Is it okay if I (A man) call you Ma'am? I have ran into some ladies that don't like to be called ma'am and I struggle to find another word that is respectful that I should call them when we are not on a name to name basis. Everytime their reasoning is because it makes them sound too old. Maybe Miss would replace it well? I am in Texas USA.

After having hundreds of one-to-one conversations with strangers, I noticed something that changed how I think about conversation.

The people I enjoyed talking to most weren't necessarily the most entertaining speakers. Often, they were the best listeners.

They weren't obviously waiting for their turn to talk.

They asked follow-up questions based on what I'd actually said rather than jumping to the next question they'd prepared.

They noticed when I became interested in a subject and let the conversation go there.

They were comfortable with pauses.

And they made it feel as though, for that hour or two, the conversation was actually important to them.

One of the people who impressed me most was an 18-year-old university student. It wasn't her knowledge or stories that stayed with me. It was how attentively she listened.

I left feeling unusually good about the conversation.

Years ago, if you'd asked me to describe a brilliant conversationalist, I probably would've imagined somebody charismatic, funny and full of stories.

Now I'd probably describe someone who makes the other person feel worth listening to.

That feels much more achievable.

Listening doesn't require you to become charismatic. It requires you to pay attention.

I feel bad about this but basically me and group of friends are all planning to hang out and go bar hoping for Halloween. One of my friend’s had mentioned wanting to do this too but I feel like inviting her is going to be a big ordeal. She doesn’t drive (by choice) so she’ll expect to be picked up and taken home which would be pretty inconvenient for me since I have other plans before. She also doesn’t drink and isn’t much of a party/nightlife person, so I sorta feel like if invite her I’m going to be responsible for making sure she has a good time. Also everyone else in the friend group has complained of having issues with her saying or doing things that lack self awareness. We’re all part of the same friend group so she will see posts online that we went and I just feel like it’s really mean to exclude someone like this. Is there a better solution?

I'm in a position that is new and unfamiliar to me.

I spent most of my teens fumbling to make friends. Most attempts fell flat. I weirded people out due to my poor social skills, I was too clumsy, too desperate, etc. I know that rejection hurts.

Now I'm an adult with a very small circle of friends, but it works for me. I currently don't have the energy for a bigger circle due to some mental health stuff. The "problem" is that suddenly strangers want to be friends with me. I seem to attract very extroverted people that want to exchange numbers and/or hang out all the time after just one conversation. This is especially tricky for me to navigate with coworkers and other people that I will inevitably keep bumping into.

My social skills are still poor, so I don't know how to respond. I've been told that the best way to reject a friendship is to make excuses and do the "slow fade"; this allows the other person to keep their dignity, I was told, and is less embarrassing than flat-out rejection. But then I've also heard the opposite, that the slow fade is cruel and cowardly, and that the best option is to be polite but direct. So... which is it? Is there a right way to reject someone?

And is there a way to say "I don't have the energy to juggle more friends right now" without it sounding like a lie to someone that thinks you can never have too many friends? And how do I say it politely, am I supposed to apologize for not being able to match their energy? Do I grovel and belittle myself to emphasize that it's not them, it's me?

Thanks in advance.

I would say I’m an introverted extrovert. I was never the weird kid but I never quite fit in either..always skimming the popular crowds and finding myself alone on nights I’d really like to be out ..sometimes being the butt of the joke or ignored. To make friends I feel like I have to bend over backwards far more than others..I have to be the most fit, fashionable, bubbly and have a ton of things going on in my life for people to be interested enough to stick around for a bit.

I am now 30, I desired motherhood and to be a wife and yet, I was never wanted and have been in a few abusive relationships while my siblings are all married with kids of their own.Sometimes I’m praised for the way I look and other times I’m absolutely hated for it..getting mocked directly to my face. My desire is to be a kind, caring friend and do not understand the like of kindness or care coming my way. Feeling worthless inside and out.

When I feel like someone is inconsiderate or being rude to me I don't overcompensate, confront or put on a fake smile, I just distance myself... but what do you do when it is someone you have to be in proximity to? (coworker, extended family, friend of a friend, etc. I'm not talking *close* relationships here) Being overly nice to "keep the peace" feels disingenuous to me or like a betrayal to myself... but often times I feel like people take deep offense to just stepping back and being neutral. This is a sort of challenging thing to explain, but it starts making me feel like I'm creating drama or adding fuel to the fire, which is not my intention, but rather an attempt to respect myself and my peace. How do you balance this sort of dynamic?

I’m looking for questions that can help start meaningful, interesting, or even fun conversations with people. Something beyond the usual “How are you?” or “What do you do for work?”

What are some questions you like to ask when getting to know someone, making new friends, or trying to keep a conversation going?

I’d love to hear your suggestions!

Over the past few years, I always looked around and hated the fact that everyone had someone to talk to while I just kept staring at people. I'd approach people and try to converse and I wouldn't feel them reciprocating the next day so I just gave up at one point.

Today, I do everything alone, as if someone who is totally independent. I eat my lunch alone not feeling like there are pitiful eyes watching me. I walk home alone from uni listening to music that I like. I sit by myself not hoping anyone will take the seat next to me just so I'd feel less lonely.

If this were me before, I'd cry myself to sleep for having no one to talk to. I have my loving parents always by my side, 2-3 of my oldest friends who let me know that I'm loved and that is really all you need in life. You can go partying alone, you can go to that new restaurant alone, you can travel to this place alone and it's all okay, invest in your favourite hobbies, watch your favourite shows, read your favourite books, talk to random people online because there are always doors open for you.

But don't limit yourself to human connections, the empty void in your chest will always be there, but it shouldn't define the way you live your life.

I'm not shy or anxious but in social situations but I never have anything to talk about.

My hobbies aren't good conversation starters, my taste in music isn't universal, and I couldn't care less about sports and politics. And nobody cares about work stories, or things that happens when you're at home.

I'm usually quiet because I have nothing to contribute, which means it's all small talk and getting them to talk instead of me. It takes alot to get me exited.

I really struggle with social interactions, I’ve basically spent years masking just to make others comfortable. One thing I’ve noticed recently is that I’ve gotten very attached to certain people who I feel I can “unmask” around.

My issue is that I feel that this attachment is making it difficult for me to develop any kind of friendship with these people. I’ll send a message and if they don’t reply, I’ll send a follow up and sometimes even a further follow up the next day.

Part of my wants to apologise for this because I’m totally aware I’m doing it but I don’t mean any harm or annoyance by it.

I just don’t know the best way to apologise.

Does anyone have any advise?

I realized I do it whenever I was at a new school, job, apartment etc. It's like I learned how to utilize the personality of being a pushover for most of my life so I see how people actually are with how they would treat me.

It sounds insane I know but so far it's been my filter for people who I prefer to interact with or none at all. Is it immature? Is it wrong?

The only thing I think of the downside potentially is does me doing the act brings out that side of people who are assholes and bullies? Or do I just show their true selves? Like do people innately go after pushovers never thinking they are going through problems and trauma? Or statistically there are just a bigger percentage of assholes out there?

Im not introvert but im only extroverted when i want to. I dont do much outside of things that related to my goal or things that i enjoy(i only enjoy like 2 things outside of school and gym lol). I also prefer do everything myself. I occasionally have to deal with loneliness. I don’t attend social event as well. My life just seem boring but peaceful at the same time…. Older ppl say peaceful life is good but is it really? Im a college freshman.

As the title says i get to know people and become close but then as my personality as a quite cynical person comes out they tend to push me away. Should i try being less cynical and build a new personality or how should i do it?

Never been great at exactly ending a conversation and moving onto the next such as circulating during parties. Any advice for clean ways to break off an interaction after it’s run its course and move onto the next politely?

There’s this group of people I occasionally hang out with. We’re not exactly close friends, just people who meet up from time to time.
One guy in the group occasionally makes little jokes about my age. I’m 31F, only a three-year difference between us, lol.
It’s not outright bullying or anything, but I’ve noticed he tends to make these little digs at me. I sometimes get the impression that something about me triggers his ego. Not only me though. It seems like the guy hates women, might be closeted gay.( he is too homophobic)
I usually don’t react much because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting under my skin.
But I’m curious: How would you respond to someone like this in a classy, witty way that subtly puts them in their place without sounding bitter, insecure, or overly defensive?
I’m not looking to insult him back or create drama. I just want to shut down the unnecessary comments while keeping my composure.
Bonus points for clever comebacks that make the other person rethink what they just said.

my groupchat is so weird because everyone just kinda ignores each other, but then replies sometimes.

like for example, me and my friend were texting in our groupchat for a few minutes, then he just ignores my last few messages, then 20 minutes later he just sends a picture of his own stuff, as if he didn't just leave my conversation hanging.

in real life it's different though. it's usually pretty fun and we just talk about whatever. but, we haven't hung out in a few weeks so i'm not sure if he's just gotten bored of me, despite being friends for 6 years now, but it's annoying. our gc always does it to everyone and i'm not rlly sure if it's something to be worried about. i feel like the connection is always iffy with everyone.

i get really scared and anxious because i feel like everyone is drifting away from each other, and we're all 18 and in college so we're busy etc, but why would they feel the need to just ignore whatever conversation they were in and act like nothing happened?

Hello folks, I(18)'ve had this problem for a bit now and I need some advice and practice excercise on how to deal with this

I struggle to ask my doubts in my class, it's not that I am scared or anything of the teacher but mostly it is of 2 things.

1. I frame the doubt perfectly in my head and it comes out okay as well but like 4/10 times or whenever I try to extempore the doubt I just mess up the question. I have this habit of extempore because I could do it but idk why I kinda lost the ability to do it (only in cases of asking doubts, I can think stuff as and when just fine )

2. The larger problem as pointed by my helpful friends is my voice, and its quite shocking to me as I never imagined myself to be a person whose voice would fall short, but they say my voice kinda goes down and the teacher cannot hear my doubt.

   What do I feel when asking a doubt:- whenever I have to or try to raise my voice, I feel extremely rude and it feels like my throat cannot go further and it's probably my brain limiting this, because I used to have a pretty okayish voice.

I still ask my doubts after the lecture but I feel stuff during the lecture is best clarified when asked immediately.

1. How to fix the aforesaid problems

2. Is there any type of therapy/excercise available for my voice

3. Any kind of mindset changes I need to do?

This may be a really stupid question but, people who say things like “how’s it going” “how are you” when you walk past someone you know, for example in the hallway, and you keep walking: How do you expect people to respond to that/what response do you usually get?

I never know what to do with this tbh, a legitimate response (good how are you!) always feels awkward while we both keep walking and I feel like people look at that weird, but ignoring it also feels awkward. It’s something I’ve only noticed people doing in the last few years so maybe it’s regional idk

i’m 17M. just looking for a place to maybe type every once and a while. probably would lurk for a bit though if that doesn’t bother you.

thanks!🖤🖤

I’m a 34-year-old woman. I used to be social but became very distant over the past 20 years (bullying led me to isolation and social phobia). I’m currently working on regaining my spontaneity.

A friend told me that, in social situations, I sometimes don’t care about people at all (I don’t make an effort to talk to them or get to know them). I was surprised because I’ve often been asked to accompany people to social events to help with small talk.

I asked several friends and family. Some say I’m very social and they don’t see any problem at all with me, while others agree with my friend. I’ve noticed that the times when I don’t care at all about interactions are with people I find very hard to deal with (people who are very emotional, who get mad easily, who are not open-minded or whose way of interacting I really don’t like). I realized that if I don’t feel at ease in the first place with the person, I don’t care about her at all like if they don’t exist.

These friends and family members say I can be unsettling because, there will be times I will be very kind and friendly and others I will be very cold, like two extremes. The thing is, the people I’m cold with notice that I’m not like that with others and they feel rejected.

I don’t want to be that kind of person. A friend of mine is very cheerful and seem to genuinely care about others, no matter how the other person behaves. I want to become more like him.

Social people, how do you deal with this kind of people and how do you genuinely become interested in others ?

Sometimes my mom helps me with working on stuff in the garage or other things that require tools. However, I always end up getting impatient with her and start getting snarky. But I want to change.

I think the reasons I get like this are:

1. I hear her be snarky with me, which sets me off

2. I sometimes know exactly what to do, but she doesn't believe me and then we waste a whole bunch of time

3. She wastes time in general when we can accomplish it quicker and then we can both get back to what we were doing

I feel bad. I don't want to get angry with her when she's helping me with something, I want to have fun while we do it. But I feel the anger start to bubble up.

My mom isn't a saint either - she trolls a lot. And she's not the type where if I'm very clear about what's bothering me, she apologizes and moves on. She just goes "ah you're such a baby" or something to that effect. It's really annoying. It feels like I'm more mature than she is. Either way, I still love her. I don't want to be a source of frustration for her.

I’ve spent a lot of time willingly alone, and for a while I preferred it that way. I could spend days tucked away playing games, writing, or listening to music; I never felt the need to go out of my way for people and conversation.

However, I realize that being comfortable alone doesn’t make me fulfilled.

I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts to other people—I could have a complete answer and then start to stutter once I actually speak. I think that what I really want is for someone to understand me.

Despite this, it feels impossible because of the time I’ve spent in solitude. There’s this contradiction inside of me that feels a need to be understood but at the same time I don’t want to let these people in, and then have to communicate about how I feel to be understood.

A layer to this complication is that I have a really bad “I don’t care” attitude towards people, even if I really do care. I’m a very irritable person and I end up with snarky remarks even if I really didn’t mean them. This obviously doesn’t help with making friends and what I’ve personally realized is that there are a lot of really kind people that I push away with snappy comments.

Now I’m sitting here, not wondering how I can get these people into my life and start talking, but rather I’m wondering how I can avoid letting anyone in and trying to fulfill my needs through myself. At this point, I know I’m in denial—but the hard part is how do I get out of denial? Or do I even need to leave?

It's not so easy to explain. I'm not saying that everyone is free and that I'm the only one in a mental prison. For example, the majority of the people that I know follow trends and live a life similar to others, but, apparently, not because they are actually thinking about it, it seems like they know that that's what they should be doing...they look, while being similar to all the others, much more relaxed than me, even if I don't mind following or not trends and things like that. Apparently, everyone knows what to do and they feel very sure about it, I've rarely seen someone doubting their actions. Why do I overthink everything I say or do and is it okay to not know who I truly am and how to behave with each person? I'm not a mind-reader

i have few friends who were nice in the beginning but then started making fun of me. i fought with a few and then i was at peace. there is this one person who is a manipulator in the sense he talks nice to you in private but in public he uses you as butt of the jokes. another new friend recently joined the gang and that friends also started to do the same thing despite me being nice to him. both of them suck up to the gang leader, the alpha, who happens to be my personal close friend and has done a lot to help me. its because of that one person i am in that gang. outside of it i dont have much friends either. they are the only friends that i know. i see bullies in that gang. all of them. and let me tell you, i have seen the exact same bully personalities from my school. its like all the bully personalities that i hated came together in this one gang.

i cant deal with them right now. that new guy and the manipulator both are suckups to the gang leader and avoid bullying from the gang leader. the gang leader also used to bully me, but i had a physical confrontation and things became okay later. he is a good hearted fellow and we are at peace. these two guys are now starting suddenly to target me. the thing is i might need their help in future as well so idk what i must do. right now i am giving them the silent treatment. i dont engage with them. but i have seen such people all my life and i dont know how to deal with them.

pls help.

im the kind of guy who has 0 friends, and the few that i have are toxic and disrespectful. i dont know what i should do so that they treat me like others. there are other people who are friends with them and they treat them nicely but if i try i am bullied or disrespected.