Hang in there🪄

Society's norms aren't necessarily wrong, but they often overlook one essential thing: change.

Every person is different. We grow up in different environments, receive different educations, develop different intentions and interpretations, and envision different futures.

So, assuming that someone who is successful has all the right answers isn't entirely true. What works for one person might not work for another.

Every situation has countless possibilities. Learn from others, seek wisdom, and stay open to different perspectives, but don't let your life be entirely defined by someone else's definition of success.

Become someone who defines themselves rather than someone who is defined by others.

It's okay if others don't understand you. After all, not everyone loves rice. 😁😏😉

​

You know, I give up. Nowadays it doesn't matter how much you care about someone. How much you doing for someone. It's pointless. That's all nice really, but totally optional and worthless if you're ugly.

Oh and before you tell me I'm overreacting, people literally recommend facial surgery. I'm not kidding.

I'm so pathetic, I gave people everything I could and it still wasn't enough. I'm such a loser, each time I'm seeing a shooting star I did pray to be loved just so god could laugh at me again. I wished for it even when I found some 4-leafedclover. I was praying in a church.

I was in a gym, I lost 30kg, I did travel my country, I'm in a course since a half year where I interact with new people and I'm still alone. I'm also in therapy since 2 years. I was in rehab too.

I asked people out and heard so much what's wrong about me that I don't know what to do about it.

Wrong height, eye color, hair color, nationality, a stupid name, wrong distance, no experience, not enough money. Stupid hobbies etc.

Like WHAT ON EARTH SHOULD I DO?!

I'm still young which is pretty and I meet my special someone when I stop looking for it and working on myself and I heard that like a million times. 10 years later. NOTHING, HAPPENED.

So Hey guess it means shit. My fault for "being the best friend, they ever had" while I'm just easily replaceable and fucking ugly.

I wished so much to have a family in life but I accept it that I don't have the opportunity or even the choice.

So honestly I wish everyone the best and hope everyone can reach what they wish for.

I gave up now. I don't want to waste pointless energy and tears anymore.

I asked for a constructive criticism from someone I really respect and they pointed out something I’m insecure about and I realized I didn’t really want to hear it. I asked for it because that how you get better by knowing what to improve, but I’m just really hurt now…

I’ve tried affirmations, but it creates a very thin barrier thst’s easily shattered. I don’t know how to prove to myself I’m a good person who deserves love or kindness or care. everytime I felt safe around someone, turns out I’m just hurting them and they leave. The self-loathing tells me I’ll only hurt people and that I need to hate myself in order to fix my temper or lack of self-control or lack of observance. I know I need to fight it, but I’ve been running into a wall for 6 months with no solution. please help me.

People say that in this world, people only use you for their own benefit.

But stand up for yourself, because if you keep bending for everyone, one day, you will lose yourself trying to please them.

I’m 34, and I’ve been struggling a lot lately with shame, self-worth, and the feeling that I’m behind in almost every area of my life.

I spent much of my 20s dealing with chronic pain and fatigue that significantly limited my ability to work, become independent, and experience life the way I wanted to. I was struggling almost every day, but I don’t think the extent of it was always visible to the people around me. I learned to push through even when things were really difficult.

I eventually got through those years (mostly, I still have lingering symptoms, but I’m much more able to live a normal life) but I’m starting to realize that the consequences didn’t just disappear when my health improved.

I feel like my development was interrupted in so many ways. While other people were building careers and becoming financially independent, developing relationships, and gaining confidence through life experiences, I was mostly trying to get through each day. Now I’m 34, still living with my parents, and carrying an enormous amount of shame about where I am in life.

I constantly compare myself to people my age and feel like I’m years behind. It’s not just about money or career accomplishments. I feel behind in confidence, independence, relationships, and even my sense of being a capable adult.

One of the hardest parts is that I struggle to give myself permission to grieve what happened.
I had good days during those years, and somehow, my mind uses those memories as evidence that things weren’t really that bad, or that I should have accomplished more. It’s almost as though I need to prove that I suffered enough to justify where I am today.

I know intellectually that having good days doesn’t erase the impact of chronic illness. Being able to enjoy certain moments isn’t the same as having the consistent health and energy needed to build a career, save money, or become independent.
But emotionally, I struggle to accept that.
I’m also in a long-distance relationship with someone I care deeply about, and we’re considering moving to France to build a life together. Part of me is incredibly excited. After feeling like I missed out on so much of my 20s, I desperately want to experience love, adventure, independence, and the feeling that my life is finally moving forward. But another part of me is terrified. I’m afraid that moving could set me back financially, and that I’ll reach 40 feeling even further behind. I’m afraid of making the wrong decision and losing more time. I’m afraid of how other people see me, and maybe even more afraid of how I see myself.
I feel caught between two fears: the fear of wasting more of my life and the fear of making my circumstances worse by trying to live it.

The pressure has become so intense that I often experience it more physically than emotionally. My body reacts with strong stress symptoms, while mentally I can feel strangely calm or neutral. It’s like my body is carrying something that I can’t fully access or process emotionally.

I think I’ve developed this belief that because I’m already behind, I can’t afford to make mistakes anymore. Every decision feels like it has enormous consequences, and I put so much pressure on myself to catch up.

I want to develop self-compassion, but I genuinely don’t know how to stop measuring my worth against the life I think I should have built by now.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my 30s punishing myself for what happened in my 20s.
I want to acknowledge that I lost opportunities without dismissing the good memories. I want to take responsibility for my future without blaming myself for circumstances that were largely outside my control. And I want to feel like I’m allowed to build a meaningful life at my own pace.

Has anyone else struggled with self-compassion after chronic illness, lost years, or feeling developmentally behind?

How did you learn to grieve what you missed without becoming consumed by regret? And how did you begin separating your self-worth from the milestones you hadn’t reached?
I think what I’m struggling with most is learning to see myself as someone who went through something difficult, rather than someone who failed to become who they were supposed to be.

It's a pretty big deal because I rarely ever let myself cry. My brain is scary efficient with suppressing emotions, but I caught it this time.

I legit stopped what I was doing, laid down on the floor, and I just let myself feel it. I think I kind of breathed into it.

This is gonna sound cheesy, but I told myself in my head (and really, told my emotions):

You can stay.

I can handle it.

You're safe here.

Show me what you are.

I quieted my analytical brain that was trying to figure out why it's happening.

Soon, a bit of anxiety followed. I welcomed that too.

And then it passed. I guess this is mindfulness? And self compassion?

I successfully been mostly isolated from people I knew after everything I been through. And I managed to self love but I need more

Sometimes I keep hearing about inner child and I still need to accept my childhood self and focus on my inner child more and I guess in a sense be my own family I always needed (parents disowned me) since I'm try to be my own support network after not being accepted anywhere at all.

Sometimes my own body would dump a lot of oxitocin to soothe me, numb the endless pain I suffer, and how it tris to be the self companion I always needed

Just wanted to rant. My tism is just who I am despite people not liking me for it but hey those haters gonna hate lol

I’ve recently become aware of how awful my with myself is. I truly dislike/despise myself. I’m gay and barely have any community around me (I live in a very rural part of Arizona). I’m also chubby and not necessarily a “looker”, which is especially difficult within the gay community too. I find I do t like the way I look or my personality. I’m just not sure how to break this feeling. I know I should at least come to terms with who I am, but I can’t and don’t know how…any advice?

I have always wanted to be normal, like everyone else. I've tried and tried, but no matter what I do, I can't seem to become like everyone else. It's certainly disappointing, but I can't run away from it. So, I guess it's better to face it.

To me, being normal means having a good job, earning respect, and having a good figure. But maybe, for me, it's something deeper, something within. Maybe I'm redefining what normal means from a different perspective. 😊

So, I'll just keep walking, continuously discovering another part of myself—the I.