Editing the body since I can't edit the title, word count is 2880 without 'K' - apologies, I'm new to Reddit :)

Hi guys. I would really appreciate a brutally honest assessment of my first two chapters. Can you help me?

It’s a contemporary romance with a dual POV: a former Army captain who owns a small-town bar with his injured best friend, and a woman whose path leads straight to him. Chapter 1 is his POV and Chapter 2 is hers.

What I’d most like to know:

• Does Chapter 1 hook you? Where did you want to keep reading, and where did you start to lose interest?
• Do the two POV voices feel distinct from each other?
• Does Chapter 2 keep the momentum?

Content notes: mild profanity, and a physical altercation played for humor.

English is my second language, so please flag anything that sounds awkward or unnatural.

Please DM me and I’ll send you the Google Doc link

I'm happy to swap chapters if you would like feedback too! :)

I wrote my first series and my beta were friends and 2 random people who i became close with. I'm going straight for ARC with the first one [90k] words the second is also ready [100k] the series is long so what should i do? I can't have betas for book 2 who haven't read book1

Hello, my name is Sabahat Komonaj. I wrote a memoir called "When All I Had Left Was Faith." It is my true story about faith, healing, and prayer. When I was a young mother of five, paralysis struck my body, and God healed me — I learned to walk again.

I have a French draft of the book (about 19,000 words). I need a native French reader to check that it reads naturally in French. This is free — I only ask for your honest help. Please send me a message if you can help.

Thank you, and God bless you. — Sabi —Excerpt from Chapter 1:

Il y a des moments où l'on n'a plus aucune force. On ne sait pas si son corps va se rétablir ni comment on va prendre soin de ses enfants. C'est là que la suite de mon histoire a commencé.

Parfois, les gens pensent que la foi vient quand tout va bien. Pour moi, la foi est venue quand il ne me restait presque plus rien.

Here is a super super rough draft of the blurb (I am rlly bad at writing them so I will probably hire someone):

Molly’s life was perfectly planned out, school, uni, dating, career, husband, baby… but two years post a devastating car accident she is unfulfilled, her family either dead or estranged, and unable to reimagine her life now that she is an incomplete paraplegic. In a panicked moment she calls a sexworker.

Jackson is a nineteen year old having sex with people to feed himself and fill a deep void rather than because it’s what he wants. He has a terrible roommate and a family who abandoned him. With an undiagnosed learning disability he struggles to find a way out.

Jackson and Molly have a strained first interaction that turns into a deep codependent friends with benefits arrangement, together they work on their family issues, education, self depreciation, and work hard to build each other up.

Some trigger warnings:

- F slur

- R slur

- Sex scenes

- Self harm

- Depression

- Disability (wheelchair user)

- Sex work

- Drugs and alcohol

- Body dysmorphia

I'm a bit stuck on any major changes that need to be made. It has not had line or copy editing yet. There are likely typos and repetitive language (which you are more than welcome to point out) but it will go through more editing for that. 

My instagram: levithomas.writing

[Discussion] Visiting the awesome prehistoric caves in France earlier this year inspired me to write a novel about them. I'm looking for a few advance copy readers. If you're interested, please DM me. Book description below.

SHE'S FROM TWO WORLDS. SHE CAN ONLY LIVE IN ONE.

​Fifteen-year-old Anna thinks she’s just exploring a cave in France — until she touches a prehistoric handprint and wakes up fifteen thousand years in the past. Stranded among hunters who seem to recognize her, she learns the truth: she was born here.

When the wall opens again, Anna must make an impossible choice. Go back to her own time. Or stay with the Ice Age family she never knew she had. She can’t have both.

The novel is about a young man who is afflicted by a curse that outlaws him, and gives him a mark that is impossible to hide. His goal is to find somewhere safe to live, while he desperately longs for his home and to return to the life he had before. All while a inhumanly strong man is searching for people with the curse, because he wants to prevent a prophecy from happening.

If someone would please beta read this, that would be awesome.

Hi all. I’ve been carrying this story around in my head for over ten years and finally got it onto the page this year. It’s on draft 3.1 now and I need fresh eyes before I start draft 4.

Blurb:

Frank Bell gave nine years of his life to the engine that took the first crews to Mars. Then the sky fell, the Panel turned down his next idea, and Frank retreated to a workshop on an industrial estate with a kettle, a schoolroom robot called Dave and an AI called Scarlett.

There, out of a second-hand delivery drone, he built a faster-than-light drive.

On Thursday, a fifteen-kilometre asteroid will pass closer to Earth than some of our satellites. With every telescope in the world pointed at it, Frank is going to launch into the middle of the broadcast and prove he was right.

He has promised to be back for breakfast.

About it: British sci-fi that starts a little funny and gets darker. One man, a ship’s AI called Scarlett and a lot of bad decisions. If you like The Martian or Moon, you might get on with it.

What I’m after: big picture stuff. Where you got bored, what didn’t make sense, whether the ending lands. I’m not worried about typos at this stage.

Format: EPUB, works on Apple Books or Kindle. Around six weeks to read, but no pressure.

Swap: I’m happy to read something of yours in return, especially sci-fi.

Comment or DM if you’re interested. Cheers!

Looking for 3 to 5 beta readers who love dark romance.

Blurb

Cassia Rhys doesn't believe in fate. She just sells it, reading tarot for tourists in Salem and taking a little white pill every night to keep one dream away: stone stairs, black water, a faceless man coming for her. The night she forgets the pill, a touch from her favorite Thursday customer sends a warning out of her in a voice that isn't hers. Don't take the river road. His driver dies there. The quiet old man runs the Draghetti crime family, and his son Evander wants to know what she is.

About the book: dark Gothic romance, Book One of a series, about 101,000 words. Dual first person (Cas and Evander), slow burn that turns explicit. Ends on a cliffhanger. Comps: Haunting Adeline, Two Twisted Crowns, Rebecca, Crimson Peak.

Excerpt (opening of Chapter One)

Something warm slides over my lip.

I touch it, and my fingertips come away dark in the gray light. Blood. It's on the pillowcase, a bloom the size of my fist. Copper and salt.

I have never had a nosebleed in my life.

I sit up too fast, and the room tilts. There's a pressure behind my eyes, like a thumb pushing from the inside. Migraine, I tell myself. The radiator has clanked all week. People get nosebleeds. It doesn't mean anything.

On the nightstand, the little orange bottle sits exactly where I left it. Cap on. I closed the shop last night, walked home in the rain, and fell into bed with my boots still on.

I don't like sleep. I don't like what waits for me inside it.

These days I swallow a little white pill before bed so there's nothing to tell. The only nights it fails me are the nights I forget it. Those are the nights the Dream gets in, and it's always the same one. Bay leaves. Cold salt air, though there's no sea anywhere in it. A woman singing low and a little off-key. A trembling hand closing my fingers around a leaf. Don't let him find you. Stone stairs going down into a dark that breathes, and a man at the bottom with no face, climbing, calling my name.

I always wake before he reaches me. That's the rule.

Last night he broke it. He took my wrist, and his fingers closed like a lock, and on his smallest finger there was a plain gold ring, heavy and old, catching a light that wasn't there.

Content warnings: murder, gun violence and blood; kidnapping and captivity; stalking and an obsessive love interest; organized crime; loss of a parent and foster care; a stroke and grief; seizures and nosebleeds; reliance on sleep medication; explicit sexual content.

Feedback I'd love: where you couldn't put it down, where you drifted, whether the romance and the danger land, and whether Evander works for you. Questions are built into the file; answer as much or as little as you like.

Timeline: about 5 weeks. Word file or Kindle file, your choice. Feedback in chunks is welcome.

Critique swap: happy to swap with anyone writing romance, romantasy, Gothic or dark fiction.

Comment or DM me and tell me a dark romance you loved recently!

Hello!

I am currently finishing up revisions for my romantic fantasy novel, The Highest Treason. I am looking for beta readers for the first chapter at the moment (3k words), but if anyone is interested in reading forward that would be awesome too. I am also available to do a manuscript swap!

The Highest Treason follows a young woman intent on bringing revolution against a tyrant Emperor. She believes that if she can turn a high ranking member of his court to her cause, she can expose enough of the Empire's dark secrets to win the support of the people. However when her mark defects from his station before she can reach him, she must do whatever she can to find him; before the Emperor's men do.

Feedback I am looking for:

• First impressions (how well does this work as an opening chapter? does it make you want to keep reading?)
• World-Building set-up (is there enough info to keep you intrigued, or is it just confusing?)
• Cohesion and flow (do the events make sense?)
• Minor grammatical mistakes (not too worried about this at the moment, but if you notice anything glaring do let me know!)

I have been working on this story for a long time, and so it has become a bit hard to see the forest from the trees. I am mostly just looking to see how this chapter reads to someone with fresh eyes. Any help or feedback at all is much appreciated. Please let me know if interested.

Thank you!

Hey all, looking for a few beta readers for my 73k YA mystery novel. Think National Treasure but with Wednesday Addams and Veronica Mars as sisters doing the investigation. 

Millicent is a socially awkward but brilliant fifteen-year-old with a knack for forensics. Her sixteen-year-old sister Valeria lives life seeking rules in need of breaking and people in need of interrogating. Raised by their FBI agent father, the girls are brilliant detectives, and horrendous siblings.

But when a mysterious riddle buried by the town’s founder shortly before his suspicious death nearly two centuries ago is unearthed  beneath their school, the sisters set aside their differences for answers. Combining their opposing skillsets, the girls begin to unravel a puzzle that leads them through hidden clues, a forgotten town history, and a decades-old conspiracy someone seems all too willing to kill to protect.

The novel is told in alternating chapters from each sister’s perspective and combines puzzle-solving, dry humor, sibling banter, and a character-driven mystery with light historical elements.

Looking for input on the narratives, propulsion, pacing and overall character appeal, particularly in the first third of the manuscript. If this sounds like something you would be into, hit me up!

Thanks.

A full-length play following 5 kids and their nurse in a youth psych ward.

Hi everyone! I’m Mimi, she/her and I’ve spent a good portion of my last year in and out of adolescent psychiatric programs, and I thought I’d like to write about it! This play is not focused on their trauma, but instead focused on how community forms in the oddest of places, even if you aren’t allowed to make friends. I hope this play is moving and full of love. :)

Content warnings: References to suicide, implied self harm act takes place, semi-violent altercation is implied.

I’m looking for 3-5 beta readers to leave notes and comments on pacing, story, character and dialogue. Please note this is a play, so some lines won’t make much sense unless imagined performed! I’m also available to do a swap with anyone who has a story with a similar length. Thank you sooooo much!

A sober ex-soldier. A girl who sees the threads between people. And a fog that makes towns forget their own names. Book One of four, complete. Looking for 10 dark fantasy and 10 thriller readers to read it in two weeks and fill out a short answer sheet. Free copy of the finished book and a thank-you in it. Message me if you are in.

Hi everyone! I'm looking for beta readers for my completed epic fantasy novel, Crusade of Shadows. I can send the first chapter for those interested, and if you want to read more, I'll send more!

The premise:

Eris Falcor has finally earned his place as a Bladesman, sworn to protect a powerful noble house. But when tragedy destroys the life he's begun to build, he finds himself drawn into a dangerous quest for vengeance, leading him on a chase to a hidden artifact with the power to topple the kingdom he calls home. As he gains the power to fight back, however, he risks becoming as cruel as the people he hunts.

Excerpt:

Raethior bit his lip with tears pooling in his eyes. “Eris, I… there’s too many of them. We need to go. We can’t let it end here.”

Eris could feel his weight sink into the floor. They were strangers to him, but he couldn’t run again. Gods, he hated how helpless he was. He hated how he couldn’t change anything no matter how hard he tried. The anger boiling inside him was pressed down just enough, however, and he nodded to Raethior to show his empty compliance.

They went to their horses, untied and mounted them, and began to gallop away. Eris looked behind him. More bodies, some charred and others flayed, lay across the road and on the grass. Screams continued to rip the smoldering air. Eris gripped his reins till his palms burned. But he kept galloping.

It was the smart choice. It had to be. 

They wouldn’t stand a chance. 

The words rang in his mind over and over again. He hadn’t traveled a quarter mile, however, when his mind went blank. He yanked on the reins to stop his horse.

He had barely passed an assassin standing over a muddied young woman with blonde hair. The assassin took their gloves off and threw them on the ground while the woman, on her back, clawed her way backwards while she tore her throat from her screams. Her dress was tattered, exposing most of her chest and thighs.

Eris’s blood froze, her incessant screams unfocusing his eyes. He needed to run. Run. This wasn’t his fight. It never was. But the damned screams. They were just like the woman in the crypt. The woman he let die. The assassin knelt on top of her now, and they snatched her throat. Her screams went silent, but so did Eris’s hesitations.

Feedback:

I'm particularly interested in feedback about the following: plot structure, pacing, character development, world-building, prose, and the overall reading experience. I'd love to know what does/doesn't work, where the story loses your interest, and whether the characters' choices feel believable. Not aiming for line-edit type feedback.

If you're interested, please comment or DM me!

Genre: Hard science fiction
Length: ~7,200 words, a condensed, stand-alone version of a longer project
Status: Complete draft
Content notes: Deaths from a fatal illness (coughing blood), some strong language

Blurb:
Well into NASA’s Vulcan missions, a fungal outbreak begins killing astronauts on the rim of Huygens crater on Mars. Less than 100 km away is a secret human colony called Loster, built more than a decade ago as humanity’s lifeboat and sworn to stay hidden. Rescuing Vulcan could save dozens of lives and expose everything Loster exists to protect. Back on Earth, an investigator is trying to work out why nobody acted sooner.

Excerpt:
“Look, I know what I saw!” Fox Collins, commander of the Vulcan IV mission to Mars, insisted. It was their third day on the ground now and he knew he was exhausted and his head was spinning and he was totally disoriented eating a rehydrated meal in a bubble on the surface of the red planet surrounded by his comrades, but he had been 100% certain.

What I’m looking for:
Reader reaction, not line edits. In your own words, what happened? Why was the rescue a hard choice, and did you feel it? Who are the main characters, and what does each want? Where were you hooked, confused, or bored? Was the ending satisfying?

Timeline: 2–4 weeks is great.

Full draft: Comment or message me and I’ll send a Google Doc.

I've finished my manuscript and am nearly ready for beta readers, but it's occured to me that I don't really know the best way to get it in their hands. I thought about Google Docs cause people can leave comments attached to sections they highlight and I've looked into a couple apps, but I'm just not sure. When you betaread, how do you prefer to get the manuscript?

Only asking for commitment to 1.9k words (first chapter) so far.

If you are genuinely interested after the first chapter, let me know if you would like to continue (I would send the other chapters/more questions)! Otherwise thanks for your time and feedback, no pressure to finish :)

Feedback I'm looking for:

• Reader impressions --> would you keep reading (+why, or where did you lose interest), was anything confusing, what do you infer about the two characters, what do you think happens next

• (Only) ideally, readers fluent with spec fic and/or anime/manga adjacent literacy; NOT REQUIRED

• NOT looking for grammar/line-level edits, though do comment if it's something that affected actual clarity/understanding of the writing.

Please comment below or DM if interested, thanks!

Main characters:

Gene Arbor, a compromised detective from a poor resource producing world who gets recruited to lead a secret interplanetary manhunt under threat of blackmail.

Carrie Coleman, a rookie detective from the prosperous Homeworld, partnered with Detective Arbor, unaware of his dark past and the real reason for the manhunt they are on. The story is told as a memoir written by Coleman many years later, where she tries to clear up the historical record on "what really happened" on their controversial mission, and give her input on the historical legacy of the man she was partnered with.

* Story excerpt below:

We lurched forward in our seats. Did we turn? It was so hard to know what was happening without windows. Then the rumbling sped up, shifting my weight to my left, which I had to remind myself was the back of the craft. I looked at Arbor and he was holding his harness with his hands, with his forehead beading sweat. 

“Prepare for takeoff,” Ritter said as a high pitched whir shook every bone in my body. 

I clenched my armrests and tried to fight my body getting pulled to the left by the g-force. Arbor elbowed me again, and gestured to the two guards on the sides of the headrest to prevent damage to my neck. I reached up, and with all my strength pulled the two guards forward and they locked into place. I couldn't see Arbor any more, but at least my head wasn’t going to fly off. My harness automatically hugged itself tight around my torso, making it hard to breathe. I grabbed the harness as tightly as I could as in an instant I felt the sensation of being thrown on my side. It was a good thing my comms were off and the craft was so loud, because I was screaming like a maniac. It turns out it is true what they say: in the low orbit takeoff stage, no one can hear you scream. 

“Wheels up,” Ritter said at one point, but I honestly cannot recall when. It could have been right when we took off and I just registered it late. I hated, and I still do hate as I’m writing this, spacecraft without windows. After a few minutes of feeling more weight on my body than I had ever felt before, the sensation of falling overtook me, my stomach lurched, and I knew this was not going to be good. I felt around my uniform and my seat, we have to have a bag somewhere, and in the middle of that thought, I coughed up a long sprout of orange and yellow vomit that danced its way across the cabin. 

* Currently since I only have 20k words out of a planned 80-90k words, I'm just looking for some basic first impressions.

- Was the hook engaging, and how clear are the central moral/plot/character conflicts?

- General impressions on the main characters and their dynamic with one another?

- Any world-building elements that need to be cleaned up?

- What are your expectations for where the story is headed?

I don't have a timeline in mind, we can talk about what works with your schedule. I have a pretty demanding job, so I understand that things come up.

* I am 100% willing to do critique swaps and would love to find a writing partner to bounce ideas off of, give updates back and forth, motivate each other and just talk about the craft (I don't have any writer friends)

edit: only accepting writing partners over 18 and based in the US (easier to coordinate in terms of timezones).

Hey! I'm an Alabamian who was never allowed to belong. No-places is about constantly leaving and arriving in new places that could never hold me. It's deeply associative, at times psychedelic, and often both wounded and funny.

Something in between Hanif Abdurraqib and Flannery O'Connor.

If interested in swapping manuscripts, we can exchange first chapters and see how it feels. I'm also open to other genres, although I prefer sci-fi!

I'm looking primarily for:

When did you look ahead to see how much of the chapter was left?

When did you have to reread something to understand it?

When did it lose momentum?

Was there anything you didn't believe?

Content warnings by request. There are more than a few.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for beta readers for my completed Young Adult novel, WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. It blends romantic suspense and sci-fi thriller elements in a contemporary world and will appeal to fans of The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes and The Origin by Jessica Khoury.

Content Warning: Safe for YA audiences. No explicit adult/sexual content.

Synopsis:

Verity Fallor writes stories based on real-life experiences to give her writing depth. With college applications approaching and her father left unable to walk after a devastating home invasion, Verity has one chance to secure the money for his treatment: write a book good enough to publish.

But in her desperation, to make her story a success, she needs to live what her characters do. That means throwing herself into a world worth reading. When her search for "research" ties her to the secrets of a dangerous organization called Meridian, she realizes the scattered disappearances of people she had never noticed in the past. Soon, Verity is entangled with James, whose connection to Meridian runs deep, and Jairo, whose charm conceals secrets of his own. Verity sets out to write a book to save her father, but Meridian sees something in Verity far more valuable than a girl's desperate attempt to change her family's future.

Type of Feedback Needed:

-Pacing (where did your attention drift?)

-The love triangle / romantic chemistry (too slow burn?)

-Plot holes or confusion regarding the Meridian sci-fi twists.

-Shortening! (What could I delete to make it shorter?)

-Prose (Find any awkward sentences in need of cleaning up/improvement)

Timeline: I am flexible, but hoping for a 4–6 week turnaround.

Swap Availability: I am open to doing a manuscript swap/trade. I place a heavy focus on character psychology, scene consistency, and realistic dialogue. I am happy to read your YA or NA manuscripts in exchange.

Please comment below or DM me if you are interested!

Spanish novel.

Estoy buscando lectores beta que estén dispuestos a leer un fragmento de mi novela, MMOA, quiero entender qué funciona, qué no y si la historia consigue despertar el interés suficiente para seguir leyendo.

¿De qué trata?

La historia sigue a un bombero que vive en un futuro donde la humanidad ha agotado gran parte de sus recursos energéticos tradicionales y la sociedad lucha contra la sobrepoblación y la escasez.

Después de sufrir una pérdida devastadora, encuentra refugio en MMOA, un videojuego de fantasía medieval con reinos, guerras, monstruos y un sistema de progresión de personajes.

Pero este mundo tiene algo particular: los NPC son seres vivos capaces de sentir dolor, miedo, amor y sufrir la muerte. Los jugadores, en cambio, son inmortales. Pueden regresar después de morir, mientras que las personas a las que matan no tienen esa posibilidad.

¿Qué tipo de comentarios busco?

Por ahora, solo quiero compartir una parte de la novela, no el manuscrito completo. Me gustaría recibir opiniones sobre los siguientes aspectos:

- Interés: ¿La historia te engancha? ¿Hay algún momento en el que pierdas el interés o te den ganas de dejar de leer?

- Personajes: ¿El protagonista te parece creíble? ¿Entiendes sus motivaciones?

- Construcción del mundo: ¿Te parece interesante y convincente la diferencia entre jugadores y NPC?

- Ritmo: ¿Hay escenas innecesarias, repetitivas o demasiado lentas?

- Narración y diálogos: ¿La escritura se siente natural o hay demasiadas explicaciones?

- Impresión general: ¿Qué es lo que más te llama la atención y qué podría hacerte abandonar el libro?

Me interesa especialmente conocer la opinión de lectores de fantasía, LitRPG, progresión de personajes y novelas con conflictos morales.

Actualmente estoy revisando el manuscrito, así que agradezco las críticas constructivas. Prefiero una opinión sincera, aunque sea negativa, antes que comentarios positivos que no me ayuden a mejorar.

¡Gracias por su tiempo!

When the very structure of the solar system is under attach, Reid Vire spearheads the operation to destroy the rising Dawnist rebellion. From a young age, Reid was molded into a weapon for the Pirusen government by the hands of his father, commanding general of the solar system. After years of dedication without question, Reid is forced to make decisions that can upset the delicate balance between governors, and the governed as once hidden information comes to light.

Pirusen takes place in a far off corner of space centered around sol 826, Pirus. Reid Vire, a recon marksmen, and his fellow loyalists are tasked with uncovering the motives of the rebellion. While war begins to rage around the solar system, Reid fights an internal battle of right and wrong.

Follow along as Reid and his team search through the solar system to uncover the trust about the Goverment they serve and the people they rule. Bloodshed and corruption bring opposing views together to form common ground and prosperity for all.

Any one interest please PM me so I can send over the doc. Let me know what you think about the character development, story pacing and anything else you think might need work. Happy reading!