A sesame salad with roasted potatoes and grilled chicken.

Was in a lovely relationship with a guy for a year. He met my parents and my brother. We have been discussing marriage for a while and then a month ago he was supposed to bring his parents over to my house to meet and he bailed the day before and tried to end our relationship based off of my family pressure, I got him calmed down and gave him more time and we were together for another month and a half and he decided on a timeline and for the fathers to just call in mid to late October. I see him twice a week typically and we text all the time and we call all the time. Last friday, we met and it was good went to a haunted house and he was being quite happy and I brought up then that it is mid October so if he will talk to his dad.

The next day he called me 6-7 times and we just talked about random things. Then at 1:30am at night he calls me again and I am half asleep and I answer, he goes on about how amazing I am and I am confused and I asked him three times what is wrong. He says that he sometimes feels no emotional connection towards me basically the feelings of love have not developed and that it does not make sense to move forward to marriage and introducing the parents, and he does not see a future anymore (even though a month ago he did)

I am struggling. I been in no contact for two days and losing it (I want him to come back and make it work 😞)

I don’t want kids, and I’ve never wanted kids. Even when I was a child I never had dolls, I’ve never experienced ‘baby fever,’ and the idea of kids has never been in my future plans. My friends will mention a cute baby and be excited to meet our friend’s kids, but I don’t understand it. It’s just a baby?

Recently, I got back together with my ex and the discussion of kids came up. When we started dating the first time I was honest about not wanting kids and it never came up again until last week, when he asked if I still didn’t want kids and mentioned that having them was a big thing for him. I spent the evening really trying to consider it and my options which was quickly shut down by a very physical reaction to the idea. I felt nauseous, I felt like I was gonna puke or pass out, and I could not stop crying.

I’ve always been good with other people’s kids, despite being an only child in a small family and not being around any growing up.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads. On one hand I really love him and want this to be something I can do for him, but Im scared. We could stay together and see if i change my mind sure, but I have a gut feeling that I won’t. I’m worried that that’s the case and he’ll be upset that I wasted his time. But, what if we don’t wait and I do change my mind like people say I will? Will my parents be upset they’re not getting a grandchild? What if I have a kid and regret it?

I remember someone telling me, “If you’re not prepared to be a single parent, don’t have a kid.” And that stuck with me, not because I think anything would happen between me partner and I, but rather what if he gets into a fatal accident? Anything could happen at any moment.

My reasonings for not wanting kids;
(I know any reason is a valid reason, but it helps me to lay them all out)

1. Timeline; ideally he wants to have kids in 4-5 years. I’m 23, just finished my ugrad and I start my masters next fall. I haven’t started my career, I’m not even thinking about saving for a house (I’m just trying to survive and afford food rn). 4-5 years doesn’t sound like enough time to have a stable career to go back to after maturity leave, get a house, and start saving for their future.

2. Financial; sorta related to the previous point, but everything is very expensive right now. If I did have a kid i would need to be making enough and have enough saved to give them a good, non stressful, like AND be able to pay for their undergrad degree if not more.

3. Pregnancy seems like hell; everything I hear about pregnancy sounds horrendous. From the physical effects on your body, to people policing what you can and cannot consume, to the mental effects during AND AFTER birth. Absolutely not. Why not adopt? Let’s look at point 4.

4. I’m selfish asf. That’s it. I don’t want to give up my late 20s/ early 30s. I don’t wanna spend money on clothes they’ll grow out of in 3 minutes. I don’t want get spit up on, pooped on, peed on, and I don’t wanna clean it up. I like being spontaneous, I don’t want to plan my life and my time off work on appointments or school schedules.

5. The geopolitical climate. I was born in 2003. The world has been a disaster since then, and I suspect it will continue to be for awhile yet. I will not, under any circumstance, bring a child into this nonsense.

We’re supposed to sit down and talk about this more in depth soon. But, I think I’m just freaking out. This feels wrong, I shouldn’t be worrying about this, I’m just a kid.

Dinner- Chicken Parm w/ Penne

I’ve grown up with boys. A very strong mother with hard female values. I was a huge tomboy. I’ve deflected males my entire life and also didn’t mind their attention. But GIRLS. Can I say. Flags be flagging right now.

I’m about to be 42 and for the first year of my life I don’t have any males around me. I am in a housing situation by myself (bc go me and fuck them)…. But I also have a neighbor that is coming on way too strong. I let our dogs play in the yard ONE TIME. That’s it. And he is just not letting it go.

I’ve dealt with men my entire life and this is the first time it’s ever screamed at me to run.

He asked to come wake me up gently to say goodnight because I sleep earlier than him….he tries for night caps. He just doesn’t let. It. Go. Stop.

I’m in a new city. My family is spread. I can get support in 2-4 hours. But man, I feel vulnerable in a way I never have because I’ve always had my family near.

Maybe it’s not about boys and girls and maybe about family. But bro is giving me uncomfortable feelings.

I literally said “that way of speaking will make women very uncomfortable” and it didn’t stop him from messaging later.

I think I’m going to block him. But that doesn’t secure my safety living so close. I just wanted a dog friend. And maybe just a human with similar interests. I literally just met you bro. Calm down.

Have some beef shanks bc I was curious about a recipe and love a good left over bone for broth.

Edit: I’m going tomorrow to get a baseball bat. Fuck this being scared shit. And I’m going to tell my neighbor - who I only kinda know - that I’m uncomfortable about a person and can I knock on his door? Is that weird? I dunno. But his dog and my dog love each other a lot. I barely know the his name though. I also know another woman close by that I can do the same with. I don’t want to cause a scene - but 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Update next day: I’M ALIVE! Also I did block him. And I’m going to stay somewhere else for a few days. I don’t have time for this type of anxiety in my life.

Update 2: heard you loud and clear. No bat. Projectile chemicals are the way to go. Also frying pan. Wasp spray. Hair spray (which is a wild and really good suggestion). I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a gun. Will take a women’s self defense class. Looking them up TODAY!

To all the people who have reached out - thank you for the support and helping a girl feel and be safer.

Food is chicken patty, burger bun, and ketchup as it's the one thing I can stomach right now 🥲

Long story, buckle up babes!

(Posted a few weeks ago on a fb page for OCPD, in case anyone is there too and recognizes my story. Also added more details here to give context)

I've been with my fiance for 11 years now. And I'm 10 weeks pregnant. And basically the tea is, I suspect my sister has a mental health condition, the same one as our grandmother, called OCPD.

Some key info; my sister has struggled with infertility for the better part of two decades. She's been married for 5 (eta years). Has undergone IUI 3 times and IVF retrievals 3 times and has only gotten a single viable embrio.

I am a type one brittle diabetic so this has been a long time in the making to be sure I could tolerate a pregnancy to term. As it is, I've ready been hospitalized twice for complications.

Another key piece of info is that two years ago my fiance and I packed up our lives and moved halfway across the USA. We were able to secure a house in under 6 months and even moved to the town next to my sister's. And 35 minutes from our parents. All seemed so well and smooth. We'd pet sit and house sit for each other.

Well... A few months ago I told her my fiance and I were going to try for a family. We're finally in a place of security where we feel safe adding to our family. And she went silent for two months. So in the meantime fiance and I were successful in getting pregnant, I'm still very early on. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The day I found out I was pregnant my sister wanted to talk to me, so she came over and she insisted there were no partners or parents having a part in the conversation (aka isolating me) because she just wanted to air her brain out.

She, in very blunt and paraphrased terms, basically said that if I get pregnant she won't go through with her IVF embrio transfer citing that:

-we can't both be pregnant.

-Mentioned that "mom and dad always take your side." Well no, not true. And when I talked to our parents the taking my side was mom getting frustrated at her and saying "you cannot control other people and their lives." Which is very true.

-That she's done things the godly way, got married, got a house and is now trying for a baby (but this is very hypocritical since she's had premarital sex, lived with men she wasn't married to... Just very confusing religion talk to me. I don't understand it but maybe that's just my AuDHD?)

-That there are parts of our house that are "hazards" and shes worried about me being pregnant. (The issues aren't even inside the house!)

-She then attacks me saying well is the baby gonna be on Medicaid. Like your insurance (I'm disabled and am on SSDI medicare\medicaid) and then continued on to say how her and her neighbor make fun of people on state or federal insurance.

-In the conversation she said that her husband won't wait more than a year to try the embrio transfer. And if she makes him wait any longer than that he'll divorce her. I relayed her words back to her as "so if I'm pregnant anytime in the next three months I'm the cause of your divorce?" And she replied "pretty much."

-And lastly, she'd been bullying me and pressuring me to disclose if I'm pregnant because she's gotta know and needs control of the situation and the people in her life. Two weeks ago I was admitted to the hospital for the first time for Hyperemesis gravidarum and at the time was sharing my location with her, I have since stopped sharing, she no longer gets unfettered access to me. She saw that and used it as a leverage point to see if I was pregnant. Her exact words were "just making sure you're not having a miscarriage" to which I was done with the manipulation and bullying and just outright said "no miscarriage. I'm still 8 weeks pregnant."

Apparently that confirmation sent her off the deep end, she left all group chats, and unfriended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Instagram. I feel numb. I've barely cried, I've processed the best I can with fiance, bestie, and parents. But I just needed another place to vent and feel understood. And I'm hoping that that place is here.

And tomorrow is her birthday. I want so badly to say happy birthday to her. But I know that's more for me than it is for her. I miss my sister. And the relationship that was budding after living 1,800 miles apart for 9+ years.

And truthfully, as much as I do miss her; I can't see just letting this one go and accepting her back into my life without some acknowledgement that she's really hurt me. I'm just so lost.

If you made it this far, thank you. And I hope you have a fantastic day ♥️

Doordashed myself Chick-fil-A as a treat, with their smore smoothie.

I got the job!!!! I've been applying for months and decided to apply for a position that was a little out of left field, just seeing what could happen. My current (old, i guess?) Job was a little niche, so I was trying to expand my reach.

I was not expecting to get an interview, let alone the phone call this morning! This means I get to leave my current job (thank god) and this new position comes with a decent pay raise, which means I'll finally be able to afford repairs to my car and my condo!

Nice little platter I had a bit ago, remembered I don't like bell pepper though

So the way my family dynamic is I had to learn to take a joke. There's a lot of ribbing in my family. Some of it definitely does cross the line into insecurities unfortunately though and I guess I got used to it. My family really likes to harp on the fact I don't shave. And I play into. I just don't like shaving. I get ingrowns, razor burn the shit out of myself, it itches, I honestly like the way it looks more on me. All that but unfortunately I'm also in the US where it's taboo and noticable if a woman doesn't shave though.

One of the "jokes" but I honestly don't know how much of a joke it is, that my family asks is "oh what does (boyfriend) think about that?". They bring it up a lot and ask him about it and he always just shrugs and says he doesn't mind. But I guess it kind of got in my head and I sometimes wonder if it does bother him. But either way I wouldn't shave unless I wanted to. Oh well my body and my house. If he doesn't like it that's his feelings to deal with but I won't uncomfortable at all times in my own home.

So yesterday I decided to book a massage. Which are nice but they admittedly do always bring up body issues for me. Makes me worry I look weird or they'll compare me to other clients. I know they won't but I don't know I almost feel guilty getting a massage already. Autism or some shit makes physical touch hold more significance to me maybe. Stuff to work through there. But anyway I decided to shave

I was shaving my armpits in the mirror (one of my family's favorite things to point out) and my boyfriend asked why I was shaving since he knows I don't like it. I told him I didn't want them to think I was weird and he said "you don't look weird". It sounds so silly writing it but i swear this meant something to me. I was already halfway through shaving though so he offered that I could use his fancy new face razor if I wanted. I kind of joked that that would be gross and he didn't want armpit on his face, but again he just said I wasn't gross and he wouldn't mind. He called me beautiful in passing a couple minutes later when he walked through the hall again and I guess it just made me really happy.

I was kind of stunned because I guess I just got so used to being criticized in that area. Having that part of my body be treated like it was disgusting and I was some weird freak that needed to hide it away. It was nice to know he's actually attracted to me. Not despite the hair but just in general. With, without. I don't know. I'm slowly learning to piece what part of my family's banter is normal and what is too far and maybe this made me realize part of it. Good day, yippee

Girl lunch, a strawberry bannana and chocolate smoothie with fries and chicken.

I’ve started my first estrogen injection today, i was very nervous but the needle didn’t even hurt that much and i didn’t even end up bleeding. Anyway i guess thats one less thing to worry about and now i can focus on my future of being a high school drop out because my step mom insisted they homeschool me and now i gotta be nearly a year behind in education best case scenario.

This is more of a silly advice but the vast majority of the time I win board games no matter who I play with or the type of game. I’m not trying to brag, it genuinely creates awkward situations I don’t enjoy. The first few times I win you know it’s fine a games a game. Three times or more… people start to get board or don’t want to play with me again after. 😭 I know it’s such a silly problem but I love board games so much, the strategy, thinking ahead, I even do well at luck games which makes people upset… I don’t know lol, I’ve thought about in the future if I win the first few games I should just throw the rest so at least it’s fun for others. My boyfriend now won’t play board games with me at all cause he “knows I’ll just win”. It’s not even games I’ve played before either I also pick up quickly on brand new games to me. Maybe I should join a board game club. 🤣

Girl Dinner: the best pasta I’ve ever had, I know it has beef in it but I forget the name.

TW: pregnancy loss

Actually can’t believe I’m typing this with my baby on my chest. Dinner is an amazing cheesecake haha.

We started trying for a baby at the beginning of 2024 and got pregnant immediately, were so excited to be parents. At our 10 week ultrasound we found out there was no heartbeat, at the time it was the worst day of my life (foreshadowing lol). I had to get a D&C the following week. My period never came back so I got a second D&C about 2 months later. Not being able to try again felt extra hard.
After that D&C I was monitored closely but ultimately still didn’t get my period until 4 months after that. Shitty, but ok we’re ready to move on from the weekly blood tests and be able to just try again.

A few months later, about a year after our previous positive test, a positive test!! Then I started bleeding and got pretty severe pain - yup, ectopic 🙃 off to the hospital for a surgery (I did get to keep my tube though). The following week I was so ill I called my surgeon for a follow up only to find out a miracle. I was pregnant! It would have been twins but one got stuck in the tube. But the twin in utero survived the operation.

Over the moon doesn’t even begin to describe our happiness. Still, we were very nervous and had a hard time enjoying pregnancy. Scans etc were all going well so we finally started to have fun. At 26 weeks I hadn’t felt her move all day so I went to the hospital where they confirmed she was already gone. A stillbirth is just something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Being induced and labouring to deliver a baby you know that you won’t be going home with.

This destroyed me. We lost friendships because no one knew what to do or say, 3 of our close friends had babies within a year of our loss. We became semi hermits, just didn’t want to exist or do anything really. But still desperately wanted a baby. As soon as we could try again, we tried. It took 6 awful months but we finally conceived. That pregnancy turned out to be a chemical pregnancy, but we conceived again the following month!

Anxiety is not a word strong enough to cover how this pregnancy felt. Even though every check and double check was good we just had a terrible feeling. At my 24 week ultrasound there was news- I was 2cm dilated and had no symptoms. We were shipped off to a bigger hospital and I got a cerclage immediately. A week in hospital, followed by 5 weeks staying in the big city because my local hospital can only handle premature babies born at 30 weeks or older. Modified bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. The anxiety was insane and time passed so incredibly slowly I can’t even describe it.

Finally got to come home and everything after 24 weeks was uneventful - got induced at 39 weeks and had a beautiful baby boy. We have never been happier. He’s been amazing and we’re just so in love. It’s hard to believe everything that happened, sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else. Anyways idk why I’m sharing this I guess it just feels like I finally made it! Struggling to conceive or carry a pregnancy is truly the worst journey, sending love to everyone going through it right now 🫶🏻

Dinner was chicken posole

I was running a few minutes late on going to get my older child from school today. As I am driving the normal route in small town we send him to school at, I see road construction and barrels set up making the avenue a one lane and traffic being directed except theres no dude with a sign on my side and I am the first vehicle in the right lane so I slow and internally start to panic.

Just as I slowly encroach some of the maintenance trucks, a dude in a reflecting vest wielding a stop sign Bella Lagosies his way from behind a truck and twiddles the stop sign in my direction, so I stop. BUT THEN HE PUTS IT DOWN AND SWINGS IT AROUND LIKE A BATON. I release my brake because I was like do I fucking go? Other cars aren't coming. Maybe ill just turn right onto a neighborhood street and zig zag my way through, extending my commute by a few minutes. But the dude walks up to my passenger side and I roll down the window because I thought he was going to tell me something about the road.

He asks how my day was going and I was like "good...how are you? Is the road closed?"

Him: "its long! I'm tired and hungry! I don't know whats going on. *tries radioing his coworkers* ill get this figured out for you, ma'am!"

I had an extra granola bar (always bring snacks for the 40 minute drive to get my kid.) And idk, its just how I was raised, but I grabbed it and told the construction dude "here, hopefully this helps!" He enthusiastically accepts it and thanks me before trying his radio again to see if he can let me and the others go.

Me (my panic is growing because why the heck is this interaction taking so long, i need to get my kid) and this mother fucker asks for my number and if i want to hang out sometime. I said "oh no, I'm married and don't do that."

He apologized not letting his smile wither once and said its all good, you can go now and I just said "thanks bye." And meanwhile my younger child was all happy in the back seat waving and sing songy yelling "byeee byeee!"

I'm 33 and too tired for those shenanigans.

I’m so nervous and excited! My mom and sister are going with me (I don’t have a dad at all so I can’t ask on that end lol) but yeah any advice welcome:)

Food and drink: Coca Cola and Left over chicken tenders from BW3 from yesterday

No talking phase.

No failed situationship.

No trying to get over failed situationship.

No awkward first dates.

No swiping.

No crush.

No man stressing me out.

Nada.

Ladies, this is awesome!

The last year has sucked tremendously trying to date and I’m finally just over it. In my 30s and it’s just not worth it anymore.

Braised short rib tagine because I had the time and energy to cook.

Peach oolong mochi from mango mango

Went to the untermeyer gardens yesterday with my aunts. Walked barefoot for almost the whole time, and it felt sooo good. Really need to get barefoot shoes, my feet felt constricted when I put my normal sneakers back on. The natural accupressure + grounding was amazing. I love being scrunchy.

i asked for some colored hair care advice on here after a bad appointment and just felt really talked down to😔 i feel like people kept trying to argue with me and even reuploaded to just start fresh and people still didn’t answer my original question just to downvote me to hell 🥲 i just felt sad because i wanted support—i even just replied “thank you that’s really good advice:)” and got downvoted even after i feel like i was really nice to everyone :(

i also took off the semester due to mental health and found out from my sisters that my dad is considering kicking me out next semester if i’m still not in school. idk just all around bad day, i’ve been trying to take care of my health as well and even though i’ve been told i have good insurance and should be covered i still pay so much at every appointment

here’s some sushi i bought to feel better

This is night 4 on the couch because all of a sudden I feel very very uncomfortable sleeping in my bedroom and I’m not sure why? Have had a very stressful year but see no direct relation to that. Anyone had this before?

Food is Spanish tortilla my absolute fav

Edit; it’s unease like I mentally can’t do it

Also possible trigger warning. Can’t add two flairs.

Shitty Starbucks egg and sausage sandwich that I can barely eat right now.

3 kids. 15 years. I feel like our marriage was built on “convenience” instead of love. We got married relatively young because I got pregnant and that pregnancy ended up very complicated, with our child being diagnosed with chromosomal abnormalities and wasn’t suspected to survive.

I left him and moved in with my dad when our roommate threatened to stab me in the stomach while 7 months pregnant and he stood by and did nothing to protect or support me. When she was born, I almost died from surgical complications. The day I was discharged, and our daughter was still in the NICU, he left town. I shouldn’t have forgiven him then.

I felt pathetic for wanting him. For still loving him. He didn’t protect me or our daughter. He didn’t value me, or her. Our daughter was dying, and I was dealing with it alone while he was living is best life 2 hours away. Surgeries, hospitalizations, Medical emergencies… In a bid of desperation for connection, to feel wanted, loved, valued, he convinced me to have sex with him 3 weeks PP and I developed a severe uterine infection which had me hospitalized snd septic for more than a week. Developed complications from that as well. He did not visit me once. He did not check in on me once. The day our daughter died, I had to shake him awake in her hospital bed because he fell asleep in the chair as she was having her last moments.

Stupidly, I took him back. I became a stay at home mom for the next 10 years to raise children, care for our family, while he worked and treated me like I was the least important thing in the world.

He has crossed boundaries with other women. I can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation without his phone being in his face during. He plays video games 8 hours per day. He works maybe 4 hours per day, comes home, hides away in his room (we have separate rooms after I recently discovered him pursuing a much younger girl at a clothing store he frequented. I caught him using the Mother’s Day gift card that was meant for me to buy her things. His response was to shut down and move out of our bedroom). He has consistently accused me of choosing our children over him, when he’s never chosen me over ANYTHING.

Here we are 13 years later. Two living children later. The entire basis of our marriage was based on trauma and still I tried. Still I stayed. I am fully financially dependent on him. I have been working the last 2 years, but I make pennies compared to what he does. We live in a very high cost of living city, with very little family support. I fear for my ability to financially provide for our children on my own.

I have not been the perfect wife. I have been emotionally and physically distant. I can get angry. Maybe I have prioritized our children over him. I have anxiety, depression, OCD. I may not be the easiest person to deal with. But he tries to hold me to a standard that he can’t even meet himself.

Every wrong doing on my end, every little bit of distance he has forced me into due to emotional neglect, he holds against me. I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes. I do and say things I probably shouldn’t. He expects me to atone and grovel at his feet for minor things even though I’ve forgiven him time and time again for the shitty things he has put me through. Still in the end I push for mutual change, mutual reconciliation, like the idiot I am. Like the self worth lacking person I am. I feel stupid for wanting this, for wanting him. For wanting to continue as a family.

I feel so emotionally destroyed. Alone. I’ve been alone this whole time, but this somehow feels lonelier. I am completely and utterly lost.

Food: got a burger with some fries

I really want to try salmon so so bad because it looks absolutely divine. I'm scared I'll hate it. I have been dappling in the trying sushi because i LOVE avocado and cucumber rolls. I also feel like this girl on my YouTube shorts is my sign to try it because she made pumpkin shaped salmon sushi and it looks heavenly. Im really scared to venture out to trying more fish. Im pretty picky bc growing up i had a lack of access to certain foods. I make my own money and i can afford to try salmon. I just dont know if i should take that chance or not yet. I also dont know anyone who's ever had it so i can't really ask an opinion.

I don’t know what flair to use, sorry. But I feel sad among other things, so maybe it’s the appropriate one? Takeout Mac and cheese because I needed comfort food and didn’t have the spoons to make myself food today.

I happened to witness a complete stranger experience a significant medical emergency in the middle of a very busy road, right in front of me. It felt like forever before myself and some other people around me started to process the situation and respond; I was the person to call 911 for help. The dispatcher was helpful and calm but my adrenaline and anxiety went through the roof helplessly watching a stranger in clear need of medical help I couldn’t provide. It’s been hours and I’m still so caught up on it. My anxiety for this person is sky high and whether or not I responded appropriately is so stuck in my mind. Did I do enough? Or the right thing? The first responders arrived within minutes of calling; the person needed to be transported to the hospital, no idea beyond that if they are ok. I sincerely hope so. 😭

I guess I’m posting because I don’t know how to process this and move forward in a healthy way. I feel guilty somehow, but mostly sad for them, and scared. I don’t feel like I’m entitled to know anything more about this person’s situation or anything like that; I totally want to respect their privacy. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. Any advice?

I recently enrolled our kid in daycare. They’re a court order saying he pays half. I reached out to him to let him know the cost and told him our parenting app has accountability payments. He replied saying “not to be rude but I think this is an expense you should be accountable for.” I have 90% custody and have spent the last year off work to care for our child. Gotta love being an unpaid care giver and then being slapped with that.

He then asked for it to go through the lawyers. Fine I don’t have a problem with that. But it feels like everything bring up has to go through the lawyers. Last time it was me trying to get a copy of our kid’s new insurance card (again already covered in the court order.)

Then, a week later he says he has plans on one of his weekends and his lawyer hasn’t been responding to let me know I guess. I say I’d be happy to keep kiddo but won’t swap. Then, it comes out that his mom (who is there during visitations) will be out of town. He then asks for my parents to drop our kid off instead of me?!! What no?! My parents are busy.

He also refused visitation this weekend because kiddo was sick. It will have been almost 4 week since he has seen them now.

I’m mad and sad. I wish he would be a dad or fuck off.

Dinner is shrimp Alfredo and sour dough (not pictured) from the new neighbor.

TLDR: ex thinks he shouldn’t have to pay for daycare because? I guess the last year of unpaid labor wasn’t enough? And he only will message about stuff that he wants and everything else has to go through the lawyers.

TW - family drama, drug use, death of father, parentification, SA.

I am F24, married to my husband of 6 years, M27 and have a 10 month old son. I come from a family that is tumultuous to say the least. Lots of drug use, mental health issues. I am the first in my family to really “succeed” as all of my older siblings are deceased, or in prison.

I have struggled with pretty bad PTSD and anxiety (which I now know is OCD) since I was 9. I have intense OCD about showing symptoms of my PTSD, out of fear I’ll be deemed mentally unstable and have my son taken from me. Fall and winter are the worst

Spoiler contains TW for SA, Death of father

In November of 2018 I was drugged and sexually assaulted with a beer bottle after my rapist could not maintain an erection. In October of 2025 my father died when I was 7 months pregnant of sudden cardiac arrest. And finally, in December of 2010, my mother accused my father of pedophilia/sexual assault and I was forced to have a sexual assault examination against my will, and had to watch police tackle my father to the ground. Me and him were very close. The accusations were entirely false and fabricated due to my mom’s addiction to meth/psychosis.

You can see why winters and falls are very difficult and I notice a huge ramp up in flashbacks. Yet, my OCD makes it so that I am constantly in fear someone will notice my symptoms, and thus, take my son away.

I’m not a perfect parent. I have a lot of self harm scars (been clean over 5 years now) and yes I have moments where I lose my cool and cry and feel but emotions, but never in view of my son. I am a dedicated mother and I love my son so much.

I know that logically I am allowed to talk about these things with my therapist and psychiatrist and be honest with them. But with the OCD it truly convinces me that I will lose my family in a snap.

Overall I do well for myself. I’m educated. I’m a homeowner. We are financially secure enough I’m able to be a SAHM. Me and my husband have a good marriage, and yet my brain truly convinces me at times that I am so broken and useless and the world is out to get me, to break what I’ve built apart at any moment.

And so I bury it, because I’m afraid. And I’m so tired of being afraid. That’s really it. I’d like to have a normal, working brain. One that doesn’t work against me, I’d like to get help in hard moments and seasons without this terrible fear.

Hey girls,

I recently got back into a relationship with someone I know is different from me. Like thing super left girl with a southern boy type of different. He's not a supporter of the right wing but some perspectives can seem a little red pill coded which to be fair he is willing to listen to me and sometimes he agrees he is wrong.

Anyways we broke up briefly and recently got back together but want to work through our shit. The thing that recently is making an appearance is how I want to talk about my feelings about stuff and he prefers to just ignore the bad feelings. I told him that all that does is create resentment if we dont talk it out and he says that stewing in the bad feelings just invites negativity.

One of the reasons we first broke up is because I never felt comfortable opening up to him. Therapy has recently shown me that its really with everyone and not just him

I am just always trying to deal with stuff on my own. But my therapist says I need to learn to lean on others because if I dont I will explode and only depresses me. So I am trying.

He just wont work with me on this.

He consistently talks about how he doesnt want to talk about bad stuff and wants to ignore it. He says that he feels like I just want him to wallow in the bad feelings and keep him there. I just want to feel understood.

Have any of you guys dealt with this? What's the best way to work through this? Should I even try?

Dinner is cinnamon toast crunch

Thanks to the advice I got from my new friends and Mommas in here, I made my first steak! The veggies burnt a little (hence the cut off pic) and my house was filled with (delicious smelling) smoke for a good 30 minutes but I think it turned out well!

For my first attempt, I followed the 3, 3, 2, 2 rule but modified it to 2, 2, 1, 1 rule cause the strip was not as thick as most steaks in the western world. Just salt and pepper as seasoning. Maybe next time I will be a bit more adventurous and add other seasonings. It was gone within minutes.

I promise you it's not as pink or raw as it looks on the pic (camera brought out the colour), but it was melt-in-your-mouth perfect and I didn't break the bank or ruin the meat doing it!

Thank you!!! The next one will be better I'm sure!

Deep fried chicken skin nachos from our most recent trip together!

My partner (27) and I (27) have been together for five years, but have been long distance for the past four years. I left our home country in early 2023 to pursue further studies and work, while he is also currently working overseas for the past two years.

I am in the middle of applying for a sponsorship visa with my employer. To close the distance I have asked him if he would like come here as a dependent under my visa. From my perspective, this move will provide him with more financial stability, and closer proximity to his family in our home country. He has told me that he is not ready to move here.

His response confused me quite a bit, since whenever we talk about if he is willing to move to the country where I am in his answer has always been ‘yes’. I have asked him to think about it more, and that he still has some time before he actually needs to move.

I understand that it will be quite unfair for him to uproot his life once again and start over, but at the same time I feel rejected. I have been working so hard so that we can be together again, but he’s refusing to close the distance.

Our relationship is serious, we do see each other as our forever person, and we have good relationships with each other’s families. We have also known each other for half of our lives, and were good friends before we started dating.

I am just a bit sad with his answer, I know that he’s the person I need to talk to about this. But I also want to give him time before I discuss this with him again so that he doesn’t feel pressured.