***Thanks for all the responses. The top response about approaching it with curiosity is what I’ll do. She has an overnight business trip tomorrow, I’ll talk to her when she gets back.***

Dinner is crockpot chicken cooked in Chinese hot pot base.

Wife has a couple of our girls out at soccer right now.

I dug through our closet looking for a child’s missing electronic. I didn’t find it.

What I did find was about a dozen empty liquor bottles that I’ve never seen before.

She‘s an incredible mother, killing it at work, our whole life has been ministry to our communities for decades.

I don’t think she’s a drunk per se, but the hiding of this makes me very concerned.

Dinner: potato squares, beans in tomato sauce and pork medaillon.

Throw away account, i am not a bot.

I have a wife and son

Tl:dr:

My worse nightmare became a reality because parents filed a police report against me as a 5year old said i touched his private parts. I am a man working in after-school daycare.

My rant/vent:

I only learned about this after the fact and it was shared by my manager and HR as the police investigation was already concluded and they found no evidence of what the kid said being the case. So the charges were dropped.

The situation as described could never happen at our daycare as we make sure these things should not be able to be said. We take every single situation into account and i always tell parents everything i had to do to take care of their kids. Think like wiping their ass, changing clothes etc. I make sure these things cannot and will not happen. I love this job man kids are awesome and i would never ever hurt them. Yet i couldn't prevent this in any way.

I spoke with the police.
The kid was not a part of my group and i did not have a connection with him at all. He just existed and so did i. You know some you gel with, some you don't. He was one i just didn't do anything with. He was part of the other group and i guess it wasn't personal as the parents went to the police as the kid said what he said. It looks like i am a victim of being a man in daycare.

The worse part is i cannot talk about details of any of this with coworkers and have to deal with on my own on the work floor. I can talk with my manager and the lady from HR. I tried going into work but my head got the best of me and i just felt lonely having to deal with this.

Now i am trying to deal with it as best as i can but i am paranoid to be around kids and feel like i don't wanna be at work at all. This traumatized me worse then i expected. I have no clue about the parents and if they accept the police their investigation and am scared they are gonna hurt me for something i did not do. I am scared of rumors being spread about me and i have a hard time just coping with this whole situation.

My workplace arranged traumacare and is trying to help trough this. But it just feels like i am spiraling downwards.

I had a week PTO planned last week and my whole week was ruined cause all i could think about was this mess that got thrown at me. Having to go back into work. Dealing with all of this. Today i had to call in sick as i just can't go in and it hurts so much not being able to do the job i love and care about.

In all this i am trying to talk about it with my wife but i just end up randomly crying. I feel like i am doing my best for my son at home but it's hard trying to be cheerful. I can't focus on my hobbies. This sucks. I wish i could go back to the time before this happened. Something inside of me broke and i have no idea how to fix it.

There is so much going on that i can't put every detail in here. It just sucks big time.

Thanks for reading. Appreciate the time you took in doing so.

Dating while having a child is something I just cant navigate anymore. I met an amazing woman who just felt right in every way. Going into the relationship I knew she never wanted to have kids and I gave her every option to not want to continue dating. But she wanted to try. We spent over a year together and it was truly amazing everything about this woman was perfect to me. We took it really slow with introducing her to my daughter. I was always checking in and leaving it up to her on how much interaction they had. My ex's family welcomed my daughter into their lives like she was their own family.

Recently i started to notice my ex becoming more and more with drawn from our relationship and then she finally came to me and told me why. "The logistics of having a kid in my future just doesn't work for me and its not fair to you." I wasnt mad at her and I knew it was always a possibility.

What i didnt realize was how hard it was to tell my daughter that we were not together anymore. She broke down instantly, crying and being angry. Then she said it was her fault that she didnt want to stay. My daughter knew that my ex didnt want kids. I sat with her and explained why it wasnt her fault at all and that sometimes things just dont work out like we want them to.

She really grew attached to my ex and now I never want to put her through that again. My daughter still wants to see my ex's parents but I have no idea if thats a good idea? I dont want her to just be ripped away from people she grew attached to but im at a loss.

I never want to put my daughter through this again. Its hard enough with how her mother treats relationships and I dont want to put her through the same thing.

Is it really even worth trying to date anymore? Like I did everything I could to take it slow but it wasnt enough.

I think its the end of me trying to find my partner in this world to much heart break and now seeing how it really affects my daughter just makes it more real that I shouldn't look anymore.

Shitty coffee because food doesn't sound good currently.

Edit: I know that I am to blame im taking accountability that I should have done things differently and will do differently in the future. It was 4-5 months into our relationship before they met and I checked with both of them before they met. My ex was ready from what she said and we moved forward with the relationship.

She didnt just have unlimited access to my daughter we took it slow and I always checked in with both of them on how they were feeling. My confidence that things were going in a healthy direction grew every time we sat down and talked about it.

I never wanted to have kids but after I did I wouldn't change it and I think this is what skewed my perspective. As someone who was against having kids my life changed and my veiw changed. I was to hopeful that her veiw on kids would change that is 100% on me.

I know im not winning a father of the year award over my choices. But I will do better in the future if I ever decide to start looking again. I thank all of you for your straight forward answers no matter how they made me feel it helps give perspective that I didnt consider and again thats all on me. Thank you.

Ft. Pepperoni Stromboli

Yall ive been feeling the wave and drive to find a partner at 26 yrs of age and this is brutal. Dating apps are a nonstarter. This year, i probably asked out like 15+ women; every single one of them ended up with some version of “I’m not looking for anything right now.” As if getting a dinner with me is that bad. I met a girl yesterday I GENUINELY thought was gonna talk to me, it seemed so obvious to me at the time.

It sucks. I do the best i can. My best appearance trait is my 6’1 height. I think I’m pretty smart, I’m patient and understanding, I’m fit, I can have a conversation about anything, I make good money like 200k in MCOL, and only a couple of the interaction were “awkward” i would say. It just feels like every woman is waiting for someone leagues above me.

Definitely the worst thing about me is my tendency to feel like “giving up” iykwim, not that I would, or that they know that about me.

Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington. I like making these it’s pretty easy for how good they look.

I (29 M) am a single gay guy currently looking for a partner. Recently I made a new friend (26 M) at a local baking charity. We hit it off and instantly vibed so we added each other on socials after. We talked all night and he did mention he wasn’t looking for anything romantic as he has a partner, just a friend to hang with. I was completely fine with that as I also wanted some new friends so we both agreed to hang out again as friends.

Since then we have talked every single day, gone out to eat a few times, played sports together, video games together, even went shopping once. I just love spending time with this guy. He smart, really cute, makes me laugh, we have the same hobbies. He’s perfect. He has a cat. I have a cat. They met and got along which is crazy my cat never liked new people.

I have very quickly began to realize I have feeling for him. I’ve only known him a few months now but I dunno…..I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve been feeling guilty as I know he’s in a relationship and i shouldn’t feel like this. So I’ve just been pushing it aside and hanging with him as normal. I’m literally almost 30 and i feel like a kid with a crush.

Well recently he started getting flirty with me over text. Again I felt guilty but I was kinda excited so I flirted back. It got a little intense some pics were sent but that’s as far as it went. Well now we both flirt by text basically every day now.

I’ve talked to him about his partner but he never really talks about them fondly. He just talks about them like a roommate so now I feel even GUILTIER thinking “maybe he likes me more”. Now I feel like a scumbag because a part of me wants them to break up…….and he could……be with me. But of course that’s awful so i push that down.

We went out for lunch the other day and he put his head on my shoulder at one point. He said he liked me alot and was glad I was his friend. I said I liked him alot too and was glad I met him. That’s as far as it went we finished lunch and both went on with our day. So again we haven’t done anything really sexual together, we haven’t kissed or had sex or anything beyond head on a shoulder.

He texted me today and said basically “hey I have this relationship with my partner where we agreed as long as it’s not full on sex we can flirt with other people. But we probably shouldn’t tell them they mighta get jealous”

Now…..I’m not an idiot i can see the red flags here. But I just like him too much to care.

What the hell do I do.

That's it, just because I want it. After thinking about it for the better part of 34 years, I've finally scheduled my surgery for mid January. It's feeling surreal to have this actually on the calendar and to constantly realize my foreskin will be gone in less than 3 months. Can't wait but also scared!

Boston cream pie 😋

Something funny happened the other day, I got an email from 'tinder' which my girl saw since I check my emails for work a lot and I have nothing to hide so I do it right next to her.

She was actually mad at me until I figured out it was a fake spam email from the sender name (I can assure you it says the email was sent from Tinder until I expanded the sender name, the scammers know how to spoof it), I knew it was fake because I've never used dating sites before, but still, almost died that day.

Tldr: fk these scammers trying to ruin my relationship.

Been with my Gf for about 2 years. We are pretty close, and we basically know everything about each other, including our desires and insecurities. I think every single time I’ve asked her to do something new, she always wanted to tried it and usually pretty excited too.

We’ve done anal, we’ve used Nutella, we’ve done it in public, dress up, and outside in a nice green grassy field. I felt super comfortable with her, and assumed she would be down for something even spicer.

Finally I get the courage to ask her the big question, «Wanna try pegging? », she said, no. After, she went super quiet, basically just on her phone never even looking at me and giving one word answers. It was pretty awkward so I left. Text her three hours later, and she’s ghosted me for more then a day.

We have a lot of friends in common, she knows my parents, where I work, basically everything. Maybe she even has my Russian grandma’s WhatsApp. I CANNOT have this become public news, and I also really don’t want to loose her. What should I do??

Edit: raw salmon and eggs for dinner, I don’t know how to cook.

Edit 2: Nutella and anal we’re never in the same room.

Some chocolate chips because I (26m) want something sweet.

Back in May of this year I was diagnosed with stage 4 hodgkin's lymphoma and I had to go through 12 chemo infusions.

In December on 2025 I was experiencing constant fevers and horrible sweating at first I thought it was a side effect of a new medication I was prescribed so after taking to the doctor I stopped taking it and waited for it to leave my system. I thought i was feeling better. Then they prescribed another medication in the same family and I thought it was just that family of medication. At one point in March I tried to see if I could ride out one fevers because at this point taking ibuprofen consistently was hurting my stomach. And once the fever started to subside, in about 10 minutes I felt the beginning stages comeback.

By the time in April I go out to dinner with my mom. I asked her to check out the lump on my neck, she works in the medical field. She said I should go to the hospital and about that time I started feeling extreme pain flair ups randomly. I went to hospital and I was admitted. They put me in oncology ward and they gave me acetaminophen and ibuprofen to manage the pain. They did a small local biopsy of my neck. I applied for short term disability through company. After that I was released because there was nothing else the hospital could other than manage my pain.

I had to wait about 2 weeks for my results. Which came back saying it might be a form of lymphoma but the sample was too small to give conclusive results. So then I had an outpatient surgery to biopsy a lymph node. I waited 2 more weeks for that result in the meantime the oncology doctor wanted a bone marrow biopsy to see what answers that would give. Finally mid May I got my diagnosis that it's stage 4 hogdkins lymphoma. She wanted me to have 12 chemo infusions. Stuff started moving insanely fast within a week I was scheduled for a port placement surgery then the next Tuesday was my first chemo.

For the next few months I felt trapped were I wasn't working just at home. I feeling I'm stagnating and I felt kinda stir crazy because I went from overworking myself to the longest break I have had. At one point I tried to see if I could do a work from home arrangement with my job but then HR said no because of my job title I couldn't work from home. Even though weeks before over the phone they said they could make arrangements for me.

Time past I had my routine of feeling bad one week from the treatments and then feeling somewhat better next. Then it repeats. In October started to transition from short disability to long term because I can only be on short term for 180 days. I began the change. Once it was mostly finalized I received an email at 5:44 pm from my work that HR was terminating me.

I had no idea what was going on. I tried reaching out to them but I didn't hear from them for a day or so. I got in contact with my old supervisor and he told me he had no idea that was going. I made it clear that I had all the intentions of return to work in November. HR finally reached to me saying that since I was transitioning to long that they made the decision to terminate me, it was to help me focus on my recovery, and once I am fully cleared to work I can reapply. Also I would be a direct hire and have to go through a probationary period. This really sucks because I lost all my insurance benefits I was receiving but I could continue them through COBRA. This whole time I reached my out of pocket deductible, so I was suprised I barely had to pay for anything on a couple prescriptions. There is 1 small problem, to continue my benefits it would cost me 1100 per month. But my HR sooo GrAciOuSlY game me a one month payment for COBRA but since I was terminated in the middle on October I had to pay 550 to start it then 1100 on November.

Finally today was my final infusion so it feels good in a sense.

tl;dr: After 4ish months of misunderstood symptoms, I went to the hospital and then got diagnosed with stage 4 hodgkin's lymphoma. Luckily my company had great benefits so I barely paid anything after the hospital stay and I was on short term disability. Once I transitioned to long term disability the company's HR terminated me, one month before I am highly likely to be in remission. And today was my last planned chemotherapy infusion.

Edit: I am currently 26 but in the beginning 25

I'm 21 (m), and he's also 21 (m). The problem is that he's straight and in a relationship.
We've known each other for five years. We went to the same school, and he was the first person I came out to. At first he was a bit mad, not because I'm gay, but because I hadn't told him sooner. He was a little hurt that I didn't open up to him about that part of me earlier. We talk to each other about nearly everything, and we know each other better than anyone else does.
I've even moved cities and now rent a flat right below his. We hang out nearly every day and cook together. Well, I do the cooking and he does the cutting, since I'm horrible with a knife. We also share the same hobbies. We've done so many romantic things together as platonic friends.
I would have confessed if I knew there was a chance. But we've talked about whether he could imagine himself loving another man, and he said he can't imagine that for himself. He even asked me once if I'm in love with him, but I lied, because I was afraid it would damage our relationship and that he would think it's weird.
Now he's finally in a relationship, and I'm quite sure it will last for quite some time. He's happy with her. I'm incredibly happy for him, but if I'm honest, I'm still kind of jealous.
I know I should let go. I know this is a fantasy that won't happen. But it's incredibly difficult to let go of that love when you're around that person every day. This friendship is incredibly important to me, and I don't really know how to let go of these feelings without damaging it.

i have been in recovery for about 2 months now. i have a substance use disorder and am an alcoholic. i went through a really tough period of my life 3 months ago and spent a month self sabotaging everything good in my life. i went into a drug induced spiral and kept making bad decision after bad decision.

thankfully i am better now. i do have a psychiatrist and a therapist, but things took a dark turn when i started mixing my prescription medication such as xanax and ambien with alcohol. i dont think i had a goal in mind, i think i was truthfully trying to numb myself and stop thinking and feeling any emotions. it was eating me up and exhausting. after going through withdrawals and starting recovery, i have been managing my emotions okay.

but i still have this empty feeling within me and an overwhelming sense of sadness. i can have good days, bad days, and okay days, yet that low feeling persists. i do take my medication as prescribed. i have some friends i can talk to but truthfully there isn’t anyone in my life that i can be open about to the fullest extent. i am scared of relapsing, and im getting into a dark headspace. thinking of going to the beach tonight after work and listening to the waves while i watch the stars.

food: chicken gyro over rice

Years and years ago my best friend D started a westmarches style campaign that was run over a combo of FB, discord, and roll20. I ended up becoming one of the GMs for that campaign as my first time running. I was obsessed with this campaign, while not everyone was super involved with had a good handful of invested core players and 3 main GMs, including D, Me, and another good friend M. We all had our own semi interwoven plots that played out between our different linears, we had long standing player characters with their own lore in the campaign, we had so many stupid in jokes... And then after about two years it started to dry up as the GMs stopped having time to run, and bigger and bigger gaps between sessions left people disinterested, some friends fell out and left, some folks were busy with their regular campaigns etc etc. Nothing massive it just slowed to a stop.

I haven't had that much luck running since. Did pretty good with an in-person 6-session set story a while ago, but otherwise I'd always end up running for people who either weren't that into it or who I didn't mesh play styles with that well.

Cut to early this year, D starts a new westmarches campaign with a really cool overarching plot. We have a pretty chunky consistent player base and a lot of people very invested in their own characters. We have also completely ditched using FB to which. Thank god. He's been solo-gming for the first several months basically to set a consistent tone and get things ready, a bunch of things are primed to get unlocked.

Well. The time has come for the secondary GMs to be allowed to start running (funnily enough it's me and M again), and he has given me full reign over an aspect of the plot to run a spiritual sequel to the one I never got to finish back in our first westmarches campaign. I'm running Friday and I'm both excited and so nervous because I know I'm gonna be so rusty.

So it's all good news! Just slightly nerve-wracking for me! Thank you for reading the whole backstory but it's important as to why this is a big deal to me haha. D is a legend and I'm happy he both puts up with my disabled ass being inconsistent and trusts/respects me as a GM to do this big thing in his campaign.

Tuna crunch pasta while I try and get this map finished.

So she (25) moved in next door a few months ago, and had a boyfriend that would come over in the beginning. I (37) have been single for a few years and really don’t pursue dating, girls or even anything to put myself in a situation to get to know someone like that. Actually knowing she had a boyfriend made it very easy to brush off the thought of even thinking hey I have a cute neighbor at the time and we really didn’t interact the first month or so.

Then she would start showing up outside the smoking area where my neighbor and I smoke weed after work or just go hang out. Then she had my neighbor knock on the door while she was standing next to him and ask if I want to come out and smoke. I kinda had the feeling at that moment that we had a little chemistry.

About a week ago I started going up to her place with my bottle of rum after smoking outside. The first night she sat next to me while we were listening to music late at night chillin, I had my feet in the $8 temu foot massage for like an hour and she sneakily put her head on my shoulder out of no where. I was vibrating when she did that. I laid my head on top of hers and we stayed there for like 20 minutes, then she said time to go to bed. We both went to her bed and I was probably drunk but I kicked my pants off and jumped in and we were snuggling.

Then the weekend came the next day and I don’t see or hear much from her. Which wasn’t necessarily unexpected but I had to sit around and think about the line my neighbor and I just crossed and was gonna play out. Kinda stressful.

Then Monday comes. Her car had been broke down for a few weeks and she had people looking at it but never got it going. I told her a few weeks ago I could look at it but she seemed like it was hopeless. I had given her a few rides to work and back this past week and when I would pick her up we would be hanging out at her place.

Pretty much every night the cuddling would get more intense for like 5 days, and then we started making out while halfway asleep and non stop touching on each other. Then we had sex a few days ago while halfway asleep.

So here is where I’m at, I don’t expect anything as far as a relationship to come out of this at all. I think we both enjoy each other’s company and definitely love snuggling each other and all that. It feels amazing, and this kissing and all the good stuff you know. She’s cute and young and out there living life. Let’s just say she gets plenty of male attention on all the internet. Dudes send her money for existing and all that. Which seems to be pretty common these days.

I told her that if anytime she needs to stop this mutual little fling we have don’t be afraid to let me know and we can still be cool. Though I’m gonna stretch it as long as I can because I just love snuggling her 🤷‍♂️ been a few days though as she’s prob off on the weekend making plays lol.

I have no idea what I’m doing here anymore

Side note: I fixed her car, it was just the battery which no one thought to look at first 🤣

A couple months ago I posted my dating profile on one of those dating app subs. I was just looking for advice on how to improve my profile and how to get better pics. And I made the mistake of leaving my political beliefs visible. I'm not even super big in politics, I just have some core values and I'm actually moderate, but apparently that's just as bad.

I got absolutely destroyed in 80% of those comments. I got comments like, "I'm happy you're going to die alone", "you deserve loneliness", "Most women don't want you", and more underhanded hate comments. For the first couple hours that really messed me up. I already had low confidence and self-esteem and a bit of depression and seeing all those comments made me feel even worse.

Thankfully, there were a few positive comments, and they were so nice and heartfelt and genuinely gave good advice. I honestly cried when I read some of them, because they were so supportive! I also got a couple personal messages with very encouraging words.

Anyways, I just wanted to warn people to not take those hateful comments too seriously, and I want to express some gratitude to the few people that wrote such kind and positive words. I'm definitely in a better place now, and I'm becoming more social and outgoing and comfortable just talking with random people. To me, that's a complete life changer.

Pic: Chocoflan Cake I made

Just wanted a space to share it all, get it off my chest really. We're both in our early 20's, live together, I've been out as a trans guy since I was in middle school, my first decade is actually coming up soon, she's only known for a few years, but being with another trans person for the first time makes me feel seen in ways I didn't even know a person COULD see me. I developed tourette's in my early teens and for the past couple of years now, my body has been falling apart. I don't know what it is, I just know that I'm "double jointed" and my hips and shoulders constantly sublux. I can't even walk around the house without it happening, and I can't run anymore. It's only been getting worse.

Today was one of those days where I felt particularly bad about myself, between debilitating dysphoria, insecurities about my tourette's and whatever is wrong with my body, I felt weak. I felt like I wasn't enough; wasn't enough of a man, wasn't enough of a person, that I was bringing my partner down with me. I was sad because not only do I have to suffer being born in this body that goes against everything I see myself as, it also has to not even work correctly. I have to sit there and let it fall apart and bleed and I can't do anything to change it.

She just held me, she told me that I'm everything she could ask for, and that I'm always more than enormous. She told me that no one thinks I'm weak, and that if I were I wouldn't have had so many people in my life, including her, rely on me. She told me her life was better with me in it. She came home with snacks for me and made dinner. There was a few more things she'd said, but this was really the gist of it. She makes me feel like it's okay to just he human, have bad days. She doesn't make me feel like I have to always be happy all the time and I'm allowed to fall apart with her and she'll always be there

Dinner: Steamed lotus buns, beef bowl, and sushi from a Japanese ramen restaurant we went to a little while ago

I'm tired of feeling humiliated and embarrassed by my wife. Grabbing my dick and telling me I didn't get hard enough means I jerked off. Didn't ejaculate enough? Moving in my chair upstairs? Taking a paper towel with my food? I'm not 14 anymore, I work 6 days a week. I'm never alone when the fuck am i jerking off

I just wanted to play on my PC after the movie last night. All day she laid there pissed off refusing more then a few words. Turning down food, cuddles, just to talk. Anything. Decided I'd leave her alone and go grab some food. I get 5 mins away and have to turn around because she has my card. Get back in and she's finally not in bed but upstairs behind my PC. She storms past me and calls me a pervert.

Now its going on 8pm. I went to retro game store and I'm eating grocery store sushi, seaweed salad and green tea.

IKEA just opened in my city, so I went by there and tried their meatball meal with a Pepsi and a cinnamon roll.

My city has several Chick-fil-A locations all within 25 minutes or less of each other. One in particular is right up the street from my church (Pentecostal). I have a pretty active role in my church, as I either play guitar or sing nearly every service.
Of all the CFAs I’ve been to, this one has the best sweet tea. They never miss. My wife and I have been there so much, several of the people there actually know us by name long before we even place an order.

A few weeks ago, I went to CFA to get my usual after-work tea. Two lines, left had no cars, right had two, so I went to the empty line. As I’m pulled up, I noticed the girl (call her T) was wearing a long skirt. So while I placed my order, I asked if she was Pentecostal. T said she was and told me where she went to church. I know the church, my cousins go there. We talked about an event happening soon at my church, and then I had to go. The whole interaction was no more than 5 minutes. I didn’t think anything of it after that.

4 hours away is a very large church. My church is very closely associated with that church. They had a big conference (Thursday and Friday), so I took 3 guys in my church to the service on Friday. After the service, there was a big music thing with food trucks that I wanted to stay for.
My cousins also went to the service and were hanging out with me outside while we ate and waited for the music to start.
Out of nowhere, T shows up.
“I know you! You took my order at Chick-fil-A that one time”
I continued talking with my cousins, but we included T in the conversation. We talked about CFA and how often I go compared to some of my friends. I mentioned that I’ve been cutting back lately because I’m spending so much on tea. Then I heard the music starting, so I hopped up and started walking toward the building. Again, I thought nothing of it after that.

Monday, 2 weeks ago today. I received a call from my pastor about this girl. T went to her pastor and told him I made some comments to her that made her extremely uncomfortable. Said I told her she was very beautiful (never happened), that I was attracted to mixed-race girls (my wife is black), and that I would be coming to see her at CFA more often (I literally told her the opposite to cut back on my tea spending). She claimed she was afraid I’d make her lose her job. So her pastor forbids me from going to that Chick-fil-A. Absurd.
I told my pastor none of that happened nor would ever happen, and that I’ve literally only ever talked to her twice, and for no more than 15 minutes total. He said he would relay that to the other pastor and ask him to investigate the matter and find out why this girl is saying these things. He said he believes me but has asked me to take a break from guitar and singing until this is cleared up.

It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard so much as a peep of an update. In these two weeks, my family that attends that other church has essentially cut off all contact with me.

How do you prove a negative?

Dinner tonight is some Hawaiian bros.

Going through a breakup in which both of us still love each other. We both have our issues. She isn't the best at communication. I'm not the best at understanding people and their feelings. (You can check the whole story on my profile).

Our styles of communication just don't work. After taking some time to really think about it, our relationship dynamic was toxic. She was my first love and honestly the first woman I fully trusted. The more I think about it the more I realize the relationship dynamic wasn't fair for me. Any time things got very stressful she in essence would run away. Either give me the silent treatment, attempt to breakup with me, or actually breakup with me. In the moment I kept blaming myself for everything. I kept telling myself I am the one that needed to change. And for the most part yes. I actively tried and started going to therapy. Which is why I'm starting to finally realize how unfair she treated me.

My question to you all is how do you say no to someone you love? I'm afraid if she reaches out I'll cave and try to do everything possible to be with her again even if it isn't right. I could obviously block her but what if she comes directly to me in person?

I also think I am becoming a psychopath but its not her fault, at least not really. Also not in the way you think.

I feel largely emotionally dead inside and my last relationship may have been to blame. Not to go too much into detail or back story but the girl I was dating before my current girlfriend cheated on me with her boss, a guy in his 60s who apparently kept fantasizing about her as the reincarnation or his dead wife or a stand in or something. She wanted me to forgive her and told me it was a mistake but I felt destroyed and there was no coming back. I should also mention we were engaged.

I kind of stopped feeling at all, not upset, not angry, just nothing at all. My sister became worried about me and wanted me to get out more, said I was being a hermit who just played video games all the time (which is probably true.)

She decided to set me up with a friend she knew and that I needed to put myself back out there. First date went perfectly. When I met my current girlfriend she was the full package. I told her she was probably wasting her time with me, that I was a lost cause and I am just a loser who plays video games and never wants to go out anymore. Not blatantly or directly but in a half joking style.

Needless to say I did not expect her to come back to my place at all, to have the interest she did, to share as many of the the same interest she did. We talked about music, she and I both like starset for instance. We played some of the same games even to my surprise. We cuddled and watched netflix through the night, real wholesome stuff. Went on three more dates and everything seemed like a dream.

After the third date, she wanted to be serious and tell me something. She said the most guys reject immediately after finding out and it may not be something that I can easily accept and to prepare myself. That was when she told me she was a sex worker.

She wanted to go into gory detail, but I stopped her. I told her I didn't want to know anything beyond that, at first she was concerned it meant I was dumping her but I just didn't want to ruin what I had. I just, wanted it to stay the same. I don't know if that was a mistake or not, since I still don't know what level of work she does and it could be relatively minor or something involving other people. But as long as she doesn't tell me, it's not real. She's still my perfect 10.

My sister found out and she was livid, suggested I end the the relationship. I don't know who told her but it wasn't me. But the funny part is I feel so physically and emotionally exhausted I kind of don't even care. My girlfriend is happy because I to some degree am not bothered and I don't have some weird hang up where I enjoy the idea. She likes how wholesome and "cute" our relationship is and how it makes her feel and I feel the same way.

What ironically bothers me about this is three fold:

1. My sister, family and friends all seem to know what she does and I feel like they hate me for staying with her, but what's odd is I don't care because she isn't lying to me.
2. The fact that I have never even tried to dig deeper beyond a basic google search and not finding her name does kind of leave the door open to all sorts of possibilities. As one of my friends argued, she might be plastered on the internet getting it from someone else.
3. Every gift she gives me, every dollar she spends makes me feel guilty. I can clearly tell that she doesn't like what she does for a living and it bothers her. Sometimes she is ate up when she comes over, wounded or hurt and it just eats me up.

I feel like I should care, say or do something for both myself and the sake of the relationship. That she would be happier if she could tell me what is going on but I just live in my fake little world because it makes me happy. My girlfriend is honest but at the same time I making her hold back. She has told me she would likely quit if we got married but the relationship isn't that far along and that honestly kind of upset me.

This is why I feel like a psychopath or at least a narcissist. I am sure she wants to come clean, break down all the horrible details but I just bury them so I can keep enjoying that lie. It might not even be that bad, for all I know she is just posting bikini shots or feet pics or something. Although my sister's reaction to it does worry me. I feel like I am slowly losing my mind and that I can't just move forward at all.

My Dinner:

Eating a sloppy homemade burrito I made out of greasy leftover hamburger meat, melted colby jack and generic store pinto beans.

I 23M have known this girl 23F for close to 10 years. We absolutely hit it off at age 14 when we met for the first time. We were perfect together. Unfortunately she lived 1000 miles away. We spoke on the phone for hours each day when we were kids. We fell in love. It was like we were made for each other. Eventually our lives grew apart, We dated people locally and I thought we had gone our separate ways in life. Growing up we had met twice in person and each time it was magical. As we became adults, I moved away for college (about as far from her as i could go) and she started her career. A few months ago, after 5 years of very little contact, she texted me. She wanted to catch up. When we spoke to each other, I could feel what nobody else could. It was like i was 14 again. We talked on the phone for hours each day again, just like we were kids. Last weekend i flew to see her. i was nervous as i have never spent that much time with her. I didn’t know if i had overhyped it in my head. The trip had exceeded expectations for me and for her. I’m going back to see her in 3 weeks. I’m so happy we get to try and work things out now.

Maybe it will be all okay. Thanks for reading. one of the meals we had together.

In 2022 I thought that my wife was acting strange. I discovered that she was talking to another man. That she had done a few group dates with him and some of her friends. When I confronted her on this she said it was stupid and a mistake that nothing between them happened. We went to couples therapy and I thought we resolved it and moved on. She seemed to have changed her ways, stopped hanging out with the same friend group.

Earlier this year, she told me she wasn’t happy with our marriage. Said I needed to give her more space. I did everything I could think to give her the space she needed. I encouraged her to pursue hobbies, spend time with friends and family and travel. At the same time I couldn’t help but feel that our intimacy was lacking . When I voiced my needs and concerns, she felt like I put pressure on her to perform. It became this vicious cycle of push pull between us. While not ideal, I thought that we were working on it and making a real effort at reconnecting.

About a month ago she told me she was still unhappy that she felt like she was living a lie. She asked for a divorce she moved out got her own place left me signed uncontested divorce paperwork.

Yesterday while cleaning out the stuff she left, I discovered messages and notes that show that she had been in contact with the same guy until at least last year. When I confronted her about this, she said it was nothing and that I was overreacting.She says that he has nothing to do with the divorce. She insist the divorce because we live two different lives that she wants a life with more social connection outside of our relationship. That may be true, but I feel absolutely disrespected. I feel like a fool. I was doing everything to possibly save my marriage. And my wife has been hiding this relationship from me for four years now. I feel like my feelings of disrespect are being minimized by her responses.

In my head, I think I romanticized this idea that one day maybe with some therapy and some hard work that we could have reconciled but now I’m not too sure. I chose to trust her before. How could I ever trust her now?

When we were together , I enjoyed cooking dinner for her almost every night. Now that I’m on my own, I only have you random Internet strangers to cook for.

Tonight’s dinner:
-Pan seared ribeye
-Mixed green salad with homemade vinaigrette
-Roasted garlic and herb potatoes