Relapsed.

I feel so helpless.

Here we go again,

Day 1

No throwaway. I think there are a few family members who know this account of mine, but fuck it. Maybe being discovered is a boil that needs lancing.

I've always struggled a bit with porn, but over the last 6 months or so, largely for reasons related to my mental health, it has roared up like a forest fire. I'm sick of it. I hate it. I hate myself.

There's no excuse for it. There are *causes and aggravating circumstances* to it including being an ex-opiate addict with a brain hardwired for easy dopamine hits, but I CAN'T use that as an excuse to not reach out for help. Being addicted to porn may not be my "fault", but addressing it is 100% my responsibility.

Resetting my badge today. Please pray, send good energy, or offer an encouraging word now and then, if you think of me. Thanks.

Porn took so much from me, and continues to take every day. I lost on life, time, friends, mental sanity, relationships... and i still return to porn again and again, everyday, or else i just can't stand myself. I return for comfort, for being numb, for feeling something "good"..

It might not be direct but everything it takes it affects me in some way. I am weaker, extremely fragile to anything, any stress or emotional pain, just being numb instantly and closing myself in and hating myself. I've tried to give up for years, i had streaks, i had relapses, i had better and worse days but now i just gave up for years and i only have relapse after relapse every day, every couple of hours even. i don't even feel remorse or emotional pain from it, because i'm numb, i just don't feel anything anymore and can't deal with emotions or stress or anything.

This numbness, lack of joy, lack of motivation, of feeling that things can get better or will ever be... i am useless. i lost my job, my girlfriend... that i should've loved but i just couldn't.. i just didn't feel and couldn't feel anything, even tho i knew i loved her.. and now it hurts so badly. I hurt her so badly by being unreliable, neglectful, angry, bitter, depressed... unemotional... she couldn't take it anymore and left me. And now i tried to get better but i can't, i relapse after at most a day, most times not even that. I lost something that could've been my life, our life. i hurt her again and again and i believe a lot of things in life went badly because of my addiction. I've been addicted for almost 20 years at this point, but the last 4-5 were just worse and worse. i really want to give this up but don't know how, or if it's even possible. What it took away with emotions permanently it gives a glimpse back when i do it, so i do it.

I quit porn about 3 months ago. My main motivation was to see if I was capable of doing so since I've watched a lot of porn for the majority of my life.

I also tried to quit fapping, but it didn't work out. The reason being is that I have a very high sex drive (unlike my partner) and the less I fap, the shorter I last when I do have sex. Yes, I have tried toys, more foreplaying, stopping & going, etc. However, when we have sex, my partner wants me to penetrate them for a long period of time. Even my partner has encouraged me to fap before we have sex.

I don't want to sound dramatic, but you only live once. I love edging while watching porn (yes, I know I can edge without porn). I've been asking myself why I've stopped doing something that I love without having a good answer for why.

Am I punishing myself for no reason, or is there a good reason for why I should continue to quit porn that perhaps I haven't thought about. Please help!

Sometimes i’ll be driving, or alone, and some unwanted thought will pop in my head. An embarrassing moment, or some missed opportunity. The thought angers me so much I say out loud “i hate you i hate you” and I do this so much. I don’t really hate the person involved in that thought, i’m saying to myself. I hate that i’m not the person I want to be. I can’t forgive myself for my past.

I feel too broken to quit porn, my spirit is close to crushed. Having trouble getting back on my feet this time after a bad experience with a girl recently. So tired of trying.

Post it before go to bed and it will be more powerful.

Feeling strong because i didint give into the bad temptation

Gonna order sone pizza now and watch yt

My dms are open

Stay blessed yall

I've come to a conclusion that the hardest part of this is that no one else knows about it, so there is no one but you to be accountable for. That's why I'm asking for your help. By liking this post, you'll add 1 porn free day for me. And I'm not doing this to get likes, they don't have value to me themselves. I'm just asking this community to help me and be the friend who I'll make this promise.

For the first month or so, the major thing I enjoyed was how it lessened by feelings of loneliness. It doesn't feel like I need sex or physical affection if it's not being shoved into my face every single day. I'm trying to focus on that feeling, but I feel lonely now. It was manageable when I had someone romantically interested in me and me them, but now I'm lonely AND off porn. It feels honestly like I'm punishing myself for no reason. I know that's just the devil on my shoulder talking, but it's hard to fight it when he's making some valid points. I'm steeling my resolve for tonight at least, but some words of encouragement would sure help me through this stage.

Thanks for reading :)

Hey, I'm 20, I have been a addicted (introduced) to porn when I was 12 and I have been an addict ever since, it the best method I was using to cope from the lingering feeling of loneliness and being unloved, but I realize this was taking me nowhere I was stuck in the loop of trying to break my addiction and relapsing for the past 4 year, I think I can't get over it like it the only thing my happiness us driven from I guess so

Assuming it’s PIED at 25

I lost my V card at the age of 19, barely got hard when I did but then managed to get hard and lost it to the way older lady but she was attractive to me. I then had around 5 other hookups where I barely was able to get erect or even keep it erect. I have been watching porn and no joke think I damaged my penis or scarred it at 25 now. I also unfortunately frequent massage parlors a lot and sometimes also can’t get hard there either, it’s embarrassing in front the therapists and obviously the previous hookups I had. I have never been in a relationship either mainly just random encounters off dating apps. Any advice? Can I reverse this? I feel doomed and not sure how to heal my member . I go onto camsites a lot almost daily also and watch porn and masturbate around 2-3 times a day.

I’m a 19 year old guy in college and I’m struggling with a porn addiction I’ve had for 5 years, it started at the end of COVID when I got really bad depression and I’ve just been stuck with both since then. I really wanna put myself out there and try to finally get a girlfriend but I need to get rid of this addiction before I do that because I have no confidence in myself anymore and so feel this is a factor of it.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I’d really appreciate you, thanks!

Just woke up

We will see how today is but yesterday i felt very in place

Like my body finally understood that the porn wont come so it calmed down and stopped looking and seeking so much dopamine from other places

On day 6 it felt like i wanted to eat or smoke nic non stop because my brain craved something pleasurable all the time

Now the cravings for everything kinda slowed down

Its not a big jump but something to be addressed

Dms open

Stay blessed yall

I’m starting a 12 step program tomorrow. I nervous and stressed about it, both of which are triggers and I’m struggling with urges. I’m nervous about diving deep into my addiction and what it will stir up and this is stressing me out. I relapsed last night and I’m hating myself for it and I’m just not in a great head space, which also makes me nervous going into the program. I just need some advice or encouragement because I had thoughts today about not going tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

Going well so far

I don't get wet during sex because I watched too much porn growing up. When I'm by myself or watching porn, I literally get soaking wet. When I'm with people, I'm bone dry. I am so deeply ashamed and embarrassed of it. Like even when my ex used to play with my clit, I'd feel nothing. Never been close to coming with a partner. What the fuck do I do? Will I ever get to a point where I get excited and aroused from just normal sex?

I've made it to ~3.5 months multiple times, which is my all time record. I don't understand why I keep giving in. Like to go 3+ months, I clearly don't need it. And I feel so much better about myself during that time. Why on earth then do I choose to keep giving in? It's like I feel so confident I just wake up one day and decide it's ok to give in. So frustrating.

For years, whenever I tried to quit porn and masturbation, it was practically impossible for me. The longest I went without it was about 30 days. Recently, when I quit porn but still masturbated every few days or once a week (when my libido was high), it was much easier and I felt much better. I managed to go a dozen or so days with relative ease. For many years, I’ve wanted to quit both at once. But now, I’m trying to quit one at a time pornography. The fact is that I masturbate every few days on average anyway, so I won’t lose anything if I continue just without pornography and I’ll gain in terms of my mental health. What motivates me to do this? Many people who’ve quit porn have continued to masturbate and succeeded in staying clean for several months, a year, and so on. One thing that can’t be overlooked is the fact that focusing most of your energy on quitting an addiction has the opposite effect and doesn’t help at least that’s been my experience. So, above all, it’s important to take care of your diet, get 8 hours of sleep every day, get some kind of exercise, create something, work, study, build a life, live, nurture relationships with others, and start from scratch instead of staying stuck in the “nofap” bubble. Real changes in habits have a real impact on the quality of life right now. Patience and self-respect are very important. It’s up to us how we react to triggers; we deserve freedom, if others have achieved it, so we can too.

I try as much as I can not to watch porn but I watch again and again I install app to block these website but I always find a way to watch it again I'm trying to go to the gym and work and try to study new things as a Software developer but I always return back

全都怼着女的拍，这么喜欢bitch化女的是吧？已经无法理解你们这群白女啦。喜欢当臭母狗是吧？

Recently i was really tempted to relapse hard cause i was in a social setting that was stressing me out a lot and wanted an escape

Also my brain is screaming for dopamine these days

Hope yall doing good

My dms are open

Stay blessed yall