My parents started changing when they started drinking around when I was 12, and until about two years ago I blamed their actions less on being drunk and more on their actual intentions. I’m in a very stable 3 year relationship, we are deeply in love and very happy, her parents have done more for me and taught me more on being a man than my parents ever have, yet we agree that if my parents didn’t treat me so poorly, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now. However they have an inexplicable control over us because I need funding for my research, projects and my degree. They are very wealthy and choose to spend their money wastefully instead of carefully. My parents-in-law(if I can call them that) are not so privileged, however they constantly go out of their way to treat me. And I spoil my girlfriend constantly, which my parents and her have tried to stop, I spend less food budget through the week to treat her with flowers and other things on the weekend.

So many situations have happened, however I am in need of help of this current one. They recently overheard that my girlfriend had never been overseas and decided to take the 4 of us and my little brother overseas. My girlfriend was very excited, and she hasn’t been able to stop thanking them since. For me I only have expected the worst. And today it finally happened. I asked my mother to please return the jacket she took out of my cupboard and gave to my brother because it was not mine and it belonged to my father in law. She immediately freaked out and got physical and I started recording, she told me and my girlfriend to take the jacket and shove it up our (fucking asses). My father who is sleeping in a separate room because they are somewhat divorcing?, then walked in asking me to tell my (fucking) girlfriend that the holiday is cancelled, and so is her toe nail and tanning appointment(which she kindly asked to cancel because she didn’t want to spend their money there as she said those are not necessary) and then as I tried to explain that all I did was ask my mom to return the jacket he then got physical with me. In the past I hit back, I saw that he expected it but instead I tried to leave by car which he took my keys so I went to walk away.(1:00am)

This fight also involves the fact that we needed to renew our passports, which for some reason my father booked in a town which is rated the top 5 most dangerous areas in the world (Pietermaritzburg, Cape Town), my girlfriend and I kindly moved ours not only closer but to a much safer place. I have now been asked to drive alone with my brother next Monday to go and do his, because my mother shouldn’t go and my dad could go but he’s too busy potting his bonsai trees. I do not want to risk my life and leave my girlfriend and her family alone on this earth.

I hope that I am not wrong at all and I understand the situation sounds very silly. But that is the exact reason I need advice, I can’t seem to make sense of anything that is going on, or how to take control of the situation.

Edit: me and my girlfriend have spoken and realized that we need to do the unexpected, in the past she has ignored it and then they just warmed up to eachother again, this time we plan to send a message to them from her on the group for the holiday, explaining how she feels and how she doesn’t appreciate what they said about her. And how unfortunate it is that the holiday is cancelled.

For background information to not make the above too long for you to read:
I am 19, I made a good income when I was young but it was all taken in by my parents and put into an account to grow (I hope so), I am in my first year of mechanical engineering and I am working on some projects that could hopefully turn out to make a change in different fields.

My girlfriend is 17, she is much kinder than me, but also much more fragile, she is working hard in school and her dream is to be able to make a large income to be able to help others or be a stay at home mom and support a community.

My little brother is 16, he is extremely addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, and weed. All funded by my parents. He has a problem with only doing things for himself without thinking about anyone else. I’ve tried to help him, and I’ve gotten irritated when he directly affects my life with his behavior, but my parents are very much pampering him.