I found out that my brother broke up with his girlfriend for me? Because of me?.. They weren’t together for long, maybe a few weeks. I always stay out of my brothers’ relationships, I just want them to be happy. I would never talk badly about any of the women or be mean to them, even if I don’t really get along with them sometimes. That’s just how it is, not all personalities are compatible.

I casually asked my brother today if his girlfriend was still coming over for dinner later. He very matter-of-factly said no and that he had broken up with her. I was confused and of course asked why. He explained that she had been 'complaining' to him or rather, that she had started talking really badly about me. But also that she had done this quite often before, with other women in his life. He had let her do it, but when she started insulting me, it was too much for him. :/

I know that my brother can obviously decide for himself who he loves and who he wants to be with and that I shouldn’t worry about the things she said. I only met her two or three times, after all!! It means so much to me that my brother is so loyal to me, but my feelings are still so mixed...

Chocolate soft cake and Dr.Pepper Vanilla, because my period demands it. 💅🏼🍫

Edit: Thank you for your words. Yes, he didn't actually leave her because of me or for me. I was just surprised that he cut her off when it came to me. That means the world to me.♡

Last weekend, I hadn't heard from my dad in a little over a day and thought it was odd, but thought nothing of it. My mother in law had just flown out to spend the weekend with us so I was preoccupied and already kinda stressed. The next day my dad's friend messaged me explaining that's in jail and might need me and/or my partner to help cover his bond. I try and get more info as to why he is in there or literally ANYTHING else and get the run around. So then I text my aunt and she says she really doesn't want to tell me because "it's bad" but eventually I let out of her that he is charged with "possession of a controlled substance and sexual exploitation". I knew that wasn't the whole story but nobody would tell me anything and I wasn't trying to have my MIL find out about any of this so I put it under wraps.

Once my MIL left, I called my mom since I knew she wouldn't bullshit me to "protect" me and she filled me in on as much as she knew. It turns out my dad was charged with sexually assaulting a minor, possession of less than 4 grams of a schedule I or II controlled substance, internet luring of a child, and soliciting for child prostitution. Obviously this is horrible and disgusting but I am just SO confused.

You have to understand that my dad would never in a million years be someone I would expect to do those kinds of things. He was an absolutely wonderful dad. While he DOES have a criminal history before this, it was all just petty crime from before I was born, and while I was growing up his weed growing operation got busted, but that's it. But he was the type of dad you see in movies. He came to every school event, personal event, played with me (which my mom never did), never once hit me or even so much as raised his voice. When I was diagnosed with Autism as a toddler, he could've just bailed since I was their only child, they were divorced, and my mom had full custody at the time, and yet he stuck by me and I would even wager he loved me more for it. He had me 50/50, and came to every speech, ABA, and occupational therapy session, every IEP meeting, and he even went so far as to become a recess monitor and orchestrated games when he found out I was struggling to make friends in elementary.

As I grew up me and him were always close because he also grew up with learning and emotional disabilities and he always gave me really good school and life advice, even if it was odd and out of the box. He dropped out in 8th grade and fell in with a bad crowd and he didn't want that for me. It was because of his support I was able to fly through all of my schooling and even graduate with a bachelor's this year. Even though I moved states away after graduating we still texted almost daily and called often. He was thick as thieves with my partner and loved him like a son.

I just don't understand how or why this happened or ANY context. It would be the last thing I would expect him to do. When he found out I was SA'd as a child (many years after the fact, and not by anyone in my family) he was so supportive and helped me through everything. He would be the last person I would ever suspect of doing anything like this, and I just wish I knew what happened because, again, nobody in my stupid dysfunctional family wants to tell me anything. If he was a piece of shit dad or person this would be much easier to understand and be upset over and form an opinion on, but he never was and that's what's shitty. I feel bad if I don't support him, and bad if I do.

It's also just so embarrassing because I look around at other people my age and they all have functioning families with no white trashiness. Outside of my parents issues my family is just a mess. They all are teetering on the brink of homelessness because of their genuine stupidity and poor financial decisions, have a nasty house filled with dog pee because they can't even bother to do the simplest task of raising a dog (aka housebreaking it) and I just resent them because I try so hard to be a functioning member of society and I feel like I'm doing it all alone sometimes. My mom is the only other successful person on either side and even then she isn't someone I can talk much about because she is strange. I look around at my colleagues and they have families that are functional and it makes me sad and jealous. They have parents who are executives or retired, plan vacations, have a well maintained and paid off home, plan family events, help send their kids off to college, and are just NORMAL people.

When people ask about my family my dad used to always be the one person I COULD speak highly of. Even if he was poor and kinda odd he was a good person. Now I can't even talk about him, especially after this. I'm just so hurt and baffled and wish it didn't have to be this way.

Honey garlic chicken, brown rice, and black pepper and soy sauce green beans.

Well, I just got blocked a few days ago by my favorite artist and I genuinely don't know whether to laugh or cry.

For context, I've been in an artistic slump for YEARS. I got caught up in my 9–5 job, & my creative juices dried up, and I pretty much stopped drawing. Recently, I decided to get back into illustration after revisiting some of the artists who used to inspire me.

There's one artist in particular whose work I absolutely lovee. (I also have a little parasocial platonic crush on him. LMAO)

So I made a separate IG account just for my art to motivate myself to actually finish pieces and keep drawing. But also tbh a tiny (big) part of the motivation was the hope that this artist might eventually notice me. He tends to interact with smaller artists whose work fits his aesthetic, and my art happens to be pretty similar to his style.

So for weeks, I've been drawing, posting, sharing his work, engaging with his content and finally decided to make an illustration inspired by his style because he'd mentioned before that he enjoys seeing people create art inspired by his work. I genuinely thought it'd be a cute lil' gesture.

WELL. I think he saw it.

And blocked me.

So, yipee, I finally got noticed. Just not in the way I wanted.

I have absolutely no idea why. Maybe it was something unrelated, maybe I misread the situation, maybe my art was somehow unwelcome. I genuinely don't know, and I'm not going to pretend I do.

But the sheer embarrassment of spending weeks trying to get back into art, partly fueled by the delusional hope of impressing someone u look up to, only to potentially get blocked by him???

I need to lie down. 💀

Anyway, back to drawing for the love of the craft, I guess.

Also: Tonkotsu creamy spicy ramen ♡

**Edit / A little clarification, because I think I worded my original post poorly:

I understand why the word 《parasocial 》 raised some eyebrows, but I feel like people are making some pretty big assumptions about me.

I never commented on his posts, never sent him a DM, never tried to contact him privately, or otherwise attempted to get his attention directly. Over the course of a month, I shared his work on my story maybe six or seven times, usually when he posted something new. That's genuinely the extent of it.

My art account wasn't created to make things for him or to cater to what I thought he'd find interesting. I was drawing things I personally liked, including media that inspires me, and interacting with other artists, especially artists from my own country. I was trying to get back into making art after years of barely creating anything, and the possibility that he might eventually notice my work was one motivating thought among several, not the entire purpose of my account or my art.

I can see how calling it a parasocial crush made the situation sound more intense than it was, and maybe that's on me for not explaining myself well. But going from “I hoped an artist I admire might notice my work” to “this person must be a stalker who deserved to be blocked” feels like a pretty enormous leap, especially when I never actually approached him or crossed any direct boundaries.

He has every right to block whoever he wants, and I'm not saying he owes me attention or an explanation. I was just sharing an embarrassing, confusing experience and making fun of myself for it.

I'm perfectly open to the possibility that I worded things badly or that my actions came across differently than I intended. I just think there's a difference between acknowledging that possibility and confidently assigning someone malicious intentions based on a few paragraphs on Reddit.

Anyway, I came here to tell a self-deprecating story about an awkward experience, not to imply that this artist did anything wrong. I appreciate the people who've offered constructive feedback, but some of the assumptions being made about me are honestly a little wild.**

Am I the asshole? My mom is 56 she has 6 kids and I am one of the only 2 that still talk to her. My mom had her first kid a 15 and she had 3 kids before 18. I am the youngest of all the siblings F27.

Growing up my mom was in and out of jail she wasn’t a present parent my dad was basically a single dad. By the time my mom came back into my life I was in 2nd grade she took us from my dad and moved across the country we lived in New York she wanted to move to Las Vegas but she was fresh out of jail no job no money so she just dropped us off at my grandmas house in Minnesota for the next 6 years until my grandma passed so she still wasn’t present but also took me away from my father just to not take care of me. While in my grandmas care i went through years of sexual abuse from other family members in the house. This also happened to my siblings a decade before it happened to be but she still put us in the same situation. So part of me blamed her and held a grudge cause i felt like it would’ve never happened if i had just stayed with my dad. But despite rocky relationships i have always been there for her none of my other siblings talk to her and i have gone no contact once or twice too but when I do she threatens s/h so I feel bad and give in.

Anywho fast forward to now. We live in Vegas and my mom has a really bad gambling addiction she has gambled more than 500000 a year I could care less what you do with your money but here’s the problem she has been repeatedly homeless or without food or electricity because she will sit and gamble 1000$ dollars in 30 mins just gone and then get mad that no one will help her pay her bills when she has the means she just gambles it she also has a drinking problem so she gets really drunk goes to casinos and doesn’t remember if she even gamble she just knows all her money is gone. I am not a gambler and I don’t even drink. I hate the lifestyle she has the friends she has and the way she lives her life. She’s also on probation for charges she accrued while being drunk.

Today she is getting evicted because she made the choice to gamble all her money a friend even gave her a loan last Monday of 1400$ to go towards her paying back rent or moving into a new place she gambled it all away in less than 5 hours. She called me crying saying she’s only going to need 5 days to stay with me (which is not true) this has happened in the past 5 days turn into months. I now have a husband and a two year old toddler we live in a small one bedroom apartment she wants to come with her dog and cat. I absolutely cannot do it. Why is it fair that I have to suffer because she’s irresponsible. My husband is also against it we recently had a falling out because she would ask my husband for money and ask him to hide it from me and she got mad at my husband for telling me so she said some pretty disrespectful things to my husband. Me and my husband still decided to reconcile with her after that but wanted to keep her at arms length because my son loves her.

At the end of the day she is my mother would it be wrong to just tell her no when I know she has nowhere else to go and no money. I feel a bit shitty doing that but if she wasn’t my mom it would be like I’m basically just inviting a criminal to come stay in my house. I think she needs some tough love. I haven’t told her yet because I wanted to ask my husband first and we both agree she can’t come here.

Dinner is steak mashed potatoes and zucchini

Hoe-made Tomato Soup with bread bites.

It took so long. HRT, voice training, makeup practice... It took forever. But at a Halloween Party, I went as Gwen Stacey from Spiderverse and during a casual conversation it came up that I got to choose my name...

We spoke for at least 10 minutes, and she had no idea I was trans!!!

I never thought this day would come. I honestly lost hope in it, but I can rejoice that it did!!!!

Dinner is this grilled octopus that I regretted ordering because although it is delicious the tentacles sticking to my tongue is a sensory nightmare.

So I was recommended this lawyer by a friend who was helping me with my mom’s estate and by “recommend” I mean she just emailed him and started the process of retaining him and looped me in and I went with it. Mistake.

Anyways… I was trying to wrap up my mom’s RSP account and it was rejected because I confused the certificate of death for the death certificate. Yes, apparently they are different. To apply for the death certificate, I needed to submit a copy of the original will to Vital Statistics. Asked the lawyer for it back. He told me all I needed to do was have him notarize a certificate (he never explained what he meant by that) but I decided I wanted I death certificate anyways, but he asserted I did not need the original will for it.

Fine, I’ll do it later. I look at what’s required of him on Vital Statistics’ website and it doesn’t mention a notarized certificate so I sent him the link and asked for clarification, if he was able to complete those steps so that I could get the cert.

I don’t hear from him for several days so I follow up and he said “last you mentioned you were coming for the will… when?” I figured he maybe didn’t get the email so I resent it and he said “yes I saw but I have no idea what you’re talking about and I’m not sure what you’re expecting me to do?”

Sir…

So… I fired him. It wasn’t just for this either. He had also communicated to me that I didn’t need the certificate to start probate, just the certificate of death - but when I tried to submit that he rather rudely told me that he needed the death certificate and that “he needed proof that she was dead.” (Lol). I asked several people to read that email to see if I had misunderstood and the consensus was that he communicated whatever it was that he needed poorly. When I first met him he also asked me point blank and rather flippantly if my mom committed suicide… (she died of cancer) which I just felt was weird. He did explain why he was asking but Jesus, the wording.

Anyways I kicked him to the curb. I told him (admittedly, snippily) to forgive me for expecting a lawyer to be an expert on the law and have an understanding of what he was recommending, and to let me know when to pick up my documents. I’m pregnant and sick, I could have been kinder but I don’t think what I said was unwarranted either lol.

He lost it. Unbeknownst to me - he had emailed me a 30 paragraph response that landed right in my spam (so he must have delisted me as a contact and it impacted how I received the emails, as previously we had no issues.) I didn’t read most of it as it was an explanation of what he failed to explain previously but the paragraph I DID read was basically telling me I can’t follow simple instruction (I understood it, he convoluted it) and that I fail to comprehend English (my native language) and that if I had just followed his instructions everything would be wrapped up and sold now (not something I blamed on him, I’m aware the slowness is on my end for the most part) and that whatever lawyer I chose next I would have the same problems because I’m the problem!

Uh no dude. At the time I didn’t hear from him on picking stuff up even when I followed up, but because his emails went to spam I didn’t see his response. So I showed up, rang the doorbell (him working out of his house should have been a clue…) and he rudely opened the door, opened an UNSECURED mailbox and shoved the docs into my hands and slammed the door in my face, lol.

And I was that annoyed that I gave him his first negative Google review. And just now he reacted to it with 🙏🏻 and I just know he’s writing another 30 paragraph response to the review lol😩

Anyways, I found a new lawyer the same day and he is very nice, actually gave me a quote up front AND highlighted to me that there was a lot missing from the first lawyer’s list of documents and items to collect to start probate so this worked out for the better.

Thank you for coming to my catharsis talk.

My heating hasn't been working even though my hot water has so I had to get a boiler man to come out. I've waited three weeks to get the guy who originally installed it three years ago as I trust him and since I'm a single lady living alone, I need people around me who won't rip me off.

The first thing he said to me after he came down from the loft was "Can I ask if the split from your ex was acrimonious?" He remembered that my ex and I had the house together when he installed the boiler in 2023. When I told him it had been a difficult split, he proceeded to tell me that my ex had deliberately tampered with the boiler, removing cables that linked it to the receiver from the thermostat. I burst into tears when the boiler man told me, I felt like such a fool.

But the fact that my ex who emotionally abused me, bullied me and treated me like dirt then made a concerted and calculated effort to cause me distress, suffering and financial damages well after he moved out says it fucking all. This nasty piece of work couldn't help himself and his malicious attempt to drag me down won't work.

I feel like shit but at least my heating is working now. Dinner from yesterday was frozen Yorkshire puddings and gravy as the world's laziest Sunday roast

Dinner: szechuan chicken with a ton of szechuan

In the last week especially, I've noticed posts and comments between reddit, IG and Facebook where people post more extreme opinions/advice/what-have-you. I know we've been moving towards that since 2020, but just recently people have moved towards more "this is what it is and NOTHING ELSE" attitude and it's a bit disheartening.

For example, people are bashing others for taking the empathetic route saying that it's people pleasing, that you're not setting boundaries hard enough, and I'm thinking...we had a little bit of empathy on here before, I feel like it's eradicated now. We joke about how online people will say "LEAVE HIM!!!" over anything and I feel like that's leached out into everything, and now being empathetic is seen as being too soft?

I just feel like nuance and grey area are disappearing, and it's a bit scary. It feels like we're going into something like the Salem witch trials. It's low key making me anxious because what if I end up in a grey area situation, how will it be met? I'm probably over thinking but I also feel like I'm noticing patterns and maybe looking for validation that I'm not the only one.

I’ve grown up with boys. A very strong mother with hard female values. I was a huge tomboy. I’ve deflected males my entire life and also didn’t mind their attention. But GIRLS. Can I say. Flags be flagging right now.

I’m about to be 42 and for the first year of my life I don’t have any males around me. I am in a housing situation by myself (bc go me and fuck them)…. But I also have a neighbor that is coming on way too strong. I let our dogs play in the yard ONE TIME. That’s it. And he is just not letting it go.

I’ve dealt with men my entire life and this is the first time it’s ever screamed at me to run.

He asked to come wake me up gently to say goodnight because I sleep earlier than him….he tries for night caps. He just doesn’t let. It. Go. Stop.

I’m in a new city. My family is spread. I can get support in 2-4 hours. But man, I feel vulnerable in a way I never have because I’ve always had my family near.

Maybe it’s not about boys and girls and maybe about family. But bro is giving me uncomfortable feelings.

I literally said “that way of speaking will make women very uncomfortable” and it didn’t stop him from messaging later.

I think I’m going to block him. But that doesn’t secure my safety living so close. I just wanted a dog friend. And maybe just a human with similar interests. I literally just met you bro. Calm down.

Have some beef shanks bc I was curious about a recipe and love a good left over bone for broth.

Edit: I’m going tomorrow to get a baseball bat. Fuck this being scared shit. And I’m going to tell my neighbor - who I only kinda know - that I’m uncomfortable about a person and can I knock on his door? Is that weird? I dunno. But his dog and my dog love each other a lot. I barely know the his name though. I also know another woman close by that I can do the same with. I don’t want to cause a scene - but 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Update next day: I’M ALIVE! Also I did block him. And I’m going to stay somewhere else for a few days. I don’t have time for this type of anxiety in my life.

Update 2: heard you loud and clear. No bat. Projectile chemicals are the way to go. Also frying pan. Wasp spray. Hair spray (which is a wild and really good suggestion). I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a gun. Will take a women’s self defense class. Looking them up TODAY!

To all the people who have reached out - thank you for the support and helping a girl feel and be safer.

Cooking my shrimp pie.

I hang out with certain men because we are in a friend group together a support group for people with the same type of medical issue. . We have known each other for years.

I also hang out with one guy who told me I wasn’t his type, but he is attracted to me anyways. He told me he didn’t want to date anyone but he enjoyed my company and still wanted to hang out. He was too autistic to date and felt it was too much for him. So we hung out and never dated. I wanted to date him, but he kept telling me he didn’t want to date anyone. I have known these guys for years and I have been single for a lot of them. None of them ever told me how they felt about me.

I recently started dating someone outside all this, and I’m learning these men’s true feelings.

the one who didn’t want to date anyone started crying outright.he told me it wasn’t about me dating anyone, but he couldn’t tell me what it was about.

one of them left karaoke early after I told him. He stayed for one song and then said he had to leave. He couldn’t give me a reason why, and he was super excited to go to karaoke before this news.

The other one plasted on a fake smile and told me how happy he was for me. It was pretty obvious he wasn't happy for me at all.

they had their chance to ask me out, and they didn’t take it.

there is no blame here or anger or guilt. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I’m so nervous and excited! My mom and sister are going with me (I don’t have a dad at all so I can’t ask on that end lol) but yeah any advice welcome:)

Food and drink: Coca Cola and Left over chicken tenders from BW3 from yesterday

Food is chicken patty, burger bun, and ketchup as it's the one thing I can stomach right now 🥲

Long story, buckle up babes!

(Posted a few weeks ago on a fb page for OCPD, in case anyone is there too and recognizes my story. Also added more details here to give context)

I've been with my fiance for 11 years now. And I'm 10 weeks pregnant. And basically the tea is, I suspect my sister has a mental health condition, the same one as our grandmother, called OCPD.

Some key info; my sister has struggled with infertility for the better part of two decades. She's been married for 5 (eta years). Has undergone IUI 3 times and IVF retrievals 3 times and has only gotten a single viable embrio.

I am a type one brittle diabetic so this has been a long time in the making to be sure I could tolerate a pregnancy to term. As it is, I've ready been hospitalized twice for complications.

Another key piece of info is that two years ago my fiance and I packed up our lives and moved halfway across the USA. We were able to secure a house in under 6 months and even moved to the town next to my sister's. And 35 minutes from our parents. All seemed so well and smooth. We'd pet sit and house sit for each other.

Well... A few months ago I told her my fiance and I were going to try for a family. We're finally in a place of security where we feel safe adding to our family. And she went silent for two months. So in the meantime fiance and I were successful in getting pregnant, I'm still very early on. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The day I found out I was pregnant my sister wanted to talk to me, so she came over and she insisted there were no partners or parents having a part in the conversation (aka isolating me) because she just wanted to air her brain out.

She, in very blunt and paraphrased terms, basically said that if I get pregnant she won't go through with her IVF embrio transfer citing that:

-we can't both be pregnant.

-Mentioned that "mom and dad always take your side." Well no, not true. And when I talked to our parents the taking my side was mom getting frustrated at her and saying "you cannot control other people and their lives." Which is very true.

-That she's done things the godly way, got married, got a house and is now trying for a baby (but this is very hypocritical since she's had premarital sex, lived with men she wasn't married to... Just very confusing religion talk to me. I don't understand it but maybe that's just my AuDHD?)

-That there are parts of our house that are "hazards" and shes worried about me being pregnant. (The issues aren't even inside the house!)

-She then attacks me saying well is the baby gonna be on Medicaid. Like your insurance (I'm disabled and am on SSDI medicare\medicaid) and then continued on to say how her and her neighbor make fun of people on state or federal insurance.

-In the conversation she said that her husband won't wait more than a year to try the embrio transfer. And if she makes him wait any longer than that he'll divorce her. I relayed her words back to her as "so if I'm pregnant anytime in the next three months I'm the cause of your divorce?" And she replied "pretty much."

-And lastly, she'd been bullying me and pressuring me to disclose if I'm pregnant because she's gotta know and needs control of the situation and the people in her life. Two weeks ago I was admitted to the hospital for the first time for Hyperemesis gravidarum and at the time was sharing my location with her, I have since stopped sharing, she no longer gets unfettered access to me. She saw that and used it as a leverage point to see if I was pregnant. Her exact words were "just making sure you're not having a miscarriage" to which I was done with the manipulation and bullying and just outright said "no miscarriage. I'm still 8 weeks pregnant."

Apparently that confirmation sent her off the deep end, she left all group chats, and unfriended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Instagram. I feel numb. I've barely cried, I've processed the best I can with fiance, bestie, and parents. But I just needed another place to vent and feel understood. And I'm hoping that that place is here.

And tomorrow is her birthday. I want so badly to say happy birthday to her. But I know that's more for me than it is for her. I miss my sister. And the relationship that was budding after living 1,800 miles apart for 9+ years.

And truthfully, as much as I do miss her; I can't see just letting this one go and accepting her back into my life without some acknowledgement that she's really hurt me. I'm just so lost.

If you made it this far, thank you. And I hope you have a fantastic day ♥️

Peach oolong mochi from mango mango

Went to the untermeyer gardens yesterday with my aunts. Walked barefoot for almost the whole time, and it felt sooo good. Really need to get barefoot shoes, my feet felt constricted when I put my normal sneakers back on. The natural accupressure + grounding was amazing. I love being scrunchy.

Nice little platter I had a bit ago, remembered I don't like bell pepper though

So the way my family dynamic is I had to learn to take a joke. There's a lot of ribbing in my family. Some of it definitely does cross the line into insecurities unfortunately though and I guess I got used to it. My family really likes to harp on the fact I don't shave. And I play into. I just don't like shaving. I get ingrowns, razor burn the shit out of myself, it itches, I honestly like the way it looks more on me. All that but unfortunately I'm also in the US where it's taboo and noticable if a woman doesn't shave though.

One of the "jokes" but I honestly don't know how much of a joke it is, that my family asks is "oh what does (boyfriend) think about that?". They bring it up a lot and ask him about it and he always just shrugs and says he doesn't mind. But I guess it kind of got in my head and I sometimes wonder if it does bother him. But either way I wouldn't shave unless I wanted to. Oh well my body and my house. If he doesn't like it that's his feelings to deal with but I won't uncomfortable at all times in my own home.

So yesterday I decided to book a massage. Which are nice but they admittedly do always bring up body issues for me. Makes me worry I look weird or they'll compare me to other clients. I know they won't but I don't know I almost feel guilty getting a massage already. Autism or some shit makes physical touch hold more significance to me maybe. Stuff to work through there. But anyway I decided to shave

I was shaving my armpits in the mirror (one of my family's favorite things to point out) and my boyfriend asked why I was shaving since he knows I don't like it. I told him I didn't want them to think I was weird and he said "you don't look weird". It sounds so silly writing it but i swear this meant something to me. I was already halfway through shaving though so he offered that I could use his fancy new face razor if I wanted. I kind of joked that that would be gross and he didn't want armpit on his face, but again he just said I wasn't gross and he wouldn't mind. He called me beautiful in passing a couple minutes later when he walked through the hall again and I guess it just made me really happy.

I was kind of stunned because I guess I just got so used to being criticized in that area. Having that part of my body be treated like it was disgusting and I was some weird freak that needed to hide it away. It was nice to know he's actually attracted to me. Not despite the hair but just in general. With, without. I don't know. I'm slowly learning to piece what part of my family's banter is normal and what is too far and maybe this made me realize part of it. Good day, yippee

Also possible trigger warning. Can’t add two flairs.

Shitty Starbucks egg and sausage sandwich that I can barely eat right now.

3 kids. 15 years. I feel like our marriage was built on “convenience” instead of love. We got married relatively young because I got pregnant and that pregnancy ended up very complicated, with our child being diagnosed with chromosomal abnormalities and wasn’t suspected to survive.

I left him and moved in with my dad when our roommate threatened to stab me in the stomach while 7 months pregnant and he stood by and did nothing to protect or support me. When she was born, I almost died from surgical complications. The day I was discharged, and our daughter was still in the NICU, he left town. I shouldn’t have forgiven him then.

I felt pathetic for wanting him. For still loving him. He didn’t protect me or our daughter. He didn’t value me, or her. Our daughter was dying, and I was dealing with it alone while he was living is best life 2 hours away. Surgeries, hospitalizations, Medical emergencies… In a bid of desperation for connection, to feel wanted, loved, valued, he convinced me to have sex with him 3 weeks PP and I developed a severe uterine infection which had me hospitalized snd septic for more than a week. Developed complications from that as well. He did not visit me once. He did not check in on me once. The day our daughter died, I had to shake him awake in her hospital bed because he fell asleep in the chair as she was having her last moments.

Stupidly, I took him back. I became a stay at home mom for the next 10 years to raise children, care for our family, while he worked and treated me like I was the least important thing in the world.

He has crossed boundaries with other women. I can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation without his phone being in his face during. He plays video games 8 hours per day. He works maybe 4 hours per day, comes home, hides away in his room (we have separate rooms after I recently discovered him pursuing a much younger girl at a clothing store he frequented. I caught him using the Mother’s Day gift card that was meant for me to buy her things. His response was to shut down and move out of our bedroom). He has consistently accused me of choosing our children over him, when he’s never chosen me over ANYTHING.

Here we are 13 years later. Two living children later. The entire basis of our marriage was based on trauma and still I tried. Still I stayed. I am fully financially dependent on him. I have been working the last 2 years, but I make pennies compared to what he does. We live in a very high cost of living city, with very little family support. I fear for my ability to financially provide for our children on my own.

I have not been the perfect wife. I have been emotionally and physically distant. I can get angry. Maybe I have prioritized our children over him. I have anxiety, depression, OCD. I may not be the easiest person to deal with. But he tries to hold me to a standard that he can’t even meet himself.

Every wrong doing on my end, every little bit of distance he has forced me into due to emotional neglect, he holds against me. I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes. I do and say things I probably shouldn’t. He expects me to atone and grovel at his feet for minor things even though I’ve forgiven him time and time again for the shitty things he has put me through. Still in the end I push for mutual change, mutual reconciliation, like the idiot I am. Like the self worth lacking person I am. I feel stupid for wanting this, for wanting him. For wanting to continue as a family.

I feel so emotionally destroyed. Alone. I’ve been alone this whole time, but this somehow feels lonelier. I am completely and utterly lost.

This is night 4 on the couch because all of a sudden I feel very very uncomfortable sleeping in my bedroom and I’m not sure why? Have had a very stressful year but see no direct relation to that. Anyone had this before?

Food is Spanish tortilla my absolute fav

Edit; it’s unease like I mentally can’t do it

Birthday cupcake at Disney springs

I (30f) have been with my partner (42m) officially for almost four years, unofficially for almost 11 years.

You've probably already done the math between our ages so here's the story, I'll try not to spiral into the details too much as I tend to do, and I apologize for my format, I'm not great with words.

I didn't ever believe in love at first sight until I met him, immediately enamoured. I was 18 when we met, 19 when we started sleeping together and he had made it clear he wasn't looking for a relationship and I was naive enough to be okay with that. He always said he couldn't get off via intercourse, but could with oral. To get to the point, in order to not vomit during this, he mentioned maybe just don't eat for like 6-8 hours beforehand. At the time I was getting through cosmetology school and starting employment as a stylist, so lunches were few and far between regardless, and he would get off of work around midnight.

So on days where we would meet up at night, I would have not eaten all day getting off work around 9-10 pm.

We played this game for a long time, 7,8 years. And sometimes I'd find a relationship and we'd call it quits, sometimes he'd find a relationship and we'd call it quits.. but we inevitably would always end the relationships and find out way back to each other. There was one point where I told him we have to stop because I was getting a attached and I knew he didn't want that. A year later we were right back at it.

Eventually I gave what was essentially an ultimatum - I have feelings and we either need to officially end things, or start a legit relationship and we ended up doing the latter for the past almost four years.

There were many moments that I chose to ignore because I wanted this so badly.

Like the fact that for the last decade I've unintentionally trained my body to not eat throughout the day and if I do I get nauseous. There was a moment we were at his house, we had sex, we ate dinner, and then we were cuddled on the couch watching a sitcom. Halfway through an episode, he suggested sex round 2, and I said no that I was tired. And he turned the TV off mid episode and said "well we should get you back home," and drove me home.

We had an entire argument about someone Ive never heard of blowing up his snapchat. I'm not one to look in people's phones and he knows that. But that argument ended with him telling me I'm overreacting and wrong for questioning anything. Since then he's changed the notification sound and leaves his phone in his car when he's at my house.

I don't remember the last time he told me he loves me, and we've had the conversation before that when I express my feelings I need at least something back. Neither one of us is really affectionate which works for me, but at the same time, I only get gushy 3 times a year and a bare minimum is just saying I love you back.

But I tucked all that away, and a hell of a lot more, for the past year, until my best friend took me and my sister to Disney world for my birthday this past week.

I don't discuss my relationship with other people, mostly because I subconsciously didn't want them to point out the things I knew were wrong but didnt want to look at.

He was one of the only people who never wished me a happy birthday. Which is such a simple thing to do, a simple text to send.

And everything came crashing down around me as I was standing in line for the ratatouille ride, haha.

I decided to finally discuss it with my sister and best friend and they confirmed that I need to get out.

I love him, but I'm tired of making excuses for him being a shitty partner and pretending that I'm okay with everything.

I just turned 30 and I'm still younger than he was when we met and I could not even begin to imagine wanting anything to do with a 19 year old other than taking my taco bell order.

He's coming over in about 10 minutes, and I have to break it off.

Tldr: I was 19 when he was 31/32 and I changed my way of living to fit his sexual needs. All the red flags hit me in one huge epiphany on my birthday in line at Disney world.

Update

I'm not sure how to formally update but this is how I'm gonna do that😅 I was definitely safe. He's never been threatening to me at all and my family and I all live together, 1 mortgage split three ways is easier than a month to month rent. So as far as safety was concerned, everything was a okay. I stuck to my guns, despite how much it hurts. My heart's shattered right now, but my gut is telling me I made the right choice. I'm not going to go into the conversation we had, but we said things that needed to be said, and it's done now.

Some of these comments have made me cry, the support from my family and friends and even strangers on the Internet is absolutely overwhelming so thank you guys. Over the screen, you're only getting my half of the story, and I recognize that. I still see all the wrong, but I genuinely will miss him, the good parts. But I needed to move on. Without the trip to Disney, being with people who genuinely love me, I don't think I'd be where I am right now. That Disney magic is real in so many ways 😂

Ladies, nonbinary friends, lurkers, and u/spez (hi, thanks for the recent shoutout at Mod World 2026!)… r/GirlDinnerDiaries has officially reached One Million Members.

🥂🍾✨️

We began this journey in January and had no idea it would reach 5.5M+ weekly visitors and 1M members in less than 9 months. 🥹 Since then, we’ve laughed over Hinge dates gone wrong, cried over rainbow babies and new job opportunities, and — most of all — watched you come together to support each other and offer tough love when necessary.

Reddit hasn’t always felt like a safe space for women to find community, but we’ve managed to create it, and none of it would be possible without you, our members 🥰

Before I get to our **one million member giveaway** as thanks for reaching this milestone, I have to shoutout our incredible mod team 📣

u/TeamLaurent: you made our sub rules shine & our tech run immaculately. Thank you for making sure the feminism in this sub is always intersectional and anti-TERF.

u/mensfrightsactivists: you’re the queue-clearing queen and always enforce our kindness rule, even when you disagree. Your creative skills have also helped us redesign our logos. Thank you for helping GDD grow and making a difference in how this space feels everyday.

u/SilentTrysteros: you hate dead internet theory, and you always do the most to make sure GDD is free of bots and karma farmers. Thank you for preserving this space and bringing your PhD brain to the comment section.

u/TheSimoneQuinn: you’re funny AF, smart as hell, and a wonderful addition to our mod team. Thank you for your consistently thoughtful comments and dedication to the queue.

u/dogs-in-space: this woman's knowledge knows no bounds. There's seemingly nothing she doesn't know, and we're so lucky to have that brain on our team!

u/ImpossibleDawn: she's informed, passionate, and never afraid to speak her mind. She brings perspective to the team and always keeps us on our toes.

u/armadillogirlfriend: our resident creative genius! She's been putting her design skills to work helping us rebrand the sub and give Girl Dinner Diaries a much-needed glow-up. She's bringing our vision to life

u/MommyIssuesPrincess: we're still getting to know this gem, but one thing's already clear: her sense of humour is just as dark and unhinged as ours. Needless to say, she fits right in!

Now the fun part! 🎉

To show our appreciation, we’re giving away a custom GDD apron and diary to one (1) lucky winner, and a custom GDD flair to three (3) others.

To enter: Leave one comment on this post, telling us your favorite thing about GDD. You must be a member with commenting privileges; no duplicate entries, please.

Winners: We’ll randomly select four winners on November 8/2026 and announce the results here.

The fine print: Must be 18+. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. The grand prize winner will need to reply to our modmail within 2 days, or we’ll pick someone else. This giveaway is run by the GDD mod team and is not sponsored by or affiliated with Reddit.

We can’t wait to see what you’ll post! 💌

Dinner - takeaway pizza because I’m over eating healthy due to hormones.

Right, listen to this absolute bullshit, apparently my ex has decided that money owed to me is now a charitable donation and he’s not feeling it.

Long story short, my ex and I bought a car. Between us, we’d contributed equal amounts financially (to the car AND the relationship because ‘he isn’t here to fund my lifestyle’ verbatim. okay fair enough) Unfortunately, said car decided it no longer fancied being alive, RIP 🪦, so we sold it and put the money towards another one.

Fast-forward, we break up.
Now, I’m not asking for half the value of the new car. I’m not asking for compensation for the relationship and the emotional bullying I’ve realised I’ve gone through at times. I’m simply asking for my half of the money that rolled over into the new car.
A grand total of $2,000.

Seems reasonable, no?
Well, apaz not.

He reluctantly agrees to pay me back, but not before explaining how unfair it is because he believes he contributed more financially throughout our relationship. Does he have any actual figures to support this? Of course not, but the fellas never wrong...

Then, 2/3 months after me breaking his heart and ruining his confidence and how he has to many overheads to pay out for currently (the fucking eye roll i experienced hearing that shit, damn near lost them), he starts dating his coworker and decides that paying me back is now an optional to how he’s feeling.
Messages go ignored, but he’s got plenty of time to gallivant around Australia with the new girlfriend (we’re both here but in different states).

Eventually, my mum gets involved. Not because I need mummy to fight my battles, but because they had a genuinely friendly relationship and she thought she might be able to reason with him.
HA! how wrong she was.

His argument essentially boils down to -
“I don’t do refunds. If she wanted her money, she should’ve taken it before it went into the new car.”

I’m sorry. REFUNDS???

Sir, you’re not fucking ASOS. I’m not returning a pair of jeans because they don’t fit. I’m asking for money that was jointly invested in something you now have sole possession of. What the actual ever loving fuck!
And apparently, because I didn’t anticipate our relationship ending and demand my share of the money before we bought the replacement car, I’ve forfeited any right to it.

My mum, who previously thought quite highly of him, has now had the delightful experience of discovering just how much of an insufferable self-righteous c*nt he can be when he’s not getting his own way and truly believes he’s in the right.

So now he’s got the car, the new girlfriend, my $2,000 and apparently the moral high ground too.

Live, Laugh, Love that for me xo