I want to end my life.
I’m a single mom to a six-year-old little girl, and I’m raising her all by myself. She recently met her dad for the first time, even though he never showed any interest in her before. Yes, she has me, and she has my family too. But I have no one. I’ve felt unwanted my entire life. Even before I was born, my own mother didn’t want me. She only kept me because it was too late to have an abortion.
Nobody takes me seriously. I can’t find someone to love me, someone to build a life with, and I’m turning 25 in a few days. I’m always dealing with everything on my own. I have no one to share my worries with, no one to lean on when things get hard. There’s no one waiting for me at the end of the day. No place where I truly feel wanted or like I belong.
And please, don’t tell me I’m playing the victim, because I’m not. This is genuinely how my life feels, and I’m tired of pretending otherwise.

Nobody hugs me and tells me it’s going to be okay. Nobody asks if I’m okay and actually wants to hear the answer.
I’ve overcome a serious gambling addiction, and I don’t even miss it anymore. I have a good job, I make good money, and I have an amazing, healthy daughter. I know I have things to be grateful for, and I truly am grateful for her. But despite everything I have, I still feel like something is missing. Something I can’t seem to find no matter how hard I try. For the past three years, I’ve felt nothing but emptiness. I have no real emotional support. And instead of lifting me up, my own parents sometimes tear me down and make me feel like I’m worth absolutely nothing.
I’m tired of having to handle everything on my own. I’m tired of always being the strong one. I’m tired of having nobody to turn to when I’m the one who needs help.
I don’t want money, success, or material things to fill this emptiness. I just want to feel loved. I want someone to care about me, to hold me when I’m not okay, to tell me that I’m going to be alright. I want someone who chooses me, who stays, and who makes me feel like I matter.
I’m so tired of feeling like I have to face this entire world on my own.

I used to be such an upbeat guy, you know? I used to be the sort of person who fired people up to keep going and never quit. Even when I was dealing with my own mess, I always found a way to encourage others. And then everything just shattered, and now I am the only one left cleaning up the pieces. It hurts so bad, it hurts like hell.

Ever since 2024, my life has just gone into a tailspin, and everything I tried to build for myself turned to zero. I was born into a poor family and honestly thought I could pull us out of it, but I finally realized I just can't, no matter what I do. I took out a huge loan to buy a house for my mom because we had been renting for the past twenty-something years. My dad didn't really contribute much and has a drinking problem. I had to watch physical abuse all through my childhood, and on top of that, I wasn't even good at school.

Then I got this dream of becoming a musician, but it never really happened because I had to live a double life. One half was the music guy, and the other half was just flipping burgers. Over the years, I picked up some skills on my own and managed to land regular jobs, but my heart was never really in them, so I could never fully commit. I figured I would make it as a musician, and I wasn't being delusional about it either. I was just a normal guy who wanted to earn a living through music so I could finally get out of survival mode. I never wanted a big fancy mansion, a Ferrari, or some supermodel girlfriend, not a single bit of that. I just wanted to escape survival mode while doing what I actually love.

I am thirty-four years old now, and I have seen how the world really works. Pretty privilege is totally real, rich privilege is real, and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot beat raw power or someone with generational wealth. People will use you up, chew you out, and then totally forget about you.

I bought that house for my mom because every single time I looked at her, her eyes were welling up with tears just wishing for a place of her own. I took out a loan and got her the exact house she wanted, which meant I had to sacrifice a whole lot of things. But I thought it would make her happy, and since I still had a job back then, I felt confident enough to ask out the girl I liked. I told her I was completely serious about our future. She understood where I was coming from and didn't yell at me, but she still said no.

Then my best friend of five years started acting super cold toward me right after I got laid off. I had to cut him completely out of my life, and it has been over a year since we last spoke.

Now I have literally zero money left, no friends, and my family just looks at me like a total loser because I am not bringing in any cash anymore. It is not like things were ever great before, oh no. Things have always been pretty rough for me, but I somehow managed to get by. All those years, I just scraped by without any money, without a partner, without any support, or even a single kind word.

I am not trying to play the victim here, no way. I have had to hit the reset button over and over again. Every single job I lost, every single opportunity that slipped through my fingers, and all the people who looked down on me, I always told myself it did not matter because I still had a dream to chase.

But now that dream is completely gone, too, so I honestly do not know what to do. Those dark thoughts are creeping back in, and I might just end it all once and for all.

If I don't want to experience life anymore, isn't it fair to question whether I should be obligated to continue? I'm not talking about whether my future will be better or worse. I'm questioning the expectation that I must keep living simply because I already exist.

The circumstances I'm living in make me feel like I'm constantly struggling just to survive. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not capable of surviving in this society as a human being. The expectations, the pressure, and the reality of life feel like more than I can handle.

I never chose to be born, yet I'm expected to adapt, survive, and keep going regardless of what I experience.

At the moment, I do not have someone to hold close to me nor someone to comfort me.

I need to feel a hug, a cuddle or just warmth from someone, but that is not feasible so please drop your tips and tricks on how to feel human warmth alone and by myself, because honestly I have been thinking of letting go.

Please do not focus much on the leaving the world thing, I just need to how to be hugged again, alone and without anyone.

I’m sure you can guess the kind of predicament I am in, so do not say that ‘reach out to someone’ or ‘love yourself and stop hating the face in the mirror’. If that is all that you have to say, I would suggest you to use your valuable time elsewhere.

I do wish that I wasn't born, so much suffering could've been avoided including my own... I also feel I am punished many times js bcz I was there or alive... Don't even know wht "live" Means Tbh... Nd yea I consider this a privilege, whining abt whtever is there. I'm conflicted.

I have a total lack of a self-preservation instinct. Showering, brushing my teeth, exercise, all that stuff is hard but I can deal with that.

The ONE thing I can’t manage at all is how to maintain basic nutrition. It’s been years now where it’s rare to get even one meal a day. The impact is obviously horrible. I’m extremely underweight, weak, and terribly exhausted all the time.

Thankfully I don’t have any type of disordered eating, just a total lack of appetite. Something about the depression makes the taste/texture of food overwhelming, to the point where I usually have to force myself to chew and swallow. Most of the time, I feel like I’d rather be hungry than deal with it.

I’m really looking for advice here, I need to figure this out!

32 years old, male. Living in Japan, Asia.
I was diagnosed with moderate depression in 2018. At that time, I needed to take medication every day to stabilize my emotions. Later, after I traveled abroad once, my depression improved, but I know it was never completely cured.
Now I feel that I’ve learned to coexist with depression. Occasionally, I still experience sudden emotional lows and physical symptoms, such as chest tightness, shortness of breath, acid reflux, burping, loss of appetite, and not wanting to eat anything. Sometimes I can only drink water, feel exhausted, and just want to lie down and rest.
Although I can now manage my daily life, I feel lonely whenever night falls. Because I’ve been single for a long time, my emotions can sometimes be unstable. I no longer get angry easily, but I still tend to feel disappointed, lonely, and sad.
I don’t know if there is anyone in a similar situation who would be willing to go through these difficulties together with me.
I’m not a scammer. I’m looking for a sincere relationship, one where we can understand and heal each other.
I hope everyone can gradually get better, too. I’m also trying hard to fight depression, but sometimes it’s really difficult and lonely…

as the title suggests, i have decided this is what will bring me the most peace. i’m not posting this because i believe someone can stop me, i’m posting this because i am hoping someone can.

i know people say having hope means you’re not ready to give up, but i am. i shouldn’t be though, i have a cat who depends on me for everything and me dying would mean he has to go to a shelter and i don’t want that. but im finding that to even be too little of a reason for me to stay. someone mentally stable will give my baby a better life and i know he deserves that. i cant even be good enough for him.

i finished writing the notes to all the people i love
and i realized there are so many people that i love and that should be enough. but it’s not. even with my love for others, and even with the people i have in my life. i have never in my entire existence felt so alone.

i have been struggling with mental health issues since i was eight years old and all throughout i have heard “it gets better,” “give it a few years and i promise it’ll all be worth it,” “you’re so strong, just keep fighting a little longer.” but when does that “worth” ever come? when does it feel okay to exist.? my everyday is filled with the same thing, i am in a constant cycle of fighting my own brain. when does it end? or is the end a promise that is just meant to keep me here longer?

i thought that moving out was going to save me, i thought leaving my abusive family was what was going to make it better. but it’s still not better. in fact, i think it’s worse. i know im going to get judged for this but the only work i have been able to find is sex work. it started off as camming and that was fine, until i couldn’t do it sober. so i was consistently drunk and then that bled into my personal life, not just my work life, which fucked up my personal life. and now i’m doing irl sex work and i don’t think ive ever hated anything more. tw: rape i have been raped throughout my entire life, and somehow this feels even worse. it feels like i can no longer say no because i don’t want it but because now saying no means i wont be able to pay my rent. it’s fucking destroying me. i was so okay with it but now it just feels like everytime i log on or see them in person, more of me dies. i can’t stand this feeling. and not only that, it’s not even worth the money anymore, i am struggling to make rent every single month, i even had to ask my friend for money this month. and please for the love of peace, do not tell me to try to find another job, bc i have been trying. i have four years of work experience and have applied for upwards of 100 places and only heard back from two and both of them were saying that they’re not in the position to hire right now but when they are, i will hear from them. i’ve called so many places, i’ve went in person, trust i have tried. please know i have tried.

i don’t want to feel like this. the only way i can see peace coming to me, is in death and im okay with that. i just wish my death wouldn’t affect other people. i am just so tired. and i’m tired of being tired. i just want to feel peace. i just want to feel okay. but i can’t do that in life.

also apologies for this being all over the place, im not in the mental state to make this easier for you to read, im sorry.

god is not going to fix this. please do not bring that into either my dms or this post.

i moved countries and started going to a new school in my home country so i understand the language they're speaking but im not good at it and cant speak it good at all so i speak in english. ok so i dont know if its because i have adhd or what but i cant with all these humans and people at school i cant feel anything towards them but annoyance and also wishing i could get close to them but feeling like there's an ocean separating me and eveyone else. i feel so out of place, and this isn't because it's a new country, maybe slightly, but I've had problems with feeling alienated all my life.

i just can't make myself interested in anyone in school. i can't imagine being close to anyone particular, and if i didn't see anyone there ever again, it wouldn't affect me at all.

I feel emotionally numb but then also broken and angry at myself like theres something wrong with my brain wires because i just want to stop all this commotion and alienation and misery in my head but i cant, i feel odd, i feel like ill never be accepted. i cant even make myself talk to people or pretend to be super outgoing like i used to because ive dropped my mask, because its exhausting and taxing having a happy go lucky persona on show all the time but now that im just mostly myself at college i cant find friends that i like or see myself getting close to it all feels so shallow and I feel like I'm cursed to a lifetime of solitude. My one vice is my family, and I'm really close to them but other than that my past friendships have broken and failed and left a gaping hole in me

I dont know what I'm doing, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Since my last post on this subreddit I've gotten so much worse. I'm almost 100% sure that I had a seizure at some point due to overdoses. I'm a young teenager and I've tried to kill myself 15 times. I'm so tired, my body is worn and my heart cannot take it anymore.

I feel like I’m unlovable until my 40s because I’m currently 16 and I’m balding at 16. not even from my edges I wish it was from my edges it’s from my crown and it’s really noticeable and I feel like I can be loved until my 40s, because that’s when you start balding and it’s normal to have a bald spot there and when I reach my 20s people still has hair when I’m in my 30s people still have hair when I’m at my 40s maybe I find some and even if I’m alive for that long I hope.

Sorry about my grammar I was just ranting 😢

I (20) can’t even fantasize a fictional scenario in which someone loves me. Not just romantically either, I mean any kind of love like as friends or as family. It just doesn’t work in my head.

I’m 30 and my life has sucked all my life. Recently my depression is hitting me hard. I’m unemployed no degree and it just feels like I can’t land anything. I’m staying on someone couch and I’m just so tired. I could lay down all day and just stare at my phone.

I’m tired of this I want a change idk how. I’ve always been scared of medication but now I think it’s my only way out of this hole. Idk what steps to take I don’t have insurance I don’t have anyone to talk to I’ve burned all bridges.

Im just so tired.

I’ve been depressed for the last 2 years of my life. And it truly sucks! Every day feels painful and I feel like I’m a pathetic burden or a screw up. Everyone around me keeps saying stuff like find new methods to cope or cope. I’ve been trying to cope! I think my life is genuinely worthless. Is it worthless? I feel so worthless and I just wished my love ones would understand how much pain I’m in constantly. Part of me just wants people to actually understand the pain I’m going through or understand that I can’t just be happy immediately. They want me to be happy but it’s hard, I haven’t been able to be truly happy for years. I just don’t know! Am I genuinely pathetic and a burden or will people understand my pain and mental anguish? Or will they never understand?

Has anyone else felt the same way? Your opinions and perspective on any topic don't count in their eyes because you're seen as a walking failure, a loser, and a lazy mf

I feel this lack of acknowledgment from my relatives (uncles, aunts, and cousins), but that doesn't really bother me that much but when your own younger siblings stop acknowledging you, boy that hurts

And it's not really about the disrespect itself. It's more about the idea that they start seeing your existence as nothing more than just… existing. They see you as a disappointment rather than someone they can look up to or consider a role model

I'm 44, disabled, and they denied my disability. I'm supposed to magically become able to get work, and while i've somewhere to live, it's in rural america, I can't leave the house, and i can't sit in a chair for more than an hour without pain. I just don't know what to do anymore. I genuinely want to kill myself because I don't see a way out anymore.

If anyone has any advice, of just words for me.. I'd appreciate it.

Hey everyone, I don’t really know where to start, but I guess I just need to get this off my chest because I’ve been keeping so much shit to myself lately.
I’m a 30-year-old guy, and I recently became single after being in a relationship for over 10 years. We’ve known each other since high school. She was my first girlfriend, and honestly, I always thought she’d be my last too, lol.
We have a daughter together, and that’s what makes this whole situation so much harder. I haven’t seen my little girl in a month, and I don’t think people understand how much that hurts.
The reason we broke up is honestly something I never expected. Her sisters and some of their friends started telling her that I had been dating or talking to an Asian girl behind her back for over a year. Obviously, none of that was true, and there was no actual proof of anything. But when she confronted me about it, I was completely shocked that she could even believe something like that after being with me for over a decade.
I freaked out because I was genuinely hurt. I couldn’t believe that after everything we had been through, she was willing to believe other people over me without even giving me a chance to explain myself. I was already mentally exhausted from everything that had been happening in our relationship, and in the heat of the moment, I told her that if she genuinely believed those lies, then maybe we should just break up.
She basically said, “Fine, fuck you, I’m leaving, and I’m taking the baby.”
And just like that, everything changed.
She didn’t want to hear me out or even try to work things out. It felt like I meant absolutely nothing to her anymore.
What makes this even harder is that I genuinely tried to give her everything I could. I paid the bills, paid for her phone and even her sister’s phone, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, and made sure she had a place to stay. Whenever she wanted something, I tried to make it happen. She wanted pets, we got them. She wanted a nicer car, we made it happen. I always tried to make sure she was happy and taken care of.
And looking back now, I’m starting to realize just how much I put up with throughout the relationship.
There were times when she would physically hit me and hurt me mentally. I remember questioning myself and wondering if this was just normal relationship stuff. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t right, but I kept going.
There was even a time when she was secretly selling nude pictures of herself online for money instead of talking to me about whatever financial problems she was having. I found out when a guy messaged her while I was looking at her phone. When I opened the conversation, I saw what was going on. I was devastated, but I still gave her another chance.
Looking back, I honestly feel stupid for the things I tolerated. I kept forgiving, kept trying, and kept believing things would get better because I loved her.
I also remember an uncomfortable situation involving her sister, who was drunk one night and started flirting with me before beginning to undress in front of me. Nothing happened between us, but it made me realize that the people my ex trusted so much weren't necessarily the people she thought they were.
And now, somehow, I’m the bad guy in their story.
The thing is, I’m not even saying I was a perfect boyfriend. I know I have my flaws, and I know I could have handled certain situations better. But I never expected to lose my entire family over something I didn’t do.
Now I’m 30, single, and trying to figure out who I am outside of a relationship that lasted more than a decade.
And honestly, seeing how quickly she seems to be moving on and hearing about another guy she might be talking to just messes with my head. Part of me gets angry and jealous, and part of me wonders if I’m that easy to replace. I know I shouldn’t care about what she does anymore, especially after everything that happened, but after spending over 10 years with someone, it’s not like you can just switch off your feelings overnight.
I know I’m not an unattractive guy. I know I could probably meet someone else eventually. But the thought of jumping onto dating apps right now makes me think, “Fuck, am I really that desperate to find someone just because she seems to be moving on?”
I don't even know if I want another relationship right now. I think I just miss having someone. Someone to talk to after work, someone to share random shit with, someone to watch movies with, someone who actually cares about how my day went.
I miss having a family.
Right now, I work, I work out, and I come home. That's pretty much my life. I've even started barely eating because I've been so focused on working out and trying to keep myself occupied. I work out at home, go through my days, and try not to think too much.
I’m also left with our dog, and honestly, this little guy is one of the few things that can still make me smile when I get home. I'm grateful for him, but I know I can't rely on that alone to get me through this.
I need to get out more. I need to make friends. I need people to talk to. Maybe find someone to play League of Legends with, go on random adventures around the city, grab food, or just hang out and talk about stupid shit. I don't know.
The problem is that most of my life revolved around my relationship, and now that it's gone, I feel like I don't really know where to start rebuilding everything.
I went from having a partner and a family to coming home alone, not seeing my daughter for a month, and trying to figure out how to move forward without completely losing myself in the process.
I know I'm only 30, and people will probably tell me that I'm still young and that I'll find someone else. Maybe they're right. But right now, that doesn't really make me feel any better.
I'm not looking for sympathy or people to tell me my ex is a terrible person. I just genuinely need someone to talk to because I'm struggling more than I let people see.
If anyone has been through something similar, especially a breakup after a long-term relationship where you also have a child involved, how did you get through it? How did you rebuild your life, make new friends, and learn to be okay on your own again?
I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Even if you just want to talk about games, music, life, or whatever, I'm open to it.
I just don't want to keep feeling this alone.

More:

Also, there’s something else I remembered. About a year ago, or maybe even earlier this year, she wanted to start selling feet pics because one of her guy friends suggested it. For context, this guy has apparently been obsessed with her since high school. I swear, this dude reminds me of the guy from the movie Obsessed. He’s creepy as fuck, and I honestly don’t think he has any morals.
I remember confronting him once because he was taking pictures of her while she was sleeping, and he completely freaked out when I called him out on it. Another time, we went to his apartment to drink, and I ended up being the first one to pass out. At some point, I opened my eyes and saw him massaging her feet while I was lying there. I was so drunk that I could barely move, and I honestly didn’t even know how to react.
But anyway, back to the feet pics situation. Apparently, she was selling them on Reddit, lol. She was sending pictures to random guys, and the whole thing just made me feel sick.
One night, she went to bed while I was still awake playing League of Legends. Her phone was right next to me, and it wouldn't stop buzzing. It was around 1 a.m., our baby was sleeping, and all I could think was, “Who the fuck is messaging my girl this late?”
I looked at the notifications, and all I saw were guys saying things like, “Wow, you're so sexy,” and begging her to send them more pictures of herself. I didn't even know what to think, so I just turned her phone off.
The next day, I confronted her about it, but she denied everything. I told her I wasn't going to keep arguing about it and that I just wanted her to be honest with me. When I asked to see her phone, she was literally shaking and didn't want me anywhere near it. At that point, I knew something wasn't right.
Eventually, I basically told her, “Look, I know you've done things behind my back, but I'm trying to move past this. I just want you to be honest with me and stop entertaining other guys like that. I want us to be together, and I want you to be loyal to me.”
She said okay, but looking back now, I honestly don't know if I was just too naive or if I was fucking stupid. The red flags were right in front of me, but I was so attached to her that I kept making excuses and giving her chances because I loved her.
She was my first love, and I think that's a huge part of why I held on for so long. I wasn't her first, either. She actually slept with my best friend back in high school, and I ended up getting back together with her afterward. The whole situation was fucked up because apparently, they had made some kind of deal involving me getting back with her, and part of that deal was them sleeping together. She lost her virginity to him.
Even after all of that, I still chose to stay with her.
Now, after more than 10 years together, I'm sitting here looking back at everything I've tolerated, all the times I ignored the red flags, and all the chances I gave her. I keep asking myself why I put up with so much and why I let myself get so attached to someone who hurt me repeatedly.
I know I can't change the past, but honestly, man, I hate myself for it sometimes. I hate that I ignored the warning signs, that I kept forgiving her, and that I gave so much of myself to this relationship.
I loved her so much that I think I completely lost myself along the way, and now I'm struggling to figure out how to live without her. I’m so fucked mentally like fuck fuck fuck my life

I- I don't even have the energy to explain my condition, I feel anxiety, rage , hopelessness running through my veins, well I wanted to end my life but I realised it's not possible, I go on with my life almost everyday but I lack any emotional support, everyday is a battle for me, i willingly go through it , I get proud of myself sometimes too but I'm tired , I'm really tired of being strong, I need emotional support, not pity , not sympathy, but softness, attunement, it feels hard to breath sometimes, it's hard to keep pushing myself to keep myself alive by pushing meds. I need peace, idk what shit I'm typing but I'm writing everything I'm feeling rn. I'm just not okay .

Graduated university with some bs BA in 2024, worked as a lifeguard for a bit. Left cause I was harassed out of my job in January 2026. Been job hunting ever since.

I’m neurodivergent, including (probably) mild autism.

I got hired and quit after my first shift (again, second time now) as I knew I would die at that job (mentally).

I live at home but parents are divorcing and the house could be sold any day now.

I’ve got a little bit saved up (around 22k), and try to not buy anything I don’t need.

I see a therapist twice a month, have seen them for a few years now. Been on meds for just as long, trying to ween off them now (emotional blunting, fuck it at this point).

I refuse to pay rent to someone else. I should be able to get a fucking decent job now at this point in my life, but no, here I am getting fucked over. I literally just quit after my first shift again today, and now im debating even applying for jobs anymore.

Idk, maybe if I had a job where I was alone, no one to tell me what to do, and earn enough to be financially comfortable, then I’d be better. Maybe. Probably not fully, but it’d be better than this shit. But obviously that’ll never happen.

My “friends” hardly speak to me despite me reaching out, I talk to no one all day, and don’t have any hopes or dreams anymore. I know they won’t happen.

I’ve fantasized about being a good artist, but idk it’s so hard so I just stop. I also write and would like to be a good writer, but I’m hardly ever in the headspace to write so things take literal years to develop.

I have thought and thought and thought and have never been able to think of a job/career that I’d even remotely like to do. The reason I stuck with lifeguarding for so long is you never have to do anything and no one talks to you really. Everything just seems shitty and I refuse to do it.

This has left me with no other choose than to start working towards my fun license so I can kms. What, I’m gonna spend the next 50 years doing this shit? lol.

I even have to censor myself at my therapist now in how serious I am about suicide so that I don’t end up in a mental “hospital” somewhere.

People will say “find your meaning/purpose”, but that’s bs. Fuck you all, idc. I literally don’t care about anyone besides my dogs and sometimes my mom. But I can’t let that dictate my decisions. I’m alive, and this is my life.

Ik there’s no god or anything, but I’m so terrified that I’d be reincarnated as some impoverished nobody on the other side of the planet or in the past or something where I have a much lower QOL and stuff. And never even realize how much better I had it before.

Ig I’d be considered well off financially living at home. I’ve never truly had to worry about money or anything.

But I don’t see how I could ever achieve the financial freedom I want without living to work with almost no time to do the stuff I want to do.

No. I refuse. Why don’t more people feel this way? Are they stupid? Are they just gaslighting themselves cause they’ll go insane if they don’t? Why isn’t everyone freaking out?

I have no one to talk to. I am so lonely. But it doesn’t even feel that way anymore; I can’t even cry about it anymore, I just feel nothing.

Therefore, the only thing I can do is to try and get a shotgun asap, cause that can take a long ass time (I live in Canada). I can, it’ll just take some time.

God man. Everything is so fucking bad. I literally have no idea how people ever become successful in art or have the time to do the creative stuff they want. It really is you have to a) win the lottery, b) be born into generational richness, or c) get lucky.

Idk what I’m expecting people to say here really. When I fail say something, I just give up. I prefer that then trying cause then I can say I’m better than it and prove everyone else wrong.

I like playing video games and watch YouTube but even that seems to be having less and less of an effect. I try to go to the gym 3-4 days a week but it’s hard.

Nothing I do seems to have any effect on anything so I’m just done.

A thought that keeps occuring to me recently: what if it's possible to be too negative, sad, and depressed to realistically be accepted by others and function in a social context? And if so and that's me, what do I do?

I think people generally want to receive positivity and agreement with the status quo, because that feels good. It's generally not fun to spend all day talking negative. However, it is my best belief that life is pretty shit and society is corrupt. And I'm damn struggling every day and have been since childhood.

So when it comes to conversation on many topics, my opinions are genuinely negative. Without even actively being miserable, my thoughts are negative. And to add to that, I don't have much positivity from amazing hobbies or passions, because I'm burnt out all the time and my social life is minimal. I can understand that people don't want to hear all the negativity, and I have almost nothing positive to add.

My mental health issues have been so systemic for like 10 years that I wonder if this is how I am as a person. Maybe some core of me is capable of happiness, although it sure isn't getting much air time in this worldly climate. Maybe I'm bound to be a miser, and bound to turn people off.

Has anyone else had thoughts like this? Do you think it's plausible or false thinking? And how do you cope through it?

Hey all, I'm really struggling with hygiene lately. I'm unable to get in the shower (it's been an embarrassingly long time since my last shower) and all I can think about is how bad I must smell. Please offer some help on how to make showering easier.

Part of the problem is that I'm worried my mom or her husband will say something about it when I DO shower (since I don't shower very often) and that'll make me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I also struggle washing my sheets and my clothes so I'll just be gross again by the next day. I haven't been able to brush my teeth either but I floss when I can.

Even when I'm not "feeling" depressed, I still can't get myself to do hygiene routines because it feels too draining. I appreciate any help you guys have to offer, thank you :)

For context, I am a junior in high school and had lost my father to suicide 10 years ago when I was 6. Ever since then, I felt as if I was living in the shadow of my older brother and have been trying so hard to meet my family’s expectations of me, but I feel every day that I have failed miserably. My brother is now in college and I still feel him and my mom patronize me as if I can’t think for myself and scrutinize a lot of my decisions. These feelings have been with me since I lost my father and sometimes I feel instantaneous moments of happiness when I am able to hold a meaningful conversation with someone I know. However, for most of my life I have been very lonely and isolated from most of my classmates and family friends because of my uncontrolled nature of being a difficult child and am reaping the consequences of that now. Whenever I feel that I have finally made a genuine connection with someone I know, I see them leave later and then I am stuck finding people in this cycle once again. I often feel that my one source of connection was with my father when I was still young, but now I can see how much his presence affected my life. My mom tells me constantly how similar my state was to his and I wonder if he would be able to understand my frustration towards my own life. I feel I have wasted it by making the wrong decisions and it can only get worse from
here.