A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were waiting to be guillotined by the Taliban.

They tested it by chopping off the head of a goat. They dragged over the doctor. "Do you have anything to say?" "Why kill me? I'm a doctor. I can treat your sick and injured." "off with his head!" shouted the mullah. The crowd roared. The doctor was stuffed into postition, the executioner jerked the lanyard and - nothing heppened. They took the doctor out and tried it on a goat. Chop! It worked perfectly.

A big cry went up from the crowd. "Spare the doctor. It is the will of God!" And the doctor was freed.

Next they dragged up the lawyer. "'I'm a lawyer. I can represent your cause before the world court..." he was stuffed into the guillotine... the lanyard... nothing happened...the goat... the crowd "..the will of God" and the lawyer was freed.

Next they dragged up the engineer. He said: "There's a burr that stops the latch lever every other pull. Gimme a file and I could dress it off."

You will be mist

Wasabi!

Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," the judge said. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane; I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

Skeleton in his closet

They may crack each other

It was Panda-Moan-ium.

Evidently “Safe Sex” isn’t similar to the Mile High Club.

They make a good gin and yonic

He leans lazily against the house.
"So?" he says.
"So?" she replies.
"So, how about a blowjob?"
"Are you crazy. My parents might see us!"
"Come on, who's going to see us at this hour? I'll return the favour."
"Can you imagine if we got caught? Oh my god, what my father would do to you."
"There's no one around. They're all asleep."
"No way, it's far too risky."
"But I love you so much."

A light comes on and the front door opens. The girl's sister appears in her night clothes. She says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if needs be he'll do it himself. But for god's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

The bartender asks why he's ordered so many.
"Just had my first blowjob" the man replies.

"Congratulations, here, have another shot on the house!" Says the bartender.

"Thanks, but if 6 shots don't get rid of the taste, I doubt 7 will."

They don't fancy each other.

They grew up together, played together, and were basically best friends.

But dogs age a lot faster than humans, and by the time the boy turned ten, his dog was getting pretty old.
His parents knew the dog didn’t have much time left and worried their son would be devastated when he died.

So one day, his dad sat him down for a serious talk.

“Buddy, you know how your dog’s been slowing down lately? He’s getting old, and one day soon, he won’t be with us anymore. When that happens, we’ll make him a beautiful little coffin. We’ll invite all your friends over, everyone can share their favorite memories of him, and then we’ll have a special ceremony in the backyard where we bury him.”

The boy’s eyes suddenly lit up.
His dad was surprised.

“So, buddy… how do you feel about all that?”

The boy jumped up excitedly.
“CAN WE KILL HIM TODAY?!”

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

I call it lunch.

... she had a gangbang and nobody met.

Gerry hat-trick

As he creeps through the lounge, he hears a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” He freezes and shines his torch around the room. Nobody there. He takes another step. “Jesus is watching you.” He points his torch at a parrot in a cage. “Was that you?” he whispers. “Yes,” says the parrot. “What’s your name?” “Moses.” The burglar laughs. “What sort of idiot names a parrot Moses?” The parrot replies, “The same sort of idiot who names his Rottweiler Jesus.” 🤣💀

Because he was under twenty-Juan

I damn near fell out of the shopping cart.

He wanted to train.

Seeing her box

Well, I suppose you can get away with that when you're a gynaecologist.

It never received its Alberta-approved immigration status.

Let's discus.