I'm 35 (m) and for most of my life I've been shy, awkward and just kind of a loser. I was very judgmental and hateful towards people I don't agree with as well as being jealous of them at the same time. I've now become nonjudgemental, inclusive of everyones opinions even if I disagree with them, and just generally a better person than I wanted to be when I was young and that translated into every aspect of my life. I don't want to be braggy but honestly it's something I'm proud of and thought I'd share, as well as give hope to other (younger) people that might be going through the same.

I was born with some health problems that made me physically weaker and smaller than almost everyone around me. These issues also caused malnutrition which meant my development was kind of limited. I cannot gain weight and I'm chronically underweight (even today, but I look healthy), I lost all my hair early at 25, I have all kinds of issues with my bones and muscles and different health problems, so naturally I was bullied a lot when I was young and that caused all kinds of issues in my personality. I had trouble with sleep, anxiety, socialization (especially with women, more on that later), and it just made me bitter and hateful.

The biggest turning point I had was leaving my religion (Islam if anyones wondering, and I was not practicing almost at all, but held the belief deeply) and everything just kind of snowballed from there but in a good way. I've always been smart, but was also very limited by the cultural and religious bias, however the past 10 years have been transformative for me as I developed the ability to really consider everyones opinions, empathize and understand the world in a better way than "us vs. them" (those who know know). People now come to me for advice for their personal problems and trust me to help. This is something that changed so fundamentally in me that I can say I'm a completely different person today than I was when I was even in my early 20's let alone in my childhood.

In dating as I said I've always been shy awkward and unattractive, and I went through the rabbit hole of red/black pills and thought I was unlovable. I eventually came out of them as I started knowing women better and understanding their needs and problems. Of course I improved my appearance and leaned into my balding. But the most important thing is that I always had trouble being friends with women (probably because I was shy, awkward and judgmental when I was young) so of course I didn't understand them. However after I became less judgmental and more open to different types of communication I became friends with truly amazing women and their friendship helped me develop a personality that would be considered more attractive. I feel proud today to have been in different relationships and even though they ended it wasn't my fault or even theirs and we hold no hard feelings.

In money and finances I've been through a terrible time caused by factors completely out of my control (severe family debt), however I'm proud to say that I dug myself out of it and while it's not 100% where I want it to be yet, the future does look positive if I continue on this path. I genuinely feel like the future looks bright despite the crazy shit we're going through in the world, at least on a personal level.

Some of the things that helped me improve are becoming good friends with people from around the world from different cultures (through an exchange program and travel and even online), made friends with different kinds of women and went into real relationships that broke my previous biases about the sexes, trying to fix my health issues to the extent I can, I leaned into the music I love and the rave community that's inclusive (going to events changed me the most in the beginning).

Nobody is perfect and we're all changing all the time, but today I truly feel proud of the changes I made and the changes I plan to make in the future, and I hope everyone going through tough times or recognize that they're on the wrong path can get through them.

Yeah that's pretty much it. Me and my bf were having a lots of issues and long story short, i ripped the bandage and honestly I am very numb. There are whirlpool of emotions right now and I really gotta lock in too as i have a lots of deadlines and exams coming up.

I keep on thinking I should beg him to return back so that I won't feel so shitty but yeah no I am a mess tbh

So I , a 34 year old “young man” have just recently spent 10 days in a detox and am now on my 20th day alcohol free.
I started drinking heavily at around 18 after my mother’s suicide, and started trying to quit around 29-30. I’ve been to rehab twice and had a great experience, learned loads and stayed sober for 10 months before relapsing.

It hasn’t been a straight line, much like my mountain tattoos, my rehab, relapse, recovery process has been a naturally jagged line full of peaks and valleys.

I live in a relatively remote resort town in southern Alberta (no stores, no medical, just “hotels” ) which can be particularly challenging when you don’t have a car. I work in manny aspects of hospitality ; line cook, front desk agent, housekeeping etc with varying degrees of professional and/or financial satisfaction.

I am very proud of my self for my most recent sobriety. it hasn’t been easy and I know how hard it is going to be, But I am still youngish, and with a recently clear head, and the realization of my potential, I find myself having trouble figuring out who/what I am , who I want to be.

I’ve pretty much just been a “high functioning” alcoholic kitchen guy since high school, I honestly don’t know anything else.

I guess I am just looking for some advice, guidance, maybe I just needed to vent to some strangers .🤓

Either way, thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any thoughts, feelings, or advice .
I am just going to try to stay sober and stay positive.

I have a joking personality and tend to make people laugh. Sometimes I’m very extroverted and talkative and other times I’m quiet and just want to be by myself. It depends on my mood, and I don’t always feel like joking around.

The problem is that when I’m not being my usual funny self and am just acting normal, people assume that I’m upset or that something is wrong with me. I feel like because they’re used to seeing me joke around, they expect me to be that way all the time.

I’m not upset in those moments. I’m just in a neutral or quiet state. But because people have mostly seen me as the funny one, the quiet version of me seems to read as a mood change.

Has anyone else experienced this?

How do you deal with it?

Wassup. Should I get CDL? I have 4k saved up. I work in the fields in agriculture with my dad. I have a forklift certificate i got for 50 bucks but not got a job due to how the job applications are online.. Work wise. I like working. Give me job, I love the reward of money. I honesltyy dont even know bruh

Good evening Family today was a good day finally.

Today I was able to get up and out of bed on the first try since my milestones hangover. I feel much better when I don't go back to sleep because I usually wake up depressed.

Today I started paying back attention to my dog it seems when I'm depressed she was always right under me and she doesn't leave my sight.

Since I been off my beat and path she has been waking me up faithfully ever morning trying to get me out of bed to start the day. This whole time I wasn't paying attention to what she was actually trying to do.

And that was her trying to get me to get outside and enjoy life. Because usually I would just let her out in the yard to do her doo. But she would always come right back when she was done. Then she would follow me through out the house.

So today I decided to do better and give her some quality time. I so didn't realize that she was trying to keep me out of my head.

I can see she is trying to keep me sober by pushing me to be active and hang out with her and enjoy the world instead of being couped up in the house trying to stay sober.

She is re-teaching me how to deal with being out and about again with out any temptations.

So with that said I'm going to lean and pay attention to my dog let her help me like she has been trying to do animals are so amazing none judgemental, forgiving, compassionate and the list could go on shoot better than some people I would add.

Well thats all I got right Goodnight One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

So, this is why I never choose to have guy friends. I am hopelessly in love with my friend, I have known him for a solid 4 months, and he has changed my life in a positive way, up until recently.

One night I indirectly confessed to him, in a way where I didnt say it but I believe it was quite obvious... he told me to give it time. that was a month ago, and when I asked him "hey, what about this?" He said he didnt know what i was talking about at the time...

Now yesterday he was talking about past relationships and how he would never get in one again... directly over text to me. I asked "do you know the way I feel about you?" And to that he replied that he knows I care for him. At that point, it all came spilling out. I confessed directly and he turned me down. Said he just doesn't feel the same way and sees me as a sister. Im absolutely heartbroken.

I fantasized about him being my first boyfriend, as I have never dated anyone before. Hell, I never even let myself catch feelings for anyone before. So, first crush and first heartbreak, but no first boyfriend.

What worse is I can't separate myself from him. We are very touchy, him giving me hugs and drawing on my hand sometimes... even all my friends thought he was into me. I seek him out because he makes me feel comfortable. Im even confiding in him about getting over my feelings.

He says nothing is changing between us and I can't help but think "yeah, nothing is changing for you, but I have to change everything." Im not in a good mental state right now and I can't think of anything else.

I have adopted a lot of his interests and everything reminds me of how I feel about him. I text him constantly, even now...

I value him a lot, even putting my romantic feelings aside. I want things to stay the same, but I can't decide whether I need to distance myself or not.

If you read, thank you. Advice is also much appreciated.

I’m constantly ruminating googling on the past msitejs I’ve made the absue I’ve been through and the ocd of doing something and or my past haunting me hwo can I use my time to imirve myself instead I have ptsd I’m on disability how can I Imrkve myself instead of wallowing

I’m a 32-year-old physician who’s spent most of my 20s focused on my career and trying to serve others, often at the expense of taking care of myself. Over the years, my own health has suffered in the pursuit of caring for other people, and I’m starting to worry about the long-term consequences.

Working in medicine, I see firsthand how people’s health changes as they get older. Sometimes I look at the patients I care for who are 10–20 years older than me and worry that, in some respects, my own health is already worse than theirs. It’s a sobering feeling, especially when I know how much of it may be related to years of neglecting myself.

I know it’s ironic for a physician to be asking strangers for health advice, and I’m not naive about what I need to do. I know I should eat better, exercise, sleep more, address my health concerns, and quit unhealthy habits. Knowing what to do isn’t the problem.

The problem is that I’ve spent years building a life around work, stress, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m struggling to figure out how to change those patterns in a sustainable way instead of making temporary improvements and eventually falling back into old habits.

For those who’ve been in a similar situation, particularly anyone who made significant changes in their 30s or later, how did you actually do it? How do you replace unhealthy ways of coping with stress when they’ve become such an ingrained part of your daily routine? And how do you stop dwelling on the damage you might have already done and focus on what you can still change?

I’m not looking for a lecture about what I should be doing. I’m trying to understand how people actually translate that knowledge into lasting change when they’ve spent years putting work and the needs of others ahead of their own well-being.

Thanks

At the beginning of this month, my long distance girlfriend told me, after months of conflict and pain, that I am emotionally manipulative at best, if not down right emotionally abusive. She called me out on times I used guilt tripping, defensiveness, emotional jabbing, dishonesty, and more when I’ve felt hurt or threatened.

It was a major wake up call for me. My entire sense of self has collapsed. I don’t recognize myself. I am extremely remorseful and want nothing more than to change, so I’ve owned up to and accepted the amount of hurt I’ve caused. I have made her feel insignificant, unworthy, and ashamed. She never deserved any of the ways that I’ve made her feel. The way I’ve treated her is completely unacceptable; I never, ever want to make someone feel the way I’ve made her feel again.
She has absolutely every reason to leave me.

But… she hasn’t left me. She is kind and gracious and open hearted, so she’s giving me a chance to change. I’ve done everything I can so far to start doing the work. I’ve told her (and myself), “She loves me enough to tell me a hard truth, I love her enough to do something about it.”
I’m in individual therapy and we started couple’s therapy. I am practicing new ways of handling difficult emotions while also implementing ways of communicating that are not defensive or hurtful. I’m working on my emotional regulation. It’s been extremely painful, but I am determined to do the work, for my own sake, and for hers.

I just got back from visiting her for the weekend. It didn’t go as well as I wanted, but it also wasn’t as bad as it could have been. We left on a good note though, and we managed to reconnect well and have fun. I’m incredibly grateful.

However, I don’t know what to do with the shame though. I don’t know how to handle the crippling, all consuming shame that I feel, almost to the point of suicidal ideation at times. Separating guilt and shame is important; I know it makes a big difference in making long term change, but no matter how hard I try, the shame lingers. I hate myself. I have been directly confronted with the worst parts of myself and while I am desperate to change, I am afraid of drowning in it.

I don’t want to waste the opportunity I’ve been given to grow. It’s okay for growth to be painful! But how do I ensure that the pain of rebuilding myself from the ground up doesn’t eat me alive? How can I start forgiving myself when I feel like I don’t deserve it?

I, (M20) am a university student and come from a single mother. I don't have any diagnosed mental ailments but I have a strong suspicion I have ADHD (no I am not self diagnosing, I've taken an official test out of a psychologists office, along with showing signs since I was at least 12 years old but this is all speculative) and no family history of mentally illness.

I've come to the realisation I've been emotionally numb for approximately a year but that is an approximation as I can't remember. I only truly took notice because I went through some sort of guilt induced mental break while driving and almost threw my car going 150km off the freeway, and today had to ask a professor to push back my test so I could have time to recover because after that point it's like there's a bed sheet over my brain that's just.. laying there.

Additionally to the bedsheet I sometimes feel like I'm viewing myself through a literal different set of eyes as my perception of myself in the physical sense seems to shift, like sometimes I look great and other times Im uneven in my features, but I look so starkly different it's like it's a different set of eyes.

I also have been border suicidal these last 2 weeks, willingly and fully consciously putting a slim slice on my arm (which is something I never thought I could do at all) along with having another sort of break while extremely high (I'm aware I should probably stop) and giggling to myself in full almost blissful that I was going to die soon. That's what's really scared me.

One final note is I've noted a significant drop in my mood after I moved a fair ways away from where I was born and since then life just hasn't been as vibrant after that.

There's so much more I could add but these are my main points, apologies for the long ass post. Any questions you have id be more than happy to answer them, I haven't told anyone I've felt this way irl so any insight is greatly appreciated :)

I'm tired of myself. Every little thing, some people get mad at me for something that I'm supposed to understand because it is simple to digest. I try to be brave and be open to constructive criticism, but they tend to do it in frustated (and loud) ways that makes me die inside. Which is understandable, they are probably tired of dealing with me. I'm so slow, and I acknowledge that. I just don't know how to be better.

I’m a guy in a 3-way friend group, my other male friend just said that he’s been dating her for about 3 months now. Something was telling me that they were dating but since we have been friends for 5 years and been through tons of stuff together I always just brushed these thoughts aside.

I am truly happy for them from the bottom of my heart, they are the closest friends I have and see them multiple times a week. I just can’t help but feel that it’s all going to be different from now on, boundaries WILL be set and there’s nothing I can do about it and they are completely within their right to do so, heck I myself will probably change slightly the way I deal with them.

I do not know how to process this. I barely have friends since I live in another country away from home and these guys are the only ones I hold close. I know I should find more friends and stuff but this time I spent with those guys it just does not seem right that it’s all going to be tossed to the wayside? Was it all just temporary.

There’s also a part of my that thinks that this is selfish but I really do not want to be that person at all, I took the reveal pretty well I would say and threw in jokes here and there and was genuinely happy for them. I just do not know how to process this.

As the title says, I want to become less avoidant, trust men, and let go of trying to be a good person.
I haven't really entered a "relationship" since I was 11. I'm aware of what I have issues with. For example, I want to be in a relationship, but I also want freedom. To be able to do what I want whenever I want. And whenever people have crushes on me, I feel disgusted- not at the person, but at the fact that they like me. I want to make sure this issue is dealt with before I truly give love a try.

I want to like someone without feeling like they'll hold me down.

Another problem I have is wanting to trust men. Last year I was sexually assaulted twice by men, and since then It's been hard to trust them with my heart and my body. I want to be able to look at a man and be okay with being around him, but something in my body can't.

And finally, I want to stop trying to be a good person because I feel like I have to be. Like I HAVE to be a good person because if I don't, then I'll be judged.

I want to say this started when I was younger, and I was raised in a very religious household. I grew up with this mentality where good behavior/good person=heaven and eternal happiness. I slightly grew out of that mentality, but I still worry about how others think of me if i don't act like a good person.

I do good things because I can't see myself doing bad things on purpose or like being shitty to others for the fun of it.

I want to grow out of these things and become newer and better

I’m 27 years old and have been gambling on and off for a good 4-5 years now. Lately it has gotten severely worse,

Lifetime I’m down $65K, $30K of which is from the last month. I make an okay income as an accountant, but not enough to cover $30K/month in losses. I had a good bit of retirement savings - $90K. I zeroed out my Roth IRA to pay for gambling losses, so now I only have $65K left, in my 401(k). My 401(k) doesn’t allow loans, which honestly, might be a blessing. Tax time is going to be a nightmare due to penalties and taxes on selling my Roth IRA gains.

I have no liquid funds available, no savings, no spare cash. & it’s all due to my choices. I feel so stupid.

After a $25K loss in one day on credit cards (included in the $30K) 5 days ago I started attending GA meetings at the request of my fiancée. I also had an appointment with a therapist on Saturday. I gave control of my finances to my fiancée. I want to do better - but I’m struggling.

The platform I lost $30K to began offering me bonuses. I truly thought I could control myself and utilize this as an opportunity to make a small bit of my money back. I did. I really did. I truly wholeheartedly did. I’m so stuck on this because I was confident in my ability to control myself. I convinced my fiancée too, so she would give me my cards back. I made back $2K running through the bonuses. But then the next morning (this morning) I gave back the $2K and $1K of my money on credit cards.

All things considered - I owe $1K on credit from this morning (I paid the rest from retirement), I’m screwed come tax time from selling retirement, and I have no savings.

While the finances are killing me it’s bigger than money. It’s damaging my relationship with my fiancée. It’s becoming her problem since she’s having to babysit me and my finances so I don’t do something stupid. And I know she’s so disappointed in me. It’s deserved - I won’t say otherwise - I’m to blame, but it’s heartbreaking. She hasn’t hinted at leaving me, but it’s a fear of mine. We’ve been together for 8 years, and I’m letting her down. It’s hard to look her in the eyes knowing what I’m doing to myself. She hasn’t given me a reason to believe this - but I feel like it’s making her become more distant from me, I fear I’m losing her.

I’ve requested to close my betting accounts (they aren’t replying - shocker), I’ve told the platform and my credit cards to close out all disputes I made (long story short - I cancelled a pending $10K withdrawal and then blew through it, got pissed that it was pending & it still allowed me to cancel it, and then disputed with the bank quoting misrepresentation of services since the advertise an “expedited withdrawal” - I think it’s predatory and evil, but I did it and am to blame), and have given control of my finances back to my fiancé.

So it’s day 1 for me, for the millionth time. I was on day 4 before last night. I’ve gone weeks and months in the past without betting, but this time is so much harder to break, I don’t know why, but I’m optimistic that I can do this. Today was merely an expensive lesson that I can’t have self control on gambling, no matter how much I may think I can in the moment.

One day at a time.

Hello, I hope this is the right subreddit. (LONG TXT)

Context/background if important: I (30)just got out of an 8yr relationship and the main reasons (according to my bf(37)) were: He no longer loves/cares for me, I scared his heart beyond repair not even prayers can fix it, he'll never date again bc of me, and bc of my selfishness that I had displayed previously for many years.

I was told he was "Blame Dumping" as I basically raised my bf (helped him get a state ID, SS Card, Bank Account, Job) everything he owns game system wise/games were bought by me, he was on my Nintendo Account for free for the first year I added him to it, I also bought him his FF7 coat, bought him "Best BF" trophies/medals, I put him above my own feelings time and time again even while I was depressed and suffering personally, I've kept 3 of his darkest secrets from his past hidden (and still am!), I stayed by his side through every single failure and hardship too.

Even at the end I made him a Spotify "positivity" playlist to help him with his depression/self hatred, I even gave him a heads up that I removed him from our NSO and that he owes me nothing for payment even though the $80 had already been taken out this month. So I personally feel I went up and beyond and wasn't selfish. However, him blaming my selfishness really got to me so I did some self reflecting to see if I truly was as selfish as he made it sound. This is the list I came up with and I was hoping y'all could give me some advice on how to change these areas of myself(I'ma Christian if that needs to be said):

Put my jealousy into words and explain my feelings. I lash out to cover up the fact I'm actually jealous. I say hurtful things and project my insecurities to cover up my feelings vs just explain them like a mature adult.

I am very protective and untrusting towards others with my music/videos on youtube, this should change with My boyfriend at least. (I have had people in my past not respect my religion and show me songs/videos with swearing, rap - I just dun like rap, scream-o and things that were very against my beliefs. So it became a defence)

I need to delete/block contacts that are ex's or friends who come off like they have a thing for me. I struggle with this as I like knowing someone out there loves me, and the attention I got. (I have started this one and deleted all ex's and told a friend who kept flirting with me that I didn't feel the same and wanted space from him)

Stop projecting my insecurities when angry - being cheated on, being broken up with for not being good enough, being poor, etc

saying "whatever" needs to stop. Like "It's whatever" it has been used to hide pain but comes off as anger. It being used in anger also needs to stop. I should properly say my feelings like a mature adult vs like a teenager.

Don't use the "ur abusing me" tactic during an argument, it just hurts the other person or makes them more angry.

Take more interest in things I don't like when it comes to others, I usually just tell the person I'm not interested in what they like bc I don't want them wasting their time.

Instead of saying "you should/shouldn’t have done it this way" I will now say "would you like advice on that?" Or "What lead you to make this decision?"

I will no longer bring up flaws, point them out or say how they make me feel. I'm very "now" and get impatient when someone is working on a flaw that is destructive to our relationship. I must be patient, kind, understanding, supportive and step back when I want to focus on small things.

I MUST stop bringing up Divorce/Breakup when upset - this is more damaging than helpful.

How can I go about changing these areas of myself?

I was not promoted internally after trying 4 times over 2 years while I burned out in the role I was in.

I was interviewing for a BDR cold calling role at a big company.

I was the only one who didn’t get it continuously out of probably 50+ people who joined the company even after me.

My mind tells me I did something wrong or they saw I was not a fit for the team and came up with any excuse in the feedback not to hire me.

I know now I’m on the autistic spectrum and I was so resentful and sad and anxious when it all happened.

I knew I had a different communication style and they saw that I wasn’t naturally the same as everyone else who did these interviews.

I try everyday to forgive them and show them love and myself too.

I want to forgive them and move on with my life.

Hey everyone,

Some context for my question but not necessary to read. Last night my boyfriend had a conversation with me about my self esteem and jealousy. I do have issues with jealousy (most likely stemming from prior relationships, I’ve been serial cheated on and was in a DV situation about 5 years ago) but I have been trying to consistently work on myself and thought I was at a decent spot. He basically told me that despite my best efforts to hide it, he can tell when I am feeling jealous and he has felt a lot of internal pressure to limit the things he does to avoid hurting me. I had no idea this was happening. He has been limiting the types of shows he watches, who he hangs out with, etc all to avoid me feeling bad. I feel terrible about this. I have never told him outright to not do certain things and I encourage him to hang out with whoever because I do trust him and I know the feelings of jealousy I have are not rooted in anything real. I obviously do not want to be a controlling person and I am so upset and embarrassed that I have been controlling him without knowing. He has never done anything to break my trust and he is genuinely a great partner, this is entirely me and my thoughts causing this. I really do not want to ruin a relationship with a great guy because I can’t control my jealousy as well as I thought I could. For me and for him I want to be better and not have these emotions be as strong. I have been to therapy in the past and I have not had a great experience (my therapist told me I’m the perfect girl on paper but when men get to know me they realize I’m not perfect at all and that’s why they cheat or hit me because of the disappointment) so I’m not very keen on seeing a professional.

I’m looking for resources such as books/podcasts/activities that have helped others overcome jealousy that might help me to overcome it as well.

Thanks everyone <3

I can’t stop thinking about how I spent my twenties, constantly battling the thought: "If I had just had the courage to get out of my comfort zone and change things earlier, my twenties would have looked completely different."

I stayed way too long in a toxic friend group. I struggled with an alcohol and drug problem. On paper, it looked like I was living it up—going on vacations, hitting festivals, and going out all the time. But I wasn't making good memories. Most of them were just blackouts driven by pure escapism. Every sign in my body told me I needed to change, but I was to afraid to leave my comfort zone.

It makes me so deeply sad. I’ve never been in a relationship. My early twenties were swallowed by COVID, and after that, things just went downhill as I stayed tethered to toxic environments. Before all of that, my life felt great. My conscience keeps telling me to change, but the grief over lost time is agonizing.

Last year, I finally took the leap: I moved away and started therapy. At least I'm almost finished with my part-time college degree now, but still... the haunting stays.

People often romanticize partying too much in your youth, but when it’s pure escapism, it isn't even fun. It’s just running away. I carry so much regret because I didn't make meaningful memories, didn't date much, and let fear run the show. I kissed lots of people and slept with a few, but almost always while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I even blew real chances at getting a relationship because I kept self-sabotaging. It is extremely painful.

How do I cope with this? How do you forgive your past self for wasting years you can never get back?

It’s not that I was depressed or anything every single day. It’s just that I made way too few memories.

These thoughts suddenly resurfaced over the past few weeks. Before this, I wasn't really dwelling on it. Is it possible this is coming up now because I'm lacking certain things in the present?

Maybe things weren't even that bad back then—I did have good moments, after all. And these thoughts are suddenly hitting me because I'm afraid of missing out on things now, or because of my current situation. I honestly don't know anymore.

Im just tired. Tired of feeling so alone and lonley.

I feel like I'll never have and that I am incapable of a romantic relationship working. Finally after 4 years of no interest or affection, managed to date someone. Really thought there might have been a future. Things were great for the first month. All the affection and how much she wanted me. Then it just stopped. She got distant, cold, critical and controlling. She ended the relationship weeks before she told me. And then just went on as if none of meant anything or mattered.

Last night I saw pictures of her tagged, out doing things and Ive been in a depression ever since.

I keep ending up with women where it stsrts off so good and It feels so good and then its like the mask falls and they are mean, controlling, no empathy. I become so afraid to speak up or have boundaries because im terrified theyll leave and then maybe itll be another 4 years before someone comes along.

I got clean off all the drugs. Turned things around. Have a job I dont dread going to, im in school, exercising frequently, have some friends in my life, yet I feel so alone and incapable of being loved by a woman. It hurts seeing other men and couples.

Life was different with her. Loved hanging out in a different city and doing different things. Now its just back to the way it was.

I look at my sister and her little boy and how much I love him and yet so afraid that'll never happen for me. Im 32 now and the anxiety, depression, and pressure keep building. I wanted to give my mom a grandchild.

I dont know why its so easy for people to throw me away. I try my very best to be a good person. I was good to her. Said she dated people that cheated and abused her. Thats not me and I tried to show her that.

I dont know whats wrong with me, how to fix it, how to have a relationship or how to be in one. They never stick around long.

I should be happy. Not using drugs anymore and living that life. It just gets really lonely. I have no idea how to be better. I feel like one of those people that nobody would even know they are gone.

Thanks if anyone read. Been a bad few months. Just tired.

I’ll admit it: I’m bitter. I’m bitter about a lot of things. Losing my late teens and most of my twenties to poor physical and mental health, being ousted from the education field after only three years after spending nearly a decade trying to become a teacher, losing my car, friends and family deserting me when I needed support, losing out on employment opportunities due to my autism and anger issues, and seeing all my old classmates living the lives I thought I would have by now and fearing that I may never have it at all. I really don’t know how to deal with this. Anyone got some advice?

I want to change my life, my habits, my mindset, my appearance, everything. I want to grow so much that even people who have known me barely recognise the person I've become.

I want to become shameless, but not in an evil way. I want to speak my mind without overthinking how people will perceive me. I want to do things my way without constantly seeking approval or feeling guilty for not meeting everyone's expectations.

I want to stop making myself smaller just to make other people comfortable. I want to be kind without being a people-pleaser, confident without being arrogant, and independent without feeling the need to explain every decision I make.
I know there's a version of me I haven't met yet, and I want to discover her.

For those who have genuinely reinvented themselves, what changed when you stopped living according to other people's expectations? Did you lose people along the way, and was becoming your authentic self worth it?

I started life as a lonely, weak child with no father and serious self-esteem issues. My mother was an alcoholic. At the age of 12, I was identified as gifted because of my verbal intelligence. Everyone who met me talked about how much potential I had and how bright my future was going to be. I attended a school for gifted children, but I could never keep up with the others when it came to hard work, and I was expelled at 16.

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 20. My memories up until the age of 22 are gone, partly because of the antipsychotics I was taking and partly because I simply had no life. The years between 22 and 25 (today) have been nothing but abusing opioids and alcohol in the trap houses of strangers.

I've been clean from drugs for the past eight months, but I'm still struggling with alcohol addiction and trying to taper off. Quitting cold turkey could send me into delirium tremens, and in the country I live in, if you're a poor junkie like me, professional help is unaffordable. So I have to figure everything out on my own.

At 25, I'm painfully aware that I've fallen far behind, that I've missed out on my youth, and that I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom at my mother's house, watching everyone my age surpass me. But I feel as though I've finally woken up, and I can't turn back time. First, I need to build a life for myself. Then, I need to forgive the person I used to be, which will be much harder, even if I manage the first part.

Honestly, I don't know if I can do it, because I feel like I've never accomplished anything in my life. But I know I have no other choice, and I know I don't want to die this way.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess putting these things into words here, things I could never bring myself to confess to anyone, makes me feel a little better.

How do use self improvement to turnaround my bad dating life?

Will self improvement turnaround my bad dating life?

How do go from the ugly guy no girls want to the handsome man women obsess over?

I’m 22M and I’m on my self improvement journey right now I would say I’m inferior in all tier of life right now.

Financially I’m a CNA/PCT at a hospital only making 31k a year which is low. I’m in college getting my degree in health science next year. I graduate in 2027. After my degree I’m going to a nursing program. After I finish I’ll make around 70k a year around 24 or 25. Outside of work I’m a life insurance agent and I make money off commissions so there’s no cap in how much I can make. Currently my income there is 10k but if I’m full time after school I can make figures off that.

Physically I’m 6”3 but I’m only 181 13 percent BF I have abs but I feel like I’m still too skinny I feel my sweet spot would be around 190 to at most 200 range and that would be perfect physique for me. My workout routine is cut into 3 splits. I have bicep curls, tricep pull downs, cable rows, hip abductors. Next day it’s bench press, shoulder raises, pull ups, and last day it’s goblet squats, RDLS, hip abductors, calf raises. I feel my face is chopped but I could make some improvements. My first is to get an invasglin, and teeth whitening strips although my teeth aren’t bad I feel having a perfect smile will compensate for my face being ugly. My other investment was to get hairline transplants to make my forehead a bit smaller, my next investment was to get some contact lenses because I feel glasses make me look nerdy and doesn’t give that cool mysterious look women are attracted to.

So far in my dating life it has been non existent. Girls reject me all the time and I have no luck. There was one situation I did get lucky with a woman who was maybe a 5 in looks according to society (I personally don’t think she’s a 5 but everyone one of my friends thought she was a 5) I thought she was attractive to me but I got obsessed with her and she ghosted me. If it wasn’t for her I would have felt more worthless than I do now. She really made me feel important and value with how much she done for me. Everyday I always look back and wished I wasn’t obsessed because she would of been the woman that made me feel better every time I feel down from women rejecting me. everytime I come across a woman especially if she’s cute and attractive I subconsciously feel inferior to her. Like if I was with her I would wonder if people had the thought “how did he get her” or “she’s too cute for him” I never had a time where a women I had feelings for like me. It makes me feel unhappy everytime I wake up in the morning because people around me have girls or girlfriends they can come home and sleep with all night but I come home with a empty bed and no romantic flirty text messages.

With my situation is it best for me to complete my self improvement journey 100% and then go back to the dating market? I have this thought because I feel once I become perfect on paper I will have the confidence to match up with women I like. Also once I become perfect on paper
would have the woman I chased away to spin the block on me?

I’m 23 and a boy 

It’s hard to admit, but I do feel insufficient when it comes to having a partner, dating and all that...

Although I do very well financially, I have my own car and practically maintain my house, I feel very little to flirt with girls of my age.

I’ve never had a girlfriend and the last attempt I made was with a girl who took advantage of my nobility and I clung to my ass for a couple of months to pay her lunch dates without even trying to make her interested in me, nor even a kiss or anything from her but she was so lacking in self-love that I was content with that at the time. At least it didn’t last long, just 2 months and then I sent her alv.

The point is that I currently make good money, dress well and take care of myself physically but ps it’s like I lack those social skills to pull my lips and tie what kills me.

I see my other friends who have less money than me and get attached to girls, go out partying and manage to catch and everything... And I, who even had to pay money to get some intimacy for the first time with a prostitute... That really has been my most critical point and I’m really concerned.

My life is about working and studying. I have very little time left to socialize, and that affects me the most because it’s a routine I’ve had for years.