Edit: to clarify. Im looking for both men and women.
My first photo on bumble is the mirror selfie, i just accidentally uploaded the pics in the wrong order

I started using dating apps about 5-6 years ago, when I was 27-28, and I remember getting dates was much easier. I had to grind but eventually there was a match who I would have a decent conversation, build some chemistry, ask someone out for coffee or drinks, and they’d usually be open to it. There seemed to be more genuine curiosity about meeting new people.

I’m 33 now, and ironically, I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I am fitter, dress better, more experienced , and I’m more financially stable. I wouldn’t consider myself a top 10% guy, but probably somewhat above average in my area. My match rate is not bad.

Yet somehow, turning matches into actual dates feels significantly harder. More ghosting, less effort, and much higher expectations. Sometimes it feels like people have been on so many dates that the excitement of meeting someone new is gone. Even suggesting a casual coffee doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

I also notice very little middle ground. Some women seem almost impossible to get on a date, while others agree immediately but don’t seem genuinely interested in getting to know you (“free meal girls”).

Anyone else experiencing this? Have dating apps changed that much, is everyone just burned out, or is dating in your 30s simply a different game?

Every time I thought my photos were kind of okay, I'd swipe through women's profiles and see these perfect, high-quality pictures with the best angles possible. 😂

I think How the hell do they get pictures like that?

Seriously, women are geniuses when it comes to finding the perfect lighting, angle, pose and photo quality.

Congrats, ladies. You win this one. 😂👏

A bit over 2 and half years from our match and we are now engaged.

That its all I wanted to share today.

Thanks Bumble.

TLDR: this dude is wayyyyy more attractive than I am.

I marked this as funny because after the initial horror, I’m laughing.

For context, I’m an American and I’m currently enjoying my fifth and final week of a stint in Spain.

A couple of weeks before I came here I switched my Bumble location to where I’m staying in Spain. It’s a great place, but not exactly known for its red hot dating scene. So I figured I’d need some lead time to make matches and actually be able to date them (please, Spanish women, please give me a reason to stay! I love it here so much).

I got a few likes, but only one match. I started talking to her when I was still at home in the States, and after a little bit we set up our first date on the same day I got to her city.

She’s SO sweet. Super warm and friendly and patient with my imperfect Spanish and the conversation flows wonderfully. During the conversation on the first date she told me that she was seeing another guy. And, you know, it’s Bumble, we’re all seeing whoever until we declare otherwise. No big deal. I like her, I want to keep seeing her, I kept asking her out, and we kept meeting up. I figure if she liked the other guy more, she’d be with him instead of me on any given evening.

Things have progressed, we’ve spent a lot of time together, gotten more and more intimate, she’s telling me about dreams of hers in which I’ve appeared, we talk every day even if we don’t see each other. Even though we’ve gotten more and more emotionally and physically intimate over the last several weeks, we haven’t had sex. Shes traditional/conservative and I’m respectful and I’ve made it clear that I’m down whenever she’s ready and that’s where it is right now. I’m sincerely enjoying our time together. It’s been really nice. Though it’s no secret that there’s another guy. I don’t think they’re fucking because again, she’s conservative, and also she volunteers information along those lines and she hasn’t told me. I’ve never asked about him because a) as long as she and I haven’t made anything official, she has every right to date whoever she wants; and b) I sincerely don’t want to know anything about him or them. I do appreciate that she’s honest, but I’m not interested in the details.

A little bit about me: physically, I’m a giant bear of a man. 6’4”, shaved head, bold eyebrows, soft brown eyes, reddish brown full beard with a few greys starting to hint that I’m pushing 40. I’m fat for sure, but also I work out regularly and do heavy weight training, so even though I’m fat I’m not, like, pear-shaped. At home I’m a big dude, but everything and everyone is smaller in Spain, and so here I’m a freak show giant. As far as non-physical things: I’m charming and funny and well educated and versed in art and literature. I act and dress like a gentleman out of a sense of self esteem. And by no means am I short of money. In other words, I approach dating with a lot of confidence knowing that I have a lot to offer.

We went to a bar tonight, I introduced her to some close friends of mine here, later we went back to my place, and we were just sitting and talking. She was talking about something and showed me a picture on her phone related to the topic. Then another picture (of her niece) just because. Then, super casually, she held up her phone and said “oh here is the other guy. He runs marathons.” And she shows me a picture of this unbelievably attractive man that was taken in the plaza right by where I’m staying.

Like. I’m straight, but I’m not blind. This guy is gorgeous. I don’t remember the last time I was intimidated by another man, but here we are. I didn’t let it show outwardly, but in my mind the mullet/mustache “what the fuck??” gif guy was doing his thing. My penis fled up into my body to hide and still hasn’t come back. I briefly reconsidered the whole being-straight thing I’ve had going on for my whole life. I’ve never been so startled by something so innocuous. Like, woman, you’re telling me that guy wants to fuck you and you’re here with me just hanging out?? What is happening?? What is dating?? Why would you show me that?? Just a whole litany of thoughts and questions.

I had been taking the whole “she’s dating me and another guy” as a bit of a competition and whatever, I was having fun with it. I wasn’t taking it too seriously because, hey, I’ll be gone soon. But then I got to know her better and like her more and I cared more. I think I’d thought “yeah, they’ll end up dating exclusively once I’m gone because he’s here and I’m not. But she’ll remember me and wish I were here.” But now? Definitely not! lol. It’s cool, I hope she ends up happy one way or another. And I’ll keep seeing her until I leave. But I’m not gonna harbor any romantic illusions of longing on her part. She’ll be fine lol.

The whole thing and my reaction just struck me as funny and I thought I’d share. I hope you enjoyed it.

Edit: Before the “she’s treating you like a meal ticket” guys show up in the comments, no, she’s not. I keep trying to treat her to meals but she won’t allow it. She just slowly sips beer when we hang out. And compared to what I’m used to paying to drink in bars at home, beer is cheap as hell here (most things are, btw, Spain is amazing), so yeah I’m treating out of a sense of old school gentlemanliness, but we’re talking like $10-12 over the course of several hours. I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… and you shouldn’t either.

Montana is a post apocalyptic hellscape. Been back on the dating apps for a month after a solid break to focus on myself. 0 matches, 2 likes from bumble and 3 from hinge, all women over 70 miles away that are hardly compatible with me at all.

I've noticed a lot of women who like baseball or maybe they're career women. There's a certain aesthetic of bumble profiles that seems unique but also very very bland.

I also don't understand what makes bumble different from other dating apps at this point?

Ive just had a haircut where before i had very long hair and i dont want to catfish anyone, so i took these. I know they arent that great but until I get a good pic made by someone else with my new hair I want to use one of these. Let me know which one gives the best first impression.

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Hey everyone,

I'm posting this because I'd genuinely like some honest opinions, especially from women who use Bumble and people who have experience with dating dynamics. I'm not looking for reassurance or for people to tell me that she wasn't worth it. I want to understand whether there's something I'm consistently doing wrong and what I could improve.

I'm a 25 year-old guy who recently moved to Munich. I consider myself a relatively social person once I'm comfortable with someone, but I can be shy when it comes to showing romantic interest, especially with women I genuinely like.

Recently, I went on a Bumble date that lasted around four hours. We had a snack first and talked about different things, asked each other questions, and the conversation seemed to flow reasonably well. It didn't feel like we were desperately searching for things to say. She seemed engaged enough to keep the conversation going, and we spent quite a bit of time together.

During the date, I tried to be myself. I joked around, tried to make her laugh, listened to what she was saying, and asked questions about her life. I also told her once that I thought she was cute. At the end, I hugged her and told her that I'd like to see her again.

Afterward, she messaged me and said that I seemed like a kind soul, but that she didn't feel something romantic and would prefer to be friends.

On my dates, I tend to be friendly, polite, humorous, and interested in the other person. I can usually make women laugh, and conversations often last a long time. However, I rarely create a genuinely flirtatious atmosphere. Most of the time, the interaction feels comfortable and friendly rather than romantic.

The confusing part is that I can spend three or four hours with someone, have what seems like a pleasant date, and still frienzone happened.

I have a few questions:

Women of Bumble, what does “kind soul” usually mean in this context? Is it simply a polite way of saying that you don't find a guy attractive, or can it mean that he behaved in a way that felt too friendly and non-romantic?

Can a four-hour first date still feel completely platonic to a woman? I sometimes interpret a long conversation and mutual questions as signs that the date is going well, but perhaps I'm confusing conversational compatibility with romantic attraction.

How much flirting do you expect on a first date? Do you prefer subtle teasing, compliments, playful eye contact, and a bit of tension, or do you think romantic chemistry should happen naturally without the guy deliberately trying to create it?

Can being too polite and agreeable make a man seem more like a friend? I'm not saying that I want to become arrogant or act like someone I'm not. I just wonder whether constantly trying to make the other person comfortable can prevent her from seeing me as a potential romantic partner.

At what point should a man make his intentions more obvious? Is saying that you find a woman cute and that you'd like to see her again enough, or should the romantic tone be established much earlier in the date?

How important is physical escalation? If a date is going well, should a man try to establish more physical contact naturally, or is it perfectly normal for a first date to involve nothing more than a greeting and goodbye hug?

Do women sometimes agree to long first dates because they enjoy the conversation, even when they already know they aren't romantically interested? Or is it possible that attraction simply develops differently for different people?

What would you advise a man who repeatedly gets along well with women but struggles to generate romantic interest? Should he change his approach, become more openly flirtatious, choose different date activities, or simply accept that compatibility is unpredictable?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from women who have experienced this situation from the other side. Have you ever had a date with a guy who was funny, respectful, attractive enough on paper, and easy to talk to, but you still felt absolutely no romantic chemistry? What was missing?

And for men who have gone through something similar: did you eventually discover a specific behaviour that was holding you back, or did things improve simply with more dating experience?

Please be honest, even if the answer is uncomfortable. I'd rather receive useful criticism than generic advice like “just be yourself” or “the right person will come along.”

Thanks for reading.

I think one of the biggest problems with dating apps like Bumble is that people can start treating potential partners like profiles to evaluate instead of actual people to get to know.

When you have endless profiles to swipe through, it's easy to assume someone better might be just a few swipes away. Even a decent conversation can get abandoned because another match looks more interesting. Meanwhile, people who might actually be compatible never get the chance to find out.

Good photos matter, obviously, because they're the first impression. But having an attractive profile doesn't automatically mean someone knows how to communicate, show genuine interest, or build a relationship.

I also think success stories like engagements are a useful reminder that dating apps can work. The problem is that finding a partner requires more than collecting matches. You still need consistency, honest intentions, and a willingness to get to know someone beyond their pictures.

I'd rather have one genuine connection than dozens of matches that go nowhere. Dating apps should be a way to meet people, not a substitute for actually getting to know them.

Hi all - 35F here. I just created an acct earlier today. I just checked my profile and app saying this much people ‘liked’ me.I’m bound to think since my account is new that Bumble is doing something to it for more exposure. I’m curious if this is marketing ploy to get people to upgrade their plan. I mean, is the premium one worth it? TIA!

I recently received a message from a man on a dating app. Before I could accept the match and send my response, a notification appeared saying that he had something he wanted to share with me before proceeding.
I’d never encountered this feature before and didn’t even know it existed!
His disclaimer essentially said that he was looking for someone who could accept his flaws and shortcomings and recognize that he was a human being with a heart.
I had to choose whether to continue with the match or decline it after reading his statement.
Naturally, I was intrigued. Why would someone go out of his way to use a special disclosure feature just to announce that he has flaws? We ALL have flaws. I wondered whether there was something significant in his past that he wanted potential partners to know about.
So I proceeded with the match, and after exchanging a few messages, I asked him why he’d felt the need to include that disclaimer.
His response was that everyone has flaws, some more than others, that he has quirks and “can be a handful.” He then added that he wants to give someone unconditional love and make her happy.
Well, that explanation actually made me MORE uncomfortable!
First, why is a grown man describing himself as “a handful”? That’s usually how we describe children whose behavior is difficult to manage.
Second, what exactly does being a handful mean? Does he have a temper? Is he argumentative? Controlling? Emotionally demanding? He never explained.
And third, why is he asking women to acknowledge his shortcomings BEFORE they’ve even met him, without telling them what those shortcomings are?
Here’s what bothers me most: It feels like an attempt to secure acceptance of potentially bad behavior in advance.
I can imagine a woman eventually objecting to something he does, only to hear, “Well, I told you I was a handful. You knew what you were getting into.”
And the unconditional love statement made me even more suspicious. It felt like an implied bargain: I’ll love you despite your flaws, so you should accept mine.
I also think this kind of language can appeal to women who want to be the special person who understands, supports, or even rescues a misunderstood man. I recognize that impulse because I used to have it myself.
To be clear, I don’t know whether this man actually behaves badly or whether he would use his disclaimer that way. But the combination of the unusual screening step, the vague warning, and the emphasis on unconditional acceptance gave me pause.
Ultimately, we lived too far apart, so I politely ended the conversation.
But I’m curious: Have any of you encountered this kind of disclaimer on a dating app? And would you interpret it as emotional vulnerability, a warning, or an attempt to establish acceptance of behavior before you’ve even experienced it?

This is so stupid because I was excited when we first matched. We were actually having a decent conversation, asking each other questions and everything.

Now we're at that stage where I reply when I get a chance, they reply hours later, and somehow we never get anywhere. Nobody's being rude, the conversation just keeps getting pushed to the back of the day.

And I can't tell if they're losing interest or if we're both just busy. I don't really want to double text because I don't want to seem pushy, but I also don't want a good match to fizzle out over nothing.

I've recently reopened Bumble and would like to know in your opinion, are these considered good pics

Do you think any of these photos (1-8) are better than the ones I had up (9-14)?

I tried Bumble, Hinge, Tinder & FB Dating for around 2 years, and only got a handful of matches. I never once got any of those to turn into a real date. I am hoping deleting my profile for a couple months and restarting will give me some better traction. When I first started I know my photos and prompts were probably terrible.

Like, I’ll come across someone I’m genuinely interested in, look through their profile, and then realize I have absolutely nothing to message them about 😭

Their pictures are nice, they seem attractive, but their bio is just their height and a couple of emojis. So now I’m supposed to come up with a conversation starter out of thin air?

And honestly, I know my own profile probably doesn’t give people that much to work with either.

It made me realize that sometimes the profiles that catch my attention the most aren’t even the ones with the best pictures. It’s the ones that give me something to ask about.

Does anyone else struggle with this, or am I just overthinking the whole thing?

Just curious

Often I accidentally swipe right or superswipe on a profile and there’s no way to undo this. I get that it would bad to rescind the swipe once the recipient has received it. Instead, allow us to set a 5s delay upon swiping right or superswiping that allows us a brief moment to undo the like. Would help avoid accidental disappointments!

Also, please add reactions to messages! Often we just want to respond to a message with an emoji and yet we can’t! Would help conversations go smoother and be more fun!

Thanks!

Dating apps like Bumble can be exciting at first, but between choosing the right photos, figuring out what to say, and trying to find a genuine connection, the whole process can feel exhausting. Do you think dating has become harder over the past few years, or have people simply become more selective about who they want? I’d love to hear what’s changed the most in your experience with online dating!

You ever match with someone, have a decent first few messages, and then the conversation just slowly dies because neither of you knows what to say next?

Not even because the other person is boring or anything. Sometimes you just can't get a conversation going over text, even when their profile made you think you'd get along.

Then a few days later you see the match sitting there and think, do I message again or just leave it alone? 😂

Dating apps are weird. You can have a perfectly good conversation with someone in person, but over text it feels like you're both trying to solve a puzzle.

I (29F) was active on Bumble this summer. From May-Sept I had decent conversations with maybe a dozen guys. Went on dates with 3 of them.

My last date (with the 3rd guy) went so badly I ended up deleting my profile.

I made it clear when talking to these guys that I was looking for a LTR and didn't do hookups. I was having a great time with this guy; we went to a baseball game and laughed nearly nonstop. Afterward, we went bar hopping, where he kept insisting we go back to his place to try X wine. When I respectfully said, "I don't do that on first dates, maybe next time," he did a complete 180. Essentially stopped talking to me and looked absolutely pissed. As we were leaving, he got into a rather heated argument with the valet. I didn't feel safe at all, so I slipped out another exit and got an Uber. Unsurprisingly, I got a few angry texts from him later that night.

I haven't thought much about it for the past 3 weeks, until today.

On both Facebook and Instagram, I've been shown really strange suggested profiles. At least 4 of the ~12 guys I spoke with this summer. I never knew these guys' last names, let alone looked them up. Never had their numbers either. We live in a very large city, and I have no mutual friends with any of them.

Really weird. Not sure what to think at this point... Part of me is wondering if I ended up on one of those 'are we dating the same girl?' pages because of the nightmare date situation.

Has anyone else had this happen?

I was a monthly subscriber for a year. Took a break.. and then when I came back, it’s either $300 for lifetime or 3 months for $205. No other options. wtf?! You’d think they’d want old members back!

I've had a lot of my matches ask me what I'm looking for while messaging back and forth. I usually say something like "I'm looking to meet great people" or "I'm just open to seeing what develops". I've been saying that for years and woman always respond well to it.

This weekend another match asked me what I'm looking for and I decided I would switch it up for the hell of it and I said: "I'm looking for love".

She didn't respond and later unmatched me LOL.

What's even funnier is her profiles says "looking for a relationship"