She told me I was making a mountain out of a mohel.

Inspect her gadget

A rubbish bin.

Is what a Spanish cavewoman says

A married couple is traveling to visit family. After almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decide to get a room. They only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they go to check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate'. The man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for use.

"But we didn't use them!" the husband says.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the manager. The manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.

"We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows" the husband pleads.

"Well, we have them, and you could have" the manager replied.

No matter what amenity the manager mentions, the husband replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gives up and agrees to pay.

He asks his wife to pay the manager. She pulls out $50 cash and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised. "But ma'am, this is only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replies. "What? I didn't sleep with you!" exclaims the manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have!"

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

will stop at nothing.

...it was being hampered.

She replies, "Why?"
He says, "I can see into the future."
She asks, "Since when?"

"Since next Tuesday" was his reply.

I didn't own the place

- ...Frankly, son, I don't know and don't care!

What’s the worst part about Irish jokes the timing.

I hear it will be smashing!

Ghost.

Thanks.

Double eh batteries

...and John would apologize to Chuck for the dog getting in his way.

What's a redditor's favourite carbohydrate?

Copypasta

Seeing her box.

so the man's wife answers the door.

He asks her: "Who was at the door?"

She says: "A man with a bill."

He replies: "Don't be ridiculous. It must have been a duck wearing a hat."

I replied "*You're"

Is a "Shotgun Wedding" a case of a:

Wife or Death situation

The question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a while and then asked, "Is it on or off?"