TLDR: this dude is wayyyyy more attractive than I am.

I marked this as funny because after the initial horror, I’m laughing.

For context, I’m an American and I’m currently enjoying my fifth and final week of a stint in Spain.

A couple of weeks before I came here I switched my Bumble location to where I’m staying in Spain. It’s a great place, but not exactly known for its red hot dating scene. So I figured I’d need some lead time to make matches and actually be able to date them (please, Spanish women, please give me a reason to stay! I love it here so much).

I got a few likes, but only one match. I started talking to her when I was still at home in the States, and after a little bit we set up our first date on the same day I got to her city.

She’s SO sweet. Super warm and friendly and patient with my imperfect Spanish and the conversation flows wonderfully. During the conversation on the first date she told me that she was seeing another guy. And, you know, it’s Bumble, we’re all seeing whoever until we declare otherwise. No big deal. I like her, I want to keep seeing her, I kept asking her out, and we kept meeting up. I figure if she liked the other guy more, she’d be with him instead of me on any given evening.

Things have progressed, we’ve spent a lot of time together, gotten more and more intimate, she’s telling me about dreams of hers in which I’ve appeared, we talk every day even if we don’t see each other. Even though we’ve gotten more and more emotionally and physically intimate over the last several weeks, we haven’t had sex. Shes traditional/conservative and I’m respectful and I’ve made it clear that I’m down whenever she’s ready and that’s where it is right now. I’m sincerely enjoying our time together. It’s been really nice. Though it’s no secret that there’s another guy. I don’t think they’re fucking because again, she’s conservative, and also she volunteers information along those lines and she hasn’t told me. I’ve never asked about him because a) as long as she and I haven’t made anything official, she has every right to date whoever she wants; and b) I sincerely don’t want to know anything about him or them. I do appreciate that she’s honest, but I’m not interested in the details.

A little bit about me: physically, I’m a giant bear of a man. 6’4”, shaved head, reddish brown full beard with a few greys starting to hint that I’m pushing 40. I’m fat for sure, but also I work out regularly and do heavy weight training, so even though I’m fat I’m not, like, pear-shaped. At home I’m a big dude, but everything and everyone is smaller in Spain, and so here I’m a freak show giant. As far as non-physical things: I’m charming and funny and well educated and versed in art and literature. I act and dress like a gentleman out of a sense of self esteem. And by no means am I short of money. In other words, I approach dating with a lot of confidence knowing that I have a lot to offer.

We went to a bar tonight, I introduced her to some close friends of mine here, later we went back to my place, and we were just sitting and talking. She was talking about something and showed me a picture on her phone related to the topic. Then another picture (of her niece) just because. Then, super casually, she held up her phone and said “oh here is the other guy. He runs marathons.” And she shows me a picture of this unbelievably attractive man that was taken in the plaza right by where I’m staying.

Like. I’m straight, but I’m not blind. This guy is gorgeous. I don’t remember the last time I was intimidated by another man, but here we are. I didn’t let it show outwardly, but in my mind the mullet/mustache “what the fuck??” gif guy was doing his thing. My penis fled up into my body to hide and still hasn’t come back. I briefly reconsidered the whole being-straight thing I’ve had going on for my whole life. I’ve never been so startled by something so innocuous. Like, woman, you’re telling me that guy wants to fuck you and you’re here with me just hanging out?? What is happening?? What is dating?? Just a whole litany of thoughts and questions.

I had been taking the whole “she’s dating me and another guy” as a bit of a competition and whatever, I was having fun with it. I wasn’t taking it too seriously because, hey, I’ll be gone soon. But then I got to know her better and like her more and I cared more. I think I’d thought “yeah, they’ll end up dating exclusively once I’m gone because he’s here and I’m not. But she’ll remember me and wish I were here.” But now? Definitely not! lol. It’s cool, I hope she ends up happy one way or another. And I’ll keep seeing her until I leave. But I’m not gonna harbor any romantic illusions of longing on her part. She’ll be fine lol.

The whole thing and my reaction just struck me as funny and I thought I’d share. I hope you enjoyed it.

I do like fine on the apps but I know that my profile could be better and would love some advice

Ive just had a haircut where before i had very long hair and i dont want to catfish anyone, so i took these. I know they arent that great but until I get a good pic made by someone else with my new hair I want to use one of these. Let me know which one gives the best first impression.

This is so stupid because I was excited when we first matched. We were actually having a decent conversation, asking each other questions and everything.

Now we're at that stage where I reply when I get a chance, they reply hours later, and somehow we never get anywhere. Nobody's being rude, the conversation just keeps getting pushed to the back of the day.

And I can't tell if they're losing interest or if we're both just busy. I don't really want to double text because I don't want to seem pushy, but I also don't want a good match to fizzle out over nothing.

I (29F) was active on Bumble this summer. From May-Sept I had decent conversations with maybe a dozen guys. Went on dates with 3 of them.

My last date (with the 3rd guy) went so badly I ended up deleting my profile.

I made it clear when talking to these guys that I was looking for a LTR and didn't do hookups. I was having a great time with this guy; we went to a baseball game and laughed nearly nonstop. Afterward, we went bar hopping, where he kept insisting we go back to his place to try X wine. When I respectfully said, "I don't do that on first dates, maybe next time," he did a complete 180. Essentially stopped talking to me and looked absolutely pissed. As we were leaving, he got into a rather heated argument with the valet. I didn't feel safe at all, so I slipped out another exit and got an Uber. Unsurprisingly, I got a few angry texts from him later that night.

I haven't thought much about it for the past 3 weeks, until today.

On both Facebook and Instagram, I've been shown really strange suggested profiles. At least 4 of the ~12 guys I spoke with this summer. I never knew these guys' last names, let alone looked them up. Never had their numbers either. We live in a very large city, and I have no mutual friends with any of them.

Really weird. Not sure what to think at this point... Part of me is wondering if I ended up on one of those 'are we dating the same girl?' pages because of the nightmare date situation.

Has anyone else had this happen?

I started using dating apps about 5-6 years ago, when I was 27-28, and I remember getting dates was much easier. I had to grind but eventually there was a match who I would have a decent conversation, build some chemistry, ask someone out for coffee or drinks, and they’d usually be open to it. There seemed to be more genuine curiosity about meeting new people.

I’m 33 now, and ironically, I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I am fitter, dress better, more experienced , and I’m more financially stable. I wouldn’t consider myself a top 10% guy, but probably somewhat above average in my area. My match rate is not bad.

Yet somehow, turning matches into actual dates feels significantly harder. More ghosting, less effort, and much higher expectations. Sometimes it feels like people have been on so many dates that the excitement of meeting someone new is gone. Even suggesting a casual coffee doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

I also notice very little middle ground. Some women seem almost impossible to get on a date, while others agree immediately but don’t seem genuinely interested in getting to know you (“free meal girls”).

Anyone else experiencing this? Have dating apps changed that much, is everyone just burned out, or is dating in your 30s simply a different game?

I feel like this subreddit has become so miserable in the last few months. I been here for years, but lately it generally feels like every post erupts into a war of genders.

It feels like there so many angry men on here atm. Like when a lady offers her experience it becomes a massive battle to undermined her in the comment section. Like some of the comments are baffling and just hateful. Tbh there are some women also using the comment section to stir the pot too, like making comments saying all men deserve loneliness.

What happened to actually discuss dating? I feel like a HUGE number of posts just go into "Why its all womens fault" or "Why men suck"

I feel like the main issue is the apps as they are the thing that sucks.

There shit people on dating apps, but the apps are the main issue no?

Been chatting with this guy (30M) that I (late-20'sF) have potential plans to meet with in a few weeks (we been talking for over a month. I usually don't wait this long but I liked talking to him). When chatting with me lately, he calls me "pookie" sometimes. And then there were a couple times where he said SUPER flirty things to me (which it was clear was a joke the first time but still, it was related to babies lmao). And then last week, I was telling him there was something he shouldn't do and he said "I like that you're trying to change me positively, you're my safe space". He's also brought up a couple times how he's going through stuff right now (the first time he said this, he said he had bad anxiety and then the 2nd time, he mentioned he grew so many gray hairs this year). I told him I hope things go easier and he messaged back saying "With you in my life, YESS". Maybe this was just him being flirty and funny, but it worries me he's coming on this strong for a bad reason. He also told me last week that I'm the first person he's wanted to meet off of Hinge and he has a good feeling about me.

We don't even call. We sent a lot of voice notes before but now we just message over on social media (we send each other like 40 messages at once). I feel like it'd make sense for him to say these things if we called or facetimed a lot or something. Does it sound like he's just saying these things to fill a void and doesn't actually mean them? Or could he just be coming on too strong? I'm worried he's being emotionally unstable.

Montana is a post apocalyptic hellscape. Been back on the dating apps for a month after a solid break to focus on myself. 0 matches, 2 likes from bumble and 3 from hinge, all women over 70 miles away that are hardly compatible with me at all.

Like, I’ll come across someone I’m genuinely interested in, look through their profile, and then realize I have absolutely nothing to message them about 😭

Their pictures are nice, they seem attractive, but their bio is just their height and a couple of emojis. So now I’m supposed to come up with a conversation starter out of thin air?

And honestly, I know my own profile probably doesn’t give people that much to work with either.

It made me realize that sometimes the profiles that catch my attention the most aren’t even the ones with the best pictures. It’s the ones that give me something to ask about.

Does anyone else struggle with this, or am I just overthinking the whole thing?

I work in a male dominated field and I am quite confident and socially adept. I am looking for the same in a partner. But all the guys I’ve encountered on the apps so far (and gone on dates with) are quite the personality mismatch, socially awkward, and nerdy and shy. That’s not my type and I’m wondering if there are any confident men who’d rather use the apps than go to a bar and meet a woman?

I've noticed a lot of women who like baseball or maybe they're career women. There's a certain aesthetic of bumble profiles that seems unique but also very very bland.

I also don't understand what makes bumble different from other dating apps at this point?

Just curious

Edit: to clarify. Im looking for both men and women.
My first photo on bumble is the mirror selfie, i just accidentally uploaded the pics in the wrong order

i’ve gotten two texts from men i have never talked to claiming they got my number from bumble, but i haven’t used bumble in a while. they claim this was from awhile ago but this has happened twice in the last two days. for context, i used bumble quite a bit last year and i deleted it because i got into a relationship. i downloaded it again like 3 months ago after my relationship ended but i prefer other apps so i have only talked to like 5 men at most (and i think i only gave my number to 2) and i haven’t in this month. this has also happened before maybe two months ago but only once, now it has happened twice again, so three times total. i feel like this is a scam or someone impersonating or something, has this happened to anyone else?

that's my claim.

especially you women with 100+ matches.

and you freeze up too much when people ask you out.

Hey everyone, recently got back on Bumble and wanted some honest opinions on my profile.

I'm at a point where I'm looking to date seriously, hopefully find someone I connect with and eventually get married. Not in a rush to get married, but I don't want to date just for the sake of it either.

Tried to keep my profile as close to who I actually am as possible.

How does it come across? Especially the photos, their order, and the bio. Anything that feels off or could be better?

Would appreciate honest feedback, even if it's a bit harsh.

​

Hey everyone,

I'm posting this because I'd genuinely like some honest opinions, especially from women who use Bumble and people who have experience with dating dynamics. I'm not looking for reassurance or for people to tell me that she wasn't worth it. I want to understand whether there's something I'm consistently doing wrong and what I could improve.

I'm a 25 year-old guy who recently moved to Munich. I consider myself a relatively social person once I'm comfortable with someone, but I can be shy when it comes to showing romantic interest, especially with women I genuinely like.

Recently, I went on a Bumble date that lasted around four hours. We had a snack first and talked about different things, asked each other questions, and the conversation seemed to flow reasonably well. It didn't feel like we were desperately searching for things to say. She seemed engaged enough to keep the conversation going, and we spent quite a bit of time together.

During the date, I tried to be myself. I joked around, tried to make her laugh, listened to what she was saying, and asked questions about her life. I also told her once that I thought she was cute. At the end, I hugged her and told her that I'd like to see her again.

Afterward, she messaged me and said that I seemed like a kind soul, but that she didn't feel something romantic and would prefer to be friends.

On my dates, I tend to be friendly, polite, humorous, and interested in the other person. I can usually make women laugh, and conversations often last a long time. However, I rarely create a genuinely flirtatious atmosphere. Most of the time, the interaction feels comfortable and friendly rather than romantic.

The confusing part is that I can spend three or four hours with someone, have what seems like a pleasant date, and still frienzone happened.

I have a few questions:

Women of Bumble, what does “kind soul” usually mean in this context? Is it simply a polite way of saying that you don't find a guy attractive, or can it mean that he behaved in a way that felt too friendly and non-romantic?

Can a four-hour first date still feel completely platonic to a woman? I sometimes interpret a long conversation and mutual questions as signs that the date is going well, but perhaps I'm confusing conversational compatibility with romantic attraction.

How much flirting do you expect on a first date? Do you prefer subtle teasing, compliments, playful eye contact, and a bit of tension, or do you think romantic chemistry should happen naturally without the guy deliberately trying to create it?

Can being too polite and agreeable make a man seem more like a friend? I'm not saying that I want to become arrogant or act like someone I'm not. I just wonder whether constantly trying to make the other person comfortable can prevent her from seeing me as a potential romantic partner.

At what point should a man make his intentions more obvious? Is saying that you find a woman cute and that you'd like to see her again enough, or should the romantic tone be established much earlier in the date?

How important is physical escalation? If a date is going well, should a man try to establish more physical contact naturally, or is it perfectly normal for a first date to involve nothing more than a greeting and goodbye hug?

Do women sometimes agree to long first dates because they enjoy the conversation, even when they already know they aren't romantically interested? Or is it possible that attraction simply develops differently for different people?

What would you advise a man who repeatedly gets along well with women but struggles to generate romantic interest? Should he change his approach, become more openly flirtatious, choose different date activities, or simply accept that compatibility is unpredictable?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from women who have experienced this situation from the other side. Have you ever had a date with a guy who was funny, respectful, attractive enough on paper, and easy to talk to, but you still felt absolutely no romantic chemistry? What was missing?

And for men who have gone through something similar: did you eventually discover a specific behaviour that was holding you back, or did things improve simply with more dating experience?

Please be honest, even if the answer is uncomfortable. I'd rather receive useful criticism than generic advice like “just be yourself” or “the right person will come along.”

Thanks for reading.

From a women.

I am looking for serious relationship.

Does that mean they looking for hook ups if they like you enough ? Or what

Never understood this

You either don't have enough valued traits to be more, or you're too much of a wuss to make it a thing of "either we'll be more than that or I'm out" in a matter of fact way by making your intentions known and actually following through on it.

Instead, you lie to yourself like a coward by staying around the person with the vague hope that things will somehow magically change. It's entirely ego-driven.

So essentially, you're just a loser. This applies to both genders. This also applies to those who cope that they actually do just want to be friends or casual as a way to soften the blow.

That is all.

Every time I thought my photos were kind of okay, I'd swipe through women's profiles and see these perfect, high-quality pictures with the best angles possible. 😂

I think How the hell do they get pictures like that?

Seriously, women are geniuses when it comes to finding the perfect lighting, angle, pose and photo quality.

Congrats, ladies. You win this one. 😂👏

So because I'm stupid, I tried to make an account when I was 17 and, reasonably, my number got banned.

I'm 18 now and it still has yet to allow me back and everytime I put my number in, it says "Account blocked, you must be 18 to join" With the only option being to look at ToS and community guidelines.

I've tried reaching out to support but it just gives me the AI to talk to and when I explained the situation, it just said "there's nothing we can do" but I'm like 90% sure if I wasn't talking to an AI, they could

I'm willing to show an ID but I've never been given the option or prompted

Does literally anyone have an idea of what I can do?

​

I matched with a pretty girl and we've been talking for a few days now. She seems nice and genuine enough when we chat but the problem is that i feel like i mostly start the conversation and i genuinely question if she want to continue this or not.

Given she is working and we are kinda in the same workfield so i know how it goes down. so we just go few chats then go more or less 4-5 hrs until the next chat then that again. Not a problem for me.

So what i did was ask her if we can go on a date, she said sure but the problem was her schedule but she wants to. So i said no pressure, would you tell me if you have a free time so we can meet cause i really like to see you, she said sure adding a little banter afterward. So after this we just continued how we chat and its the same thing all over again.

She really fits my type and i really want this to workout but this is really confusing me.