Dozen tit

He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death.

“Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly.

Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”

The friend said, "why don't you just give him head and shoulders? The blonde said, "how do I give shoulders?"

“This is Alexa.”

The doctor thinks for a moment. "Come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

Next week the man shows up with a banana and a cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over the table."

The doctor shoves the banana up his ass. Two minutes later, he shoves the cookie up there too. "Same thing next week."

This goes on for three weeks. Banana, cookie. Banana, cookie. Banana, cookie.

On week four the doctor says, "Final treatment. Bring a banana and a hammer."

The man shows up shaking. He bends over. The doctor shoves the banana in... and waits... and waits...

Finally the tapeworm pokes its head out and yells, "WHERE'S MY COOKIE?"

And the doctor smashes it with the hammer.

She leaned closer and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely,

Your service provider.

"No, I'm a dentist."

His salad plate,coffee mug and main course plate are all dirty. Some small bits here and there. Each time he brought it the waitress attention.
“That’s the best cold water can do.”
He thinks they have a water tank issue. It’s the weekend. No plumbers out here.

As he pays his check ; he hears a callout
“Cold water ! Come here boy!”
And a small dog appears

A village in Belarus. It had been a tough year. The crops had failed, and winter was coming. In the barn, the animals were talking.

“I think it’s time to get out of here,” said the horse. “We have to leave. We’ll starve if we stay.”

“Absolutely,” said the pig. “Let’s escape to the West. At least we’ll have something to eat there.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” said the old dog, tied up outside the barn.

“Are you sure?” The other animals turned to him in disbelief. “You’ll die here if you don’t leave with us!”

“Nah, I’ve got great prospects here,” said the dog.

“What prospects, you old fool? They’ll eat you alive here! Come with us!”

“No, no. I’m staying.. Greaaaat prospects..”

“Why? What do you know that we don’t?”

“Well, last night I overheard the farmer telling his wife that things were so bad around here, we might soon have to suck the dog’s dick just to survive.”

They think therefore they arrrrrr.

"But there's no way I'm gonna let some drunken weirdo tell ME what to do!"

We've only just begun.

They always have Mor-Men than they should!

They don't care as long as it gets them/their

What classic Italian dish is a favorite of Halloween spooks, spectres, and spirits?

Chickened Afraido

and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking.”

Scotty: i, Captain.

The man tells the theater employee "There are so many options here, I don't know what to pick!".

The employee nods agreeingly.

The man asks: "what would you recommend?"

"You Can See Everything"

"I know, that's my issue!"

His buddy asks, "How did it work out?"

And the British bloke says, "He drove me bananas."

When I drove past a petrol station and I saw a sheep standing by the pumps.

I kept driving and everytime I drove past a petrol station I noticed there were more and more sheep.

I finally pulled into one and approached the sheep, asking them what they're doing.

One sheep replied, "We're being fleeced at the pump".