-and I wish dating apps focused on more serious things that actually matter. I dont care what his zodiac horoscope is. I want to know his core beliefs and world views.

I don't understand why "dont talk about politics and religion" is often cited as a rule for a first date. If we are going to disagree over it, lets disagree over it on the first date and not waste each others time.

At least for me, I date to find a long term partner in life. Having compatible world views and personal morality is one of the top priorities.

So many dating apps just focus on "fun" things but I don't care if my partner has the same hobby as me, in fact it can often be better to have different hobbies. Core values and world views? Now thats what Im interested in sharing.

It would save SO much time to have more serious discussions first and get the deal breakers out of the way, then fun and flirting.

(edit: for context I just ended a 3 date long 'relationship' after asking him about religion and kids, and realized we are opposites. He kinda teased me about bringing up the serious talks but if I hadnt brought it up, we might have wasted each others time for much longer.) (I first met him in-person, not on an app.) (I'm pretty sure he just wanted to sleep with me and would have ditched me right afterwards.)

I have liked someone who has not been available for a long time. From them I found out they have been single for about a year to a year and half.

I realized that getting out of a marriage is tough and something they may be more focused on the relationship they ended.

And they said they would get back to me about being friend and they never did.

I am female and they are male.

Would the lack of answer despite positive body language be a good indicator they are actually a no to me?

I know it is a drastic step. But as a man that has been single all my life, has no dating or romantic experience, as well as approaching my late 30s, I just feel this is the only option.

Years of putting myself out there has resulted in repeated rejection. Over the last 20 years I have tried socialising, meet up events, single events, approached women and friends trying to matchmake - well intended efforts that have resulted in the same outcome. A preference I don't fit and have no choice but to respect.

I have been told in my 20s and 30s "you'll find someone when I least expect it" - something that hasn't happened. I have been told "you miss all the shots you don't take" only for me to miss all the shots I have taken since I was 16.

Self improvement like grooming, skincare, clothing, reading books, YouTube videos, even a dating coach recently and years of therapy.

No person is entitled to a relationship but it just feels demoralising to put so much time and effort in for little results dating wise. So, I look to a military maxim that says "never reinforce failure" and think why look for love when it will never happen. Is it right to continue to focus on my hobbies and interests - accept being alone dating wise?

Does a 30-year age difference really matter? I’m in my late twenties, and I’ve developed feelings for a divorced man who is 30 years older than me. His youngest daughter is 17, and I genuinely like him for who he is. However, I’m not sure whether his feelings for me are still mutual. When we first started talking, he expressed interest in me and even wanted me to move in with him. I told him I would prefer to take things slowly because I wanted to get to know him better before making such a big commitment. Is it normal to feel this way, and can a relationship with such a significant age gap genuinely work?

I (28M) have been struggling with dating apps lately, and the same thing keeps happening. The last time was a few days ago in Barcelona.

I met a girl (25F), and we were both a bit nervous. I tried to smile and keep the conversation going, but she kept looking away and barely made eye contact. I felt like the date wasn't going well, but I couldn't figure out why.

I do pretty well on dating apps and get matches and likes. All my pictures are recent, so I'm starting to wonder if I look better in pictures than in person, or if I'm giving off a weird vibe without realizing it.

I know I can look nervous, and people sometimes think I'm grumpy or uninterested when I'm not. I've tried to work on it, but it's hard to relax when the other person seems uncomfortable too.

My questions, especially for women:

• Can you find a guy attractive but lose interest because he seems anxious or uncomfortable on a first date?
• How can I figure out if the problem is my appearance, my profile creating unrealistic expectations, or my vibe?

I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'm unintentionally giving off a catfish impression. Has anyone experienced something similar? I'd appreciate honest opinions.

Been chatting with this guy (30M) that I (late-20'sF) have potential plans to meet with in a few weeks (we been talking for over a month. I usually don't wait this long but I liked talking to him). When chatting with me lately, he calls me "pookie" sometimes. And then there were a couple times where he said SUPER flirty things to me (which it was clear was a joke the first time but still, it was related to babies lmao). And then last week, I was telling him there was something he shouldn't do and he said "I like that you're trying to change me positively, literally my safe space". He's also brought up a couple times how he's going through stuff right now (the first time he said this, he said he had bad anxiety and then the 2nd time, he mentioned he grew so many gray hairs this year). I told him I hope things go easier and he messaged back saying "With you in my life, YESS". Maybe this was just him being flirty and funny, but it worries me he's coming on this strong for a bad reason. He also told me last week that I'm the first person he's wanted to meet off of Hinge and he has a good feeling about me.

We don't even call. We sent a lot of voice notes before but now we just message over on social media (we message each other QUITEE a good amount I'd say). I feel like it'd make sense for him to say these things if we called or facetimed a lot or something. I also just told him I'm having a bit of a rough day and I'll brb, and all he said was "Booo I hope it goes well, I'll be here". He didn't even ask me why my day was rough.. does it sound like he's just saying these things to fill a void and doesn't actually mean them? Or could he just be coming on too strong? I'm worried he's being emotionally unstable.

Anyone got any stories/experiences you can share about how things were with your ex who was a coworker? Did you just move on and stay professional amicably? Or did it cause you serious issues? I think the kind of job you do matters of course as you could range from having to sit next to them all day to passing in the corridor every couple weeks. But I'm curious about how it went for you.

Dating coworkers is a contentious topic. Both those for and against have good reasons. I personally don't want to date coworkers, but my lack of social life sort of forces me to be open to it. But the nature of my job is such that I'd be able to more easily deal with working around an ex in this environment, but I imagine for some it's probably not that easy. Also the type of person your ex is plays into it a lot too.

Been out of the dating game for a while and not emotionally available but still have my needs. Btw I’m a 42 M in a major city in Canada so there are lot of options. I’m above average in looks, laid back, respectful and have my own place.

Just wondering if it’s worth my time downloading Tinder if I’m looking for a hookup or ongoing casual sex or if there are better options out there (I’ve avoided going on apps for a while but I may have to bite the bullet). I’ve been on dating apps before and did fine on there but that’s been a while though and from what I’ve heard things have gone down hill. Any advice would be great.

we’ve been together for almost 2 years, and we are best friends, we share hobbies and go out to do them together atleast 3-4 times a week, and sexually things are great! 4-6 times a week on the low end, so I can’t complain but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me a little

he struggles with complimenting me, in day to day and during sex, we spoke about why and he said it makes him uncomfortable and anxious, so I accepted I might not get very many and appreciated the ones I did get, and most of the ones i do get are that im cute, or i have a squishy face or something along those lines

were trying to explore more sexually and im trying to be more confident in my sexuality, we watch porn and play porn games together now, when i was staunchly anti porn in the past, so im trying to not fall into the same lines of thinking that I used to live in so im hoping you guys can help me

he will say something is hot and sexy and is open about his attraction to what we are watching and playing but the most i get out of him during the actual event is ‘you’re so tight’

im starting to wonder if its not just compliments are hard, and its just that im not as attractive or enticing

like i was jerking him off while we were playing a game and i was trying to replicate the movements and all he can do is just look at me

but when the character is peeping on someone or doing something raunchy he talks about how sexy it is

idk how to broach this or bring this up, because i am enjoying this new found openness, it just feels weird, we’ve been doing it for a month and i feel like ive heard more compliments towards the game or scenes in that time than i have our entire relationship, which most definitely is a melodramatic period driven mean thought so i figured i could ask here to get some insight on how to bring this up without making him feel bad for being open with me

edit: i know it’s long, i got rid of the tldr, because i’m responding to comments from people who didn’t read & i think it’s just a waste of my time & theirs

context: matched with a guy on a whim, he had the worst photos but one pic really sold me so i liked him & he liked me back. we set a day to meet, but he didn’t give me details til later in the day so i cancelled. but then we found out that we lived near eachother so we ended up meeting at a pub

i didn’t do much makeup & i didn’t really dress up, because the weather was awful, it was pouring down & i knew i’d literally be washing it off after like 2hrs max as we were staying local. i actually think i would’ve been better off not wearing makeup, because i ran out of my usual concealer so i think i looked a bit odd.

anyway, so we meet & he’s so gorgeous, like i genuinely walked past him because i didn’t realise it was him. he looked so much better irl & dressed so well because he’d come straight from work & i literally felt like chopped liver next to him.

the actual date:
went to a really nice pub, sat & talked for a couple hours. i actually really enjoyed getting to know him, but i think i talked way too much about something that was stressing me at work & probably wasn’t in the right space - wasn’t prepared to meet him that day at all. (whenever a guy doesn’t give me a time/location at least a day before i just assume the date isn’t happening & if they say something too late i still don’t go.)

i feel like i was really nervous because i genuinely didn’t know he was that hot & he caught me so off guard. i’m just so annoyed that i didn’t put my best foot forward, but he honestly had the worst profile ever i just thought he might be cute & not the sexiest man i’ve seen all year with the personality to match 🙃🙃.

he walked me home & i gave him a hug. idk if he was expecting a kiss, but i don’t really kiss on first dates & it was literally pouring with rain. i made an effort to say i’d ask him about something later & i text him when i thought he would’ve gotten home. we talked a little that day, a little the day after & the day after that, but then today i didn’t hear anything from him. i also noticed that he unmatched me, but he was still texting me after he’d disappeared from my matched.

now because of that i really can’t tell if he likes me or not. in the date some guy started talking to him & asked if i was his misses & he said not yet, but now it doesn’t feel likes he’s interested. idk if he’s giving me time because he knows i have to pack to move this week or if he’s busy or if i’m literally just being delusional.

i’m so embarrassed because i told my friend all about him (rookie mistake, i was just really excited - i haven’t had a crush on a guy in all year).

now i just feel like a massive idiot & i’m also sad because i actually think he could’ve been bf material. i just wish i could get a 2nd date as a do-over or something.

idk why i like him so much so fast & i wish i didn’t , because i don’t think he feels the same 😭

What does it mean if everyone you meet in your life automatically assumes you are in a relationship or that you are dating someone? Everyone always expects me to be with someone and it’s awkward when I tell them I’m perpetually single. At one point my family thought I was gay because I was single for so long. Also if I encounter a couple the guy always gets super possessive why is that? I’m by no means a hunk. Im average looking at best believe me. I rarely if ever get women checking me out. I really don’t understand. There was a work colleague who was so baffled by my single status she made an announcement about it in the office. “HEY EVERYONE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS MAN IS SINGLE?!!” Everyone turned around and looked at me like I’m Semmi from - Coming to America. Lmfao it just gets ridiculous. I dread bumping into people now because it’s the inevitable question that always comes up. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Title given. And to be clear, this isn’t me trying to paint anything as racist or anywhere close, it’s all preference at the end of the day. I’m just pointing out an observation. Though I have been broken up with because my gf’s dad was actually racist.

I’m mixed (black/white) and I’m more attracted to white women, than black women. However, I think I’m personally at a disadvantage because I think that most white women just prefer white guys. Nothing inherently wrong with that. But it does make dating a bit more challenging for me. Of course there are women who are into mixed guys like me, but it seems few and far between.

If it were just me and a white dude side to side to be picked, most ppl would probably pick them instead of me. And I don’t fault anyone or anything for that, it just is what it is. Kinda killer for my self esteem though….

Title given. I don’t have a whole lot to say about my dating life right now. I just ended a month long relationship (not that I’m mourning) but part of it does suck that it didn’t work out and now I’m back to square one.

I’m currently satisfied with my daily life. Have a decent job, I go to the gym 5/7 days of the week. It’s nice and peaceful. I just have the occasional doomer feeling like my love life is washed up and/or I’m gonna be single for the rest of my days. Though I know deep down it’s not true, but it’s also kinda scary to think about not meeting my person until way later in life. Or that I might go on without meeting them at all. I guess that’s just the beauty of life. It’s completely unexpected. It’s exciting, but also scary.

I wonder if anyone will ever look at me and think “I want him to be my husband”. I couldn’t imagine such a thing 😂

At the beginning of the year, my new year's resolution was to go out at least once every weekend to a social club, a party, or any place people congregate. Talk to at least one woman, ask to connect on Facebook or get their phone number. I didn't go anywhere last weekend because over 9 months, I talked to hundreds of new people, but I made zero new Facebook friends and got zero numbers. So I don't want to do this anymore.

Zero confidence is left in my body. Even thinking of going outside to talk to strangers actually gives me a wave of trauma and nauseousness. I've encountered many not so nice or polite people and some who might've just been bullies. Each repeated rejection feels like another brick added to the stone wall that keeps piling up in front of me until I see no way over, and I feel like another one will collapse my spirit entirely. I feel bad for my therapist, just switched less than a month ago, and I already balled my eyes out.

I'm well aware that I'm preceived as neurodivergent. At least twice, complete strangers ask me what I "have". But I don't "have" anything, like I'm not a hospital patient who needs assistance with living: I keep my apartment tidy and clean, I take care of my skin, and I cook for myself. I've lived the last 18 years of my 36 years alone, completely fine and completely capable. I treat people with respect and dignity, and without prejudice. I think I'm a good perosn.

What is so bad about me that is so unlikeable or undateable? There are so many wonderful qualities and gifts that I have and want to share, but no one wants to receive them. I will be giving up on dating. since I'm mentally poorly, and I don't really have the capacity to share my love anymore, so I don't deserve someone to love me right now.

Something I’ve noticed on dating apps is that men tend to get a little too excited when I mention that I like to cook. Mind you, I’m no chef! I just enjoy following recipes that seem doable to me. 😭 I don’t think it’s something to get THAT excited about because me enjoying cooking doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to cook for you. Like, I’m sharing an interest, not competing for your affections through food.
In my opinion, if you’re capable of feeding yourself, whether that’s by cooking your own meals or finding other ways to nourish your body, you’re just a functional adult, babe. I don’t think knowing how to cook should automatically be treated like some extraordinary quality, especially when it comes to dating. Being able to take care of your own basic needs is part of being an adult, not some special qualification that means I’m going to start playing house with you.

I (25F) have struggled with putting myself out there, but recently have been trying to say yes to more dates. Went on one this past week and just felt like I didn’t get much substance out the date, more so just very surface level topics and him just being sarcastic and joking the whole time. What are the important things that should be asked on the first date? And how do you move to the deeper questions without it feeling awkward or abrupt?

I 21m have been locked in trying to find romance and a gf for the past two years and after numerous failed dates, numerous hinge matches that have gone nowhere and numerous situationship that have gone nowhere I am ready to throw in the towel, I give up (at-least for now). It’s honestly insane how the idea of rejection and experiencing rejection would throw me into a depression only a few years back because I had virtually no experience with talking to women. Now rejection has become just a normal daily occurrence to me which I can flick away like it was nothing. However there is only so much rejection one can face before it turns them jaded from dating. I feel so ugly and undesirable I just feel I’m not even capable of loving or trusting a girl anymore. I have spent months being introspective trying to find the reason behind why no girls interest ever stays as I always thought I would make a good partner and was at-least somewhat attractive (decent athletic physique and I like the way my face looks personally and am somewhat tall). Yet after starting my new job I have had some comments from my female coworkers that seem to finally be revealing an answer, first I’m more cute then hot, I have been described as looking like a startled deer and like Frodo from Lotr, and the girl I have a crush on at work who is a little older refers to me as her ‘kid’. I remember a couple years back girls at my uni would call me ‘baby girl’ overall it seems that girls seem me as their cute little pet not a hot romantic prospect. And that sucks to hear as a straight guy. I also think my personality is naturally unattractive as many people have told me to my face I’m autistic even autistic people, but I have no such diagnosis. Idk does it sound like a sd idea to take a few years off dating, maybe once I mature mentally and in my face I can try again but I feel like dating is just a bad idea rn.

I'm a single straight 40F, and I decided I'm just going to be ok with myself, and learn to be content with the way my life is at the moment, even if I'm open to the possibility of dating. When I'm feeling lonely or a certain kind of void, I tend to download dating apps. Not healthy. And I realized that I was operating from a place of desperation when I did that, like I was clutching at straws in a way.

So I decided to learn to be content with the way my life already is. Like practicing some gratitude, noting what is going well in my life, etc..

I have my communities and social outlets, but I'm learning to be ok with being alone as well. It's honestly been a challenge at times, because loneliness does creep in sometimes whether I like it or not. But I'm learning to cope with loneliness in healthier ways now. I am a musician, so sometimes I will compose, or improvise to feel better. Or I could just do other hobbies on my own that are fun for me.

I ditched the apps for various reasons (for the paywalls mainly). I now just move about my life, and am not seeking outwardly something that I already have within me. I know that sounds ultra philosophical, but I'm learning that I'm a whole being and enough just as I am, and don't need anyone to be my partner. And if someone comes along the way who resonates with me, then great, but if not no worries, and I still have myself.

I wonder if anyone else resonates with this.

I have zero opportunities to find people outside dating apps or bars, and no one wants anything serious with me. It has got to be my looks because I’m not sure what else could be wrong with me…I am so lonely and just want the solace that someone I like could like me back. I am willing to share photos or more info.

TLDR: post 1st meeting rejection just has me in my feels a bit more than usual. Rejection happens to us all. My heads still thinking about it a little bit. No hard feelings. It’s better she was upfront about it. Their is no villain here just a regular life experience.

Recently got turned down to pursue our 1st official date after a fun 1st live show meeting we were able to have. Like the title says I’m pretty okay about the situation but I won’t lie it did suck a little. She was actually one of the 1st to have me thinking of myself as a husband. For context marriage isn’t high on my list but my family is full of healthy examples. So I’m not anti marriage. I arranged with her approval for her to join me at a live show in my city. I had 2 friends already coming. We had a blast. The show was Rocky horror picture show if you’re familiar with it. I wasn’t in full date mode because she needed time to bond with me and do some life stuff. I do find myself overthinking my actions, but after a rejection is respectfully communicated it’s best to let it go. I have had some trouble doing that. It happened yesterday tho. It’s still a little fresh on my mind. I hold no frustration towards her. She had her reasons which I don’t fully understand but I appreciate her being up upfront about. I’m really only posting because this is the closest I’ve gotten to meeting someone I saw myself as a husband too. Which I admit was very nice to experience that. Somewhere along the way I did something she was not a fan of. Thinking back she felt off and distant to me at the car park entrance. She definitely knew then. We live and learn so I’ll get back out there and try again.

I’m not sure why, either. When I started going to tech school (41m), there was a teacher’s assistant who is 44f. She was explaining something to us when we started our first class, and she said something along the lines of, “if someone as dumb as me can figure it out, so too can you.” I was instantly hooked, and have had a crush on her since. I heard she has a nasty boyfriend and 3 kids with a variety of issues, but for some reason, I can’t stop looking at her (she is also quite physically attractive as well). For context, I have low confidence and mental disabilities. Any thoughts, Redditors?

If you’re dating a guy and he otherwise checks all your boxes, but he needs to sleep in a separate bed because of sleep issues, would that be a complete deal breaker?

I’ve had sleep issues ever since I was 5 (am 34 now), both with falling asleep and staying asleep. No matter what I’ve tried, various medications, falling asleep techniques, and healthy sleep habits, has solved the issue. Any time I’ve tried to sleep in the same bed with someone it’s just been a disaster for either of us.

I know everyone is different but I’m just curious as to everyone’s perspectives

Edit: I’m honestly quite surprised by the replies so far. I was expecting people to say they’d see it as a lack of intimacy. This gives me hope lol

Title given. I went through a breakup recently. We had only been together for a month. So, ultimately, it’s nothing I’m mourning. Though it was a fun relationship for the time and she is very kind and sweet.

Now that I’m shifting back into the single lifestyle, basically getting back to doing what I was doing before my recent relationship. I find myself pondering if I’ll ever be someone’s “husband”. I guess not even having a title on it, but feeling like one. I like to think that I have good qualities about me, but I can’t help but feel maybe that I’m not cut out for that deep of a relationship with someone.

It seems like being married is such a regular thing for most ppl, like it’s just something you go through in life. Like getting sick. But idk, I just feel like so separate from that. Maybe it’s because I was never brought up with that being a goal in mind.

I do remember saying that I couldnt imagine myself in a relationship before my last one. So, idk. Maybe one day. Might as well get cozy back in the single lifestyle for x number of years.

All of my close friends are married. In our group chat it’s 4/5 of us that are married. Me being the odd one out. Another friend of mine celebrated his 10 year wedding anniversary. I remember being a groomsman. It’s almost sad to think about how I was in 2016, to now, with nothing to show at all for it on that side of life. .