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I’m at a loss for how to handle this situation. Recently, university exams and clinicals have been incredibly stressful, and as a result, I haven’t been affectionate as much with him. This includes not having sex as frequently and other things with my boyfriend. I also have not been able to go on dates for the time being with him, but I communicated my feelings to him, and he seemed completely fine and understanding.

Today, I got home from class and started asking him questions about our grocery shopping for the week. He brushed me off and told me he didn’t want to talk. I asked him if he was okay, and he snapped at me and started yelling. When I tried to calm him down so we could communicate, he slapped me. Immediately after, he apologized and said, “He didn’t mean too,” and that he was so sorry.

I’m still in shock and am now in my room for some space. We’ve been together for three years, and nothing has ever been so terrible to this degree. I’m conflicted and don’t know what to do. I have no idea if I want to forgive him or if I should leave. My parents always taught me that if something like this happens, the first time is never last, and I should leave. But I love him with my whole heart, and our relationship has been amazing and healthy and he’s always been the gentle type and over the three years almost four we have always been communicative and have never got into any arguments of sorts. He brings me flowers every week and cooks when im stressed among other things that im so thankful for but now i can’t help but think about what could happen.

EDIT- He has been dealing with an insane amount of stress including his mother being hospitalized due to cancer which could explain his shift in mannerisms if this helps give more background information.
Please ask questions if you have any. I would greatly appreciate any advice you can offer.

Update One- Hello! I feel like a wreck right now, but I ended up getting a call from his older brother about a half hour ago in which he apologized on my boyfriend’s behalf again. He ended up telling me I needed to get out of the situation and that he himself would help me move to his place since he also stays in NY for college but lives in Manhattan, so I feel I might do this or book a hotel for the time being to get my situation sorted out and find an apartment stat. At first, I wasn’t thinking about leaving, but now with all the heartbreaking stories I’ve seen, I have to leave out of respect for myself and my safety most of all. I thank you and all the other lovely men and women for knocking that into my head. I will be sure to give an update as soon as I can again

Mini Edit: Once again, I want to express my deepest gratitude to everyone for the incredibly insightful and empowering advice you’ve provided. I must admit, I’m currently overwhelmed with a whirlwind of emotions. While a part of me yearns to leave, another part desperately wants to stay and hope for his transformation. However, I’ve decided to focus on the latter part and move forward.

My soon-to-be ex’s brother has kindly offered to assist me in finding a new place to live. Since I declined the offer of living with him, he’s actively involved in helping me find a suitable apartment. As for my boyfriend, he understands my decision to leave and acknowledged the need for him to address his temper before pursuing another relationship. Im okay now and although it sounds stupid I’m also grieving the life I could’ve had with him because I honestly thought he would be my forever, this man I dreamed of as a kid. Cliche or not its just where im at right now :/ :)

I'm not really sure what to do. I can't leave because I have nowhere to go and no way to move my things and my cats. He's acting like nothing happened and I'm trying not to worry about it because it wasn't that bad and I need to keep a roof over my head. I'm just scared it'll happen again or it'll keep escalating as it's steadily been for months I'm realizing. I feel really stupid. I'm not sure where to go from here, there's not much I can do. I just can't believe this happened. I can't believe I trusted him enough to share a bed with him.

Edit for clarification: I was asleep, I woke up to him pulling down my pants. The reason I said his behavior has been escalating is because he's been in love with me and trying to get me to break up with my girlfriend foe months. We slept together a few times (not cheating, I'm in an open relationship) in the past and after I broke that off he got really verbally suicidal. He gets really touchy when he drinks. And he's just been driving me nuts for the past few months. I'm living with him and his mom so I can't get him evicted as they're letting me stay here rent free while I get my shit together.

So.. i recently started catching up again with an ex from a years back, that ended because she was interested in someone else and didn’t wanna cheat on me. So not the worst break up. Well, we’ve matured since then and have really gotten along again and have been reminiscing on our past, realizing we were really good together.

I know she’s a good person and was good for me and probably would be now too. And honestly i still have that romantic connection with her. But, she has a new style i find relatively. Unattractive. But she seems really happy with it so I don’t say anything and tell her I’m glad it makes her so happy. She still thinks I’m attractive though despite my changes as well and commented on it quickly.

Well, the way the chats have been turning, she’s kind of alluding to us trying to date again. And as wonderful as she is, me finding her unattractive is obviously not going to work, and it is sadly the only thing. So now Im worried and trying to figure out what to say if she does ask to date again? Because I don’t want to lie to her. But I don’t want her to feel bad about what makes her happy or feel like she has to change for me.

Every time we watch a tv with women who are built like models or scenes with strippers my boyfriend says “God look at that ass. I look at that then I look and see you. Why can’t you be attractive” and it really hurts my feelings. This has been a continuous thing for a while now and it’s really starting to affect my mental health. I’m planning on breaking up with him soon, but I don’t know how to make myself feel better about myself now that he’s knocked my confidence down so much. It like no matter what I do I’m not good enough and he always finds something wrong with me, whether it’s that I have a few eyebrow hairs, have razor burn on my skin, or that I miss a few hairs when I shave.

This is taking a lot to put out there but i need help. I love my girlfriend and i want to spend the rest of my life with her as i genuinely don’t see myself with anyone else but i dont know what it is but for some reason i just can’t have sex with her. I find her attractive she’s hot to me but for some reason i just can’t do it. I have to make excuses to not do it like i’m tired or my body is aching from football or something but deep down i just can’t bring myself to do it. Is there something wrong with me as i used to be a very sexually active person and so was she that’s why we clicked, but now she comes onto me and i just can’t do it. What do i do?

So this happened last night and I've been thinking about it all day.

My gf (25F) and I (27M) have been together for almost 3 years. Our relationship is pretty good, but lately our sex life has slowed down a lot.

Sometimes when I get into bed and try to cuddle with her, she's already asleep. Or at least I thought she was.

Last night we were talking about random relationship stuff and she casually admitted that sometimes she pretends to be asleep because she knows I might want sex and she doesn't feel like it.

I asked her why she doesn't just tell me she's not in the mood. She said she doesn't want me to feel rejected or make things awkward.

And that's the part that bothers me.

I've never gotten angry when she's said no. At least I don't think I have. But now I'm sitting here wondering if I've somehow made her feel like she can't be honest with me.

I also feel weird knowing that some nights I was lying next to her thinking she was sleeping when she was actually trying to avoid me.

I told her she never has to pretend and that I'd rather she just tell me.

She said I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is.

I honestly don't know how to handle this. I don't want her to feel pressured into sex, but I also don't want her to feel like she has to pretend to be asleep around me.

How do I bring this up without making her feel guilty or turning it into an argument? I'd appreciate advice from people who've dealt with something similar.

This is a completely anonymous account so my stepsister does not see this. Hopefully lol.

My stepsister and I are both 19. We've been stepsiblings since we were 8. My mom died when I was 4 and her dad bailed as soon as her mom met my dad when we were 7. Her dad's family also dropped her and her mom didn't have any family. I had my dad's family some of the time, when they felt like being there, but I always had my mom's family. My grandparents made sure they had regular contact with me and they spoiled me ngl. That made my stepsister jealous. We were never close, never considered each other siblings but by the time we were 12ish she was hurt that my mom's family never included her in anything and that she was never family to them. My dad tried to encourage me and my mom's family to include and accept her into the family but it never happened.

One of the perks of being so close to my grandparents is they let me use their vacation lodge for free. My friends and I go there every few months for a weekend or a week to ten days and relax and unwind. Last year we used it a lot during the summer and we were there twice this summer.

We're planning a trip over winter break there too.

My stepsister and her friends have been trying to plan a vacation for their friend group but they can't afford much. My dad called my grandparents and asked them to let her use the lodge and they said no. Then he gave my stepsister my grandparents number so she could call and ask and they said no. She asked me if I would ask them and I said no.

When my dad found out he told me I could have asked for her and if I won't do that I could include her and her friends in mine and my friend's plans. He said I never advocated for her before or included her like a sister but he stressed to me she should be by now and that I could at least have her back here because I have been privileged where she has not been and she has always had significantly less.

I'll be honest it sounds like hell to have all of us together and I don't socialize with my stepsister outside of family functions. We don't live together because I moved out but she still lives with my dad and her mom. But my dad keeps stressing that I should and my grandparents would have zero issue with me including her and her friends. So technically nothing is stopping me other than not wanting to invite them. I'm here for advice because I don't know whether I should ignore what I want to make my dad happy or just to be nice.

He danced with this girl and now he chases her. He's like she told me I get her wet! She let me suck on her tits, she put her pussy in my mouth, I fingered her, etc etc. Im just like.. thats their job! They dont like like you. He's still blind. Idk what to do.. she's already spent 300 of his money. Now he wants to fck her. He says if he gives her the good d, she'll marry him and have beautiful children.

I just cantt

So, for context, my sister (F22) works at a small pet store, and her and her coworkers just adore this older woman who's about in her 70s.
She's really chipper and has one of the kindest hearts you'd ever see, she'll talk your ear off.
She's actually mostly blind, being completely blind in her right and seeing very little in her left.
She's gotten pretty close with them, and my sisters coworker began going over there to her home, because this elder woman (who we will call Daisy) had bought an animal from them and asked if she knew would be able to help her with the setup.
My sister's coworker offered and visits her once a month.
From visiting her she's noticed her living situation is pretty concerning for an elderly person with very low vision.
She's got clutter everywhere, lives by herself, albeit nearby a cousin who barely visits her and her landlord.
Daisy doesn't want people to really clean her house, but my sisters coworker talked her into it, but only if it was someone she knew and trusted.
I've actually never cleaned someone else's house aside my own and a family member a time or two before.
I really care about people even if I had just met them, and so my sister and her coworker thought I'd be good to help, because we're both chipper and have a few things in common.
I was pretty nervous to go to meet her at first, but after meeting her, she is just the sweetest!!
She will just talk your ear off, and my sister and I chatted with her for about 3 hours with little silence.
Some things my sister noticed especially was medicine bottles/tabs unorganized and obvious clutter.
(Which I later found out were for heart failure and memory)
Daisy is just so sweet, but also talks about death a lot as well even just meeting her, and it just has us worried, especially since she doesn't have anyone living with her or immediate family aside from the cousin.
We've just met, and she's already trying to give us things like books, which I understand she can't exactly read, but it's upsetting.
Even if we don't get much done cleaning, I know she just needs the company at the very least.
I've just met her, so I don't feel it's my place to push medical advice on her or say she needs a healthcare worker or something like that, I feel she does need someone professional to be there with her, but it's not my place unfortunately.
I'm actually looking forward to visiting her, I'm hoping at the very least to maybe help her feel less lonely and maybe have a cleaner space, but is there anything I can politely mention or do?

i am breaking up with my girlfriend. let’s get that out of the way. ive made up my decision and thats final. this isn’t a “what should i do?”, its more like a “how should I do it?” i am not waiting until i am 18 to do this, this is an ASAP type of thing.

i found out earlier today my girlfriend lied about her age. i had thought she was 16, since that’s what she told me and that’s what her friends told me. for context this is a long distance relationship. what makes it even worse is the fact i turn 18 in literally 2 months, which would make me 18 dating a FOURTEEN year old.

i have already decided im going to break up with her and i doubt she’s aware that i know. i just need a little help on how to do it since both of us have already gotten attached to eachother a LOT. but i don’t want to look like a fucking creep dating a freshman when i literally applied to colleges last weekend. granted a lot of this is on me since i didn’t even bother to verify so whoops my bad, but what’s even worse is we got eachother things already as gifts and such. i dont really care about things like that in the grand scheme since i have much bigger fish to fry right now, but it just adds to it all.

i still care about her very much and dont want to say something horrible, or cause her to feel bad since there was that level of affection between us before i found out the truth, but i need help on how to put it in a way i can still get my point across to her. this is a throwaway acount, thank you.

For context, my mom had me as a teen, then I grew up and just last year she remarried. She had my baby brother two days ago, we found out he was sick yesterday and found out he wasn’t going to make it today. When they told me I cried a whole lot with them, and was like full on shaking and felt numb. I just got home (they stayed at the hospital) and honestly I feel a whole lot better. I’m pretty sure I’m just in shock, and I’m still pretty sad, but I never really internalized the fact that my moms having a baby, and by the time I met him I knew he was sick and my parents were very concerned he wasn’t going to make it. I’m not sure if I just haven’t fully got the gravity of the situation or maybe I just never will, I feel sad but I also don’t. Take everything I say with a grain of salt because this all happened hours ago but this is the first loss in my life and I don’t know what to feel. My only thought is that I didn’t really ever fully think about how there would be an actual baby who would become an actual adult, so maybe It will never come? Idk I just don’t feel that I can tell anyone in my family this in fear of being seen as a psychopath or something.

Over a year ago, the 16 year old neighbor boy came to my door and asked if he could park in my driveway and walk across my property to get to 60 acres of land behind us to bow hunt deer. We own 6 acres. I know his parents slightly. Nice kid so I said sure! He put a camera in the woods, weed whacked a path in the woods and put up a blind. He puts deer corn out. He is a really nice kid but here’s where we are.

He has told other kids about this and I find unfamiliar kids parking in my driveway and spending hours in the woods and we don’t know who they are. Btw, our driveway is huge so cars parked in driveway is not really an issue.

I’ve already made up my mind to shut this whole thing down once bow hunting season is done this year in December. They only bow hunt, no rifles.

To keep it from being awkward I was going to tell the kid we are selling our home so we can no longer give them access to the property to hunt which is sort of true … except we might wait another year to list the home. Or, should I come straight out and tell him I have too many stranger kids coming across my property. My goal is to just stop everyone, so I don’t want to leave any door open such as… he agrees to go back to just him and his buddy which allowed originally.

Would you fudge or fess up?

My sibling got married recently. I found out the invitations went out months ago (maybe 6-8 months) and didnt even know they arrived although I live with my mom.

I was planning to make a wedding gift when I found out they were engaged, but then found out invites had already been delivered a while ago when my mom talked about her plans to fly for the wedding. I wasnt even told what day it would be until being sent photos of the wedding from my mom.

Ive talked to/seen my sibling and their partner at dinners since I found out about the invites and nothing was said. The wedding was briefly talked about, but that was before I knew the invitations were sent out.

I dont know if I would have even gone, because I am not close with my sibling. Growing up was very abusive from them and my mom. It was ok for a little while after I moved away, but they did ask me for money when we did talk during then. Sometimes its ok, but the last time we talked (not dinners) it turned into insulting me and where im at in life in various ways.

It is a weird relationship. Their partner is very nice, but even at dinners I am talked over by everyone when I try to participate (which is normal for the dynamic, but weird with the fiancé)

Pictures were posted on social media from the wedding that I saw from other family and friends, but they havent talked about it either.

___________________________________________________

Some (recent/last few years) Context:

Family dinners didnt feel comfortable to attend, I didnt attend the last one but I happened to come home the same time they were leaving, and my sibling kept waving until I saw them.

I told my mom that I didn't want to participate in dinners previously, because I was uncomfortable, and it created big arguments She will say "youre making me a prisoner in my own house" "holding me hostage", when I dont mind if they come over for dinner, I just dont want to participate in it.

The dinners just feel so strange. Im talked over, or if im responded to its to tell me why im wrong about whatever it is, so theres no point in me being there.

For Holidays, my mom will get them special things, and ill comment that its nice etc, but usually she gets mad if I dont make a bigger deal about it. My sibling and fiance will drop off gifts for my mom and other family, and it will be a big deal too. They dont give anything to me, but I also dont give anything to them so thats ok, I used to give birthday gifts to my sibling as teenagers but just stopped. I do still wish my sibling Happy birthday, but dont get a reasponse.

________________________________________________________________

My health isnt great, and my dog is old so I care for him. I would have to get a flight if I went, but my mom would have offered if I needed additional help if I went with them.

I havent asked my mom say anything to them, I dont want her to and she hasnt offered. I just dont want to participate in "family" things going forward, but I know that will create big arguments.

Im not upset on not being invited to the wedding, but it hurts a lot to not have anyone say anything, and pretend I just dont exist at all.

I wouldnt expect or want an apology for not being invited, people have their reasons and dont need to justify them to me, but I wish it would have been acknowledged in any kind of way.

___

TLDR; not invited to silbings wedding, but dont have a close relationship. I go to family dinners where im talked over, or feels like I shouldnt be there, so Id just prefer not to go to them, especially after this. Live with my mom, didnt know invites went out. I am ok with not being invited, but nothing has been said to me at all about it. It feels very weird that nothing has been said at all, I dont think I will say anything because it feels like I should not exist in their lives after this. But, I am also expected to attend dinners in the future.

I have been going horse back riding at a ladies house (met her through a friend). She is a pastors wife and had 4 horses on her property. I am a liberal atheist but have no issues with others beliefs as long as you respect mine. Been going once a week for a couple months and have had a good time! And no religion type talk outside of the few “God is good” and “I’m so blessed” comments which didn’t bother me at all. She does most of the talking and I just enjoy getting to ride and spend time with her horses.

Until this last weekend. She must be getting comfortable with me or something because it was all “God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” and kept taking bad about her nieces and how much of a mess they are. One of them is a lesbian and the other had a chronic illness. So gross and unkind.

Trying to figure out next steps, looking for a new barn (struggling to get people to respond to me) and then how to tell her I am done riding with her and if I should tell her why or just leave it alone.

Looking for advice because this has been a disagreement we've been having for a while now. I'm also anonymous because my son's mother knows my original account.

My ex and I had our son when she was 19 and I was 20. We had dated through most of middle school and all of high school and moved in together once she graduated. We didn't plan on having kids so young but we had a birth control failure and she decided she wanted to see what would happen and we had our son eight months later. When our our son was 3 months old my ex told me she wanted to have an open relationship and she wanted permission to be with other guys. I wasn't okay with that and after some fights we broke up.

We shared custody initially with me having our son some nights she went out during her parenting time. About six months after our breakup she was living with another guy. He kicked her out when she ended up pregnant and she lost the baby soon after. Then within a couple of months she was living with another guy and ended up pregnant by him. She had her second child just after our son turned 2. She was bouncing around and she was very unstable in her relationships and living situations. Most of the time I was running around trying to find where to pick my son up and it was having a negative affect on him. Not to mention having her third child a year after her second.

I asked her if she would let me have primary custody of our son and she said no. So I took her to court and was awarded primary custody. At that point she was pregnant with her fourth child and our son was 4. He's now 8.

My ex has our son one weekend a month. There are some months she is not living in a stable place so he stays with me, per our court order. She also has six children total now. None of those children have any contact with their fathers from what I have been told.

My ex has complained that I don't send our son to her house with anything for her other children. She has specifically mentioned clothes and gifts for birthdays/Christmas. She said that the least I can do since I have money is to make sure her kids have that stuff. I have never sent my son with anything for his half siblings. I have never considered it either but she has pushed so much that I wanted to get advice.

My son does not like going to his mom's. He spends most of the time wishing he could come back and calling me. But the court will not strip her time down any further and my ex doesn't care if our son doesn't want to be there. She doesn't understand why he doesn't like going to random houses every couple of months and meeting random guys every so often. I have my son in therapy which has been beneficial for him. And so far my ex has not asked him directly to bring anything for the other kids. She only asks me.

hi, f19 here. pretty self explanatory, the thought of having sex with someone or even non sexual things like intimacy with people freak me out. i’ve been in relationships of both genders and they all of ended shortly due to me not wanting to go far with them. i’m still a virgin and haven’t even had my first kiss yet because of this fear.

i’ve shared photos with people but i think because i can make things look a certain way (such as certain angles), it makes me look better. i think it’s a confidence issue due to me being considered chubby, and scared of others opinions on me, but i would love others’ opinions. i’ve not gotten far on dating apps because of being scared to meet and what could happen and them thinking differently of me outside my photos.

to go with that, i have the worst masturbation problem that i’ve been facing for years. i’ve tried deleting apps that get me in the mood, and gotten rid of this but i unfortunately, always fall back to where it can get up to multiple times a day and i feel disgusting after every time.

any advice is appreciated, whether it’s on how i can grow/get over my fear or anything else covered!

I genuinely don’t know what else I can do at this point.

I’m 31 years old in Southern California

For seven years, after the military I ran a construction company. Unfortunately, things took a turn, and I’m now in the process of shutting it down and filing for bankruptcy. The irony is that I can’t even afford to file for bankruptcy, so that’s on hold too.

For the past 3–5 months, I’ve been applying to probably 10 jobs a day. That’s hundreds upon hundreds of applications across practically every industry imaginable. Construction, project management, administration, security, entry-level positions, you name it.

I’ve completed aptitude tests, virtual assessments, and multiple hiring processes, only to sit in “processing” for nearly two months without hearing anything. Other companies just send rejection letters, if they respond at all.
I’ve personally reached out to construction companies on Instagram. Some respond and ask me to email my resume, and then completely disappear.

I’m a Marine Corps veteran. I’ve owned and operated a business, managed employees, handled multimillion-dollar projects, and worked my entire adult life. At this point, I’m not even concerned about titles or positions. I just want to work. Labor work has become difficult for me because a year ago I was t boned and inured but I still say screw it do what I can

I even went out and completed the training for my California security guard card, hoping that would open another door. But once again, employers want additional training, certifications, weeks of waiting, or experience before giving someone an opportunity.

For the past four months, I’ve been dangerously close to homelessness. I’ve exhausted what little money I had, borrowed from family and friends, and scraped together whatever I could just to keep a roof over our heads.
I reached out to the VA and other veteran organizations. Thankfully, I received assistance for one month, but that was it.

So I started DoorDashing. I was actually doing well and finally had some money coming in. Went up in the tier system Then, out of nowhere, DoorDash suspended my account without a clear explanation. Now they’re telling me it could take another month or two to resolve, while the money I earned is sitting in limbo.

I tried Uber, but I’m barely getting anything there either. Literally $10 a day

I went and did odd jobs to try and make some money like picking up trash to furniture it has completely stopped

I’m now at the point where I don’t even have enough money to put gas in my vehicle, so I can’t drive to make money even if an opportunity comes up.

Every down fall I got up and found alternative routes but this time around after door dash and waiting on hires came to an end idk what to do

And when I explain how defeated I feel, my fiancée tells me I can’t give up you’re a loser etc etc

But honestly, what else am I supposed to do? She makes no money as an internship program for her degree/ licensing

I’ve applied to hundreds, potentially over a thousand jobs. I’ve contacted businesses directly. I’ve completed assessments, taken additional courses, pursued different industries, sought veteran assistance, tried gig work, and swallowed whatever pride I had left to ask people for help.
I’m 31 years old. I have a bachelors in business, military service, years of management experience, and seven years of running my own company. I’m willing to start over from the bottom. I’m willing to work nights, weekends, whatever it takes. All the veteran programs have denied to help me due to “budget and defunding “

But I cannot force somebody to hire me.
And that’s the part that I think people don’t understand. You can tell somebody to keep trying, keep pushing, stay positive, and never give up. But what happens when that person has been doing exactly that every single day for months and nothing changes?

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m genuinely exhausted, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

I don’t need another motivational speech about working harder. I’m already trying everything I know how to do.
I just need an opportunity. A real one.

If anyone knows of legitimate employment opportunities in Orange County, Los Angeles, or the surrounding areas, I’m open to just about anything. I just want the chance to get back on my feet or any advice recommendations ? Please

A relative recently reached out asking for help with something pretty big. On paper it is doable but the timing is bad for me and the request just does not sit right. I have been going back and forth trying to figure out if the uneasy feeling is me being selfish or if it is my gut trying to tell me something. I have always been the person who says yes because I hate disappointing people, but lately I have been wondering if that pattern is actually costing me more than I realized. I am not looking for anyone to tell me what to do, just curious how others have handled the same kind of situation without letting guilt take over the decision.

Hello - I have been lurking on Reddit for some time but never really felt the urge to actually post something until now.

I’m in a really tough and stressful spot and I’m here seeking advice on how to handle this. My ex and mother to my daughter was diagnosed with ALS a few months ago and she’s been overwhelmed with everything she’s had going on. Due to this, I have been the one primary caring for our daughter. She has been living with me and she’s honestly been such a trooper considering the situation.

My ex’s disease was not very far progressed. She was still walking, eating okay, etc. But tonight, I got a call from her sister. She had been rushed to the hospital after going into cardiac arrest. She did not survive.

Obviously things did work out between my ex and I and she had her issues, but I’m truly devastated for my daughter. My daughter and I have always been close, but she has always been attached at the hip with her mother. She was her little shadow.

I’m struggling with how to tell her, I know it’s going to be hard for her no matter what. But she is only 6 years old and I want to be there to support her through this in any way I can. My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

UPDATE: I sat her down and told her the best I could. She is extremely distraught and it’s truly breaking my heart. I just want to make it better but I feel helpless.

So I’m on FaceTime with my girlfriend, and while she’s screen sharing, a guy texts her saying, “I miss you.” She responds with, “I miss my boyfriend more.” She’s been ignoring most of his messages, but she still likes some of his replies to her stories.

For the past month or so, this dude has been replying to basically all her stories with the heart-eyes emoji. On one of them, he even said, “We was together during this.” Luckily, I was watching her screen when she accidentally scrolled up a couple of months and then back down. At one point, I saw his number, so I decided to look it up using a reverse phone lookup site.

BRO IS IN HIS 30s. 💀 My girlfriend literally just turned 17 a couple of months ago, and I’m turning 17 in a few months. I also found his TikTok, and this dude has tattoos and definitely doesn’t look anywhere near our age.

At first, I wasn’t going to do anything about it because she seemed to be ignoring him. But then I remembered that she liked his reply saying, “We was together during this,” and that was only a week after we started dating.

Now I’m debating whether I should DM this dude and tell him to stay away from my girlfriend. Part of me wants to scare him off by letting him know I’ve found out who he is, but without revealing exactly how I got his information or giving away too much about what I know.

I don’t want to start unnecessary drama but the fact that a grown man in his 30s is messaging a 17-year-old like this is weird as hell.

It’s really late, and I have school tomorrow, so I’m probably overthinking this right now. What would y’all do in my situation?

(ALSO THERES A TEXT OF HIM TALKING ABOUT ”POUNDING HER“AND SHE TOLD ME SHE IS A VIRGIN)

In 2024, I (27F, but was 25 then) became friends with a girl online through a video game. Let’s call her Popcorn (25F but was 23 then). We quickly became good friends and started talking pretty much every day. We had quite a lot in common, and our conversations were usually about hobbies, games, work, and just everyday things. Occasionally, we’d talk about anxiety or things we were struggling with, but nothing too deep.

She was quite quiet and sometimes struggled to respond to things, but she explained that it was because of her autism and social anxiety. I understood and got used to the way she was, so it never really bothered me. I genuinely enjoyed talking to her and liked her as a person.

Fast forward several months, almost a year, and we still hadn’t spoken over voice calls or exchanged photos. At first, I assumed she might not be very confident or perhaps had some bad experiences in the past. I know these things aren’t necessary for an online friendship, but personally, I feel like they help you get closer to someone, especially when you can’t meet them in person. It’s nice to be able to put a voice or face to the person you’re talking to, and for me, it also feels like a sign of trust.

As more time passed, though, nothing really changed, and I started feeling like we weren’t getting any closer as friends. We considered each other best friends, and we’d even sent each other birthday gifts. She arranged mine through my ex-boyfriend at the time, and I sent her parcel to a post office for her to collect. So, it wasn’t as though we were just casual online friends.

I really value close friendships, and I want to feel like I’m genuinely getting to know the people I care about. As much as I liked her, I was upset that our friendship never seemed to progress beyond a certain point. Eventually, I started distancing myself a little. I went from messaging her every day to maybe every other day, and we stopped playing games together as much.

I know I could’ve handled things better and communicated how I was feeling instead of pulling away. I’m not a very confrontational person, and I had tried bringing it up before, but she seemed uncomfortable, so I’d leave it alone. When she noticed I was acting distant and asked me about it, I blamed it on the personal things I’d been dealing with that year, which she already knew about, rather than being honest about the actual reason.

One evening, she joined me on a game, and we ended up having one of those late-night conversations. I’d been stressed about some unrelated things and was venting when she mentioned feeling lonely. I told her I felt the same way, and I finally worked up the courage to tell her that I was upset we never seemed to get to know each other on a deeper level. I explained that I would’ve liked to have voice calls or even just know what she looked like.

For context, she knew what I sounded like, and I’m pretty sure she knew what I looked like, too. I’m comfortable sharing those things with people I trust, and I guess I’d hoped that, after so long, we’d reach that point in our friendship.

She apologised and said it was something she couldn’t do. That was pretty much the end of the conversation.

After that, we spoke even less. We’d occasionally play games together, but we’d mostly just talk about the game, if we spoke at all. I ended up withdrawing again because I felt a bit silly for putting so much effort into making her feel comfortable and hoping we’d eventually become closer, when it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen.

I started thinking that maybe I needed to put more energy into other friendships that felt more fulfilling. I still cared about her, but I was struggling with the fact that we considered each other best friends when I didn’t feel like I really knew her that well, if that makes sense.
I can’t remember exactly when we had that conversation, but it was a few months ago now, and we’ll have been friends for two years this December.
Fast forward to now, and she recently messaged me explaining everything. She told me her real gender, name and age, explained why she’d lied, and said how terrible she felt about keeping it from me for so long. She also said she wanted us to continue being friends and reassured me that our friendship hadn’t been a lie, just her identity.

Honestly, I was stunned. I wasn’t angry, if anything, I felt sad for her knowing she’d been carrying this secret for so long. I replied not long after her initial message, telling her I wasn’t going anywhere and that I still wanted to be friends. I wanted to reassure her that everything was okay and that I wasn’t going to abandon her over this.

But now, I feel like I might’ve responded too quickly. I probably should’ve taken some time to process everything before reassuring her, because the more I’ve thought about it, the more conflicted I’ve become.
I feel betrayed. I’ve spent nearly two years being friends with someone I believed was a girl, sharing personal things with her that I probably wouldn’t have shared if I’d known she was actually a guy. Now I feel embarrassed and stupid, even though I know I couldn’t have known.

The weird thing is, I remember occasionally wondering to myself, “What if she was actually a guy? Would that bother me?” And at the time, I honestly don’t think it would’ve. But now that it’s actually happened, I feel completely different, and I don’t really understand why.

I think if she’d told me earlier in our friendship, I probably wouldn’t have cared as much. But finding out after almost two years feels different. I have absolutely no problem being friends with guys, so it’s not that. It’s more the fact that someone I trusted wasn’t honest with me for so long, and I was sharing things with someone without knowing who they really were.

I don’t want to cut him out of my life, because I do still care about him and the friendship we had. At the same time, I’m struggling to separate the friendship I thought I had from the reality of what’s happened. I don’t know if I can just carry on as normal, but I also don’t want to throw away two years of friendship.
I guess I’m just struggling to figure out how I feel and what I should do moving forward. Has anyone been in a similar situation, or does anyone have any advice?

Apologies for such a long post! Just wanted to give as much context as I could.

Edit about ages, hope it makes sense!

I'm 23M, recently graduated, making $165k CAD. This month I bought a manual 2026 Elantra N with my own money.

Got my license for about 8 months, 20,000+ km across 10+ cars (rentals and friends' cars, brz, 86s, and bmw), 0 accidents so far.

My dad is upset. He thinks young guys shouldn't own sports cars because they won't be responsible with them. He's offered to pay whatever I lose on the resale if I sell it.

My dad told me to get options from other older people to see if you guys agree with him. (Please tell me your age in your comment)

What do I do now? Do you agree with my dad?

I'm a guy who hates himself for being far behind in my life while I'M 24 and I don't make that much. My girlfriend on the other hand loves me and cares for me, it's not like I don't. She asks me for sex and I understand that its a human need so it's fine but I don't feel it arousing anymore. It's not like I don't like her or I'm not into girls, I just feel like I'm wasting my time every time i'm into this stuff. I genuinly want to be with her and this is growing because she thinks she's not attractive enough or maybe I don't love her anymore, I've tried to tell her this but I couldn't make myself do it. Any advice on how I should approach this?