Edit: to clarify. Im looking for both men and women.
My first photo on bumble is the mirror selfie, i just accidentally uploaded the pics in the wrong order

Every time I thought my photos were kind of okay, I'd swipe through women's profiles and see these perfect, high-quality pictures with the best angles possible. 😂

I think How the hell do they get pictures like that?

Seriously, women are geniuses when it comes to finding the perfect lighting, angle, pose and photo quality.

Congrats, ladies. You win this one. 😂👏

I started using dating apps about 5-6 years ago, when I was 27-28, and I remember getting dates was much easier. I had to grind but eventually there was a match who I would have a decent conversation, build some chemistry, ask someone out for coffee or drinks, and they’d usually be open to it. There seemed to be more genuine curiosity about meeting new people.

I’m 33 now, and ironically, I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I am fitter, dress better, more experienced , and I’m more financially stable. I wouldn’t consider myself a top 10% guy, but probably somewhat above average in my area. My match rate is not bad.

Yet somehow, turning matches into actual dates feels significantly harder. More ghosting, less effort, and much higher expectations. Sometimes it feels like people have been on so many dates that the excitement of meeting someone new is gone. Even suggesting a casual coffee doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

I also notice very little middle ground. Some women seem almost impossible to get on a date, while others agree immediately but don’t seem genuinely interested in getting to know you (“free meal girls”).

Anyone else experiencing this? Have dating apps changed that much, is everyone just burned out, or is dating in your 30s simply a different game?

Montana is a post apocalyptic hellscape. Been back on the dating apps for a month after a solid break to focus on myself. 0 matches, 2 likes from bumble and 3 from hinge, all women over 70 miles away that are hardly compatible with me at all.

A bit over 2 and half years from our match and we are now engaged.

That its all I wanted to share today.

Thanks Bumble.

I matched with a girl on Bumble a few days ago. We had a pretty good conversation initially, but as the workweek got busier, we gradually lost touch.

Fast forward to Saturday evening, around 8 PM. Out of nowhere, she texted me asking if I wanted to grab coffee. Since it was already late, I suggested meeting the next day at 4 PM instead. She agreed.

Now, I’m not someone who believes in the whole pick-up-and-drop-off arrangement for a first date. I prefer meeting directly at the café or restaurant, getting to know each other, and seeing how things go. So, I told her we could meet at the place directly.

Her response? “I don’t do that.”

Apparently, she expected me to pick her up, take her to the café, and drop her back home afterward.

Honestly, that expectation caught me off guard. We had only matched a few days ago, barely knew each other, and hadn’t even met in person yet. Why should picking her up and dropping her home automatically be my responsibility?

And, to be clear, I’m not against paying for coffee or even the entire bill if I invite someone out. I’m happy to do that when it feels right. But expecting someone to handle the transportation both ways, along with potentially paying for everything, before you’ve even met them? That feels a little excessive to me.

I can understand wanting to feel safe, and I respect that. But there’s a difference between having safety concerns and expecting a stranger from a dating app to provide door-to-door service on the first date.

In the end, I decided to decline the date.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, or maybe we simply have different expectations when it comes to dating.

So, fellow Redditors, what do you think? Is picking up and dropping off your date an unspoken expectation these days, or was I right to stick to my boundaries?

Had fairly good chat with with this guy all day. He had his politics listed as ‘left’ which aligned with mine and I assumed meant he was progressive. He had a historical interest which I spent a lot of time acknowledging and asking about during the chat. Just before this exchange he flagged that we live ~50 miles apart which I said was fine for me if it was the right person. Apparently ‘black cat looking for her golden retriever’ isn’t PC anymore 👀

This is so stupid because I was excited when we first matched. We were actually having a decent conversation, asking each other questions and everything.

Now we're at that stage where I reply when I get a chance, they reply hours later, and somehow we never get anywhere. Nobody's being rude, the conversation just keeps getting pushed to the back of the day.

And I can't tell if they're losing interest or if we're both just busy. I don't really want to double text because I don't want to seem pushy, but I also don't want a good match to fizzle out over nothing.

I've noticed a lot of women who like baseball or maybe they're career women. There's a certain aesthetic of bumble profiles that seems unique but also very very bland.

I also don't understand what makes bumble different from other dating apps at this point?

I feel like this subreddit has become so miserable in the last few months. I been here for years, but lately it generally feels like every post erupts into a war of genders.

It feels like there so many angry men on here atm. Like when a lady offers her experience it becomes a massive battle to undermined her in the comment section. Like some of the comments are baffling and just hateful. Tbh there are some women also using the comment section to stir the pot too, like making comments saying all men deserve loneliness.

What happened to actually discuss dating? I feel like a HUGE number of posts just go into "Why its all womens fault" or "Why men suck"

I feel like the main issue is the apps as they are the thing that sucks.

There shit people on dating apps, but the apps are the main issue no?

​

Hey everyone,

I'm posting this because I'd genuinely like some honest opinions, especially from women who use Bumble and people who have experience with dating dynamics. I'm not looking for reassurance or for people to tell me that she wasn't worth it. I want to understand whether there's something I'm consistently doing wrong and what I could improve.

I'm a 25 year-old guy who recently moved to Munich. I consider myself a relatively social person once I'm comfortable with someone, but I can be shy when it comes to showing romantic interest, especially with women I genuinely like.

Recently, I went on a Bumble date that lasted around four hours. We had a snack first and talked about different things, asked each other questions, and the conversation seemed to flow reasonably well. It didn't feel like we were desperately searching for things to say. She seemed engaged enough to keep the conversation going, and we spent quite a bit of time together.

During the date, I tried to be myself. I joked around, tried to make her laugh, listened to what she was saying, and asked questions about her life. I also told her once that I thought she was cute. At the end, I hugged her and told her that I'd like to see her again.

Afterward, she messaged me and said that I seemed like a kind soul, but that she didn't feel something romantic and would prefer to be friends.

On my dates, I tend to be friendly, polite, humorous, and interested in the other person. I can usually make women laugh, and conversations often last a long time. However, I rarely create a genuinely flirtatious atmosphere. Most of the time, the interaction feels comfortable and friendly rather than romantic.

The confusing part is that I can spend three or four hours with someone, have what seems like a pleasant date, and still frienzone happened.

I have a few questions:

Women of Bumble, what does “kind soul” usually mean in this context? Is it simply a polite way of saying that you don't find a guy attractive, or can it mean that he behaved in a way that felt too friendly and non-romantic?

Can a four-hour first date still feel completely platonic to a woman? I sometimes interpret a long conversation and mutual questions as signs that the date is going well, but perhaps I'm confusing conversational compatibility with romantic attraction.

How much flirting do you expect on a first date? Do you prefer subtle teasing, compliments, playful eye contact, and a bit of tension, or do you think romantic chemistry should happen naturally without the guy deliberately trying to create it?

Can being too polite and agreeable make a man seem more like a friend? I'm not saying that I want to become arrogant or act like someone I'm not. I just wonder whether constantly trying to make the other person comfortable can prevent her from seeing me as a potential romantic partner.

At what point should a man make his intentions more obvious? Is saying that you find a woman cute and that you'd like to see her again enough, or should the romantic tone be established much earlier in the date?

How important is physical escalation? If a date is going well, should a man try to establish more physical contact naturally, or is it perfectly normal for a first date to involve nothing more than a greeting and goodbye hug?

Do women sometimes agree to long first dates because they enjoy the conversation, even when they already know they aren't romantically interested? Or is it possible that attraction simply develops differently for different people?

What would you advise a man who repeatedly gets along well with women but struggles to generate romantic interest? Should he change his approach, become more openly flirtatious, choose different date activities, or simply accept that compatibility is unpredictable?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from women who have experienced this situation from the other side. Have you ever had a date with a guy who was funny, respectful, attractive enough on paper, and easy to talk to, but you still felt absolutely no romantic chemistry? What was missing?

And for men who have gone through something similar: did you eventually discover a specific behaviour that was holding you back, or did things improve simply with more dating experience?

Please be honest, even if the answer is uncomfortable. I'd rather receive useful criticism than generic advice like “just be yourself” or “the right person will come along.”

Thanks for reading.

I (34F) feel like I will match with a guy, have decent conversation, they seem keen for a date, the first date goes well and they seem to be attracted to me but by the time it gets to the 3rd or 4th date, the guy seems to get slower with messages and less proactive with organising dates and then end things saying there's a "lack of spark" and that they don't see things progressing beyond friendship. I get not eveyone will feel it with me, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing anything that is giving the wrong impression or killing the "spark"? It's making me feel pretty undesired that they don't want to see where things go beyond 3 or 4 dates.

I'm someone who likes to "take things slow" in terms of physical affection because I need to build a sense of trust, so I take my time getting to know someone and my interest tends to build over time as I know them better which leads to more comfort with physical affection. I haven't told most guys this directly and I'm wondering if i need to? If they try to kiss me, I will kiss them back, and I feel like I'm reciprocal, but probably won't "make out" until later dates. Sometimes I'm worried I come off as a bit awkward or restrained, even though I think I'm fairly enthusiastic, friendly and bantery etc. In saying that, I feel like I try to make my interest clear by being curious, telling them I enjoyed myself, reciprocating in organising dates and trying to flirt, even if I can get a bit shy.

As a man, is there anything that you're looking for with "spark"? Would anything put you off? Would you be patient with someone who seems to take things slow?

edit

Seems like there's quite a few men with entitled attitudes to sex who seem to believe they should be rewarded with it for less than 4 dates. It's disappointing and sad to see so many shallow and superficial, disrespectful, sex motivated men with narrow minded views but I guess that means it's probably good I'm filtering those types out so thanks for the reminder.

I (29F) was active on Bumble this summer. From May-Sept I had decent conversations with maybe a dozen guys. Went on dates with 3 of them.

My last date (with the 3rd guy) went so badly I ended up deleting my profile.

I made it clear when talking to these guys that I was looking for a LTR and didn't do hookups. I was having a great time with this guy; we went to a baseball game and laughed nearly nonstop. Afterward, we went bar hopping, where he kept insisting we go back to his place to try X wine. When I respectfully said, "I don't do that on first dates, maybe next time," he did a complete 180. Essentially stopped talking to me and looked absolutely pissed. As we were leaving, he got into a rather heated argument with the valet. I didn't feel safe at all, so I slipped out another exit and got an Uber. Unsurprisingly, I got a few angry texts from him later that night.

I haven't thought much about it for the past 3 weeks, until today.

On both Facebook and Instagram, I've been shown really strange suggested profiles. At least 4 of the ~12 guys I spoke with this summer. I never knew these guys' last names, let alone looked them up. Never had their numbers either. We live in a very large city, and I have no mutual friends with any of them.

Really weird. Not sure what to think at this point... Part of me is wondering if I ended up on one of those 'are we dating the same girl?' pages because of the nightmare date situation.

Has anyone else had this happen?

It’s over guys just delete the apps.

I've been on the app for a week now and I haven't gotten any likes from and Woman or Nonbinary users. I'm on Long Island so I know my options are limited and must accept that long distance is a possibility. I've tried the ELO algorithm exploit by having men send likes to me and tried travel mode at various east coast cities but no luck. I'm also autistic (I think people can tell tbh even if I don't bring it up) if that's also somewhat of a turnoff. I have premium too.

Ive just had a haircut where before i had very long hair and i dont want to catfish anyone, so i took these. I know they arent that great but until I get a good pic made by someone else with my new hair I want to use one of these. Let me know which one gives the best first impression.

You match with someone, get that little spark of excitement, and think, “Okay, let’s see where this goes.” Then… absolutely nothing. No message, no conversation, not even a simple “hey.” Meanwhile, people are out here trying to perfect their profiles and find their golden retriever to their black cat. What’s the point of matching if neither person is going to make an effort? Is it boredom, validation, too many options, or just the reality of dating apps?

I’m curious whether others experience this constantly or if there’s actually a trick to finding people who genuinely want to connect.

EDIT: guys I know there’s another meaning of rehab, I just got it confused with the other version .
Omg so embarrassing

Been chatting with this guy (30M) that I (late-20'sF) have potential plans to meet with in a few weeks (we been talking for over a month. I usually don't wait this long but I liked talking to him). When chatting with me lately, he calls me "pookie" sometimes. And then there were a couple times where he said SUPER flirty things to me (which it was clear was a joke the first time but still, it was related to babies lmao). And then last week, I was telling him there was something he shouldn't do and he said "I like that you're trying to change me positively, you're my safe space". He's also brought up a couple times how he's going through stuff right now (the first time he said this, he said he had bad anxiety and then the 2nd time, he mentioned he grew so many gray hairs this year). I told him I hope things go easier and he messaged back saying "With you in my life, YESS". Maybe this was just him being flirty and funny, but it worries me he's coming on this strong for a bad reason. He also told me last week that I'm the first person he's wanted to meet off of Hinge and he has a good feeling about me.

We don't even call. We sent a lot of voice notes before but now we just message over on social media (we send each other like 40 messages at once). I feel like it'd make sense for him to say these things if we called or facetimed a lot or something. Does it sound like he's just saying these things to fill a void and doesn't actually mean them? Or could he just be coming on too strong? I'm worried he's being emotionally unstable.

​

I matched with a pretty girl and we've been talking for a few days now. She seems nice and genuine enough when we chat but the problem is that i feel like i mostly start the conversation and i genuinely question if she want to continue this or not.

Given she is working and we are kinda in the same workfield so i know how it goes down. so we just go few chats then go more or less 4-5 hrs until the next chat then that again. Not a problem for me.

So what i did was ask her if we can go on a date, she said sure but the problem was her schedule but she wants to. So i said no pressure, would you tell me if you have a free time so we can meet cause i really like to see you, she said sure adding a little banter afterward. So after this we just continued how we chat and its the same thing all over again.

She really fits my type and i really want this to workout but this is really confusing me.

I’ve tried deleting and redownloading the app, making sure the version is up to date, restart my phone, made sure I’m not using special characters, everything the app has recommended but still can’t get past the name screen. Anyone else have/had this problem?

I recently received a message from a man on a dating app. Before I could accept the match and send my response, a notification appeared saying that he had something he wanted to share with me before proceeding.
I’d never encountered this feature before and didn’t even know it existed!
His disclaimer essentially said that he was looking for someone who could accept his flaws and shortcomings and recognize that he was a human being with a heart.
I had to choose whether to continue with the match or decline it after reading his statement.
Naturally, I was intrigued. Why would someone go out of his way to use a special disclosure feature just to announce that he has flaws? We ALL have flaws. I wondered whether there was something significant in his past that he wanted potential partners to know about.
So I proceeded with the match, and after exchanging a few messages, I asked him why he’d felt the need to include that disclaimer.
His response was that everyone has flaws, some more than others, that he has quirks and “can be a handful.” He then added that he wants to give someone unconditional love and make her happy.
Well, that explanation actually made me MORE uncomfortable!
First, why is a grown man describing himself as “a handful”? That’s usually how we describe children whose behavior is difficult to manage.
Second, what exactly does being a handful mean? Does he have a temper? Is he argumentative? Controlling? Emotionally demanding? He never explained.
And third, why is he asking women to acknowledge his shortcomings BEFORE they’ve even met him, without telling them what those shortcomings are?
Here’s what bothers me most: It feels like an attempt to secure acceptance of potentially bad behavior in advance.
I can imagine a woman eventually objecting to something he does, only to hear, “Well, I told you I was a handful. You knew what you were getting into.”
And the unconditional love statement made me even more suspicious. It felt like an implied bargain: I’ll love you despite your flaws, so you should accept mine.
I also think this kind of language can appeal to women who want to be the special person who understands, supports, or even rescues a misunderstood man. I recognize that impulse because I used to have it myself.
To be clear, I don’t know whether this man actually behaves badly or whether he would use his disclaimer that way. But the combination of the unusual screening step, the vague warning, and the emphasis on unconditional acceptance gave me pause.
Ultimately, we lived too far apart, so I politely ended the conversation.
But I’m curious: Have any of you encountered this kind of disclaimer on a dating app? And would you interpret it as emotional vulnerability, a warning, or an attempt to establish acceptance of behavior before you’ve even experienced it?

Just curious