbourne for the first time since 2010, and it's the first time since 1997 (Port's inaugural season) that St Kilda have defeated the Pear twice in a season

After trailing Geelong by 39 points, and still trailing by 27 points at 3/4 time, GWS produced yet another monster finish and became the first team in 23 years to win 5 consecutive games against Geelong, something that hadn't happened since the Threepeat Brisbane Lions... it's also the first time Geelong have lost 5 out of 6 games since 2006.

Thanks to an injury, Rory Laird's streak of 15+ disposal games ended at 246 consecutive games, another mammoth streak contained entirely within Jack Crisp's consecutive games streak

And by playing today, Darcy Wilmot became the first player in league history to play their first 100 games in under 4 years (3 years, 314 days), and that record may not even last another 2 years with the way Levi Ashcroft is going.

Now, moving on:

• Freo rub Sydney on the head, kick 15 goals in a Half and don't even bother giving them the joy of being killed in Wharfie Time

• A true blast from the past on Friday night as Collingwood GET AWAY WITH IT in a close game

• The Saints do enough for win 1001 as Port Adelaide fans were injured just watching the game

• Shaun Mannagh kicked a goal with his pants pulled down, but by the end of the game it was the Giants who pulled the Cats' pants down

• Hawthorn drown THE STREAK in the pouring rain as Carlton decide to rehire Michael Voss, sack him again, and reappoint Josh Fraser to reset the new coach bounce

• The Crom get a percentage booster at the AO as the Suns lose their 7th in a row and fail in their efforts to help dump Brisbane out of the Top 4

• The Bulldogs send West Coast to the hallowed halls of Honourable Loss FC thanks to the Eagles' crap goalkicking

• HE'S 209 CENTIMETRES MATE

• As everyone predicted Brisbane skullfucked Essendon for 3 quarters then take the foot off the gas in the 4th Quarter, because if there's one thing they don't need in this Top 4 race, it's percentage.

LOL Of The Week

Bit of a mixed week for laughter, although I did see there was a good nomination from the World Cup today when Breel Embolo dived while he was on a yellow card, leading to him being sent off and Switzerland losing all momentum and being knocked out by Argentina...

More locally, the dodgy Play On call + 50-metre penalty in the Carlton-Hawthorn game was suggested, but citing the Ben Keays Goal Umpire rule from 2023 we avoid giving LOLs to umpires, Sydney got a mention for conceding 15 goals in a half after holding Freo goalless to the half...

Also a late mention to the ESSENDON SPOON KING at the Gabba, because that was damn funny..

But in a rare case of a player from a winning team taking the prize, ISAIAH DUDLEY IS AWARDED THE LOL FOR OUTSTANDING SERVICES TO THE LOL - THE TIME-HONOURED EARLY CROW GOAL CELEBRATION.... which turned out to be a behind.

Bloody hell, Freo just can't stop winning!

THE MICHAEL VOSS MEMORIAL CARLTON OF THE WEEK

After the disappointment of not having a Carlton of the Week last week, by sheer coincidence the Carlton of the Week is back after a Carlton loss to honour the great 2nd Half collapses of the week, and there were some great ones:

Egypt blowing a 2-0 lead against Argentina in the last 15 minutes of the World Cup Round of 16 to lose 3-2...

But we've gone local and given it to Geelong, for giving up a 27-point 3/4 time lead and losing to GWS again..

It is a bit harsh, considering Tanner Bruhn and Jeremy Cameron spent the night in hospital doped on morphine and Jack Henry sounds like a pack a day smoker, but after losing 5 out of 6 the poor buggers need a win.

Hello all, that was Round 2 as some teams have their first byes before teams have played their second games, Tasmania entered the VFL with a bang, the Bulldogs have won 3 games in 3 different states, a lighting strike delayed St Kilda’s first win of 2025, and Essendon are still in a world of hurt.

Also apologies again, I am doing this on mobile so most of the meaty parts will be coming later on… except any editing, of course.

Now, to finish the Round 2 story:

• An entertaining game between the Hawks and Swans (Especially the 1st and 3rd Quarters) as the Swans gave themselves every chance without Heeney and Gulden with some good goalkicking, but ultimately the Hawks stopped wasting copious chances, got a few 50 metre penalties, threw a coke bottle at the Swans and won the game.

Very fortunate to win, moving on.

• It’s already reached the point where we can’t define the best game of 2026, it’s more like the best game of 2026 involving the Bulldogs… absolutely fantastic game to watch at the Adelaide Oval against the Crom, decided by 2 of the best late game goals you’ll see, Bontempelli with an average game by his standards, and overall that game restored the blockbuster status of Friday night football after 2 blowouts.

• For the third game in a row, the Suns won by at least 9 goals but lost Christian Petracca, so was it really a win? Well yes, because they still won by 68 points and got 4 points for it, so yes it was a win, and unlike last year they defeated Richmond in Melbourne, and Ben King kicked a lazy 7 goals.

• After lightning strikes in Western Sydney, the Giants-Saints game was delayed by close to an hour, then got shortened by 30 seconds thanks to the Fox Footy clock, and ultimately the Saints held on to win by 4 points, which was a well-earned win after they led for all but the opening 5 minutes, easing the squeeze after starting 0-2.

• As Patrick Voss rubbed as many heads as he kicked goals, Fremantle were much too good for Melbourne, the 48 point margin not really doing Freo justice as the Dees kicked a few late goals, but a win is a win and Freo are on the board for 2026, with Richmond to come next week.

• Port Adelaide and Essendon were both putrid last week, so this week we found out who was even more putrid, and the answer was Essendon as Port led by 5 goals at quarter time, 8 at the half, 10 at the last break, then did lead by as much as 80 points before the Bombers got some late goals, the final margin 63 points - Josh Carr’s first win as an AFL coach, the Bombers now losing 15 consecutive games for only the second time in club history…

• On the bright side, the Bombers do play North Melbourne next week, as the Roos’ optimism levels soared off last week’s win as they went and led the lowly Eagles by 5 goals in Perth, only for the home team with approximately 1 win from their last 25 games to reveal a bit of character and hit the lead in the 2nd Half, then power ahead to a 5 goal lead at 3/4 time, and hold off the Roos in the last quarter to record a well-earned win, their first since May of last year.

Bravo West Coast, you did a thing.

LOL OF THE WEEK

A well earned nomination for Norf for blowing a 5-goal lead to the Eagles after getting too far ahead of themselves, but after no thought once again, this week’s winner is Nate Caddy for hitting the post from the goal square.

That is a fantastic ESSINGTON moment, one that really rubbed excrement into a seeping wound.

Alright friends, that was Round 9 as the Mother's Day extended weekend saw all 9 higher ranked teams win during the round, the awesome power of Wharfie Time destroyed the Hawks, Carlton dominated a 2nd Half against Brisbane of all teams, The Bulldogs ended their losing streak against the Alberton Anti Clutch collection, the Swans won of the least controversial games ever against North, GWS shitposted Essendon into oblivion, the Darwin Suns chalked up another victim, Geelong's milestone game went much better than Collingwood's, and two Mother's Day games actually surpassed their low expectations.

It was also interesting that after recent events Carlton announced their team psychologist was in attendance on Friday night, although based on the crowd footage their new psychologist is Kevin Costner... Obviously he needs more work to keep repaying the costs of Waterworld.

Also it's interesting that after Friday night, Carlton fans have something in common with Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Allen Klein in 1997.

They all fucking hate a guy called Ashcroft.

Now, moving on:

• Wharfie Time is OP mods plz nerf

• 2nd Half Carlton defeats 2-time defending premiers 11.5-71 to 6.8-44 in the 2nd Half

• For the second week in a row Port Adelaide lose thanks to a score in the final 30 seconds at the Adelaide Oval in the second game of a Friday night double header

• Another quality entry into the Honourable Loss files for North Melbourne as the Swans win a decent game at Marvel

• Western Sydney Giants Greater than Essendon

• The Darwin Suns return with a vengeance as the Saints are sweated out after 1/4 time

• Yet another player suffers a blowout loss in their 432nd game

• Melbourne's struggles against bottom teams continues as West Coast hold them to 99 points

• In a great win for cheap sexual humour, Adelaide win the Cumming Off at the MCG with a lob from 50 metres from Isaac

LOL of the Week

First of all, GWS deserve an honourable mention for services to shitposting with the Whiteboard banner against Essendon, also an honourable mention to Levi Ashcroft for that pathetic flop, there's probably some other stuff I missed this week, as per usual...

But for basically doing what Esava Ratugolea did a few years ago when he was playing for Geelong, then did again at Port Adelaide, Richmond's MYKELTI LEFAU gets the LOL this week for deciding to try and mark a Noah Balta kick at goal that was going through for a goal, only to spill it over the goal line through for a behind.

It also came at a crucial time as Richmond would've been down by 12 points with that goal, but instead they went goalless in the 3rd Quarter, and the Crows got another goal before 3/4 time...

They never recovered.

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

This week's Carlton of the week goes to the Brisbane Lions, for getting sledged by Carlton players during the 2nd Half that they were doing a Carlton....

Thankfully, none of the Carlton players were doing a Lachie Neale.

SORRY EVERYBODY I HAD TO RE-WRITE 50% OF THIS AFTER WHAT'S JUST HAPPENED.

That was Round 20, an almighty edition of Rivalry Round as we saw the most lopsided Super Saturday in a generation, the first 100 point defeat of 2025 + the first 10+ goal haul as a man ate a kebab on the bench, and for the first time in their 15-season history, the Suns are guaranteed a winning season.

And they did it by smoking their biggest rivals.

Just to recap SOME of the events of this round:

Carlton sapped Hulk Hogan's will to live as the Hawks led all night in Sam Docherty's farewell game, a game in which the only great heights were provided by Calsher Dear

The Bulldogs predictably smoked Essendon by 90+ points for the second time this year, became the first team with 2 players kicking 6+ goals in a game in 14 years, and still only had the 3rd-biggest win of the weekend.

The Swans dominated the 1st Half of the Sydney Derby until an all-time great sledge from Toby Greene to Tom Papley on live television, which not only finished Papley as a human being, but destroyed Sydney as the Giants kicked 12 goals to 1 in the 2nd Half.

"Yeah he's looking overweight, see how he goes 2nd Half."

Ah, helps you forget he got suspended for an elbow on Heeney.

The Suns dominated the Lions in the dry and the wet with an 11-goal win, their biggest winning margin in a Mango Tango to secure a maiden winning season and revive their Top 4 chances, which also leaves the Lions in a very awkward position as they have to win out just to hold on to a Top 4 finish.

With Harley Reid being mistaken for Andrew Gaff by the crowd, Freo won the Western Derby with relative ease, but kicked away what could easily have been a 15+ goal win over the Eagles, which is vital in this race for percentage between the Top 8 teams, while the Eagles are now 1 defeat away from the wooden spoon which has had their name on it since Round 1.

North are so insipid that Geelong got that far up in the 3rd Quarter that they could remove Patrick Dangerfield as a tactical sub, walk to Spencer Street and buy him a kebab, give it to him on the bench, then have him put his feet up and scoff it down as the Cats raised the bat for the first century win of 2025.

In very wet and unfavourable conditions, the Crom's tall forwards made a mockery of the Pear in Ken Hinkley's last Showdown, sealed by 8 goals to none in the last quarter to win by a record 98 points, jumping them into 2nd on the ladder (Which was 1st for a couple of hours) and a serious chance of winning the minor premiership.

Also, that is the first time Adelaide have won 5 consecutive games since 2017.

With Nick Daicos on another planet, Collingwood did what they had to do against Richmond to put them a win ahead of the Crom, but the Lions losing gives them breathing room in the race for the Top 2... by sheer chance, they'll be playing each other next week.

And in the Dan Brown Cup to try and save this craptacular round, the Demons kicked straight through the first 3 Quarters to ensure the Saints seemingly had no hope of a comeback at 46 points down with a quarter to play...

Only for the Saints to kick 7 unanswered goals and get within 5 points with enough time left, Melbourne tried pinning it forward and killing time, only for the Saints to will it forward with a minute left, NAS took a fucking beauty of a mark in the last minute and kicked truly to think DRAW FC was on for us...

AND AFTER A 6-6-6 INFRINGEMENT, NOBODY BOTHERED MANNING UP ON NAS FROM THE CENTRE BOUNCE, AND HE MARKED UNCONTESTED INSIDE 50 WITH ANY SCORE TO WIN, KICKED THE GOAL, AND ST KILDA, FROM NOWHERE, KICKED 9 UNANSWERED GOALS TO COMPLETE THE GREATEST 3/4 TIME COMEBACK IN LEAGUE HISTORY.

IT'S FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!

• There will be blood with Dear Day Lewis back in the Hawthorn team

• How can the Bulldogs hope to play finals when they only record the 3rd-biggest win of the weekend

• They don't make Yo Mamma's So Fat jokes in Sydney Derbies, they make Yo Small Forward So Fat jokes

• It was SUNNY in the pouring rain, while the only Lions who could win on Saturday were the British & Irish Lions

• Hayden Young: Spends 57% time on ground, records 23 disposals, 3 goals, gets subbed out, gets named best afield, refuses to elaborate further, leaves.

• Song ruined by Port Adelaide wins the Hottest 100, while Port Adelaide suffer through the Coldest 98 from the Crows in the Showdown

• Jeremy Cameron becomes the first Cat in 31 years to kick 11+ goals in a game to move to 69 goals for the year.... nice.

• Nick Daicos

• Knock knock, who's there? Owen. Owen Who? OWEN THE SAINTS, GO MARCHING IN!

LOL of the Week

Unfortunately I had to re-write this part in light of recent events....

I will mention Triple J for that shitfest of a Hottest 100, North for being so bad that Geelong gave a kebab to Patrick Dangerfield to keep him awake, Miles Bergman for his epic clearance into his own Defensive 50...

I will say that until 5:55pm AEST, this week's winner was going to be SYDNEY, who will receive a COMPENSATION LOL for completing the great trifecta of:

Blowing a 35-point lead to your local rival

Getting fat shamed on live television

Sealing said fat shaming as an all-time great sledge by conceding 12 goals to 1 in a half and losing by 44 points...

BUT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR NEW POLE POSITION LEADER FOR LOL OF THE YEAR, FOR GIVING UP THE GREATEST 3/4 TIME COMEBACK IN LEAGUE HISTORY TO A TEAM WHO HADN'T WON FOR 2 MONTHS, SEALED BY A 6-6-6 INFRINGEMENT...

MELBOURNE!

A Simon Badloss to end all Simon Badlosses

And now over to /u/Jawdanc for the SMH of the Week... whatever it is.