I have severe crippling anxiety. This anxiety is the reason why I also have depression. I am sure these two feelings have been talked about extensively on this reddit and i am so happy to hear that for the people here, but i need to ask something thats been on my mind.

As I sit here typing this I have just woken up for the second time this month because of a severe panic attack. My entire body is physically and uncontrollably shaking and I just feel like I'm going to vomit. It comes from my existential dread and fear of death that I constantly can't help but think about. It's an all consuming negative force in my life that has just been eating me away. My days always start out good, but as the day inches closer to night I just experience and overwhelming amount of dread and anxiety that gives me constant panic attacks. For years I thought I was safe in my sleep but recently I have been experiencing this in my sleep and even waking up from it. It wasn't even a nightmare, just a simple passing thought about death in a dream and now I feel like I can't breath.

This isn't me asking for anything or about any medication, I just simply want to know from peoples own experiences, Is there any hope for me in terms of getting this mitigated by a professional or a treatment or something. I am under no illusion that it will ever fully go away, but it hurts man. I go to bed screaming and crying and I wake up depressed because I know that I'm just going to feel this way again when night comes.(I know its weird, I don't even fully understand it I only have been told that I have depression and anxiety and thats about it). I just can't keep doing this EVERY SINGLE night for the rest of my life as it gets stronger and stronger until that day comes for me.(Not me contemplating anything, my fear of death keeps me AWAY from any of those thoughts which is about the only positive.)

Eveyrtime I walk when I go to work, and see women taller than me, I feel humiliated.

Everytime I see a couple, the man is not indian, and I am humiliated and reminded of what my fate will be

Everytime I see a basketball game, I am reminded Incould never become a player due to my genes.

Eveyrtime I go to the gym, I am reminded my genes are lower in strength than that of a white woman.

Title: 2025 CSE grad (F), unemployed, BPD, and I really need a way out
I’m a 2025 CSE grad (F). I’ve been trying to get my life together since college ended, but I feel like I’m going in circles.
I was with someone for three years in college. Things were rocky, he wasn’t emotionally available most of the time, but I loved him. He cheated. I came home after the breakup and my mother kept telling me how stupid I was for not seeing it coming. She still uses it as proof that I can’t make good decisions.
I have diagnosed BPD and have struggled with depression and anhedonia for years. I was hospitalized once. Even then, my mother called me a loser of a daughter and said that’s why my ex left me. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to say to something like that.
She’s always cared a lot about grades, achievements and how we look to other people. My sister is constantly the example I get compared to. If I achieve something, she’s proud for a bit, then it’s immediately ‘what next?’ My father is emotionally unavailable too. If I try to talk about anything difficult, I usually end up feeling worse than before.
I’ve tried telling my parents that the reminders aren’t helping, but then I’m called too sensitive or hurtful and somehow the conversation becomes about what I’ve done to them. So I’ve stopped explaining myself. I still apply but I don’t tell them about every rejection because I know how that conversation will go.
After college I did a six-month unpaid data analyst internship and worked on technical projects. I also took a non-tech e-commerce job because I needed money. I was eventually replaced by someone with more experience. The job was six days a week and I barely had time to study or apply elsewhere, so I’m scared of making the same choice again.
I’ve been applying to tech internships and entry-level roles, but callbacks aren’t there . I’m worried recruiters see the time since graduation and just move on. I’m not expecting a huge salary. I would take a decent paid internship if it gets my foot in the door.
My mental health doesn’t help. There are days when I can work for hours, and days when I open my laptop and just stare at it. I’m not proud of that. I’m trying, but sometimes I can’t get started and then I spend the rest of the day panicking about how much time I’ve wasted.
Being dependent on my parents financially is awful. Every time I ask for money, even for basic expenses, it feels like I’m adding to a debt I’ll never hear the end of. I need an income to move out, but living here makes it harder to function and get that income. That’s the part I can’t seem to solve.
I know I have responsibilities. I know my parents don’t have to fund me forever. I don’t want them to. I want to work and earn my own money. I just wish every rough patch wasn’t treated like a verdict on what kind of daughter I am.
Can people who have actually been in a similar situation tell me what helped? For tech freshers, how did you get interviews after a gap? Did you change your resume, ask for referrals, target different roles? Would you take another non-tech job for money or focus on breaking into tech first?
And if you’ve dealt with BPD or depression while unemployed, how did you structure your days when your energy was all over the place? For anyone who moved out with very little saved, what was your first realistic step?

I’ve never posted on here before, but I just feel like I need to type something out. I feel so tired all the time, everything overwhelms me. I lost interest in the things i like to do. I want to do them and start again but I feel like there’s this wall in my head that prevents me from doing it. The wall in my head prevents me from doing a lot of things, cleaning my room, any hobbies I want to do, it’s so frustrating. I’m also having anxiety about my loved ones secretly hating me, or that I might have said something wrong to them if their tone seems off, it is so tiring. I try not to ask if they are out of fear of either seeming annoying or making them feel bad, so I’m just stuck in this cycle of really wanting reassurance but also being afraid to ask. If I do or say something wrong I feel like I should just be put down like a dog, because my brain can’t tell the difference between making a small mistake vs a big one. Sometimes I just wanna leave, drop everything and be a traveler or something, just disappear somewhere. Not everyone but a lot of people around me requires so much energy, and I’m far away from the people that make me feel good. I feel stuck and so lost. I’m sorry if this is all over the place I just needed to get it out there

Like how people are not anxious even though there are things happening around us, whereas i am the victim of overthinking always, I see people doing cocurricular activities but i feel scared to do the same. It feels like i cant adapt so i should go from that area, then i find people nowadays so mean that they dont even care what anyone feels and there is zero act of kindness and when someone tries to be kind someone scams them..Its like there is no use of being good or kind the only way to survive is by being cruel or by dominating someone. I want someone to feel connected and i want to be chosenn.......i am a good listener too.
tbh only if u are from kolkata then reply.

I’ve been to the doctor a lot for my mental health but I’ve never been completely honest about how I feel. It feels impossible to talk about it, it’s embarrassing. I was warned by a friend to not tell the full truth to avoid being committed and I listened to them.

I’ve self harmed and had suicidal ideations for years. I binge eat and make myself throw up. I’ve been doing it more often lately, about every other day. I make myself sick from anxiety and depression. I spend more time daydreaming that I’m someone else than I do anything else. Hours and hours a day. I can’t even make myself say it out loud.

I’ve been put on like 7 different kinds of antidepressants, but they were all on the lowest/ half the lowest dosage. It’s because I haven’t been honest so they don’t take me seriously. Or they don’t care. Nothing has helped so far. I’m taking Effexor now, but I can’t sleep at night. I missed a dose yesterday and I finally slept, and I slept through all my classes until 2pm.

I don’t know how to fix it at this point. It feels stupid to be 21 and cutting myself still. And to be feeling this way. I didn’t think I would be the kind of person who’s fighting a mental disorder. And losing. It’s so fucking stupid.

I've had a few rough weeks. Staying in bed. Crying. Couldnt fall asleep until 5am. First meal was like 5pm. Rumination and anxiety. Felt like my life is fucked and everything is shit. And then I woke up this morning with a cold and even though I am sick, I feel normal. Can do the things even tho I am sneezing and I am tired from being sick. It's so bizarre to me.

Anyone ever experienced this?

(I am a women entering her pms Phase, so it makes me even more surprised that I feel so good)

Disclaimer: I am not bipolar cause I feel normal, not manic at all

i always have wondered if other people experience memory loss from suppressing trauma.

I'm 17, bout to turn 18, and college is just next year. Recently, after bullshit tons of works and leaderships given to me forcefully for the past few years, I still feel shit. Because till now I still get those responsibilities, I always find it really hard to promise my groupmates or just classmates in general that I can do my part quickly and properly. This sucks so bad because mo matter the coping mechanisms I do, disappointments and regrets would just grow and grow. Over the years, I always think that nobody in our classroom ever even really liked me as a person. I always think that I'm the person they don't want to be with except for the boys. I try to do things as much as possible to fix myself, but I always fail. Time management, I do it correct once, never again the next days. Self-learning, got motivated once, straight up gaming the next months. I'm so inconsistent. I always feel like a failure compared to the person I was before that people always liked and praises for being such the nicest and the one everybody can always rely on. Now I'm just a loser. Always hoping that things will change. Waiting for new people to start over, just to fail again, making more and more people hate me.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the 30s feel like the hardest years so far. There’s this constant pressure career, money, relationships, maybe kids (or the lack of them), health, feeling like everyone else is somehow further ahead… and the quiet dread that you’re “behind.”
I’m curious how it’s really going for people currently in their 30s.
Are you thriving? Barely holding it together? Somewhere in the middle? Does the “behind” feeling ever quiet down, or does it just change shape?
And for those of you who are older (40+, 50+, etc.):
Did you feel the same way in your 30s? Looking back, what would you tell your 30-something self? Any advice that actually helped (or that you wish you’d heard sooner)?
Be as honest as you want. No polished success stories required.

Somebody just talk to me. Going through a lot. I can listen to you as well ❤️

So I just feel really really down tonight. Where are some places I can turn to get some support or talk to someone? Not like a therapist, which has been recommended. I don’t think I can wait until tomorrow. Just some place to let some things out and get some decent/considerate advice hopefully.

I've lost my father when i was 7 and my mother met my step father, which is realy strict, and i've never used to how strict he is.

Recently he has been a real pain on getting my things done, i'm trying to find my way to manage my life but he's convinced his way is the only one.

This morning he went realy mad just because i said i was going to eat at my school before an exam, and i cried but i don't know if it was because it made me sad or if it made me sad which made me angry but i couldn't express it which made me even more sad and that at the end i had just too much going on.

Any interaction with him makes me scared and i just can't fight back when he gets angry (not physicaly, only verbaly, he's doesn't hit me or anything).

I've never had a psychosis episode but i was diagnosed at risk.

Hello im a 23 years old neet man. I grew up mostly indoors without an mother figure during my school i was bullied for my queitness. After highschool i went to social isolation because of it for 3 years(i know it was not logical but it was my only safespace) during those years i just learned cooking(an handy skill). In july 2025 i lost my dad(45) who was in depression aswell.. now im in semi-isolation since then im on meds for like 7 months now. Now i feel so lost in life. I want you to recomend me books that would help my mind and my cognitive skills.

Hi now this is going to be a lot and I'm really really sorry but I don't have the money for therapy and I can't keep asking Google..

I am 20 years old this year and I am ftm, not that it really matters.. but I've been in a relationship for three amazing years and I love her so so much! We lived together at my mom and dad's house for a little while, my mom and dad thought that we were best friends but we are in fact dating, but she recently moved back to her mom's house to start saving money for an apartment! We really want to get one for this spring!

Well, with that out of the way- now that she's sadly not her, I know that I have bad separation anxiety but it's never been this bad before. (I hope someone takes the time to read this cuz I have no idea what's happening to me and it's so scary). I feel so horrible filthy disgusting guilty talking to my friends. I feel like I'm being unfaithful even if it's just platonic, just texting. Or role-playingour ocs!!! Or even if a cute little sticker or a gif has a heart or something cute I can't send it cuz I think I'm being disgusting unfaithful. Like a normal person- I would never do something like that and i hate having intrusive thoughts like that.

It doesn't help that I feel really stupid when it comes to friends. Multiple people that I thought were good ended up being really creepy or sexual towards me and since that I've been really anxious about friends anyways. I also when I was younger, I believe 17 or 18 a 26-year-old cis guy friend told me to show my gains, as I was losing weight I showed him! and he said he wanted to see my glutes too, and that it was normal for real guys to do that, so I showed him and immediately after I felt like a massive buffoon, told my girlfriend and deleted it, even stopped talking to him too cuz I realize he was only asking this type of stuff for me, the only trans guy in the group. I don't have any friends other than two or three online friends and now it's even getting hard to talk to them. It's like I don't trust them but gosh I don't know I'm rambling.

I also obviously put on lotion and powder like a lot of other people and I can't even text my friends during anything like that and if I'm wearing a bracelet I can't wear it out in public or let anyone see or touch it even if it's just simply been on my body while I'm freshening up. I know that this is really long and I'm just really looking for some type of support.. has anyone ever gone through this? I feel like I'm being possessive of myself for her? If that makes sense? It's so weird. Like if I have a itch or I have to adjust my clothing and I'm holding my phone or texting my friends I feel disgusting it's honestly freaking me out and I've never had this before.:((( I'm super childish so I'm probably just being really hyper fixated on everything but I don't know.. ive told her all of this but she just says it's probably separation anxiety and she understands but I don't know how to fix it or if I'm just the only person that has this?

thank you so much for reading this if you did.. thank you thank tou

I failed my midterm I took last week I spent weeks studying and practicing problems everyday. I went into the exam confident and knew the material or so I thought. I checked my grade it was terrible. I’m second guessing if I should even major in engineering as a girl I just feel alone in this exam process especially doing my first semester of college online. I even checked my professors rating on rate my professor it’s a 2.3/5. Everyone said how she is unhelpful and condescending and how she grades questions wrong even if the answer is right. I’m wondering if it was my lack of work I have shown but she didn’t provide scratch paper. But I emailed her in hopes I can see what I can work on. I just feel like I have bad luck in a sense I can’t even cry because Im always going through something. Some fucking setback there always has to be something in my way. I can’t glide through things like other people can. I don’t want to blame her but it’s just I worked so hard and it wasn’t enough.

So I don’t know like I suffer from a lot of things not suffer but just I go through a lot of things. I self harm. I have depression and anxiety. I have ADHD autism and all of that I have torrets, but one of the biggest things that make me self harm in the first place is the way I see my body but I feel like it’s not how usual people see their body like yeah always. We look at our body. We’re like oh I need to lose weight. I look at my body and I think I genuinely need to take out the fat from my body surgically myself and it really scares me. I I look at myself and I picture like you are a fucking ogre you’re ugly you’re fat you are disgusting. You should die. You should kill yourself. Go die go die and you just plays over my head every single day. I don’t. I’m a little bit overweight. I’m like the slightest bit overweight but if I keep eating and eating which I try not to. I have cut my stomach so many times because of how ugly I think I look and I feel I look and I know I look and I just I can’t with my stomach and
When I dissociate I either imagine or I pretend to perform the act of taking the fat out myself surgically I scratched my stomach. I look at my stomach or I just punch it so so much . it’s it’s so much worse than that at times of the night out of it and it really scares me and I’m I’m telling my it’s so much worse than that too and I’m telling my Therapist about it I’m telling her all about it and she says I’ve disordered eating or eating disorder I don’t purge. I’m not underweight. I’m overweight which yeah I know can be eating just thought I don’t know what fucking type and I just I really need help. I need to lose weight or I am going to die. So I was just wondering if you guys could give me a bit of help on what you think might be going on with me thank you you guys❤️

I feel like I'm mentally decaying, nothing interests me anymore and I'm forgetting more by the day. I cling onto things that now make me miserable that I used to enjoy in an attempt to break back into them and employ my interest and my time and it just makes things worse. I've attempted to acquire new interests but that always ends up making me feel worse. My speech and vocabulary are worsening and I feel incapacitated whenever I need to complete a normal task. This has been going on for years and all I've done is watch my personality and knowledge go down the drain while everyone around me always reminds me of how capable I was and how much they wish I would have stayed like that, and I've been trying the whole time and it keeps getting worse no matter what happens and all I do is keep trying and failing and sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself. I've tried talking to other people, but they only tell me what to do and never how to do it. I know what's wrong I just can't fix it. I'm weighing down all the people around me and they all care and all I do is get upset and I can't stop it. I feel like a lost cause and probably am. I just want to get better so everyone else can stop worrying but I keep trying and it only gets worse. I'm terrified of the possibility that I just accept I've lost all of myself and am too incapacitated to even feel upset about it even though it feels like I'm getting close to it. I'm already walking around with a minimal desire for anything, I'd rather feel miserable than completely hopeless.

I’m really lost right now. Ever since I quit abusing stimulants 3 weeks ago I haven’t been able to function properly. My executive dysfunction got so bad I cannot get out of bed, my sleep schedule is fucked - I usually go to sleep around 5 am and wake up at 12-1 pm and I cannot get myself to learn anything. Even If I manage to sit down to study despite my executive dysfunction, my brain just doesn’t absorb any knowledge. I’m facing being held back because of my attendance and grades and I don’t want to disappoint my parents (F16 they still provide for everything) or myself. Despite having so much free time I’m really only doomscrolling social media despite having hobbies because my attention span is fried and nothing brings me joy. I understand that something has to change and I need to go back to school, but everything feels so overwhelming and every piece of advice i come across just doesn’t work for my severe ADHD that doesn’t improve with any meds. All I keep thinking about is how together I had my life a month ago despite using 4-mmc - I was going to school, had a great social life, didn’t struggle with the bare minimum of hygiene and studying that’s expected of me, pursued my hobbies and interests and actually enjoyed life. I thought this was going to pass as my brain was adjusting, but I genuinely feel worse every passing day

So a few years ago I used to use an app called head help which you can post venting posts anonymously and people would give you advice privately or through the comments. But the app has shut down in 2024. Is there any apps that are familiar in some way? Just a safe place to vent without feeling judgement?