Dinner: Garlic pork friend rice with eggs and green onions

My gf broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I was understandably devastated as she told me that she had lost romantic feelings a while ago and, despite trying, couldn’t get them to come back. We are still good friends and love and care about each other, but she said it wasn’t fair to either of us to keep the relationship going where I had romantic feelings and she did not. I understood and respected what she wanted…but man it hit me like a truck.

Since then she has moved out and found a new apartment and I, provided I qualify for it alone, will keep living in the one we shared. Initially I really wanted to keep living with her roommates, but it appears she didn’t want that and I’m now at a place where I can understand it’s better if we live separately right now.

These last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. This girl was my entire life for 3 years and she all but disappeared overnight. However, in my time to myself I’ve been able to rekindle interest in hobbies that I had neglected while I was with her. I’ve done the cliche thing and leaned into fitness and I go to the gym daily now and am up to jogging about 12 miles a week. I always enjoyed cooking and have gotten back into that as well. Hell I’ve even gotten back into video games (just beat blood of dawnwalker and am currently playing through cyberpunk 2077 for the first time).

This past week a bunch of my friends from work surprised me at my favorite restaurant and we all got drinks and had a great time. They’ve all been an ear to listen and an empathetic shoulder to cry on throughout this whole process. I love all my work girls and I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without them. It’s been weird going out to eat and to bars without my girlfriend, but they’ve shown me that, even though it can be daunting, I can have a good time going out with other people to and that joy can be found in places other than my ex.

Today my mom and I went thrifting and got some furniture and decor for the apartment to replace the pieces that she took to her new place, and, as silly as it may sound that has made me feel better than just about anything I’ve tried so far through this process. I’m excited to redecorate this place the way I like it (we had very different design preferences lol). I’d be lying to you if I told you I was over her, hell, one “I miss you” text and I’d drop everything to be with her. So, while I’m far from “moved on” I can look back on today and say it was a good day…that’s the first time I’ve been able to say that genuinely since she left. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I am grateful for today. God bless you all ❤️❤️

Dinner: Metro store brand frozen deluxe pizza

My Mom texted me last week that my Dad has a 4cm malignant pancreatic tumor which is just a nice way of saying he has pancreatic cancer. My Mom texted me earlier today that he has been admitted to my city's cancer specialist hospital cancer ward as an inpatient. I'm not particularly sure how I'm supposed to feel about this since my relationship with my Dad has been tepid at best.

My (33) Dad (77) has always been kinda emotionally distant from me. As the stereotypical East Asian immigrant, he would push high expectations on me and my brother (38). I feel like I've disappointed him in many ways. He's quite traditional so he does hold Confucianist values regarding filial piety. As a child, he used to beat me if I didn't play the piano right, or get high math marks. I've learned to just roll with it. I'm not particularly sure how my brother feels about it since we're also not on particularly good terms and I haven't talked to him in a while.

After my first undergrad in Biochemistry that went nowhere, shaky career prospects in my 20s and now I'm back for another undergrad in Computer Engineering which may or may not lead to anywhere again. My brother is in a similar situation, but doing a Master's Degree in Data Science. I feel like I'm still disappointing him. It also doesn't help that I won't be giving him grandchildren as it turns out I'm gay. His sister called him, but he only said a few words then hung up and secluded himself.

I hoped I had more time to at least make him proud in some way considering his mother is still alive and in her late 90s. But I'm also conflicted since I tried to come out to him at 19, but had to go back into the closet again. I feel like I have to put my own personal life on hold for the sake of filial piety so I'm quite conflicted on this.

I've been listening to the Black Parade album on repeat for the last few hours.

Just 2 posts about cheating back to back on here, one was the dude doing the cheating the other was the dudes gf doing the cheating.

What is with people nowadays? Why do people genuinely believe cheating is just something to overcome and get over?

It's disturbing and disgusting.

I'm in a wonderful relationship and not once has the thought even crossed my mind.

Why be with someone if you won't be committed to them? How weak is your mind that you feel the need to cheat when you are stressed or whatever the fuck stupid excuse you come up with?

I'm so glad I'm not in the dating pool, genuinely seeing how normalized it is nowadays I'm grateful that I found my match, fr counting my blessings

Anyways my dinner was mashed potatoes, Mac and cheese and ground meat

Baked potato with all healthy stuff on it.

I stopped drinking 54 days ago, today is day number 55.
I didn’t really have a big problem at least I didn’t think so but looking back I was drinking three or four beers each night after work and more on the weekends. I don’t want to die young like my dad, I don’t want to waste away for years with a rum and coke in my hand like my grandma.
So I stopped, and it was harder than I thought but definitely not impossible.
On day three of sobriety my coworker bought me a 30 pack of beers for my birthday, she’s a sweet girl but I couldn’t accept it. She asked why and I told her, I was deeply embarrassed about it, asked her to keep it private. And I thought that I could trust her.
Now my boss knows about it, my and brothers know about it. one day in the last few weeks I walked into work I saw my coworkers and boss talking, I heard one word spoken before the conversation screeched to a stop. “Alcoholism”.
I’m probably in my head too much about the whole thing but it really feels to me like my friends, family, and coworkers would rather talk about me and this struggle than WITH me, it’s an isolating feeling that I really wish I could get rid of.
I had a dream last night that I was drinking again, I was out with them and everything was just fun and pleasant. Everybody was smiling with me and cracking dumb jokes, but then I woke up.
I haven’t had a drink in 55 days.
I didn’t start out with the mindset to quit completely but just to take a break from it and see what comes of it. I don’t need an “atta boy” or any kudos. I’m a grown man and I know what I’m capable of but god damn.. sobriety has shown me that while I may have friends, my friends don’t really HAVE me.
So if you feel like you need a break from drinking, then take that break. You’ll thank yourself later. If you want to take my personal anecdote as advice then the thing I wish you’d take away is that you are capable. Your friends, family, and coworkers can all fuck off. It’s YOUR thing and you’re strong enough to handle it.
But also, don’t take this story as me trying to give advice, I’m just getting it out however I can.

Dinner was an anchovy rigatoni pasta (or something like that) that I had at a beach club in Capri over the summer.

First time posting to Reddit ever after having an account for years and I figured it should be used to vent.

My girlfriend and I, 24(M) and 25(F), have been together for 3 years and living together for a little over 1 year. Before we lived together, we were long distance by about four hours and we would alternate who would drive to the other every other weekend. Living together has had its ups and downs, but I take it as growing pains. We have both have a strong value in talking out our issues respectfully and I really appreciate that. She is currently in the process of getting her doctoral degree in essentially teaching counselors how to be counselors. She is an incredibly hardworking and determined woman. She is very obsessed with her work and wants to be the best. That’s hot! Her work ethic and drive are two of the things that really make me attracted to her, besides the physical connection because she is gorgeous as well. However, she is so obsessed with her work that she has told me before that her work is more important than our relationship. That hurt to hear. I have also been on the receiving end of a lot of shit thrown my way when she’s drunk. The next morning, I would always bring up what happened and she would feel shame for her actions. I would always say that I am not going to continue to keep putting up with this only for it to happen again.

Fast forward a bit to now, I work a job that I hate and only took the job for money. I lost myself due to chasing materialistic things, and she helped me realize that. We were having a conversation one night where she pulled out her journal. She told me what she wanted from me in that journal that I have stopped providing for her during this time of me chasing money. So, the next day, I was cleaning the bedroom and decided to take a look in the journal so that I could write down what she told me to be better at those things. I imagine this moment as the scene from Interstellar, where Matthew McConaughey says, “Don’t let me leave Murph!” I saw where she had written about how much she loves this older individual. It crushed me. A feeling that I have never felt or want to feel again. It felt like my heart stopped beating as I read. I know I should NOT have done this. Journals are private spaces and I did not respect her privacy by doing that. She mentioned how she could not wait to see him again, planning her schedule around his, and so on.

I asked her after I read all that if there was someone that makes her feel that way. She shakily said no. Which I did not believe and said that she did not say that confidently. I forgot to mention the man she is now infatuated with is married with no kids. She says that she knows that it would never work out so maybe this is just a fantasy for her? They do spend a lot of time together (time that she does not mention to me) sharing treats and coffee meet-ups. I feel torn because she tells that she loves me but it almost feels like she is just saying it. I guess I’ll wrap up there. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Had the conversation and she completely shut down. Tried to blame it on me by saying “so you’ve been sitting on this the whole month?” Yes I have. So have you. Told me her and the guy haven’t done anything…I’m done with this emotional battle with an immature workaholic that doesn’t respect me.

burger fries and salad

im 17, 18 in a month and i genuinely dont know what im doing with my life rn lol

think ive always liked boys if im being honest with myself. like looking back its actually so obvious but ive spent years convincing myself i liked girls because thats just what everyone does isnt it. had crushes on girls i didnt even really fancy just because my mates were all talking about girls and who theyd get with and i didnt wanna be the odd one out

ive actually tried dating girls as well. tried to make myself be straight and thought maybe if i just did normal straight stuff enough it would start feeling real but it never did. i cant keep forcing it. i like boys and ive tried really hard not to

im in a pretty ladsy friend group as well. football, taking the piss out of each other, gaming, drinking all that. love them honestly but i know they wouldnt accept me if they knew. maybe theyd say they would but i know how they talk and i know theyd look at me differently. they make gay jokes sometimes and i think yeah never telling them then

my parents probably would accept me. i think they would anyway. but i dont actually know because ive never asked and ive never planned to come out. i dont even know if i want to.

and now theres my best mate. hes not part of that friend group, which is probably why i feel more normal around him. hes bi

weve been mates for ages and lately i think something in my head has changed. or maybe its always been there and ive just been ignoring it. i look forward to seeing him more than anyone else. if something funny happens hes the first person i wanna tell. when were sat next to each other i get so aware of everything and then have to pretend im listening to whatever someones saying so i dont look like a complete idiot

and i dont even know if its just a crush or if im actually in love with him which is a mental thing to even write about your best mate

hes bi so its not like theres zero chance because he likes boys but that doesnt mean he likes ME does it. and i cant exactly ask without risking making everything weird. hes one of the most important people in my life and i dont wanna lose that because ive got feelings i cant seem to switch off

the worst bit is i think ive spent so long pretending to be someone else that even if he did like me back i wouldnt know how to actually be myself around him

i dont even know how id come out. like who do you tell first and what do you even say. ive never planned to come out at all because i thought i could just keep pretending and eventually it would stop bothering me. but ive tried dating girls and tried making myself straight and i cant. its not working and i dont think it ever will

i cant imagine saying it to my mates because i know they wouldnt accept me and i dont know if i could deal with everyone knowing. my parents probably would but i dont know for sure. even telling my best mate feels terrifying even though hes bi and probably wouldnt care. i just dont know how to get the words out without making it a massive thing

sorry this is a massive ramble. dont really have anyone i can say this stuff to irl so here we are i guess

Food is a cheese and pastrami melt with chili jam from my favorite chef-owned restaurant, absolutely delicious with soft bun and perfectly-balanced cream.

---

I've been dating this guy for 5 months now. It's a whirlwind romance that knocked me off of my feet and made me fall in love for the first time in years. We went on a 10-day, demanding mountain trip and came out stronger instead of breaking up like many new couples do lmfao. We exchanged expensive as well as thoughtful gifts, and we decided we will be moving in together soon.

He met my friends and made every effort to be a part of my life. He was the one to say "I love you" first, and he was quick on making future plans like moving in together and attending my best friends' wedding as well as buying them a wedding gift together. He also asked me if I'd be available mid-November to take another trip and I also bought tickets to attend his favorite artist in concert this December.

Last week he told me he's quitting weed and cigarettes cold-turkey. The next day, he shared that he's having nicotine withdrawals and won't be able to make it to our planned date. He told me he's having urges to isolate and he's going to sleep it off. I requested him to keep me posted on his wellbeing by posting a text here and there. He agreed.

He has since completely ghosted me for a week.

We're still connected on Instagram. He received my texts (once every couple days asking him if he needs support) but never responded to them.

This morning, I saw his thirst trap on Instagram from two days ago, but my texts asking him if he's okay were ignored. He hasn't blocked me anywhere, I haven't done anything of that sort either. Nothing out of his behavior suggested he would do something like this except for the "urges to isolate" talk.

It's been a week since we last talked. I don't want to visit him or call him (he didn't answer last week) and I don't want to give him the satisfaction that he got to me.

But I'm heartbroken because even though I'm in my late-thirties, I've never been through any of this (baby's first jilting haha). I understand the urge to isolate, but I feel like the man I fell in love with would never ignore me.

I'm not sure what to do except to wait and if he reaches out, break up with him for treating me this way or hearing me out first and then end things. I welcome your advice. But in the meantime, I feel sadness to a level I haven't felt before and I just wanted to throw this out and thought maybe that would help.

I'm sorry if this sounds trivial but it did make me feel dejected and I thought of this subreddit as the best place to share. Thank you for reading.

Burger with beef, bacon and an egg a little spicy sauce and potato thingy on the side.

I'm just having a shit time and want to vent. Maybe get advice but it's not necessary because there are people way worse then me. I'm single, own a house and live alone.

A few months ago I thought to myself that with the high petrol prices and the fact that my old drinks up 12L/100 km or ~22 miles per gallon it's time to change. I thought a nice little electric one. Ordered it and thanks to the war between US and Iran it got delayed. But I had to give away my old one. Now I drive bike to work, to buy stuff or anything.

The bike situation in the cold and windy dark is manageable. After work I warm myself up at the PC drawing something and speak to the few people I know online playing stuff. Then an electric malfunction from the electric network in my town fried my power outlets. Several smoked and my PC had issues. A surge protection got also blown out which makes it obvious that something from outside happened. That fried my CPU and killed my PC. At the weekend I needed a replacement and had to look into who paid my damages. But PC is still out for at least another 3 days.

But at the weekend it was my birthday. I looked forward to it. I have a few close friend's I meet regularly and I'm on good terms with my Ex-wife. I even help her move once again now that she leaves her next boyfriend. But my birthday came and except my direct parents and brothers no one said a thing. My Ex-wife did send me a massage over how good her date goes with another guy that is married and has two kids. But she forgot me after 19 years of knowing and 7 of beeing together. My friends also forgot after 25 years. Two asked me stuff they needed to know. A discord remembered. All in all 8/18 family members and 0/4 friends.

I'm just sad and confused. I help where I can and take time for them and still. Maybe it is time to cut more bonds but there are not many left. And I don't know their situation. And I do not know how to handle everything.

Creepy title, I know, but it's exactly how it felt

Food: Cheesy Hashbrowns and Bacon with Coffee at 5 pm

I (27M) live with my mom and my sister(17f). I am currently looking for a job because I got laid off. It's been months now... Yay Economy

So right now I've just been taking care of my sister, between driving her to school, helping her keep her room clean, and making her meals, so she can focus on school work while my mom work works. I got so into it I began unlocking culinary skills I didn't know I had. (Don't diss the Cheesy Hashbrowns) and made a digital cookbook of all the things my sister eats. I've essentially become a stay at home brother. In other words, aside from looking for a job, she's the only reason I have to get up in the morning.

This weekend... or Last weekend? The weekend that just happened, my sister stayed over her friends place, so I had 3 days of doing whatever I wanted without having to think about cooking for her. I immediately became depressed. I could not get out of bed and had zero appetite for anything. My drive to cook or do anything had been burnt out like sausages left in the oven. Like Tea over brewing on the window sill. Like bread tougher than charcoal.

I could not even get myself to play video games or make myself a cup of coffee, I just slept all day and night while watching Shorts on my phone, waiting eagerly for my energy to come back. I thought it was because I wasn't sleeping right, or I ate too much fast food, or I simply over trained at the gym. But the moment I picked my sister up at the bus stop today and drove her home, I suddenly had that burst of energy I've been wanting back and made her a plate of carbs and protein then bickered to her about eating a banana to get some fiber.

It really felt like a flip of a switch, and I realize I've become reliant on taking care of her as a means to take care of myself. I only ever clean my room when also helping to clean out hers, and I can only ever cook for myself if I'm cooking for her. Before when I had a job I just ate out all the time and was doing the bare minimum of self care. Being a caretaker for others is the only time I feel alive.

I can't tell if that's good or bad.

Dinner: A couple of DAWGs, Kraft Mac, and sweet sweet Dr. Pepper

This year has been absolutely brutal to me. I lost my dad to cancer. One of my best friends avoids me now, probably hates me. And to top it off, I lost my Job.

I, 25M, dated a coworker, 22F, we’ll call her Sophie, towards the end of last year. It was pure bliss for me and I still believe for her as well. We had a never ending amount in common, similar interests and aspirations. So many signs pointed towards this, at the very least, could be something that lasted. Other coworkers even thought we were exclusive before it had even crossed my mind to ask her out. We’d text each other daily for months, facetime/call each other for over 3 hours at a time.
Well me and Sophie at the end of December had decided to stay as friends. Yes, this hurt in the moment, but I wasn’t going to be upset or angry with her for making that decision. People change, and maybe she just wasn’t feeling it once we started to get more serious (I really don’t know exactly her reasons, and that was okay with me as long as she was happy with her decision).
On January 1st, my dad’s doctor said his cancer (he was diagnosed 2 months prior and had just had surgery to remove it) had come back stronger and had grown faster than he’d ever seen this type before. He gave my dad two months to live. That night, in an emotional call to Sophie, she calmed me down, told me everything was going to be okay, and said ‘I love you’. This threw me so far off, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became. I don't want to discount how much what she said in that call meant to me, and I get that people can say I love you without it being romantic- but I, to be honest, have never been in a relationship that lasted long enough where I feel myself or the other got comfortable enough to say that; not to mention we had just agreed to stay as friends. Between this and my dad now lying on his deathbed, I started to sleep horribly and got lost in my own head. I’m a chronic overthinker. Sophie, about 5 days after the call, texted me asking for advice on a boy who had a crush on her, but she didn’t like him back. I, stupidly and emotionally, texted back a fairly long text basically saying she needs to set hard boundaries cause if someone’s admitted to liking you, you can’t just go back to friends so easily; I also said I feel similar, and I like her way too much just to be friends. She never said anything back directly replying to this.
We gave each other as much space as coworkers that indirectly depend on each other can give. This lasted till the rumors started flying at work. Which happened to be during February, just after my dad passed.

Please don’t discount anything I say as my dad’s death not affecting me; it truly broke me down, but I understand it’s part of life, and there really is nothing different I could’ve done with him. He and I got to spend his final moments doing what we did when I was a child, watching American Pickers and The Simpsons. I never did tell him that me and Sophie had a falling out; I couldn’t bring myself to have him worry about me during his final days, and I had already told him before this, "She made me feel so happy, she had a heart of gold and was more of a giver than myself." I still miss him every day. I even catch myself thinking, “I’ll tell Dad that later; he’d love this,” only to stop myself and realize those chances are completely gone.

Back to Sophie, though. She started believing some wild rumors that were completely false. For example: I hate online school students (She does online college classes; I did as well for a semester and really enjoyed it. Don’t know where she got this idea from.); She says I told others “she’s immature for not wanting a relationship” (we both had agreed to stay as friends; I never said anything remotely similar to this; If I did mention our relationship, I made it clear I’m the one that started the distance between us, though I avoided talking about her as much as possible unless I was clearing up rumors); She even told some coworkers I forced/pressured her into dating me (heard both words. I tried so hard to make sure when I asked her out she could say no, and our date was perfect for her; this one honestly hurts my heart more than anything else she’s said, as I know she was, at least at some point, into me just as much as I was into her).
These rumors went on up until the end of June. I tried my best not to entertain any of it. I reached out to her a few times over text and in person, asking her to just talk to me.
My employer was finalizing a restructuring at this time, and I knew I wasn’t going to be given the promotion I wanted, so I had started looking for jobs and expected to go part-time while I searched. I was not given this opportunity to go part-time, but instead was told to ‘leave and not return for any remaining shifts’. I can’t help but feel Sophie had some influence in this, or at least the rumors going around (additionally, OSHA, but that’s a whole other story for another time, and is an active investigation anyways).
Only two previous coworkers even talk to me anymore, as the rest have ghosted me. I do get it, trust me, I started the whole thing, but most seem to ignore how hard I tried to fix things, even if it was just so we could work together- clock out- continue avoiding each other; not to mention a lot of the stuff going around was false. I even, up until I was laid off and to this day, would correct people who would say nasty things about her; I only ever wanted to talk positively about her, if anything. I guess it showed who really is my friend. I learned a lot about how to communicate/treat coworkers going forward, but I’m afraid it’s making me cold, cynical, and avoidant.

I miss Sophie so much, but I don’t know if I miss someone she’s not anymore. We made so many plans for this summer we never got to act on. Just a few weeks ago, I threw out the lego set she got me for Christmas, along with the letter/notes she’d written me in my work notebook. I still see her everywhere; she and I drove the same car, same year and trim, just different colors and my heart aches every time I see that car even though it’s never hers. Even though she’s blocked me, I see so many things every time I open Instagram that I know she’d love to see or just remind me of her. Just last week, I was scrolling a new subreddit I found and lo and behold, guess who I saw: it was Sophie. Someone had posted one of her TikToks as it fit the subreddit; I 100% doubt she knows about it, though. I see her in my dreams regularly, always just me and her talking like nothing happened.
She has a new boyfriend now, who I’ve been told by multiple people looks “eerily similar to you”. Also been told she still has photos of us on her socials and talks about me occasionally (I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve asked the two ex-coworkers I still keep up with once a month how she’s doing, but I still avoid any other conversations about her). 

I’ve tried to move on, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried meeting other women; it hasn’t helped. I’ve tried to fill in my time each day; being unemployed has given me too much time, and I hate it. I don’t know if I should write her a letter, but is that just selfish and disingenuous now that she has another boy in her life, and is it just to make me feel better? If she called me right now, would I even have anything to say? I told my parents they’d love to meet her, but they never got the chance to. I don’t have the trust I had in her anymore, but a part of me wants to figure out a way we can build it back. She was the closest thing to heaven on this earth to me at one point and genuinely the easiest I’ve ever connected with another person.

I’ve been trying to better myself all year after starting this and watching my dad quickly pass as well. I go to the gym fairly regularly, and I meet up with friends; I've also been looking into returning to school. But no matter what I do, I can’t help but think about how I’d want Sophie to be there with me like we both used to be. I’m the oldest boy in my family, and without my dad now and with pretty minimal relationship experience, I’m at a complete loss as to what to do. I thought by now I'd feel better, but it feels like it’s getting worse between Sophie and the completely lackluster job search, bearing nothing but rejections, if they even respond.

We’re managers at the same location. Dating coworkers at our company is pretty common, but friendships are too. Plus, one of us would have to transfer if anything romantic happened. She’s a few years older than me, and I have no clue if we could be anything more than friends, but we got coffee a few weeks ago and we’re making plans to hang out again. Having a crush as an adult with a job feels a little humiliating.

Dinner is pulled noodles with cumin lamb. 7.5/10.

Tuna sandwich.

I realize this post may come off as “my steak is too juicy and my lobster too buttery” but I can’t seem to enjoy nice things.

I realized this possibility today. I’m on a work trip to Perth (I’m from US) and I have no desire to really do anything with my free time, and it’s not like I’m exhausted from work. I’m getting US$150 a day per diem for food (significantly more than needed) and I have no desire to go out and eat at nice restaurants, I’d rather each cheap grocery store foods and spend the rest of my free time in my hotel room.

It’s the same back home too, my discretionary spending is <7% of my net pay while I put away 40-45% towards investment/retirement, in the hope that one day I’ll retire and enjoy life. Seeing my net worth increase it’s about the only thing that makes me proud/am happy to do.

Denying myself pleasures has been a growing part of my life for the past few years, that I need to “lock in” and be perfect. All I do when not at work is workout, online college, and then the rest of my free time watching YouTube, tv, doomscrolling. I haven’t “hung out” with someone in years, I don’t have friends, just people from work.

I don’t think my co-workers like me. Was had one dinner altogether after landing and afterwards they all go out in groups but never tell me. They also never elect to ride in my rental car unless they have no other option, but they don’t act displeased with me?

I think I want to stay at my job to as a have no reason to leave. Sometimes it really sucks with really long hours and weeks or months away from home, but they pay is decent, and bonus and benefits are pretty good. Just along for the suck cause I don’t know where’d I go if I left.

Additionally, I still use dating apps despite being stood up on more dates than I’ve been on. In the past 5 years I’ve only been on a single digit number of dates. I think I’ll end up alone. Every time is see a couple or a family with kids I think “that’ll never be me, no one likes me or could love me.”

TLDR: I think I like denying myself pleasure since I’m saving money and my frugality/negative mindset is isolating myself.

Dinner is all you can eat sushi w my friends last week
Paid 28 dollars (tip included) and put down ≈ 45? I lost count icl

I’ve got a date on Thursday with someone from my school(I’m a 19yo sophomore and they’re a 18yo freshman). We met on an hinge and have been talking for nearly the entire month, although things hadn’t really picked up all that much until the latter 2&1/2 weeks.

They’re quite cute and from what I know they have a few idiosyncrasies I find quite charming. They themselves are a baby queer, but I suspect that they’ve either been around it for a while because if they found out as recently as they said it seems to be a speed running reflection and acceptance compared to what I know most folks go through, myself included.

I am 100% excited for this date, but man am I nervous. I’ve had first dates where I met the person for the first time and while I’ve been slightly nervous it was not like this. I think part of it is that this has appeared to be a slow process, throughout which interest was clear but not like in-your-face clear, but maybe I’m used to forward folks. And if I’m honest it does kinda feel as though they’re out of my league. Like their interest is clear which is lit, I wouldn’t have asked them out if that wasn’t the case. But this would be my 2nd time going on one since i officially popped back into single hood, and I’d consider this my most earnest attempt yet.

Im honestly worried im gonna fumble 🫠. Idek how and I’ve actually never fumbled a first date so bad I got turned down an offer for a 2nd so far. I find it’s pretty tough to make someone no longer like you if they’ve decided they do already. Man I just hope it works out.

To be totally honest I’ve been missing being a partner like an old hobby. It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to enjoy being a partner. I’m not sure if it’s been long enough, but I’m sure enough to at least put weight on it in a serious attempt. Ironically though I feel the worst folks to try to make a relationship w are those looking for one, since they want companionship more than they want YOUR companionship, yk. But im just trying to be careful about it. Avoiding pressure on it to to go ant certain way.

Dinner is mushroom risotto

So for context I work in virtual sales and we go into the office about 2-3x a week.

As corny as it sounds we have an extremely strong culture in the office and we all look out for each other almost treating one another like family. Sales is tough so I guess you can call it trauma bonding lol. This will be important later.

So there’s this girl at work who I’ve been very cordial with up until now. She started needing a ride home after the office because her situation changed and she asked me since she’s kind of on my way home. It’s been about a month that I’m consistently driving her home so naturally we just get to talking. It started off very innocent and “coworkerly.” She then started sending me stuff on Instagram, and we’d talk about random things outside of work which eventually led to exchanging numbers and texting.

This progressed and we started subtly flirting back and forth and it was/is exciting. I find myself thinking about her and wanting to see where it could potentially go. Now here comes one of the obstacles I’m facing; any fraternization is HIGHLY frowned upon in the office between anyone. As a team we always make it a big deal to not allow that because there’s enough drama in sales already. We always say we’re all family and we wouldn’t want to have people around that’d mess around with their family.

In light of that we had a serious talk about what we are looking for and that essentially no one could find out anything unless this really progresses into something serious which we agreed is a bridge we’d cross if we get there. My problem is that today was the first time we saw each other in person since that conversation and there was definitely tension in the air on the ride home.

The last part to this is that I can’t help but feel as though since that conversation she has backed off a little bit and I’m worried that maybe I had the conversation too early and scared her since we haven’t even been on a date yet outside of work. (I did try to set one up but because of Halloween and her birthday she has plans the next couple weekends)

I need help to see how you guys would continue to go about this. Should I revisit that conversation and just ask her what she’s thinking now that we’ve kinda had time to process it all and understand what we’re getting into? Or Should I also back off as well and see if she initiates more? I’m just kinda feeling like I’m at a crossroads and my next step is really going to be a determining factor as to how this all pans out.

Thank you all and Stay safe out there!

Food is eggs, French toast, Asian pear, and bacon.

As cliché as the title is, it’s true.

I (28M) am super attracted to my (28F) girlfriend.

I am not used to a healthy relationship, things tend to show their true colors within the first 3 months or so. Not this time, though.

For some background, I’ve been in mostly long term relationships, usually a few years on average.

Truthfully, relationships have failed because of me. It’s taken me a while to swallow the hard truth, but I’ve been a bad partner a few times and it’s taught me a lot of lessons. Importantly, I know what NOT TO DO.

I am a lover and wear my heart on my sleeve. I tend to overlook little things that would bother the average person in a relationship. This time just feels really different.

I catch myself taking notes of things she’s mentioned, I take pictures of things I know she likes but won’t tell me when we’re out, and I am paying attention to the little details when she’s talking. I just want to know her more.

We have a lot in common! Similar childhood experiences (some trauma too), similar music taste, similar taste in food, and aligning goals. Things feel almost too good to be true.

There has not been a single time out of the hundreds of experiences we’ve shared that’s made me second-guess our relationship.

She is very expressive and always boasts about how much fun we have together, it’s very refreshing.

This is all so new to me, these feelings and this ravenous urge to be a better version of myself.

From before knowing each other, up until a little after we started talking I was in therapy for my emotions. One topic that was brought up to me before is Limerence. Which is TERRIFYING to think about. Realistically, this post was just for an outside perspective because I do believe this is love and not limerence.

Hence why things get questionable to me.

Am I too attracted to her? Am I doing too much? Why do my problems go away when I’m with her? Why does it seem like she was created in a lab to align with everything I’ve ever wanted?

I (28M) found out my partner (28M) had been snap chatting and sexting with strangers from Reddit. We had been together for 5 years at the time I found out last August. I discovered his messages with intent to meet up with strangers in a nearby town to have oral types of sex. I immediately asked him what it was I was seeing and he said that he was messaging, dm-ing, and Snapchatting strangers for what he claims for 6 months. I was blown away.

Context: For almost a year prior, our sex life had dwindled and became once every few months kind of thing, he was still very affectionate, cuddled, and kind, but he stopped planning dates, accepting dates I suggested, and didn’t celebrate my birthday earlier in the year. I was hurt but thought maybe his sex drive fell and offered to buy him a testosterone kit, which he agreed to and found that it was normal. On top of this, during this time, I started paying more of the rent to help him while he finished his degree. So i find out that he hasn’t lost his sex drive, claims he was only sexual with people online, and was gas lighting me for making me think something was wrong. What’s crazy is I got instagram dm’d from a stranger that he was using a hook up app and that he had “hit it” but wanted to let me know when he found out he had a boyfriend. When asked, my partner states he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he’d never had the app downloaded, and we bought a ring camera chopping it up to someone from his past being crazy.

We ended up have a large fight, i spent a few weeks at my best friends house, and discussed what we wanted to do next. He wanted to start therapy, individual and couples, and expressed what i felt was genuine remorse for what he did. I decided to give him another chance and to see how we heal from this. Well the next few months were great. We were talking more, discussing our feelings and stuff we had not shared before, we were going on dates. He was very transparent with his phone and apps and iPad. It felt like i had my relationship back. He graduated.

Then a few months later, he was still looking for a job and hadn’t found one, our lease was up, and he wanted us to just move. I had a great-paying job and thought we could move when he got a job lined up. He didn’t like that and got sad and upset when I said I didn’t want to take a 40k pay cut to move when he didn’t have anything more than a part-time job lined up. He was upset and said he felt like he had nothing for him here. This lead to me feeling guilty and just accepting the move, which lead to us fighting because i felt manipulated. But whatever, the job here pays my part of the bills, I got accepted into a master’s program, and I was able to save a little.

A few weeks ago, I was on the iPad and I got curious and decided to look at his apps downloaded again to see if i missed something from back then. What i found were 7 different fake phone number apps that were downloaded 6 more months prior to what he told me he did and they were all downloaded before i took a solo trip to see my family for a few days. I feel like the lie just unraveled further. I feel hurt all over again, i feel like he is still hiding things from me. I asked him about that and he just claims “i don’t know.” To me that isn’t an answer. I feel like I’m gross, i stopped touching him, kissing him, he moved out onto the couch to sleep. I don’t know if past resentments are coming up again or if I’m still hurt and don’t trust him. But i don’t know what to do. I’ve seriously considered leaving but i don’t want to make the wrong choice.

Pictured: a fancy crepe I got recently in Vegas

NY style pizza

A couple of weeks ago my low tires light came on in my car. I put air in them.

Then last week while driving somewhere with my GF it came on again. I put air in them again that night. This usually happens around once a year when the temps drop, so twice in such a short time was worrisome.

Thursday night, at 5 I put on a movie after work (I WFH) waiting for my gf to message me. She messaged me around 5:30 and we had a call and she said she has an appointment (which I knew about). After the call I texted her (I will be watching a movie) - just letting her know I might not be responsive.

I put my watch on movie mode and it syncs to my phone. About an hour into the movie I feel tired of sitting so I go outside to walk around. But when I get to the lot, I start to think about the car and light and decide to check the pressure, then drive it around the block for a bit to see if it comes on again.

I got back, went back to my apartment then check my phone and see that she called and texted a lot. Apparently she tried reaching me before my walk, got suspicious then drove over to my apartment and saw I wasn't there. She sat in the parking lot waiting for me then didn't see my park and walk up. She came in with a lot of questions, "what time did you do this and that" and I can only really estimate so it seems even more suspicious because I don't keep a minute for minute log about everything I do.

I feel so dumb because I should have checked my phone before I started messing with my car. Now she is demanding that she comes over every single day. And I am like, wow either you think I did something and should just break up with me or don't think I did something and shouldn't be impeding on my relaxation time.

Hi everyone! This is my first post to BDD I just needed advice on how to deal with being ghosted by multiple people at the same time.

Story: So I (23M) was in a 3 year relationship that ended in February. I knew I wasn’t in a good place to actively date again so I took a step back, focused on my health both mentally (seeing a therapist) and physically (going to the gym) and just decided to chill on "looking for love." Around 3 weeks ago I decided that I’d like to at least go on dates or hangout with someone that I had interest in so I asked a couple of people that peaked my interest.

The first girl was from a job that I had worked at right after I got out of my relationship we had been good friends for a while and when I brought it up she said she was also interested in going on a date. We set a time and date and she ghosted me as I waited at the red lobster for her. I haven’t spoken to her now in about a week and a half.

The second girl was someone I had been introduced to by my cousin. We hit it off really well for about a week and I asked if she wanted to go on a date. She said yes that night and we made a plan for a week out. When I messaged her about a day later saying I was pretty excited to go out with her (We were gonna go to a baseball game) she never responded to it and hasn’t responded to me in about 2 weeks.

I know that there’s really nothing I could do about the ghosting other than take it on the chin and keep walking. But it’s genuinely confusing me on why people just blow someone off after making plans.

Dinner/Breakfast is Chorizo and potatoes with some tortillas

Dinner, rice bowl. It was good.

After a bad relationship I stopped writing poetry 3 years ago. After my last relationship I stopped writing love letters. This woman makes me want to write again.

Its been awhile so its probably not great.

Prayer

I've never been religious.

Yet now I understand why people worship,

Like prayer, the pretty words that slip out your uncoaxed lips, falling into your hand, and unto my skin.

There is a carnality to my ardor, indescribably frightening.

Praying to covet you without masquerade, an original sin.

A devotion without reluctance; I'm in your palm, that tenderness affrighting.

My lesser angels gather in your gaze.

They know my worship is a quiet surrender.

Praying to put a quietus on the catacombs of my mind

and in your tender prescence, lay my burdens down, uncrowned, unguarded, neither saint nor sinner.

Praying, I now kneel here, feigning religion.

A willing heretic before a faith unknown.

A yearning you've left in me for a collision.

So I sit here starving, a prayer unto a soul unknown, yet enthroned.

I understand prayer.

Pic: Gene’s Pizza, 2/5 but tastes like nostalgia

Just looking for a bit of advice or insight I suppose.

Im 32 and recently divorced after a 6 year marriage, 10 year relationship. Luckily, no kids.

Is it worth it for someone like me to get on the dating apps or is it a waste of time?

I’ve done a lot of self improvement but I’m still working on myself. I don’t think I need to wait until I have everything figured out before I start looking for love again.

I just moved back to my hometown from halfway across the US so I figure I basically have a fresh start here. I don’t really have friends here so I’ll be looking into more clubs/groups to join this winter.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

My girlfriend (22) has cheated on me for the second time now. Both times, I forgave her because she cried, gave me a thousand excuses, and promised me it would never happen again. And both times, I believed her.

I know how stupid that probably sounds. If one of my friends told me this story, I'd probably tell him to leave her ass. But somehow, when it's my own relationship, it's not that easy.

Every time I try to think about ending things, I remember the good times and start wondering if I'm giving up too easily. Maybe I'm just scared of being alone. I honestly don't know anymore.

The worst part is that she somehow manages to turn it around on me. She tells me she wouldn't have looked for attention elsewhere if I had given her more affection and sex. Then she cries, tells me she loves me, and says I'm the one who needs to change.

And I hate that part of me actually wonders if she's right.

But how am I supposed to feel wanted by someone who slept with two other men and then tells me it's my fault? And as a man, I'm honestly embarrassed that I'm even in this position, forgiving her twice and still being afraid to lose her.

I love her, but I don't know if that's enough anymore. I don't know why I keep forgiving her, and I don't know how to finally walk away.

Am I actually part of the problem here, or have I just let her convince me that I am?

For dinner I am having chicken and tomato stuffed squash with melted cheese on top.

Posting from an old throwaway account for privacy.

I'm 25M, and my ex and I broke up around 4–5 months ago after almost two years together. We met online and lived in different countries, but regularly traveled to see each other, spending weeks together every 2–3 months.

She's a little older, working on establishing her career, while I'm finishing my studies.

She initiated the breakup because she felt I wasn't giving her enough attention or including her enough in my everyday life. Things like sending random pictures, voice messages, and generally sharing what I was doing.

From my perspective, I felt I gave her a good amount of attention, but I also understood that I wasn't always meeting her emotional needs. Throughout our relationship, I took her feedback seriously and changed quite a lot, which she herself acknowledged. However, I sometimes promised improvements that I couldn't consistently deliver, and ultimately, the progress I made wasn't enough.

She told me she'd never broken up with someone she still loved before, which made accepting the breakup even harder.

We decided to stay friends, and that's where things have become confusing for me.

We still text a little almost every day and call roughly once a week to watch anime or play games. We both initiate contact, and she occasionally tells me she misses me or accidentally calls me "darling." We haven't seen each other in person since the breakup, nor have we discussed getting back together.

I genuinely enjoy the time we spend together, but it's also bittersweet.

We used to spend hours together almost daily. Now our calls rarely exceed two hours, and arranging them sometimes feels difficult.

What particularly bothers me, even though I know she doesn't owe me her time anymore, is seeing her spend 8–9 hours gaming with other friends while finding a couple of hours for us seems difficult. Some of those friends are guys who expressed romantic interest in her during our relationship and have shown interest again since. She says she only sees them as friends, and I respect that.

I know spending time with an ex is different from spending time with friends, and she might simply need those boundaries. Still, it hurts sometimes going from being such a big part of someone's life to feeling like a much smaller one.

The confusing part is that I'm not even sure I want her back.

I miss her and the connection we had. She was my first real experience of being deeply in love, and I genuinely believed we were a good match. But I also wonder whether I miss her specifically or simply miss having someone to share my life with.

Whenever we call, I'm happy. Then afterward, there's often this emptiness because something that used to be part of my everyday life is now just an occasional thing.

I have gotten better since the breakup. I no longer cry about it, and there are plenty of moments when she's not on my mind. So I don't think staying friends has completely prevented me from healing.

I also don't want to lose her as a person. We still care about each other, and she's asked that if I ever decide to cut contact, I tell her rather than suddenly disappearing.

At the same time, I suspect that if she eventually starts dating someone else, I'd need to distance myself because I'm not sure I could emotionally handle that.

So I guess my question is: Can you genuinely move on while maintaining a close friendship with someone you still have feelings for?

Has anyone managed to make a friendship like this work, or did staying in contact ultimately prolong the heartbreak?

I know no contact is the usual advice, but I'd really appreciate hearing different perspectives and personal experiences. I'm not necessarily looking to get back together. I just don't want to lose someone who still means a lot to me.

TL;DR: My ex ended our almost two-year relationship despite still having feelings for me. Months later, we still text daily and call weekly. I'm slowly healing, but I struggle with how much our dynamic has changed. I value our friendship but wonder whether staying close is making it harder to move on.