I have had primary physical custody of my wonderful 5 yr old for almost 4 years now. The mother is allowed supervised visitation and calls but has been mostly no contact. She has also been homeless and jobless for most of this time. By her own choice as she hasn't been arrested or institutionalized.

How can the court decides to modify her support order which I was already lenient at $200 instead of $400 a month and drop it to $0? I got no notice of this change happening. If she was a man they would've thrown her in jail for non payment since February.

This is mostly just to vent. But I've worked my ass off to raise this child without any support. And the state just let's her accountability drop to 0 for no reason.

I’m a 41-year-old divorced father of two young children (6 and 4). I’ve been divorced for a few years, share 50/50 custody with my ex-wife, and have a reasonably stable career and life. I recently developed feelings for a 26-year-old woman I work with, and I’m struggling to figure out whether this relationship has a realistic future or whether I’m setting myself up for heartbreak.
We started getting close a couple of months ago. What began as flirting and casual conversations developed into something much deeper. We started spending time together outside work, going on dates, becoming physically intimate, and eventually developing strong feelings for each other.
The chemistry has been incredible, both physically and emotionally. We laugh constantly, have meaningful conversations, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I’ve dated since my divorce, but I haven’t felt this strongly about someone in a long time.
However, there are some significant complications.
**1. My past and family situation**
She’s never been married and doesn’t have children. She wants marriage, children, and a traditional family of her own someday. She’s expressed concerns about becoming someone’s second wife, potentially being a stepmother, and having to navigate a relationship where my ex-wife will always be involved because of our children.
I’ve tried to reassure her that I’m open to getting married again and even having more children with the right person. But I also understand that dating someone with two young kids and an ex-wife is very different from starting a family with someone who doesn’t have that history.
Recently, we had a disagreement after I explained some of the financial and parenting arrangements I have with my ex-wife. She felt I was being too accommodating and that my ex still had too much influence over my life.
I initially became defensive, although I’ve since reflected on whether I need to establish firmer boundaries in certain areas.
**2. Her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture**
Around the time we were becoming more emotionally invested, her ex-boyfriend reached out wanting to reconnect. They had dated previously, and apparently there were unresolved feelings.
She ultimately decided to give that relationship another chance.
This was devastating because we’d developed what felt like a genuine connection. She was emotional when telling me and acknowledged that she still had feelings for me.
I tried to respect her decision and establish boundaries, especially because we work together.
**3. Things haven’t exactly ended between us**
Despite her decision to return to her ex, we’ve continued talking and spending time together. Recently, we had another deeply emotional evening together where she opened up about difficult experiences from her childhood and how they shaped her views on relationships, love, and what she wants from a partner.
We also became physically intimate again, meaning she’s now crossed a boundary in her renewed relationship with her boyfriend. I’m fully aware that I participated in that decision, and I’m not proud of contributing to a situation where someone else could get hurt.
Afterward, she expressed that she needed to figure things out with her boyfriend and reestablish boundaries between us.
I told her I respected that, but I’m struggling with the emotional whiplash of feeling incredibly close to someone one moment and being pushed away the next.
**4. Where I’m struggling**
I genuinely love this woman, or at least believe I’m falling in love with her. I see qualities in her that I would want in a long-term partner, and I believe our connection goes far beyond physical attraction.
But I’m also aware of the reality:
We’re at very different stages of life.
My children and ex-wife will always be part of my life.
She has legitimate reservations about stepping into that situation.
She’s currently choosing to pursue another relationship, even though her behavior suggests she’s conflicted.
We work together, making it difficult to create distance.
Part of me believes that if she could work through her fears about my circumstances, we could build something meaningful. Another part wonders whether I’m so emotionally invested that I’m ignoring obvious signs that we’re incompatible.
**My questions:**
Has anyone successfully navigated a relationship with a significant age gap where one person has children from a previous marriage and the other doesn’t?
Am I confusing strong chemistry and emotional intimacy with actual long-term compatibility?
Is it reasonable to give someone time to figure out what they want, or am I essentially making myself an option while she explores another relationship?
For women who’ve dated divorced fathers, what helped you feel secure about entering an already-established family dynamic?
I’m not looking for advice on how to convince her to choose me. I’m trying to figure out whether this is something worth leaving the door open for or whether the healthiest thing is to accept that feelings alone aren’t enough.
**TL;DR:** I’m a 41M divorced dad of two who developed strong feelings for a 26F coworker. We have incredible chemistry, but she’s hesitant about my family situation and recently got back with her ex. Despite that, we’ve continued being emotionally and physically involved. She’s now trying to establish boundaries while figuring out her relationship. I’m torn between believing there’s a future here and recognizing that I may need to walk away.

Hej guys i have a very hard time after 2 very stressful years.... i try to sum it up quickly
So on 1.4.2023 my daughter was born and i went on parental leave - i wanted to take it long cause my gf had a better paid job and she did not want to be long away from gere workplace. In my country we can have a lot of parental leave.
Then in October 24 so i and a have year later i wanted to return to my job but they shutdow.n my Department and i was fired.. already felt miserable back then but didn't know why.
Then january 25 i got cancer and had to do chemo...
Moved to my parents becuase my daughter was going to child care and i had a would be weakened during chemo and could get sick fast.
June 25 - chemo is finished and i am happy but got a myocarditis becuase tge chemo was so hard my heart... in about the same time my gf told me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and i am devastated ... she already saw someone for sex or something like that... details unknown but i saw she had sex dating apps and later lingerie and sex toys bought when I was more often in her appartment...
My world was destroyed i was destroyed...

She said its better without me...
Till 2025 i cured the myocarditis and then in february started to work out and socialize more. It was planned that i would have anouther cancer treatment since my vhemo began but in end of February it was then cancelled. Around thi time i was frequently picking up my daughter from child care and staying with her at (ex) gfs appartment and i always when i am there i am reminded of our relationship and so on - it was our appartment before i moved to my parents...
now i am in a rehabilitation centre which you have to do after bei g sick for long and I feel so lonely and only want my familiy back.

I feel so worthless at this point having lost my job then living with my parents ( its very hard to find an Appartement here when you are unemployed) and without my family... the loss of job, health and relationship in just 9 months of time fucked me up bad. I wanted fron her to give me another chance... the reaponses are mixxed ... and i feel just that my life is pontlesss at this moment...

My whole daily mood is always dependent on how my Call with gf was or how nice ahe is to me and so on.... my thoughts are only spinning around this and i am so afraid that she will have another man eventually...

I know that i need a new job soon and i will look for one. Good thing is that i am financially covered.

But socially i am a wreck, becuase you lose a bit contact with people when you dont work for so long ( april 23. ) and also i got just very few friends left but everybody with children....

I just want to move on, dont let myself be dependent of her mood and treatment but also want her Back even after how she lect me when i needed her the most.

Sorry guys for the long post but I needed to vent..

TL; DR from parental leave to job loss to cancer and then being single dad.... trying to get over her ...

Previously posted on “single parents” but would love some advice from the dads, especially now more info has come to light.

Upon their return from a holiday with my ex, my 5 y/o mentioned that an adult friend of my ex’s entered a room without any clothes on, and specifically mentioned having seen said adult’s genitals.

Though I’m certain nothing further untoward occurred, and it could have been accident, I was repulsed by the notion of another adult apparently parading around naked while other families were sharing a common home. Personally, I avoid being nude in front of my child, and couldn’t imagine being nude in front of someone else’s.

Just to be clear, this didn’t happen in the changing rooms of a swimming pool, or something similar - it happened in a room of the holiday home they were staying in.

I’ve mentioned this to a couple of other people who didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. This thinking at least seems to come from the fact the other adult was the same gender as my child, both female. To me, this should make no difference, but that’s only my opinion.

I did approach my ex about this and, alarmingly to me, she has shut down any conversation about it, just denying it, and rejecting the specifics of the situation.

Am I overreacting in my concern?

EDIT: today I tried asking my child a little more about this, and they got sheepish before stating that her mother had told them not to tell me such things, and claimed they’d “accidentally” said it. I’m even more concerned now.

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I’m a dad to a 7-year-old boy and honestly, I’ve been struggling with this situation for a while. I’m looking for advice from other dads who have been through something similar.

His mother and I are separated, and we don’t have a formal custody order. We’ve been trying to handle things informally, but lately, co-parenting has become increasingly difficult.

I have him every other weekend, and I also see him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings to make him breakfast and get him on the school bus and whenever Im off during the week.I cherish that time with him, but the hardest part is knowing how much he struggles emotionally with the separation.

He tells me all the time that he misses me, wishes he could live with me, and has a hard time with transitions between our homes. I reassure him that he’s allowed to love and miss both parents, that none of this is his fault, and that he never has to choose sides.

The problem is that when he expresses those feelings to his mother, she sometimes responds by telling him things like, “If you miss him so much, go live with him.” I feel like he’s being made to feel guilty for expressing perfectly normal feelings about missing his dad. There have also been situations where overnights have been threatened or taken away amid these conflicts, which leaves me feeling like my relationship with my son is being used as leverage.

Aiden has also been acting out more at school, and I’m concerned that he’s having trouble regulating his emotions. He has even expressed that he wants therapy because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings. I agree that he deserves that support, but his mother has been against therapy and has dismissed the idea because it didn’t help her personally.

I’m not looking to label anyone or turn my son against his mother. I want him to have a healthy relationship with both of us. I’m in therapy myself, and I’m trying to be the most stable, supportive father I can be.

What hurts is feeling like I have to carefully navigate every situation because I’m afraid that speaking up for my son or pushing for what he needs could result in me losing time with him. I want to protect him without putting him in the middle of our disagreements.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the separation and wondering whether I’m doing enough. All I want is for my son to feel safe expressing his emotions, to know that both parents love him, and to have the support he needs.

For the dads who have been through something similar: How do you handle a co-parent who dismisses your child’s emotional struggles or reacts negatively when your child expresses missing you? How do you advocate for your child without escalating the conflict or risking your parenting time?

I love my boy more than anything. I’m just trying to figure out how to do right by him while navigating a situation that sometimes feels impossible. I want to involve the courts but I'm buried in debt from bending to her will. She doesn't want to go to court that was the first thing she said to me. Her new bf moved in within 6 months(dated 4 months after break up)so I feel like theres some confusion with my son

My daughter has been in advanced classes since 6th grade. She has done reasonably well maintaining a B- to B+ average over the years. This year she is sitting at a C- in a few classes. I have a pretty rocky co-parenting relationship with her mom. I want to discuss my daughter's classes and performance with her mom but am afraid it will come across as me telling her she's not doing her part to make sure my daughter is staying on top of her school work. I talk to my daughter about school regularly and push her to do her best, but I'd like to be on the same page as her mom making sure she's getting schoolwork done. Any tips or advice in bringing up her school performance with her mom whom I really struggle communicating with are appreciated. I want my daughter to succeed. Especially since she has high school credits on the line this year.