I have autism, and at this point, I can’t tell if I had it easy in life or if I had it just as hard as others on the spectrum.

When I was in elementary school, the teachers didn’t know how to handle me. It was meltdowns every other day, and all they would do was yell at me, berate me, and punish me. It got to the point where, after the first semester of 6th grade, they sent me to another school that could take care of me.

(Keep in mind, 99% of my meltdowns are angry. It’s very rare that I have a regular meltdown.)

After that transfer, things did get better, until my case manager, who was the first non-family person in my life who didn’t make me feel worthless, died when I was in the middle of 7th grade.

After she died, not only did the teachers not know how to handle me again, but I would also get bullied by classmates. My bullies would make me have meltdowns on purpose because they thought it was funny, and the teachers would just tell me off for not ignoring it.

High school got slightly better, but that’s not saying much. Whenever I felt a meltdown starting, and I wanted to be left alone, the teachers refused, saying stuff like “that’s not how the world works” and “you can’t always get what you want”.

It was so bad that I actually started skipping school because I just didn’t want to go somewhere where I felt like a demon.

When I was in 11th grade, one of my meltdowns got so bad that they kicked me out of school, even though they wouldn’t let me be in the sensory room because a teacher was working in there.

And where are my parents in all of this? I didn’t have the courage to tell them what was going on in elementary and middle school.

My parents have always loved me and want the best for me, but they don’t feel like they want to understand me better.

Whenever I have a meltdown in public, my mom will start looking around at others and will threateningly tell me to stop. She’s afraid someone’s not gonna understand I have autism, and will call the police on me, or worse. I’ve tried to explain to her how it makes me feel when she does that, but she doesn’t feel like she understands despite her saying so.

And whenever my dad talks serious with me after a meltdown, I want to be left alone because I’m afraid if I engage with the conversation, he’s gonna start yelling at me. I don’t want to try and explain to him how I feel, not only because I’m afraid it’s gonna be the same as my mom, but also because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

After I have a meltdown, I feel like a horrible person, and I start beating myself up over it. My parents only make me feel worse by only saying that I shouldn’t feel like that and that it hurts their feelings whenever I feel like that.

TL;DR: Horrible school life, and my parents are loving but don’t understand me.

I’ve been getting therapy, but the scheduling isn’t enough for me to actually feel better about myself.

I’m just tired of feeling like a burden to everyone else. I’m tired of feeling like I’m from another planet. I can’t do anything right, I always do everything wrong.

Hey everyone, I’m 18M, currently at university, and I’m honestly struggling a bit emotionally.
My ex (19F) and I were together for around four months. I know that might not sound like a particularly long relationship, but she meant a lot to me. We had some genuinely amazing moments together, and I still think about them all the time.
Things weren’t perfect, especially towards the end. We had our problems, and eventually the relationship ended. We’ve been in no contact since.
I’ve been trying to move forward with my life. I’ve been spending time with friends, focusing on university, meeting new people and even going on dates.
But here’s the thing that’s been really difficult for me.
Even when I’m on a date with someone new, even when the person genuinely likes me and we’re having a good time, I find myself remembering my ex. I remember the laughs we had, the things we used to do together, and how happy I felt during those moments.
And sometimes I wish I was experiencing those things with her again.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the people I’m meeting. I do. But there’s this part of me that still misses her so much, and I don’t really know what to do with those feelings.
I think I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m moving on because I’m dating again, but emotionally, I’m not sure I’m there yet.
I don’t necessarily need advice on getting her back or whether I should contact her. I just really need someone to talk to who understands what it’s like to miss a particular person, even when you’re trying your best to move forward.
I miss her. I miss our memories. I miss how things used to feel.
And I think I’m just tired of pretending that I don’t.
If anyone’s willing to listen or share their own experience, I’d really appreciate it.

you can see my other posts for all the details, but im really struggling being solo in a new city. its only two more days until I go to a different city to hang out with friends and adventure with them, but ive been here for 2 days already AND I realized I forgot 2 of my medications, that now I have to navigate the scottish health system for and hope I figure it out before I leave glasgow bc my friends live in a different city

I’m willing to be a listening ear for anyone who wants someone to hear them. I’m kinda socially awkward, so I can’t promise I’ll have the exact right thing to say in response, BUT I will read anything you write to me, and I can offer advice if you want, or just let you know that I hear you.

I’ve seen and lived through all kinds of things, have friends of all ages and walks of life. I don’t judge negatively (except myself, haha). I’m INFP type, so I was basically born to be a good listener & actually genuinely care.

I also will especially encourage anyone who has something that they’ve been holding on to for a long time and haven’t been able to tell anyone else… Tell me anything and I’ll help you let it out & let it go.

lately i made a gratitude notebook,we all may felt down but if u read this try think about what u grateful about to feel a lil better ,or u can share something that made u happy lately

I've always felt like I've had to live my life dodging emotional daggers. People trying to guilt hurt me or torture me into doing stuff for them or behaving a certain way. People who are manipulators and don't really care about me. However, for whatever reason, like for example having to make money, I have to work with them to some capacities. Over time I think it's become internalized so I actually thought I actually sometimes throw these emotional daggers towards others even without realizing it. Like if I want an Uber to be on time and I send a text and it's like when are you going to arrive? I feel like I'm also transmitting my sense of subtle threat in a way to try and control them. Obviously I don't want to do this but it seems to be glued to the act of simply sending the message. I don't know what I'm saying right now. I'm also having for the realization. Nobody really loves saying this world. Yes, I know that people care, in an abstract way. And I know that people are decent. But when it comes to someone truly loving and caring about me, that's not happened or It's likely to happen soon.

Hiya...I've been feeling pretty emotionally exhausted lately. There's just a lot going on in my life, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to be strong and understanding for everyone else while quietly struggling myself. Tonight's one of those nights where I feel a little lost. I'm tired of overthinking, tired of uncertainty, and honestly just tired of feeling things so deeply. I'm not necessarily looking for advice or someone to fix anything. I think I just need someone to talk to, maybe vent a little, or even just have a normal conversation to take my mind off things... I'd really appreciate a little kindness tonight. ❤️

I am 37M and autistic. I turned 37 just yesterday and feel like life gets more hopeless. This has been the worst year of my life, with every single aspect of my life in serious problems.

I have never had friends. Almost everyone in my life, including my family, hate me. I am not sure what to do, since I have no-one to talk to.

Yes

Hey I’m going threw a lot right now and I just want to talk to people. I’m going threw a divorce and I’m a dad so hit me up let’s chat

34F, I left a cult 4 years ago this month. My marriage ended and I began a gruelling journey to rebuild my
life.
When I left I didn't realise how dysfunctional my family of origin were. My upbringing involved infidelity on my dads side that went on for 10 years, alcoholism an unstable home environment and a depressed mother. I am the eldest of 3. Often times I would shield my brothers from arguments and cover their ears while mine were open. My dad died 13 years ago when I was 21 of oesophageal cancer, it was very quick.
I've done a lot of therapy and ironically am training as a therapist now.
Over the past 4 years, my mum spent all of her money looking after my two younger brothers financially.
After my divorce, I moved into a property our family owned with my brother that my dad had left us after he died. We had to sell that property as my mum had run out of money and my brothers moved into a 2 bedroom bungalow with my mum, my middle brother has been sleeping on her sofa for the past 2 years. He was out of employment until the past year or so.
While living with my brother, there was a violent incident that occurred where I set a boundary with him and he pinned me down to my bed and pushed his fists into mv face. It was awful.

After selling that property I moved into my own place, luckily I have a good job; but understandably my hope in humanity has been damaged considerably. Therapy helped me to rebuild it a lot and I completed my certificate training in my chosen therapy modality last year. I had the best year of my life, I finally found I was around people that understood me and were extremely kind to me. I felt open to life and proud of my story and what l've lived through without letting it define me. I met someone, who started off as friends and slowly developed into something really beautiful.
It didn't work out and he went into some sort of shell around November last year, after which I felt open and exposed; but enough self love after the past year to move forward.

Last year in December, my mum started having hallucinations, that got worse and worse and her weight plummeted. Where she and my brothers live is also infested with mould, which we have worked tirelessly to resolve. I didn't realise how incapable of functioning as an adult my mum was. I was then pulled into a very unhealthy dynamic whilst trying to rebuild my life. In February of this year my middle brother visited my flat where I rent and started to remove furniture and took my car from me; I had to call a friend of mine to stay on the phone with me to make sure I was safe.

My mums health has now improved, she still lives where she lives, with no money and my brothers live with her.

But I am struggling to cope after all I have lived through the past year. I am self employed and have no respite from work and feel I am having to catch up pay my tax bill in January, which I am incredibly stressed about.

Last year, I dared to hope and actually believe I could have a future beyond the cult and my family and I feel completely and utterly hopeless, that I am a piece of shit that did something terrible in a past life to feel this level of rejection and abandonment and to feel so utterly alone. It all just feels incredibly unfair, but that almost feels childish to say - because at the end of the day, you have to keep going.
I've always thought I'm pretty attractive, warm and loving and try to look after myself as best I can - but I feel I have given up on meeting a partner or ever having a stable family unit for myself and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I've had to carry an insane amount alone and feel like life is trying to tell me something. Who would want to be with someone who has lived the life I've had. I have no family to offer them, only myself and it just feels like all the work I put in to build a future is never enough.

I really feel like giving up.

Just to preface I stated my age as I know it can make some people uncomfortable. I can vc till midnight (about an hour from when this is posted) if you would like and I can message for as long as you need. I do only use discord unless you are just wanting to message in which case here is fine. Just send me a dm.

Hi. I’ve been going through a rough patch recently. I’m looking for someone to talk about it with. If you’re willing to listen, feel free to leave a comment or dm me. I don’t want to talk to multiple people about it, so I’ll delete the post once I find someone. Thank you!

Hello, I'm new here and I don't have any friends to open up with. I have a beautiful daughter and beautiful wife. I'm kinda messed up thinking that I can't give everything and make sure that they live a life that they should have not the life that I've been through. I don't know what to do rn. My mind is having a mix signals on maybe being gone is good for them.